Chapter 37 cathy's story

Cathy was the most timid patient I have ever had.I vividly remember the first time I met her.When I walked into the room, she was squatting in the corner, murmuring, as if she was praying.Seeing me appearing at the door, she immediately widened her eyes, eyes full of fear.She screamed and huddled, her back pressed against the wall, as if she wanted to shrink into it.I said to her, "Cathy, I'm a psychiatrist, and I won't hurt you. You don't have to be afraid." Then I moved a chair, sat a little away from her, and waited quietly.For a long time, she just huddled in the corner.Gradually, her expression relaxed a little, and then she burst into tears.After crying for a while, she stopped and began to pray to herself again.I asked her what was wrong, and her voice was slurred, "I'm going to die soon." She didn't interrupt her prayers, and she didn't want to talk to me, her lips kept moving and muttering.About every five minutes, she would pause because she was tired, cough a few times, and then continue to pray.No matter what questions I asked her, she would occasionally answer me between prayers: "I'm going to die soon." It seems that as long as she keeps praying, she can neither rest nor sleep and prevent death from coming.

Cathy's husband named Howard, a young police officer, he told me about the basic situation of Cathy.Cathy is 22 years old, they have been married for two years, the marriage is normal, and Cathy does not have any abnormal psychological symptoms.Cathy was fine that morning and drove her husband to work.Two hours later, Howard's sister called him and said that when she went to see Cathy, she found her changed into what she is now.So they took Cathy to the hospital.Howard told me that Cathy hasn't had any weird words and deeds in recent days, but in the past four months, she was very afraid of going to public places. Howard even had to go to the supermarket for her to do the shopping and let her sit alone in the car. waiting.Cathy is also afraid of being alone.Cathy had been in the habit of saying her prayers since her marriage.Her family is devout, and her mother goes to mass at least twice a week.Strangely enough, Cathy hadn't gone to mass since her marriage, and Howard didn't take it to heart.He noticed, though, that Cathy often prayed alone. "So, how is Cathy's health?" "Very well, she has never been hospitalized." "Has she ever used birth control while married?" Months earlier, Cathy had told Howard that she wasn't going to take the pill again.She learned from the newspaper that contraceptives might be harmful to her health, and Howard dismissed them.

I gave Cathy a heavy dose of sedatives and put her to bed on time.In the next two days, her condition didn't improve much, and she continued to pray every day, talking about that she would die soon, and refused to say anything else.It was obvious that she had some strong sense of dread.On the fourth day, I gave her an IV and said, "Cathy, this injection I'm giving you will make you sleepy. You won't really sleep, and you won't die. When the medicine kicks in, you stop praying. You feel relaxed and willing to talk to me. Now I ask you to tell me what happened the morning you came to the hospital?"

"Nothing happened," Cathy said. "You sent your husband to get a tattoo, didn't you?" "Yes. Then I drove home. Then I knew I was going to die." "Are you still the same as before, sending your husband to work and then driving home?" Cathy stopped talking to me and started praying again. "Stop calling Cathy," I said to her. "You're absolutely safe now. You can relax. You were driving home that morning and something happened. Tell me what it is?" "I took another way home." "What way?" "I passed Bill's house, and I took that road."

"Who's Bill?" Cathy began to pray again. "Is Bill your boyfriend?" "Yes, but before marriage." "You still think about Bill a lot, don't you?" Cathy burst into tears, "Oh, God! I'm dying!" "Did you see Bill that day?" "No." "But you'd like to see him." "I'm dying." "You think God will punish you for trying to see Bill, don't you?" "Yes." Cathy began to pray again. I let her pray for ten minutes while I stood aside, nervously organizing my thoughts.

