Chapter 13 Tip 10 Match Your Partner's Emotions

You must have had this experience.At a dinner party or business meeting, someone introduces you to a new friend.You shook hands as usual, and your eyes met... Then, Xuefu Wuche's stomach suddenly became empty, and the operation of your head also "squeaked" and came to an emergency stop.You're desperately trying to fill the awkward silence with an interesting subject.But no matter how hard you searched, it was still in vain, so the new friend ran to the dining table in a hurry. We all want our first words to come off as witty, wise, and meaningful.We also hope that those listening will immediately appreciate our wit.Once, I was at a party where everyone was so talented, so smart, and their minds were definitely not mush.However, I was really going crazy, because each of these people wanted to prove that they were very promising.

A few years ago, the Mensa organization invited me to be the keynote speaker at their annual conference.The members of this organization are all extremely intelligent social elites, and their IQ level belongs to the top 2% of the smartest in the United States.When I arrived at the hotel where the conference was being held, their opening cocktail party was in full swing in the lobby.I went to the counter to check in first, then dragged my suitcase through these high-spirited Bangsar members to wait for the elevator.As soon as the door opened, I stepped in, and it was full of members attending the cocktail party.The elevator was fully loaded with passengers and was about to go up to each floor. At this moment, it seemed to yawn several times. It was still there, and it took a while for it to start moving.

"Well," I said about the slowness of the elevator, "this elevator is a little weak." As soon as the words came out, every passenger in the room felt that they had to show their IQ of more than 132, and they all came up with powerful explanations.Someone said "apparently the elevator's track orientation was off".Another explained, "there is a problem with the intermittent system of the elevator".Suddenly, I was a grasshopper trapped in a stereo speaker.I really want to rush out of the elevator immediately, away from the bombardment of these giants of knowledge.

Later, when I went back to the room and thought about it alone, their answers were actually quite interesting.Why was my reaction so violent? That's because the answers came too fast, and I was exhausted.They were full of energy and high spirits, and they spoke clearly and logically as soon as they opened their mouths. I was exhausted and couldn't bear it. It sounded like a harsh noise. It can be seen that the point of chat is not in specific facts or words, but in its musicality, in its melody.The purpose of chatting is to relax, and the sounds we make must have a soothing effect, like a cat's "meow," a child's "huh," or a choir chant.Therefore, the most important thing to talk about is to match the emotions of the other party.

When a master communicator talks with someone, he will grasp the personality of the person and cooperate with him, just like singing to the sound of a music teacher.Those alliance masters in the elevator at that time should not have invaded my thoughts forcibly. They could match my slow rhythm and say: "Yeah, the elevator is so slow." "Have you ever wondered why the elevator is so slow?" I will definitely answer sincerely: "Yes." In this way, after the emotional state of both parties calms down a little, I can absorb the "orbital positioning deviation" set up.Isn't that how friendship unfolds?

If you want to successfully open the conversation box, the first step is to match the mood of the other party, at least in the first one or two sentences.When chatting, you have to remember that music is music, not wording.Is the opponent's rhythm fast or slow?Follow his beat.This is what I mean by matching the emotions of the other party. It is very important for business people to dance with the emotions of customers.A few years ago, I decided to throw a surprise party for my best friend Stella.The purpose of this party is threefold celebratory.One, her birthday; two, she just got engaged; and three, Stella just got her dream job.We have been best friends since we were students, and of course I was fully prepared for this super party, and I couldn't be more excited.

I hear there's a French restaurant in town that has a box that's great for parties.One afternoon at about 5 o'clock, I happily walked into the restaurant and saw the head waiter feebly flipping through the reservation book.I started babbling about Stella's Super Party and asked him to show me the well-reviewed box.After listening to it, he didn't smile at all, and didn't even move any muscles. He said, "The box is at the back. If you want to see it, you can go and see it yourself." please!This cold-ass attitude killed my interest.I don't want to rent his shitty venue at all.My client didn't even look at the venue, so he lost the business.I walked away, vowing to find a good place.This time, the manager over there has to know how to share my joy, or at least "pretend" to feel it.

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Before opening your mouth, take a "sound sample" of the person you're talking to in order to test his emotional state.Start by mentally analyzing the voice samples you have taken to see if the other person is happy, bored, or cranky.If you want someone to hear your thoughts, you have to match their mood and tone of voice first, and it may take as long as it takes.