Chapter 14 Chapter 12 Children's Learning
Young children in Japan are not raised in the way thinking Westerners imagine.The life in which American parents prepare their children for adaptation is far less discreet and restrained than in Japan.Yet we (American parents) teach babies from the beginning that in this world their little wishes are not supreme and must be granted.We stipulate a certain time for breastfeeding and sleeping. Before the time is up, no matter how much the baby cries, he must wait.A little older, whenever the baby sucks his fingers or touches other parts of the body, the mother will knock his fingers to stop him.Mothers are often absent from their children.Also, the baby must stay at home while the mother is away.Also wean the baby when he still prefers milk over other foods.If bottle-fed, give him no bottle.Some foods are not good for the body, but children must eat them.If you don't follow the rules, you will be punished.It is natural for Americans to assume that Japanese infants must be doubly disciplined, because Japanese infants grow up to restrain their desires and observe strict moral codes with great care.
However, the Japanese approach is not the case.The Japanese life curve is exactly the opposite of the American life curve.It is a large U-shaped curve with a shallow bottom, allowing babies and the elderly to have the greatest freedom and willfulness.As early childhood passes, constraints gradually increase, and personal freedom decreases to a minimum before and after marriage.This lowest line lasts for several decades throughout the prime of life, after which it gradually rises again.After sixty one is almost as untroubled as a child is by shame and honour.In the United States, our curve is reversed. Early childhood education is very strict, and gradually relaxes as the child grows up. When he finds a job that can support him and has his own family, he can hardly be restrained by others. .For us, the prime of life is the heyday of freedom and initiative.As we grow older, our energy gradually declines, so that we become a burden to others, and we must be restrained again.Americans can't even think of arranging their lives according to the Japanese model, which seems to run counter to reality.
But both the American and Japanese life curves are arranged in fact to ensure that a person can participate in the culture of the country as much as possible in the prime of life.In the United States we secure this end by increasing the freedom of individual choice during the prime of life; in Japan by maximizing the restraint of the individual when, despite his greatest physical strength and earning capacity, he is still incapable of mastering his own life .They firmly believe that restraint is the best spiritual training (cultivation), which can produce effects that cannot be achieved by freedom.Although the Japanese are most restrained during the most active and creative years of their prime, they are not restrained throughout life, and childhood and old age are the "lands of freedom."
People who are pampered with children very much want to have children.That's exactly what the Japanese do.Like American parents, they have children above all because it is a joy to love children.But the Japanese want children not only for emotional satisfaction, but also because, if they cut off the family lineage, they will become losers in life.This is not so important in the United States.Every Japanese man must have a son. They want a son so that someone will worship in front of the Buddhist altar after their death. It is to extend the family line, pass on the family line, and maintain the family's honor and property.For traditional social reasons, the father needs his son as much as a child needs his father.The son will always replace the father in the future, but this is not to leave the father, but to reassure the father.For a number of years, the father still manages the "housework" and the son takes over later.If a father cannot relinquish housework to his son, then his own role is meaningless.This ingrained sense of continuity makes it less shameful and unseemly for the adult son to depend on his father than in Western nations, even if it has lasted much longer than in the United States.
Women need sons not only for emotional satisfaction, but because women have status only as mothers.A childless wife has the most unstable position in the family. Even if she does not get a divorce, she cannot expect to be a mother-in-law one day and exercise power over her son's marriage and daughter-in-law.In order to continue the family line, her husband may adopt a child, but according to the Japanese concept, a wife who does not have children is still a loser.Japanese women want to have more children.In the first half of the 1930s, the average birth rate was 31.7‰, which was even higher than that of countries with many children in Eastern Europe.The birth rate in the United States in 1940 was 17.6 per thousand.Japanese mothers give birth to children very early, mostly at the age of nineteen.
In Japan, childbirth is as secretive as sexual intercourse.Women should not moan loudly during labor to avoid letting others know.Mothers should prepare new quilts and cribs for their babies in advance, because it is unlucky for newborn babies not to sleep in new beds.Poor families cannot afford new beds, so they have to wash the quilt materials and cotton to make "new" quilts.The small quilt is not as hard as the adult's, and it is very light.It is said that the doll sleeps better in its own bed.But at the bottom of their hearts, they put babies to sleep in separate beds, still based on a kind of "sensation witchcraft", that is, the new couple must sleep in the "new" bed.Although the baby's bed is close to the mother's bed, it will not sleep with the mother until the baby grows up and knows how to ask to sleep with the mother.They say it may take a year or more for a baby to extend its hands and make such a request.At that time, the baby was sleeping in the arms of the mother.
