Chapter 7 5.I want to marry Ma Xiaofei when I grow up

When Yuanyuan was in kindergarten, there was a little boy named Ma Xiaofei in the class. The two of them got along very well and often played together.One day I went to pick her up, and on the way home, she excitedly said to me: "Mom, I like playing with Ma Xiaofei the most, and I will marry Ma Xiaofei when I grow up!" I smiled and said yes.She was very happy to see that I agreed, but then she was a little worried, "I don't know if my father agrees." I said, then you can ask him. After she got home, she was anxiously waiting for her father to come back to ask about this "big event in her life", but she forgot about it. It was not until her father picked her up a few days later that she remembered it again on the way home.Her father also said "yes" very happily at that time and agreed.As soon as Yuanyuan entered the door, she couldn't wait to tell me: "Mom, my father also agrees that I will marry Ma Xiaofei when I grow up!" I said happily: "Really, that's great!"

At this time, Yuanyuan was a little worried again, "What if we go to school, we are not in the same school, and we don't know each other in the future, what should we do?" Hearing what she said, her father and I also looked worried and said, yes, this is a good time. what can we do about it?Then you should think of a way.Yuanyuan thought for a while, and suddenly had an idea, "By the way, when I grow up, I meet a boy and ask him if your name is Ma Xiaofei, then I will know!" We were also happy when we heard that , Yes, that's how we know if he is Ma Xiaofei.It turned out to be that simple!

This problem was solved, and our family began to eat easily. Later, I heard from the kindergarten teacher that Yuanyuan and Ma Xiaofei are two sensible children. They never hit or swear at others, and they never fight with children.It seems that there is such a thing as "getting along" in kindergartens. When he was in elementary school, this little boy and Yuanyuan were in the same school, not in the same class.The characteristic of elementary school students is that there is no real interest between boys and girls. Generally, boys play with boys, and girls play with girls.Yuanyuan has a few very good classmates, and the little girls stay together whenever they are free.Her father and I once thought of Ma Xiaofei, and asked her jokingly, do you still play with Ma Xiaofei now, and whether you want to marry Ma Xiaofei when you grow up.Yuanyuan said that he was a boy, he didn't like to play with him, he was not in the same class, and he couldn't see him.We teased her, "Aren't you worried that you won't know him when you grow up?" She said she wasn't worried.It seemed that she had "changed her mind" and really forgot about Ma Xiaofei since then.

After she went to middle school, she entered the "adolescence" in psychology. At this time, as parents, we really began to observe her attitude towards heterosexual interactions.Yuanyuan also told me some things about boys and girls in school trying to please each other. For example, a boy from a wealthy family told a girl in her class that if you were nice to me, I would buy you 60,000 yuan. jewelry.We listened and didn't belittle these things, just smiled and said that the little boy was naive and cute.From time to time, a boy in my family would call. When we received such a call, it was like receiving a call from her female classmate. We naturally called her to answer the phone, and then we avoided it and let it go. She can talk easily.Once I found a piece of paper under her desk, it may be a written conversation between her and another girl in class, the two of them were discussing a few boys in the class enthusiastically, and it can be seen that they are interested in some boys. Hazy goodwill.I smiled and put the paper away, planning to return it to Yuanyuan when she grows up.

Every parent has come from adolescence. If we recall our boys and girls, we should know how normal it is for middle school students to sprout such feelings.So why can't we give more understanding when children develop emotionally. Occasionally, Yuanyuan receives a call from a male classmate, and she will chat for a long time, and she will feel a little uncomfortable when she puts down the phone.I just chose a suitable time and occasion, pretended to bring the topic to this by accident, and told Yuanyuan that it is normal and wonderful for boys and girls to have a good impression of the opposite sex after puberty and a desire to have contact with the opposite sex. ; if not, it may not be normal.

