Chapter 25 Chapter Four Cultivate Good Study Habits

A man, first of all, is a free man before he can become a conscious man. Accompanying children to do homework has now become a "homework" for many parents. After a child enters elementary school, the whole family's lifestyle will change.There is a thing called "homework" in children's life, which seems to be the first domino, which can bring about a series of changes in the future - homework is related to children's academic performance, and grades are related to future education It also determines the future of the career... How can every parent who is responsible for their children not care about this matter.So many parents give up some of their own activities and accompany their children to do their homework every day. They hope to cultivate a good habit of children who love to study and do their homework properly.

Parents accompany their children in slightly different ways. Some of them move a stool and sit beside them and stare at them while their children are doing their homework, which is a very vivid "accompaniment"; How is it going, and finally check carefully.No matter what kind of accompanying method, parents will participate in the whole process of their children's learning, taking care of them from beginning to end. Does the child need to be "accompanied"?I don't think so. When Yuanyuan first entered school, the school held a meeting for the parents of the new students, and proposed that parents should always accompany their children to do homework and check their children's homework every day.But we didn't do that.We only give her some guidance and reminders in the first few days when the child is still relatively unfamiliar with school life and homework, so that she can become familiar with some basic rules and practices as soon as possible.This time was only a week, and then I didn't care about her anymore - neither accompanied her to write, nor deliberately checked her homework, at most reminded her that it was time to do her homework.This is not because the parents do nothing, but to train her to form good homework habits.

During the first period of school, Yuanyuan was very new to homework. The first thing she did when she got home was to do her homework. She looked like she was treating a doll she just bought.As time goes on, she loses her freshness.When I got home, I ate, played, and watched TV first, and I kept dawdling not to do my homework.When we found out that it had been several days and Yuanyuan had to be reminded before doing homework, we decided not to even remind her in the future.I reached a tacit agreement with her father, we pretended to completely forget about doing homework, just busy with our own affairs, and let her have enough fun every day before doing homework.

Soon, she's messing herself up.After returning home one day, she didn't do her homework.Watch cartoons first, play with toys for a while after dinner, then read books, and watch TV for a while.When I had washed my face and brushed my teeth, and was about to go to bed, I remembered that I forgot to do my homework today, and cried anxiously.Her father and I were actually anxious for a long time, but we kept pretending not to pay attention to her homework.At this time, we made the same anxious look as her and said, "Really, you didn't do your homework today?" When we said this, we only expressed a slight surprise, without any sense of blame - don't blame me at this time, because she cried, it means that she already knew that she had done something wrong.If the parents say in a complaining and critical tone: "How can you forget to do your homework, hurry up now!" Blame yourself and start to fight against parental criticism.We kissed her little face, and said to her in a calm and friendly tone, baby, don't cry, everyone will forget something sometimes.Let's think about what to do now.Hearing what we said, Yuanyuan stopped crying.Her parents' understanding of her in this way may have given her a lot of comfort, and she calmed down a lot.

Her father had been anxious for a long time, and now he couldn't help but say, then go to bed later and write quickly.It could be seen that Yuanyuan was sleepy at that time, she was a little reluctant when she heard what her father said, and showed a worried look. It is wrong for parents to make decisions for their children when they are in a hurry.It is human nature to be willing to follow one's own thoughts and reject orders from others.Therefore, in the process of cultivating children, in order to form the child's self-consciousness and better implement decisions for him, we should try our best to let the child think and choose by himself.Even if it is the same decision, if it does not come from the parents' instructions, but from the child's own wishes, he will be more willing to implement it.I quickly told Yuanyuan, if you want to write today, go to bed later and write today; if you want to write tomorrow morning, mother will call you one hour in advance; if you don’t want to write in the morning, go to school and talk to the teacher tomorrow I forgot to write my homework today, so I won't write it this time.