Babies are not fed for the first three days because the Japanese wait for real milk to flow.Three days later, the baby can hold the nipple at any time, either sucking or playing with it.Mothers also take pleasure in breastfeeding their children.The Japanese believe that breastfeeding is one of the greatest physical pleasures of a woman, and that infants are most likely to experience this pleasure from their mothers.The breast not only supplies nourishment, but also joy and pleasure.For the first month after birth, the baby is either put to sleep in a crib or held by the mother.Thirty days later, I took the baby and went to visit the local shrine.After visiting the shrine, it is believed that the baby's life is rooted in the body, so that he can be taken out freely.After a month, the baby is carried on the mother's back, with a double strap tied around the armpits and hips, hung over the mother's shoulders, and tied in a knot at the waist.When the weather is cold, the mother wraps the child in a coat.The older children in the family—both boys and girls—carry the baby on their backs, even running with the baby while playing softball or kicking stones.Especially in rural and poor families, most of them rely on their children to look after their children.In this way, "as the Japanese baby lives in the crowd, it soon appears bright and playful, and seems to play the same game that the older child is playing on his back".Japanese babies are stretched out and strapped on their backs in a manner similar to the way babies are wrapped in shawls popular in the Pacific Islands and elsewhere.They both see the child as passive.With this method of raising babies, they can sleep anytime, anywhere and regardless of posture when they grow up.That's exactly what the Japanese do.However, carrying a baby on a belt in Japan does not completely cultivate passivity like wrapping a baby in a shawl or a burden.Babies "will put their arms around others like kittens on people's backs, . . . the straps tied to the back are safe, but the baby . . . Master the art of being on your back, not just a bag strapped to someone else's shoulders."
The mother puts the baby in the bed at work and carries it on her back when she goes out into the street.The mother talked to the baby, hummed a little tune to him, and asked him to perform all kinds of polite actions.Mothers also shook the baby's head and shoulders to make him bow when returning salutes.In short, babies are like adults.Every afternoon, the mother bathed the baby and played with him on her lap.
Three or four months ago, babies had to wear diapers, and the cloth was very thick. Japanese people often complained that their bowed legs were caused by diapers.After three or four months, the mother taught him to defecate: estimate the time, take the baby outdoors, hold the baby's body in her hands, whistle in a monotonous low tone, and wait for the baby to defecate.The child also understands the purpose of this auditory stimulus.It is generally accepted that Japanese infants, like Chinese infants, learn to defecate very early.Some mothers pinch the bottom of the baby when the baby wets the bed, but usually they just reprimand and take the baby with poor memory outdoors more frequently to teach him to defecate.Give the baby a bowel wash or give him laxatives if he cannot pass stool.Mothers say it's for the baby's comfort.After learning the habit of urinating and defecating, you don't have to wear that uncomfortable diaper.Babies in Japan definitely find diapers uncomfortable, not only because they are thick, but also because they don't have the habit of changing them immediately after they get wet.Babies are too young, though, to understand the connection between learning to poo and removing uncomfortable diapers.They only experience that it must be so every day, and there is no escape from it.And when the mother defecates and relieves the baby, try to keep the baby's body far away and hold her tightly.This relentless training prepares babies to grow up to obey the most tedious compulsions of Japanese culture.
Japanese babies usually talk first and then walk.Climbing is never encouraged.The traditional habit is that a baby cannot be asked to stand or walk until he is one year old.In the past, mothers would never allow their babies to do that.In the last decade or so, the government's cheap, popular "Mother's Magazine" has promoted that babies should be encouraged to learn to walk, which has gradually become popular.The mother tied a belt under the baby's armpit, or held the baby's body with her hands.However, babies still want to learn to speak early.When the baby starts to speak words, the adults' words to tease the baby gradually become purposeful teaching.Instead of letting babies learn speech from casual imitation, they teach words, grammar, and honorifics, which babies and adults alike love to do.
In Japanese families, after children learn to walk, they do all kinds of mischief.For example, poking through the window paper with your fingers, falling into the stove in the middle of the floor, and so on.Adults are dissatisfied with these, so they exaggerate the dangers in the room, saying that it is "dangerous" to step on the threshold, and it is strictly forbidden.Of course, Japanese houses do not have basements, they are built on the ground by beams and columns.If a child steps on the threshold, the family seriously believes that the whole house will collapse and deform.Not only that, but children cannot step, sit, or lie on the joint between two mats (tatami).The size of the mats is fixed, and the rooms are called "three-mat rooms" or "twelve-mat rooms" according to their size.Children often hear stories like this: the ancient warriors would stab the people sitting and sleeping at the junction of the bunks to death with their swords from under the bunks.Only thick, soft mats are safest, and the seams of mats are dangerous.Mothers often admonish young children with "Dangerous" and "No," which includes such feelings.A third common word of advice is "dirty."Japanese families are famous for their cleanliness, and children are taught to pay attention to cleanliness from an early age.