The purpose of my saying this is to dispel the anxiety in her heart and let her know that it is healthy and normal for her to have a good impression of the opposite sex or for others to have a good impression of her. Uneasiness and self-blame are what every child will have when he has a good impression of the opposite sex during adolescence, and it will even be a sense of guilt if it develops seriously.This kind of feeling will not make boys and girls less interested in the opposite sex, but will stimulate interest to grow.Under the pressure of their parents and schools, children feel that liking the opposite sex is unclean and immoral. On the surface, they will behave willfully and refuse to listen to their parents, but they will feel lost and despise themselves in their hearts.Only when children have self-esteem and self-love, and feel calm and normal when interacting with the opposite sex during adolescence, can they develop self-confidence and rationality, be dignified and comfortable, and have the power of self-control.

I know a parent whose daughter is in the second grade of junior high school. She is very handsome and has been studying well. She is particularly afraid that her daughter's puppy love will affect her studies, and she has closely monitored her daughter since the child entered junior high school.As long as a boy calls at home, she must intervene.When the child came home late from school, she kept asking questions and calling the teacher to check whether what the child said was true.Her daughter's relationship with her has become very tense because of this. In order to control the child's whereabouts and the child's safety, the parent bought a mobile phone for the child. As a result, she secretly checked her daughter's mobile phone once and found that she was fraternal with several boys. She was furious and confiscated the mobile phone.But the daughter had a way, and borrowed a mobile phone from her classmate the next day.She then confiscated the borrowed mobile phone, and the child sent her a text message with an unfamiliar mobile phone after school, saying that he was very angry and would not go home at night, and then the mobile phone was always turned off.She couldn't find the child, and was so anxious to death all night.I rushed to my daughter's school early the next morning, and waited at the gate for my daughter to come to school with her schoolbag on her back. She didn't ask where the child had been all night.In a rage, the mother found the head teacher and told the head teacher about her daughter not coming home all night.The head teacher went to talk to the dean again, and the dean immediately held a class teacher meeting, announcing that a second-year junior high school girl from the school was spending the night outside, and asked each class to strengthen the education of the students.

Later, after "interrogation" and investigation, it was learned that the little girl just went to the Internet cafe to play all night in a fit of anger, trying to scare her mother, but nothing happened.But when the child arrived at school the next day, everything changed. Everyone looked at her strangely, as if she had done something that night.Her mother regretted making things bigger, but the impact was irreversible.Under pressure, the child finally had to transfer schools. After arriving at the new school, my mother made a request not to associate with boys.However, after the girl arrived at the new school, it was difficult for her to integrate into the new circle of classmates. She had no friends, and her studies were sluggish. When a senior boy came to strike up a conversation with her, she really fell in love with this boy, and ended up having trouble. To run away from home.At this time, the mother finally realized that apart from being sad and disappointed, she was at her wit's end.

From this case, we can see that when it comes to children's problems such as "puppy love", parents actually have two functions, one is to calm down, and the other is to stimulate and strengthen.All parents hope to achieve the first effect, but unfortunately in reality, many parents have made it the second result.They want to prevent their children from falling in love prematurely, but they push the children in the wrong way, causing the children to fall into the whirlpool involuntarily. "The most effective way to shake a child's will is to arouse his sense of guilt." The biggest mistake parents make here is to use adult vulgar concepts to vulgarize some of the children's normal behaviors and artificially create children's guilt. Push the child into a situation where he cannot extricate himself.

I once received a text message from a mother saying that her daughter, who is in the third grade of junior high school, "has a boyfriend", asking me what should I do?I called back right away and asked what was going on with "having a boyfriend". It turned out that a boy in another class in the same grade as her daughter often liked to come to talk to her daughter after class. When her daughter celebrated her birthday, she called a few classmates to McDonald’s and called this boy too. The boy also gave her daughter a copy gifts, and they text each other sometimes.The mother quietly checked her daughter's mobile phone text messages, and there were many text messages sent with this boy, and some sentences were a bit ambiguous, and it seemed that they had a good impression of each other.