I said to her, "Cathy, you think you're dying because you think you know God. Everything you know about God comes from other people's opinions, and most of them are wrong. I don't know very well either. God, but I think I know more than you, and more than people who think they know God. I meet many men and women who think like you every day, and they all have betrayed their partners, have sex with others Some of them actually did that kind of thing. But they were not punished. I know this because they all came to see me for medical treatment, and then they all became optimistic and cheerful, without any psychology. Stress. I think you will be happy too. You will realize that you are not a bad person at all. You will know the truth and know what God thinks. Now, sleep well, and when you wake up tomorrow, you won’t have to The fear is dead at once. See me tomorrow and you will be able to talk to me freely. We can talk about God, and about yourself."

The next morning, Kathy's condition improved, but the fear persisted, and she still feared that she might die at any moment (although not as certain as before).She confides in me little by little.During her junior year of high school, she and Howard had a sexual relationship.Howard wanted to marry her, and she agreed immediately.Two weeks later, she went to a friend's wedding and suddenly realized she didn't want to get married.The extreme pain and frustration made her faint on the spot.Later she became even more suspicious that perhaps she shouldn't have married hastily.She couldn't confirm whether she really loved Howard, but she had a relationship with Howard after all, and she thought that only through marriage could this relationship be legalized, otherwise, her crime would be even greater.She didn't want to have children and started taking birth control pills until she was sure she really loved Howard.Doing so is obviously another "crime" prohibited by the Catholic Church.She didn't dare to face Jesus with her sins, so she didn't even go to mass after marriage.She enjoyed bedtime sex with Howard, but Howard had been cold about it almost from the day of the wedding.He still cared about Cathy, bought her various gifts, and seemed to love her so much that he wouldn't even let her go out to work.However, Cathy pleaded repeatedly before he agreed to have sex with her.Cathy's life is very monotonous, and the sex life about once every two weeks has become her only adjustment.Neither did Cathy ever think about divorce—again, that would be an unforgivable sin.

Cathy was so lonely that she even had the fantasy of having an affair with someone. She hoped to get rid of distracting thoughts in her mind through prayer.Howard laughed at her five minutes every hour for prayer, so Cathy decided to pray alone at home while her husband was at work during the day.In order to make up for the prayers she missed at night, she had to increase the frequency of her prayers during the day, praying every half hour, and her prayer speed was getting faster and faster.This did not eliminate her sexual fantasies, but intensified them.She even went so far as to stare at other men in a daze every time she went out.She began to dread going out with Howard.Even with Howard by her side, she didn't want to be in the presence of a man.She had considered going to church to go to mass, but she knew it would still be a crime to go to church and not "confess" her sexual fantasies to the priest.In desperation, she increased the time and frequency of her prayers, and created a special prayer method: shortening the words and sentences of the prayers, and even replacing the entire prayer with individual words.She mutters throughout the day, repeating individual syllables or words.After a while, she became more proficient at performing this method, and could "say" a thousand prayers in five minutes.This special "prayer system" seems to have reduced her sexual fantasies to a certain extent.But it wasn't long before everything was back to normal: she was more and more eager to act out her sexual fantasies.She wanted to call her ex-boyfriend Bill, and she wanted to meet men in bars every afternoon.She was terrified at the thought that such a thing might actually be done.She stopped taking the pill, hoping the fear of pregnancy would keep her from escapades.One afternoon, she even started masturbating, which made her even more nervous, which, in her opinion, could be "the greatest sin of all."She took a cold bath for most of the day to calm herself down.She finally waited until Howard came home.But the next day, everything was the same.

That morning, Kathy finally lost control of herself.After sending Howard to the police station, she drove the car directly to the door of Bill's house.She sat in the cab, waiting for Bill to go out, but nothing happened.She got out of the car, leaned against the front of the car, and made provocative poses.She prayed silently: "Please, let Bill see me! Let him see me waiting for him here!" Still no one went out. "Any man can see me! Anyone who wants to, I will give in to his request! I have to sleep with someone else." "Oh, God! I'm a framer, I'm a bride of Babylon! God , you kill me! I'm going to die!" She jumped into the car and drove home quickly.She searched for a razor blade and tried to slit her own wrist, but gave up. "God will help me and give me the punishment I deserve. God knows my sins best, and He will end everything." Cathy waited day and night, "Oh, God! I'm so scared, please, do it! I It’s so scary!” She kept praying, waiting for the arrival of death in fear, and later, it reached the point where she was almost insane.