Most babies are weaned until the next child is born.Recently, the government advocated in the "Mother's Magazine" that babies should be weaned at eight months.It is often practiced by middle-class mothers, but it is far from being a common practice among the Japanese.Breastfeeding is very much in line with Japanese sensibilities.They think that is the greatest joy of motherhood.People who have gradually adopted the new habit see shortened nursing periods as a sacrifice the mother endures for the well-being of the child.They agreed with the new rules, arguing that "long-term breastfeeding is not good for the child's health" and criticized mothers who did not wean their children as self-indulgent and without self-control.They said: "She said there was no way to wean the child, that's not the case", "That's because she couldn't make up her mind", "She just wanted the child to drink her milk all the time", "It was for her own happiness".Because of this attitude, the practice of weaning at eight months is of course unlikely to become widespread.There is another practical reason for late weaning.The Japanese do not have the habit of giving special foods to newly weaned infants.Weaned children should be fed gruel, but most of them switch from breastfeeding to ordinary adult food all at once.The Japanese diet does not include milk.Also they don't prepare special vegetables for babies.Under such circumstances, it is natural to have reason to doubt whether the government's advocacy of "long-term breastfeeding is not good for the child's health" is correct.
Babies are generally weaned after they can understand what others are saying.Before that, the mother sat with the baby at the family table and fed a little food during the meal.They eat more food after weaning.At this time, some children still need to breastfeed, and feeding becomes a problem.It is easier to understand for a child who has to be weaned with the next child.The mother gave them snacks from time to time, telling them not to love milk.Mothers sometimes smeared pepper flakes on the teats.But all the mothers mocked the baby, saying that if it wants to be nursed, it is only a baby.They said, "Look at your cousin, he's a grown-up! He's as young as you, but he doesn't want milk." "Look! That kid is laughing at you. You're an older brother and you still need milk." Two-, three-, and even four-year-olds who still play with their mother's nipples will suddenly let go of their mother's nipples as soon as they notice an older child walking in, pretending nothing happened.
The use of this ironic method to urge children to early adulthood is not limited to weaning.These methods can be used in any occasion from the time the child can understand the speech.For example, when a boy cries, the mother will say "You are not a girl", "You must know that you are a boy!" and so on.Or say: "I don't cry when I see that child." When a guest brings a child to visit, the mother will kiss the guest's child in front of her child.And said: "I want this little baby, I like to want such a smart and good baby, you have grown up, and you are naughty." Hit the mother and cry and say, "I don't like it, I don't like it! I don't like this baby, I will obey my mother." When the one or two-year-old child is noisy or disobedient, the mother will say to the male guest: "Please take this child away from us, we don't want him anymore." The guest will also play this role and start removing the child from the home.So the child cried out to his mother for help, like crazy.The mother, seeing that the ridicule had fully succeeded, drew the child to her with good looks, and asked the still sobbing child to swear never to be mischievous again.This kind of small farce is sometimes performed for children of five or six years old.
There are other forms of mockery.The mother went to the father and said to the child: "I don't love you, I love your father, because your father is a good man." The child was very jealous and wanted to separate the father from the mother.The mother said, "Dad is not like you. He doesn't yell or run around at home." So the child stamped his feet and said, "You lied, you lied! I didn't do that. I'm a good boy. You Don't you like me?" Enough of the joke, the parents looked at each other and laughed, and they teased girls not only in this way, but also boys.
This experience was fertile ground for the apparent fear of ridicule and contempt among Japanese adults.We cannot be sure at what age a child learns which teasing is made of him, but sooner or later he will.Knowing this, this awareness of being mocked is combined with a fear of losing all safety and intimacy.This infantile fear still casts a shadow over being teased as an adult.
The reason why this kind of teasing can cause greater panic in the minds of children between the ages of two and five is that the home is indeed a paradise of safety and freedom.There is a clear division of labor between father and mother, both physically and emotionally, and they seldom appear as competitors in front of their children.The mother or grandmother takes care of the household chores and educates the children.They all bowed to serve and worship their father.Seating in the family hierarchy is very clear.Children know that elders have privileges, that men have privileges that women do not, and that older brothers have privileges that younger brothers do not.But a child is coddled during the early years of his life by all in the family, especially boys.Whether it is for boys or girls, mother is always a person who promises to fulfill all wishes.A three-year-old boy can vent nameless anger on his mother.He never expressed any resistance to his father, but he could rage against his mother and grandmother, venting his anger at being teased by his parents and about being "given to others".Of course, not all boys are necessarily grumpy.However, whether in rural areas or in upper-class families, bad temper is a common problem for children between the ages of three and six.The toddler beat his mother with his fists, cried and made noises, tried his best to be rough, and finally messed up the mother's cherished hair bun.Mothers are women.And he, even at the age of three, was unmistakably a man.He even took pleasure in venting violently and attacking for no reason.