I said to this mother, in our discourse, "boyfriend" has a specific meaning, how can you call that boy your daughter's "boyfriend" for these things.In fact, there is nothing wrong with the children. It is you who have used your own understanding to characterize the children's communication. Of course, I also understand this mother's worry. She is afraid that if she doesn't care, her daughter and this little boy will really "fall in love" if they continue to develop, which will affect their studies.I told her to take care of her, but don't take care of it blindly, first clean up the secular dirt in her heart, and then take care of the children.Later, this mother had a talk with her daughter according to my suggestion, which achieved very good results. This is how she talks to children. First of all, affirm your child and tell your daughter that it is normal to have a good impression of the opposite sex at your age. It seems that your psychological development and physical development are synchronized, and you are very healthy.In addition, if a boy likes you, it means that you are a cute girl; if you have a crush on other boys, it means that you are also a person who knows how to appreciate others. Next, she told her daughter that junior high school students have a good impression of the opposite sex. This is just the beginning. As a cute girl, you will meet many people who appreciate you in the future. We must be grateful to them; at the same time, you also We will meet many boys worthy of our admiration, each of them has different advantages. In the end, she told her daughter that a person is worthy of appreciation from others only if he is lovable.If a classmate does not study well, has mediocre temperament, and average ability, why should others appreciate him/her.For middle school students, the most important thing is learning, temperament and ability are generated on the basis of knowledge.Only by studying hard can you become more and more cute and be appreciated by others, and at the same time, you can gradually learn to appreciate others. This mother called me again later, saying that she talked to her daughter like this, and the child was very happy.Since then, her daughter has told her mother who wrote notes or sent text messages to her from time to time, and she thinks who is good to wait.As for the little boy, he still has some contacts, but he has always been normal, no different from other classmates.The truth this mother realized is: as long as the adults have a sunny heart, the children will also have a sunny heart. In fact, what I want to talk about in this article is not mainly how to carry out love education, but how adults can look at children with clean eyes and understand children with healthy beliefs.One of the important reasons why many children have deviations in conduct is that they are constantly being violated by adults' "garbage thinking".These rubbish thoughts are like the unilateral pursuit of production by some enterprises, and the arbitrary discharge of toxic gases and sewage, slowly polluting the originally pure sky and earth of children, and the result is that the destructiveness completely offsets its productivity.Not only in terms of puppy love, but other aspects of thinking garbage can also make children mutate. For example, a parent, since the child was very young, has been targeting the child and controlling the money very tightly. He has always guarded his son like a thief.In her consciousness, it seems that as long as children have the opportunity, they will definitely play tricks on money.Not only does she keep the money at home very hidden, so that her children don't know about it; she always asks in a skeptical tone about what the children want to buy after school: "Is that thing worth that much money? You have to tell the truth."Even with her consent, the child takes money from her wallet by herself, she must say: "Come on, mom, see if you have taken more money, don't take more secretly."Under her distrust and close surveillance, her son developed an anti-surveillance interest and ability.Since entering junior high school, the little boy has been stealing money from his family.Once, he and his father went to an ATM to withdraw money. When his father entered the password, he secretly wrote it down, and then secretly took the bank card at home, withdrawing 2,000 yuan three times a month, and squandered it all.Every time after the money theft happened, apart from beating up their son violently, the parents could only look up to the sky and sigh, how did they give birth to such an unworthy son.As a parent, I really don't understand. I have always been so wary of my son doing bad things in terms of money, and I am afraid that he will become bad. How can he become so bad? In contrast to the above example, another friend told me something. Her son, who is in the third grade of primary school, missed the school’s midterm exam for some reason. In order for her son to make up for this exam, she went to the school to find the papers for the midterm exam of various subjects, and asked the child to write it according to the time of the school exam. The papers are all