It took me several months to understand the above situation.The focus of my work is mainly around the source of her guilt, for example, why does she think masturbation is a sin?Who told her so?Why does that person say that masturbation is a sin?Why is the thought of adultery a sin?What exactly are the elements of evil? ...In my mind, psychotherapy is the most attractive and the most worthwhile profession, but when a doctor has to ask the patient, his relatives and friends, to understand all the details of the patient's mind, Work becomes monotonous and tedious.For example, Cathy began to reveal her sexual fantasies and the allure of masturbation when she questioned her own guilt.She even questioned the authority of the entire Catholic Church.Of course it is not easy to be against the church. She was able to do this because of my encouragement and support.She came to believe that I was thinking of her, not leading her astray.The "Therapeutic Alliance" relationship we form is integral to successful therapy.

Most of the above work is carried out on the basis of clinical treatment.I gave Cathy a barbiturate hypnotizer that day and talked to her deeply, and a week later she was released from the hospital and went home.After another four months of intensive treatment, she finally expressed her thoughts on guilt: "I now feel that the Catholic Church is unreliable." Cathy came to such a realization, which shows that her treatment has entered into new stage. I asked her to ponder questions like: Why had she been so devoted to the Catholic Church before, almost completely accepting it without the slightest doubt?Why has she always lacked independent thinking?"My mother reminded me very early on that I couldn't have any doubts about the Catholic Church," Cathy said. Next, we explored Cathy's relationship with her parents.Cathy and her father had no relationship. Her father worked outside during the day, and when he came home at night, he would hold a beer bottle and doze off on a chair.The only exception was Friday night—he would be out drinking that night.Her mother has the final say in the family, and no one can disagree with her mother.Her mother looked gentle and gentle, but she would never allow Cathy to contradict her.Cathy had to listen to her: "You can't do that, honey! Good girls never do that." "You shouldn't wear those shoes, decent girls never wear those shoes. "Whether you want to go to mass is not up to you, it is God's request, and you must go." With my help, Cathy gradually realized that behind the huge power of the Catholic Church, her mother was hidden. Same massive power.Behind her mother's seemingly tender precepts and deeds, there is a supreme authority hidden.Conflict and confrontation with her mother is unthinkable for Cathy. Psychotherapy is not immune to accidents.Six months after Kathy got out of the hospital, Howard called me one Sunday morning to say that Kathy had locked herself in the bathroom again, praying non-stop.At my suggestion, Howard convinced Cathy to go back to the hospital.Cathy was still cowering in a corner, just as I'd first seen her.Howard didn't understand what was causing her seizures.I took Cathy into the room and said, "Stop praying, Cathy. Tell me what the hell is going on?" "I can't tell you, I can't do it." "You can do it, Cathy." Cathy kept panting.She said to me during prayer, "Give me that medicine that makes me tell the truth so I can tell you the truth." I said, "No, Cathy. This time, you've got enough strength, and you're going to have to do it yourself." She burst into tears.Then she looked at me and resumed praying.From the look in her eyes, I could feel that she was angry with me, and even resented me a little. I said to her, "You're mad at me." Cathy shook her head and continued to pray. "Cathy, I can think of more than ten reasons why you might be angry with me, but if you don't tell the truth, I don't know why you are angry. You tell me, I won't mind .” "I'm going to die!" she cried. "No, you won't die! Cathy, you won't die because you're angry with me, and I won't kill you because you're angry. You have every right to be angry with me." She still cried and said: "My days are not long, my days are not long." These words suddenly made me feel a little strange, as if they could remind me of something, but I couldn't think of it for a while.I had to repeat it again: "Cathy, I love you and I will not punish you for hating me." She swallowed and said, "It's not you I hate." Suddenly it occurred to me: "My days are numbered"—the days on earth are numbered. "Cathy, are you talking about the fifth commandment of the Bible—honor your parents and you'll live a long life on earth; don't