The child can only show respect to his father.To the child, the father is the representative of the highest level in the hierarchy.To use a common Japanese term, "for training," the child must learn to show due respect to his father.Japanese fathers do less of the task of educating their children than almost any father in the West.The education of children is left entirely to women.When a father has any requirements for his children, he usually just gestures with his eyes or just says a few words of admonishment.And, since this is so uncommon, the children obey immediately.In his spare time, he makes toys for the children.After the child has learned to walk, the father sometimes hugs the child and walks around with him on his back (of course the mother also hugs).For children of this age, Japanese fathers sometimes do some childcare work, while American fathers generally entrust their children to their mothers.
Children can indulge in coquettish grandparents, although grandparents are also objects of respect, grandparents do not assume the role of educating children.Although there are some grandparents who are dissatisfied with the slack in early childhood education and take on the parenting role themselves, this will cause a lot of contradictions after all.The grandmother usually stays with the children all day long.Moreover, in Japanese families, it is very common for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to compete for children.From the child's point of view, he can get the favor of both parties.From the perspective of the grandmother, she often uses her grandson to restrain her daughter-in-law.It is the greatest duty in a young mother's life to please her mother-in-law.Therefore, no matter how pampered the grandparents are, the daughter-in-law cannot raise objections.Often, when the mother says no more candy can be given, the grandmother immediately gives it back, insinuating: "The candy from grandma is not poisonous." In many families, the grandmother gives the child things that the mother cannot get. , she also has more leisure time to play with the children than the mother.
Both older brothers and older sisters are ordered to spoil their younger siblings.Japanese toddlers feel fully at risk of being "out of favor" when their mother gives birth to another child.A child who has fallen out of favor can easily imagine that his often intimate breast milk and mother's bed will be given up to a newborn baby.Before the new baby is born, the mother will tell the child: This time, you will have a live doll instead of a "fake" baby, and you will not sleep with the mother, but with the father, and make it seem like a baby. privilege.Children are interested in the various preparations for the birth of a new baby.When a new baby is born, the child usually feels the excitement and joy from the heart, but this excitement and joy soon wear off, everything is expected, and it does not feel particularly uncomfortable.A toddler who falls out of favor always wants to take the baby somewhere else.He said to his mother, "Give this baby to someone else." So the mother replied, "No, this is our baby! Let us all like him. Little baby loves baby, you have to help mother take care of it How are you, baby?" This scene sometimes went on and on for quite some time, and the mother didn't seem to mind it.In families with many children, a mode of accommodation occurs automatically.The children will form partners in the order of intervals, the eldest will take care of the third child, and the second child will take care of the fourth child.Brothers and sisters are also intimate with brothers and sisters in the next order.Until the age of seven or eight, the difference between sexes does not matter much for this arrangement.
Japanese children have toys.Parents, relatives and friends gave the children dolls and other toys, some made by themselves, some bought.Poor people almost do not spend money and do it by themselves.Toddlers play games with dolls and other toys, such as setting up a house, being a bride, celebrating festivals, and so on.Debate before the game: How do grown-ups do it?Sometimes there are more disputes, so I ask my mother to decide.When the children quarreled, the mother said: "The nobleman is generous", and persuaded the older child to be patient.A common saying is: "The loser takes advantage", which means that you give the toy to the child first, and after a while, he gets tired of playing with it and wants to play with other things, and the toy is still yours.A three-year-old child can quickly comprehend what mother means.Or, in a game of master and servant, the mother makes the older child the servant, saying that everyone is happy and you are having fun, too.In Japanese life, this principle of "the loser takes advantage" is widely respected even after adulthood.
In addition to admonition and ridicule, the Japanese train their children, another important method is to divert their attention, and even giving children candy at any time is considered one of the ways to divert their attention.As the child approaches school age, various "treatments" are employed.If the children are irritable, disobedient, noisy, and unruly, the mother takes them to a shrine or temple.The mother's attitude was "Let's ask gods and Buddhas to heal me".Most occasions amount to a pleasant outing.The healing priest or monk talks gravely with the child, asking about his birthday and his bad habits.Then retreat to the back room to pray, and come back to announce the cure.Sometimes it is said that children are naughty because they have worms in their stomachs.So he made a mantle for the child, removed the bugs, and let him go home.The Japanese say that this method is "effective for a short time".It is also considered a "good medicine".A small conical container filled with dried moxa powder is placed on the skin of a child and set on fire, which is called moxibustion.Its scars remain on the body for a lifetime.Moxibustion is an ancient popular therapy in East Asia.Japan also has this tradition of using it to treat various ailments.Moxibustion can also cure bad temper and stubbornness.This is how children of six or seven receive "treatment" from their mothers or grandmothers.Refractory diseases even need to be treated twice.But it is rarely necessary to use it three times to "cure" a naughty child.Moxibustion is not a punishment. It is not a punishment as Americans say, "If you do this, I will beat you up!" It is a punishment.But the pain of moxibustion is far worse than being beaten, so the children understand that they should not be naughty, or they will be punished.