done. The moment she handed the paper to the child, she hesitated for a moment, considering whether to let the child check the time or let her supervise; at the same time, she also thought about whether to take away all the books in the child's room to prevent him from peeping.Her son's academic performance is not very good, there must be some content that he can't do, so will he secretly read the answers in the book? She thought about it, decided to trust the child, and told the child that you should set your own time and stop doing it when the time comes.Without saying anything else, he closed the door and came out. What makes her happy is that this child in the third grade of elementary school knows what the exam should look like, and he manages himself exactly like the school exam, and he will stop doing the questions when the time is up.And he didn't know there was such a thing as "cheating". His mother could see through observation that when he encountered a problem he couldn't do, he never thought of secretly flipping through the book.She couldn't help sighing: So the child is so pure!She was glad she made the choice at that moment, and she was glad that she didn't use subtext to tell her children these bad concepts: You can read books secretly during the exam, and you are not trustworthy. People are easily suggested, including adults.If a person is always hinted by others as good-natured, kind and friendly, he will gradually develop a sense of self-affirmation in this atmosphere, and his conduct will develop in a healthy direction; For a certain problem, he will continue to deny himself in this regard, gradually lose confidence, and slip in a bad direction. Some studies have found that even a person's appearance will change under the constant hints of others.People with ordinary appearance will become more and more radiant under the eyes of admiration; people with beautiful facial features will also become haggard and dull under constant contempt.Only when parents treat their children with a healthy attitude can they grow up physically and mentally. I once read a fable.When Su Dongpo was talking with Foyin, he asked the master, what do you think of my sitting posture?Foyin said that I think your sitting posture is very similar to Lord Buddha.Su Dongpo was very happy.Then he smiled mischievously and said, I think the master's sitting posture looks like a pile of cow dung.After hearing this, Foyin was neither angry nor refuted, but just smiled.Su Dongpo thought he had taken advantage of Foyin, so he triumphantly told his sister the story when he returned home.Su Xiaomei said, brother, you lost really badly.Master Foyin has Tathagata in his heart, so he sees you as the Buddha Lord; your heart is just a ball of cow dung, so he sees others as a ball of cow dung. Parents, don't go to see your child with cow dung in your arms.If you keep giving your child negative hints between words, it will not only destroy the purity of the child's heart, but may also distort his conduct.You know, the child doesn't have the skill and calmness of Master Foyin. ●Anxiety and self-blame are what every child will have when he has a good impression of the opposite sex in adolescence, and even a sense of guilt if it develops seriously.This kind of feeling will not make boys and girls less interested in the opposite sex, but will stimulate interest to grow.Under the pressure of their parents and schools, children feel that liking the opposite sex is unclean and immoral. On the surface, they will behave willfully and do not listen to their parents; but inside they feel lost and despise themselves.Only when children have self-esteem and self-love, and feel calm and normal when interacting with the opposite sex during adolescence, can they develop self-confidence and rationality, be dignified and comfortable, and have the power of self-control. ●"If a boy likes you, it means that you are a cute girl; if you have a crush on other boys, it means that you are also a person who knows how to appreciate others." ●"As a lovely girl, you will meet many people who appreciate you in the future. We must be grateful to them; at the same time, you will also meet many boys worthy of our admiration. Each of them has There are different advantages." ●"A person is worthy of others' appreciation only if he is cute. If a classmate is not good at study, has mediocre temperament and average ability, why should others appreciate him/her. For middle school students, the most important thing is learning, temperament and ability They are all produced on the basis of knowledge. Only by studying hard can you become more and more lovable and be appreciated by others, and at the same time, you can slowly learn to appreciate others.” ●Many children have deviations in conduct. One of the important reasons is that they are constantly being violated by adults' "garbage thinking".These rubbish thoughts are like the unilateral pursuit of production by some enterprises, and the arbitrary discharge of toxic gases and sewage, slowly polluting the originally pure sky and earth of children, and the result is that the destructiveness completely offsets its productivity.