At that time, Yuanyuan faced no more than these choices.She thought about it, and knew that the last option was not suitable, so she immediately rejected it.I'm sure a kid in elementary school would not agree to not do homework if he hadn't had preschool or kindergarten homework woes before, if his self-esteem hadn't been damaged.Every school-age child has a sense of responsibility for homework in his heart; he also has self-esteem and fear of teacher criticism, which prevent him from giving up homework casually. Although Yuanyuan wanted to sleep at the time, it may be because she felt that there was always something on her mind before she finished writing, and she felt uncomfortable, so she said she wanted to write now.We said yes, then write now.She had no choice but to get out of bed, took out a book from her schoolbag, and said that she didn't want to write in her hut, but wanted to write in the living room, probably because she felt that the hut would easily arouse the desire to sleep.Her father and I didn't say anything, just found her a small stool and asked her to write on the coffee table, and we went to our own things.

After a while, it was time for us to go to bed. After washing up, I came over to take a look at Yuanyuan.She has just finished writing Chinese and English, and she hasn't written mathematics yet.I said: "Mom and Dad are going to bed. After you finish writing, go back to your room and go to sleep." She usually goes to bed early, and we send her into the room.At this time, she raised her head and said with some jealousy, why don't you adults have homework, but children have homework!We were amused, and said that we actually have homework. Dad has to draw so many drawings, and mother has to write so many articles. These are all our homework and must be completed on time.And said that we don't want to have no homework, and we will be laid off without homework.The truth of homework is actually understood by the child himself, so there is no need to explain it to her.We kissed her little face again, greeted her happily as usual, and went back to our room, leaving her alone in the living room to do homework.

We pretended to turn off the lights and fell asleep, listening to her quietly.Yuanyuan wrote for another ten minutes or so, packed her schoolbags and went to sleep, and we put down our worries.Didn't mention it the next day, just pretend nothing happened. Here I want to remind parents, don’t make a fuss about the small mistakes that children occasionally make, and you must have a firm idea in your heart: it is just a "little thing" and not a "wrong thing". Children need to experience these "little things" when they grow up. They are even more important than doing homework.So, just encourage the child to make corrections, don't blame, and don't bring it up too often, and don't let the child feel guilty and guilty, otherwise it can really become a shortcoming that is difficult to correct for the child.

In the next few days, Yuanyuan went home and finished her homework early. We were very happy, but we did not praise her exaggeratedly. We just told her that it is a good habit to do this every day and should be kept. satisfaction. She can also experience the convenience and pleasure brought by finishing homework early, and this truth is obvious, even for children, there is no need to say more.But she was a child after all, and after a while, she began to slack off in doing homework again.About ten days after the first time she forgot to do her homework, Yuanyuan forgot to do her homework again.

The time to go to bed that day was later than usual. She remembered that she forgot to do her homework, and said that there was still a lot of homework left for today, and it would take a long time to write. She was so worried that she wanted to cry.We still adopted roughly the same method as the previous one, comforted her, and left her alone at the desk, and we went to sleep. Maybe many parents can't bear to encounter this kind of situation. They feel that if they are with their children, the children will be comforted and will write faster and better.But there will be several disadvantages in that way. First, the child will deliberately show his pain in front of the parents and win the sympathy of the parents, which will affect his concentration and speed of homework; Homework is at least not for him alone, but for him and his parents. After a long time, he will kidnap the parents psychologically and develop a sense of dependence, which is not conducive to the formation of his sense of self-responsibility; Most of the time I can’t help nagging next to me, whether it’s a little dissatisfied saying "Hurry up and write, who made you forget it again", or a kind reminder "Remember to do your homework when you go home, don’t forget ", or watching the child start to grind foreign labor, I couldn't help but urge "Hurry up and write, what time is it?" All these words were meaningless to the children at that time, and they made the children annoying.So even if you have time, don't accompany him, even if you don't want to sleep at the time, pretend to go to sleep, and be emotionally the same as usual, and don't blame the child.