In addition to the above-mentioned various ways of dealing with naughty children, there are many habits that develop necessary physical skills in children.They emphasize very much that teachers should teach children how to move, and children must imitate honestly.Before the age of two, the father made the child sit cross-legged, with his legs crossed and the back of his feet on the floor.At the beginning, it is difficult for the child not to face the sky.In particular, one of the essentials of sitting upright is to emphasize the stability of the body, not to move or change posture.The Japanese say that the key to mastering sitting upright is to relax the whole body and be in a passive state.This passivity depends on the father pressing and straightening the child's legs with his own hands.Not only the sitting posture should be learned, but also the sleeping posture should be learned.Japanese women value beautiful sleeping postures with the same seriousness that American women cannot be seen naked.In order to win the recognition of foreigners, the Japanese government once listed nude bathing as a bad custom. Before that, the Japanese were not ashamed of public nude bathing, but they paid special attention to women's sleeping posture.It doesn't matter how boys sleep, but girls must sleep with their feet together and upright.This was one of the early rules of training men and women differently.Like almost all other rules, this requirement is stricter for the upper class than for the lower class.Mrs. Sugimoto (Mazuko) talked about her own samurai family upbringing: "As far as I can remember, I always lie carefully and quietly on a small wooden pillow at night. ... A samurai's daughter no matter what the occasion, even if When sleeping, the body and mind should also be kept calm. Boys can sleep with their limbs spread apart in a "big" shape, with hands and feet scattered. Girls must be careful when sleeping, and bend their bodies solemnly in the shape of "き". This shows a A spirit of 'self-control'." Japanese women told me that when they go to bed at night, their mothers or nurses help them put their hands and feet in order.
When teaching traditional calligraphy, the teacher also teaches the children's hands.This is to let the child "experience the feeling".Before children can write or even know how to read, let them experience the slow, methodical method of using the pen.In modern large class teaching, this teaching method is not as common as before, but it is still heard from time to time.Saluting, using chopsticks, shooting arrows, and carrying pillows instead of carrying babies are all hand in hand to teach children to move their fingers and straighten their bodies.
Except for the upper class, children play freely with the children of the neighborhood before they go to school.In rural areas, children start to have small playgroups before they are three years old.Even in towns and cities, they play freely on the streets crowded with pedestrians and in places where vehicles come and go.They are privileged people.They can wander around the store, or stand by and listen to adults, or play with pebbles and rubber balls.They gather in the village to play and play, and the gods protect their safety.Boys and girls play together before school and for the first two to three years after school.But most of them are the closest friends of the same sex, especially children of the same age who are most likely to form close friends.Such same-year groups, especially in rural areas, can last a lifetime, and their persistence exceeds that of other groups.In Suye Village, elderly people, "As the sexual relationship gradually decreases, the gathering of peers becomes the real joy of life. There is a saying in Suye Village: 'The same age is closer than the wife.'"
This clique of preschoolers has nothing to do with each other.In the eyes of Westerners, many of their games are unashamedly obscene.Children have knowledge about sex because adults talk about it casually, and because Japanese families have narrow rooms.Moreover, when the mother teased and bathed the child, she often pointed at the genitals, especially the penis of the boy.As long as you pay attention to the occasion and the object, the Japanese generally do not blame children for their sexual games.Masturbation is also not considered a dangerous thing.Partners casually expose each other's shame (if it is an adult, such disclosure will be insulting), show off each other (if it is an adult, such self-flavoring will cause shame).As for children, the Japanese say with a calm smile: "Children don't know what shame is," and add: "That's why they are so happy." This is the gap between infants and adults.Because, if you say that an adult is "shameless", it is tantamount to calling that person shameless.
Children of this age often talk about each other's families and possessions, and they especially show off their fathers.For example: "My father is more capable than your father", "My father is smarter than your father", and so on.This is what they often talk about.Even fights for boasting about their respective fathers.Such actions are not worth minding in the eyes of Americans.In Japan, however, the children themselves said such statements were completely different from what they had heard.Adults all modestly refer to their own homes as "my house", respectfully call their neighbors' homes "fushang";The Japanese all admit that in the years of early childhood, from the formation of playmates to the third grade of elementary school, that is, until about the age of nine, they strongly advocate individualism.They sometimes say "I am the lord, you are the vassal", "No, I will not be the vassal, I want to be the lord", sometimes they show off and belittle others.In short, children can say whatever they want.As they grow older, they know that these words cannot be said, so they wait quietly, don't open their mouths without asking, and don't show off anymore.