honor your parents and you'll die soon? That's on your mind, isn't it?" Cathy murmured, "I hate her." As if uttering the dreadful words would strengthen her courage, she said suddenly, "I hate her. I hate my mother. She never let me ...never let me be me. She always wanted me to be like her, she was always pushing me...pushing me...she never gave me a chance." Cathy's treatment has just begun, and the road ahead is still full of obstacles, which she must overcome in order to truly become herself.Realizing the damage her mother's control can take, Cathy is determined to change that.Her need to establish her own values ​​and make her own decisions scares her.Normally, she felt safe with her mother taking care of her life and making decisions for her.It is much easier to act in accordance with the values ​​of the mother and the Church.Finding the direction of life by yourself obviously requires more pain.Later, Cathy said to me: "I don't want to go back to the past, but sometimes, I still miss the past. At least in some ways, I can make everything easier without much effort." Cathy gradually became self-reliant and found the courage to discuss with Howard about his unfulfilling sex life.Howard promised to make improvements, but did not actually deliver.Cathy began to apply pressure, and Howard became increasingly anxious and talked to me about it.I encouraged him to find another psychiatrist for more targeted treatment, and he only talked about his buried homosexuality.It turned out that he was repressing his potential problems by marrying Cathy.Cathy has a sexy body and looks very attractive, and Howard regards her as the supreme "prize"-being with Cathy proves that he has masculine charm.However, he never really loved her.After facing their respective situations squarely, they divorced peacefully. Cathy later worked as a salesperson in a large clothing store.Since then, she often discussed with me when faced with various choices and decisions in her work and life.She has been tempered and has become strong and confident.She dates men in the hope of finding her ideal mate and having children.She is also handy at work and is always in a good mood.By the end of my treatment with her, she had been promoted to Assistant Clothing Store Manager.I also heard not long ago that she moved to work at another, larger company.Today, Cathy is a happy 27-year-old who no longer attends mass or considers herself a Catholic.She's not sure if she still believes in God, but she'll make it clear to you that it doesn't matter to her, at least so far. Cathy's case shows the close relationship between religious environment and mental illness.There are thousands of people like Cathy in the world, so I sometimes say, half-seriously, half-jokingly, "Thanks to the churches that make us psychiatrists more professionally secure." I say churches, including Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, etc. Of course, the church was not the root cause of Cathy's neurosis.The church is nothing more than a tool for Casey's mother to monopolize power and establish unreasonable authority.The mother's domineering and father's indifference are the root causes of Cathy's illness.Even so, the church is not immune to the blame.In the church school that Cathy attended, the priest never encouraged Cathy to take initiative, question the creed of the church and make her own judgments.The church has never conducted any examination and correction of the possible misleading dogma and the excessively stringent requirements stipulated by the church.Cathy believes in the concepts of God, the "Ten Commandments" and original sin. The religious views and world views she follows do not meet actual needs.She cannot ask questions on her own, nor does she know how to think for herself.The church can't help her to establish a suitable religious view based on her own situation.The church only wants believers to inherit the religious concepts of the previous generation intact.This situation is a common and typical phenomenon worldwide. Cathy's case was so common that many psychiatrists and psychotherapists viewed religion as "Satan," and even considered religion itself a neurosis—an irrational conception that imprisoned the mind.Freud, who valued science and rationality, also had a similar view, and his pioneering status in the field of modern psychiatry has prompted the psychology community to tend to regard religion as a disease.Starting from modern science, psychologists compete with ancient religious superstitions, which has brought great gospel to mankind.So they must spend time and energy to help patients get rid of outdated and outdated religious concepts and free their hearts.