Some parents may say, I'm not as good-tempered as you are. When I see my child doesn't do their homework, I get angry.Well, I want to say that if parents never think piously or deal with them rationally when dealing with their children, but just do things according to their temperament, get anxious when they encounter problems, and lose their temper when they are anxious, it can only show that you Is a willful parent.How can a wayward parent not raise a wayward child? Yuanyuan did write late that day, we kept our ears open to listen to her, and it was almost twelve o'clock when she went to sleep.I feel sorry for her sleeping so late and having to get up early tomorrow.But this is also the "homework" she should experience as she grows up, and she will definitely learn something from it.We don't think it's a bad thing that she forgot to do her homework, but it's an educational opportunity that can promote the development of Yuanyuan's self-consciousness and the cultivation of study habits. Indeed, in our impression, since then, Yuanyuan has never thought of doing homework before going to bed.She quickly learned to arrange, and sometimes she can finish a lot of homework in no time at school, and she usually writes very quickly when she returns home. Parents should remember this: in the process of cultivating habits, if you always create a child's initiative and sense of accomplishment, he will form a good habit in this regard; if you often make your child feel uncomfortable and guilty, He will form bad habits in this regard. After all, a child is just a child. If something is not done well, it is enough to let him feel the inconvenience caused by it.Every time a child makes a mistake and feels the inconvenience or loss caused by the mistake, he will have a corresponding need for adjustment, just like he naturally wants to drink water when he is thirsty.This need for adjustment is something that every normal child will have.Only when parents don't get angry and don't over-guidance can children have the opportunity to actively adjust.If the child makes a mistake, the parent will criticize the child and ask him to make some guarantees, or the parent will directly give a solution, then the child will lose the opportunity to actively adjust, and this adjustment ability will gradually be lost. .It can be said that the "most effective methods" that prevent children from forming good habits are: ordering, nagging, and accusing.Therefore, when parents blame their children for a bad habit, they should first reflect on their own education methods. All stubborn bad habits of children are almost caused by long-term friction and conflict with parents or teachers because of minor problems that have not been properly resolved.Accompanying children to do homework is a practice that is particularly easy to develop children's bad habits. The purpose of parental companionship is to hope for two improvements—high efficiency and high quality.So as soon as you see your child dawdling or not being serious, you will tell him to hurry up and write seriously.Accompanied every day, these words will be said almost every day, because it is almost impossible for children to sit so quietly for a long time, and in most cases they will not write their homework so well.At the beginning, the child still cares about what the parents say, but after a long time, he doesn't care. This makes the parents become a little impatient when they speak, and the child begins to confront the parents emotionally, and things start to go into a vicious circle. It is human nature to pursue freedom, and any thing that children love, when it becomes a supervised task, making people feel unfree, the interest in it will disappear.The longer the parents stay with the students, the closer their role is to being a supervisor.And the child doesn't like a supervisor from the bottom of his heart. He will obey him temporarily at most on the surface, and will never listen to him in his heart.Therefore, to accompany children to do homework is not to cultivate children's good habits, but to disintegrate good habits, which is the daily wear and tear on children's self-control. We must understand what is a good habit. Sitting at the desk on time and on time does not mean that you have the habit of studying on time and on time. "The importance of habits is not limited to the execution and movement of habits. Habits also refer to the development of intellectual and emotional tendencies, and the increase of ease, economy and efficiency of movement." The habit created by "accompanying" is only physical; "not accompanying" leaves space for the child to let the habit grow in his heart. "Accompany" is not so much helping the child as making trouble for him. Many media, teachers or "education experts" are suggesting that parents should accompany their children to do their homework every day. I don't know how they came up with this statement.A man, first of all, is a free man before he can become a conscious man. I have seen many children who seem to really need someone to accompany them to study, and they can’t sit still without them at all. The children even ask their parents to accompany them to do their homework-but this matter cannot be viewed in isolation.Needing parents to accompany them to do