Attitudes toward supernatural beings are learned at home.Priests and monks do not "teach" children.Generally speaking, children's organized contact with religion is only on national festivals or festivals, when they receive the curse water sprinkled by priests together with other worshippers.Some children are taken to Buddhist ceremonies, also mostly on special days of worship.The frequent and most profound religious experience is often obtained from family sacrifices centered on family altars and shrines.Particularly prominent are the Buddhist altars dedicated to family ancestor tablets, where flowers, incense and branches of some kind are offered.Food is also offered every day.The elders in the family should report to the ancestors all the major events in the family and bow down every day.In the evening, small oil lamps should be lit.People often say that they don't want to spend the night outside because they feel uneasy about leaving home.A shrine is a simple trellis for enshrining runes and the like taken from the Ise Shrine, and various offerings can also be placed.There is also the Kitchen God blackened by smoke in the kitchen, and many amulets are pasted on the windows and walls.These amulets are meant to keep the whole family safe.The guarding temple in the village is also a safe place, because it is guarded by merciful gods.Mothers like to let their children play in the safety of the temple. There is no fear of God in the children's experience, and there is no need to make their behavior conform to God's will.The gods are worshiped by people and turn to bless the world.They are not the ones in power.
The real training begins after the boys have been in school for two or three years, bringing them into the discreet life patterns of adults.Before that, the child learns to control the body.If they are too naughty, "cure" him for being naughty and distract them.He was kindly advised, sometimes a little mocked.But he can do whatever he wants, including being rough with his mother.His little egoism was fueled, and nothing much changed when he first started school.The first three years are coeducational.Moreover, both male and female teachers love children and treat them equally.However, families and schools have repeatedly told them not to "embarrass" themselves.Children are too young to know "shame," but they must be taught not to "embarrass" themselves.For example, there is a story about a boy who didn't have a wolf, but shouted "Wolf is coming! Wolf is coming!" to fool others.If you do the same, people won't believe you.That was really embarrassing.Many Japanese say their classmates, not their teachers or parents, are the first to laugh at them when they do something wrong.Indeed, during this period, the job of the elders in the family was not to laugh at their children, but to gradually combine being laughed at with the moral education of having to live according to "giri to society."When children are about six years old, the obligations advocated in the form of stories of loyalty and devotion (that is, the touching story of a righteous dog repaying the Lord’s grace in the six-year-old children’s book cited above) begin to become a series of constraints on them.The elders said to the children, "If you go on like this, the world will laugh at you."There are many rules, which vary from time to time, and most of them have to do with what we call etiquette.These rules require the subordination of individual will to gradually expanding obligations to neighbors, family, and country.He must restrain himself, he must recognize the "debt" he has undertaken, and gradually become a debtor. If he intends to pay off his debt, he must be cautious in his life.
This change of status transmits the teasing of infancy to the growing teenage boy with a new seriousness.At the age of eight or nine, children sometimes experience real rejection and blows from their families.If the teacher reported to the family that he was disobedient or behaved badly, or that he failed in conduct, the family ignored him.If the shopkeeper accused him of doing something naughty, it meant "disgrace to the family name" and the whole family would criticize him.Two Japanese I know were kicked out of their homes by their fathers twice before they were ten years old, and because of shame, they did not dare to go to relatives' homes.They are punished by teachers at school.At that time, both of them had to stay in the shack outside. Later, they were discovered by their mother, and they were able to go home after mediation by their mother.Children in the upper grades of elementary school are sometimes forced to stay at home for "cautiousness", that is, "repentance", and concentrate on writing diaries, which are very important to the Japanese.In short, the family regarded the boy as their representative in society.When a child is criticized by society, the whole family opposes him.He violated "giri to society", so don't expect the support of his family, nor the support of his peers.He made a mistake, and his classmates alienated him. He must apologize and swear not to do it again, otherwise his friends would ignore him.
