Chapter 7 Chapter 2 The Theory of Love-32

(2) Maternal love When we talked about the difference between maternal love and fatherly love in the previous chapter, we have already analyzed the nature of maternal love.As I have already said, a mother's love is an unreserved affirmation of the child's life and needs.But one more point should be added here.The affirmation of young children's life should include two aspects: on the one hand, we must care for young children and take responsibility for their growth, so as to maintain and develop weak lives.On the other hand, it goes beyond the scope of maintaining life, that is, to make the child love life and make him feel: how good it is to be alive!How good it is to be a little boy or a little girl!How good it is to be alive in this world!These two aspects of maternal love are evident in the Bible's book of Genesis.God created the world and man, which is consistent with the care and affirmation of life.But God did more than that.Every day after God created man and the world, God wants to know the situation and whether all is well.Similarly, the second aspect of maternal love is to give children a feeling of "how good it is to be born in this world".Mothers should give their children love for life, not just the desire to survive.The same thought is expressed in another symbolic story of the Bible.In the land God promised (the land is always a symbol of motherhood) flows milk and honey.Milk symbolizes the first aspect of maternal love: care and affirmation of life, while honey symbolizes the sweetness of life, love for life and happiness in living in this world.Most mothers are able to give "milk", but only a few mothers can give "honey" in addition to milk.In order to be able to give "honey", she should not only be a good mother, but also a happy person-but only a few people can achieve this goal.The mother's influence on her child cannot be overestimated.Both a mother's love of life and her fear of life are contagious, and both can have a profound effect on a child's overall development.In fact, we can indeed see in children, as well as adults, who get only "milk" and who get both "milk" and "honey".

Fraternity and erotic love are relations between equals, whereas the relation of mother and child is by its very nature a relation between two unequal persons.In this relationship one person needs help and the other person gives that help.Based on the selfless and selfless characteristics of maternal love, maternal love has always been regarded as the highest form of love and the most sacred emotional connection.But it seems that the most admirable thing in maternal love is not the mother's love for the baby, but the mother's love for the growing child.Most mothers do love their children when they are young and completely dependent on them.Most women want to have a baby, feel the happiness of having a baby, and are impatient to care for the baby themselves, even though they get nothing but a smile and a look of satisfaction on the baby's face.It seems that this attitude of the mother is due to an instinct which is also to be found in animals.But no matter how much this instinct plays a role, the human and psychological factors are more important than this: because the mother has always regarded the child as a part of herself, the mother's love and infatuation for the child are likely to satisfy narcissism a way.Another source may be the mother's desire for power and possessiveness.An impotent, totally obedient child is the natural object of an authoritarian and possessive mother.

Although there are various explanations for the mother's motivation, the most important motivation is the pursuit we call "beyond oneself."This pursuit belongs to the most basic requirements of man and is based on his consciousness and the fact that he is dissatisfied with his purely biological role, that he cannot bear to be a mere pawn thrown into this world.He must feel that he is the creator, a being who can transcend the passive position of the created.There are many possibilities for meeting this requirement, the most natural and fundamental way being the mother's care and love for her creation.In the child the mother transcends herself, and her love for the child gives new meaning to her life. (Just as man cannot satisfy demands beyond himself by procreation, he can only prove his creative power by creating objects and ideas with his hands.)

But the child has to grow, has to leave the mother's body and the mother's breast, has to become a whole, independent being.The true nature of the mother is concerned with the development of the child, which means also concerned with the separation of mother and child.Here we can see the difference between maternal love and sexual love.In erotic love two hitherto separate beings unite, and in motherhood two who were once one separate.Maternal love should not only allow this separation, but should also hope for and facilitate it.It is only at this stage that motherly love becomes a difficult task, because then the mother is required to be selfless and give everything, wanting nothing but the happiness of the loved one, and it is precisely at this point that many mothers fail.A narcissistic, authoritarian, and greedy woman can be a loving mother to her children when they are young.But when the child is separated from the mother, only those women who are truly capable of loving, those women who feel happier than giving, and those women whose foundation of life is solid will continue to be mothers who love their children.

This selfless motherly love for a growing child is perhaps the most difficult form of love.But because a mother's love for her child is so natural, it often gives the illusion that it is easy to do.And because this is difficult to do, only those women who are capable of loving, who love their husbands, other children, strangers and human beings, can be truly loving mothers.In this sense, women who are incapable of love can be very spoiling mothers when their children are young, but can never be loving mothers.The litmus test for this is whether a mother is willing to endure separation from her child, and whether she can continue to love her child after separation.