homework is by no means a child's natural need, nor is it a normal requirement. It just means that he has developed a bad habit.The series of frictions and setbacks he encountered in his learning and growth have caused him not to be able to manage himself, resulting in a sense of powerlessness and helplessness in his heart.He is extremely unconfident in self-management, so he has to resort to external forces to restrain himself.In fact, he resists this kind of "companion" in his heart, so even with his parents around, he can't really put his mind on his studies. In this case, parents can stay with their children for a period of time, but they must find a way to get out of it.If you don't withdraw, the child's independence will never be generated, then he will become more and more distressed, less and less conscious, and the effect of "accompanying" will become smaller and smaller.At the same time, parents must reflect on where they have made mistakes in the education of their children in the past. This reflection will also determine how you withdraw and whether your help can have a positive effect on the child. The principle of withdrawal: first, be patient and don’t rush for success; second, try to create the child’s sense of pleasure and achievement throughout the process, even if he does not do well at the beginning, never create his sense of guilt and failure feel.Teach your child to stand on his own before you pull away, or he'll just fall down again, and worse. Suhomlinski, an educator in the former Soviet Union, believed that if a person experienced the satisfaction of overcoming his weaknesses in childhood, he would look at himself critically.It is from this point that one's self-knowledge begins.Without self-knowledge there can be neither self-education nor self-discipline.No matter how well a young person may remember and understand the saying that "laziness is bad," he will never be if this emotion does not compel him to control himself in practice. Be a strong-willed person. If a child's weakness is always overcome through adult manipulation, then the so-called "overcome" is an illusion that does not exist, and can only be called submission.Submission does not become part of the child's self-identification. Given the opportunity, he no longer wants to submit, but breaks free from restraint. Another disadvantage of accompanying children to do homework is that some parents have a debt collection mentality because they spend time and hard work with their children. When their children have poor grades or bad habits, they will say: I spend so much time with you to cultivate habits , You actually learned it like this!Such words will make children lose their confidence in self-management, and at the same time, they will also feel guilty, which is not good for children's moral growth. The last thing I want to say is, don't understand "to accompany" and "not to accompany" in a simplistic and absolute way.The main emphasis here is that parents should cultivate children's self-consciousness and independence in learning or other things, and prevent children from developing bad habits of relying on parents and not being self-conscious.Therefore, "to accompany" and "not to accompany" are not so much a way of behavior as an educational philosophy, which cannot be simply defined in form.For example, some parents are busy drinking and playing mahjong all day long, so they really don’t have time or mind to accompany their children, and they don’t care what the children are doing. This kind of "not accompanying" and the "not accompanying" we talk about here are completely different concepts. ●It is wrong for parents to make decisions for their children when they are in a hurry.It is human nature to be willing to follow one's own thoughts and reject orders from others.Therefore, in the process of cultivating children, in order to form the child's self-consciousness and better implement decisions for him, he should try his best to let the children think and choose even the same decision, if it is not from the parents' instructions, but from The child's own will, he will be more willing to carry out. ●Don’t make a fuss about the small mistakes that children make occasionally, and you must have a firm idea in your heart: it is just a "little thing", not a "wrong thing". Children need to experience these "little things" in their growth, and they are even more important than doing homework .So, just encourage the child to make corrections, don't blame, and don't bring it up too often, and don't let the child feel guilty and guilty, otherwise it can really become a shortcoming that is difficult to correct for the child. ●In habit formation, if you always create a child’s initiative and a sense of accomplishment, he will form a good habit in this aspect; if you often let the child feel unfreedom and guilt, he will form a good habit in this aspect bad habit. ●Parents don't get angry and don't give too much guidance, so that children can have the opportunity to actively adjust.If the child makes a mistake, the parent will criticize the child and ask him to make some guarantees, or the parent will directly give a solution, then the child will lose the opportunity to actively adjust, and this adjustment ability will gradually be lost. .