As Geoffrey Guerra observes: "It is remarkable that, from a sociological point of view, these constraints have reached an extraordinary degree. In most societies in which large families or other sectarian groups operate , when a group member is criticized and attacked by other group members, the group generally unites and defends. As long as he continues to get the approval of the group, he firmly believes that he can get the full support of the group when necessary or when he is attacked. support, but dare to confront everyone outside the group. In Japan, the situation seems to be just the opposite. That is to say, the support of the group can only be counted on if it is recognized by other groups. If outsiders disapprove or criticize, the group也会反对他、惩罚他，除非他能使其他集团撤销或直到撤销这一非难。由于这种机制，'外部世界'赞同的重要地位也许是其他任何社会不能相比的。”
在这段年龄以前，女孩子的教育与男孩子的教育没有本质的区别，只在细微末节上有点差异。女孩子在家里比兄弟受的约束要多些，事情也要多做些，虽然小男孩有时也得看护婴儿。在接受赠礼和关怀时，女孩子总得屈居末位。她们也不能像男孩子那样脾气暴躁。但是，从亚洲少女来说，她们有惊人的自由。她们可以穿鲜红的衣服，与男孩子一起在外面玩耍吵闹，而且常常毫不服输。她在幼儿期也“不知耻”。从六岁起到九岁，她们逐渐懂得对社会的责任，其情况和体验与男孩大致相同。九岁以后，学校就男女分班，男孩子们逐渐重视新建立的男性团结。他们排斥女孩子，害怕被人看见和女孩子说话。母亲也告诫女孩子不要与男孩子交往。据说这种年龄的少女动辄忧郁寡欢，不喜外出，难于教育。日本的妇女说这是“童欢”的终结。女孩的幼年期因被男童排挤而结束。此后，多少年，她们的人生道路只能是“自重再自重”。这一教导将永远持续，无论是订婚之时，还是结婚以后。
男孩子在懂得“自重”和“对社会的义理”之时，还不能说已懂得日本男子应负的全部义务。日本人说：“男童从十岁起开始学习'对名分的义理'。”这句话的意思当然是“义在憎恶受辱”。他还必须学习这类规矩：在何种情况下可以直接攻击对方，在何种情况下采用间接手段洗刷污名。我并不认为他们的意思是要孩子学会在遭受侮辱时进行反击。男孩子小时候就已经学会对母亲粗暴，与年龄相仿的孩子们争相诽谤、抗辩，没有必要在十岁以后再学习怎样攻击对手。然而，“对名分的义理”的规范要求十几岁的少年也要服从其规定，从而把他们的攻击方式纳入公认的模式，并提供特定的处理方法。如前所述，日本人往往把攻击指向自己而不是对别人行使暴力。学童也不例外。
六年制小学毕业后继续升学的少年（其人数约占人口的15％，男童比例较高）立刻就进入激烈的中学入学考试竞争。竞争涉及每个考生和每门学科，这些少年也就马上要承担“对名分的义理”的责任。对于这种竞争，他们并无逐渐积累的经验，因为在小学和家庭里都是尽量把竞争降低到最低程度的。这种突然而来的新经验，使竞争更加激烈和令人担忧。竞争名次、怀疑别人有私情等等。但是，日本人在缅怀往事时谈得多的却不是这种激烈的竞争，而是中学高年级学生欺侮低年级学生的习惯。高年级学生对低年级学生颐指气使，想尽办法欺侮。他们让低年级学生表演各种受捉弄的屈辱噱头。低年级学生一般对此都十分憎恨。因为，日本的男孩子是不会把这些事当做开玩笑的。一个男孩子被迫在高年级学生面前奴颜婢膝、四脚爬行，事后，他会咬牙切齿，策谋报复。而且，由于不能立即报复，就更加怀恨在心，耿耿于怀。他认为这事关系到“对名分的义理”，是道德问题。也许，几年之后，他会利用家庭势力把对方从职位上拉下来；或者磨砺剑术或柔道，毕业之后在通衢大道上当众报复，使对方出丑。总之，如果不能有朝一日报此仇，就觉得“心事未了”。这正是日本人竞尚复仇的一个主要原因。
那些没有升入中学的少年，在军队训练中也有同样的体验。在平时，每四个青年便有一人被征当兵。而且，两年兵对一年兵的侮辱，远比中学里高年级生欺侮低年级生更为厉害。军官对此毫不过问，甚至士官也只是在特殊例外才干预。日本军队规范的第一条就是，向军官申诉是丢脸的。争执都是在士兵之间自行解决。军官认为这是“锻炼”部队的一种方法，但并不参与其事。两年兵把上一年的积恨一股脑儿地向一年兵发泄，想方设法侮辱一年兵，以显示他们受“锻炼”的水平。据说征集兵一旦接受了军队教育，往往变成另外一个人，变成“真正黩武的国家主义者”。但是，这种变化并不是因为他们接受了极权主义国家理论的教育，也不是由于被灌输了忠于天皇的思想，经受各种屈辱刺痛的体验是其更重要的原因。在日本家庭生活中，受日本式教养并对“自尊”极其敏感的青年，一旦陷入这种环境，极易变成野蛮。他们不能忍受屈辱。他们把这种折磨解释为排斥，这就使他们自身变成精于折磨别人的人。
不用说，近代日本的中学及军队中上述事态之所以具有这种性质，来自日本古老的嘲笑和侮辱习俗。日本人对这类习俗的反应也并非中等以上学校和军队创造的。不难看出，在日本由于有“对名分的义理”的传统规范，嘲弄行为的折磨人就比在美国更难忍受。尽管受嘲弄的集团到时候会依次虐待另一个受难集团，但这并不能防止那个被侮辱的少年千方百计要对虐待者进行报复，这种行为方式和日本的古老模式也是一致的。在许多西方国家中，找替罪羊来发泄积愤是常见的民间习俗，日本则不是这样。例如，在波兰，一个新学徒或年轻的收割手被嘲弄以后，他不是向嘲弄者泄恨，而是对下一代徒弟或收割手发泄。日本的少年当然也有用这种方法消除怨恨的，但他们最关心的还是直接报复。被虐待者必须直接报复虐待者才“感到痛快”。
在战后重建日本的事业中，关怀日本前途的领导者们，对战前日本成年学校和军队中这种侮辱青少年、戏弄青少年的习俗应当给予特别注意。应当充分强调“爱校精神”，以及“老同学关系”，以消除大欺小、高压低的习俗。在军队中必须切实禁止虐待新兵。虽然老兵对新兵应当进行严格训练，正如日本各级军官一样，坚持严格要求在日本不算侮辱，但嘲弄、虐待则是侮辱。在学校和军队中，凡是上级生或老兵让下级生或新兵摇尾装狗、学蝉鸣，或者在别人吃饭时间让他们“立大顶”，都必须受到惩罚。如果能有这种变化，那对日本的再教育将比否定天皇的神格以及从教科书中删除国家主义内容更加有效。
少女不学习“对名分的义理”的准则，没有男童那种在中等学校及军队训练中的体验，也没有类似的体验。她们的生活远比男子平稳。自从她们懂事的时候起，她们就受到一种教育：无论什么事情都是男孩当先，礼品、关怀，女孩都是没有份的。她们必须尊重的处世规则是，不容许有公然表白自我主张的特权。尽管如此，她们在婴幼时期也和男童一样享受了日本幼儿的特权生活。特别是当她们还是幼女时，可以穿鲜红的衣物。长大成人后，那种颜色的衣物就不能再穿了，直到第二个特权时期开始，即六十岁后才能再穿。在家庭里，她们也像其兄弟一样，可以受到彼此不睦的母亲和祖母双方的宠爱。另外，弟弟或妹妹总是要姐姐，也要家里的其他人跟他“最亲”。孩子们要求与她同睡，以表示最亲。而且她常常把祖母给予的恩惠分给两岁的幼儿。日本人不喜欢单独睡觉。夜里，幼孩可以把被子紧挨着他喜欢的年长者。“你对我最亲”的证据就是两个人的睡床紧挨在一起。九岁或十岁以后，女孩子被男童的游戏伙伴排除在外了，但还可以在其他方面得到补偿。她们可以炫耀新的发型。十四岁至十八岁姑娘的发型，在日本是最讲究的。她们可以穿上丝绸衣服，而以前只能穿棉布衣服。这时，家里人也千方百计打扮她们，让她们更加漂亮。这样，女孩子也得到了某种程度的满足。
女孩子必须遵守各种各样的约束，这种义务要她们自己直接承担，无须父母强制。父母亲对女孩子的家长权不是通过体罚，而是通过平静而坚定的期待，希望女儿按照要求来生活。下述事例是这种教养方法的一个极端例子，值得加以引用，它说明了女孩子所受的那种不甚严厉、似有特权的教养的特点，即一种无权威的压力。稻垣钺子从六岁起就由一位博学的儒者教授汉文经典：
整个两小时的授课，除了双手和嘴唇外，老师纹丝不动。我坐在老师面前的榻榻米上，也得同样端坐，纹丝不动。有一次正在上课，不知什么地方不合适，我稍微挪动了一下身子，屈起的双膝角度稍有偏移，老师脸上立刻微露不满的惊愕神色。他轻轻地合上书、慢条斯理然而很严峻地说：“姑娘，你今天的心情显然不适合学习，请回房间好好思考思考。”我小小的心灵羞得无地自容，但毫无办法。我先向孔子像行礼，接着向老师行礼道歉。然后毕恭毕敬地退出书房。我小心翼翼地来到父亲跟前，跟平常课毕时那样向父亲报告。爸爸很吃惊，因为时间还未到。他似乎不在意地说：“你的功课学得这么快啊！”这句话简直就像是丧钟。直到今天，想起这件事仍似有隐痛之感。
杉本夫人在另外一个地方描写她的祖母，言简意赅地说明了日本父母态度的一个最显著特点：
祖母态度安详，她希望每个人都按照她的想法去做。既无叱责，也无争辩，但祖母的希望像真丝一样柔软却很坚韧，使她的小家族保持着她认为正确的前进方向。
这种“像真丝一样柔软却很坚韧”的“希望”之所以能够收到如此好的效果，原因之一就是每一种工艺和技术的训练都非常明确。女孩子学到的是习惯，而不仅仅是规则。幼儿期的正确用箸，进入房间时的姿态，以及成年后学习茶道和按摩，无一不是由长辈手把手教，反复不断地练习，直至娴熟形成习惯。长辈们从不认为孩子们到时候就“会自然而然地学到”正确习惯。杉本夫人描写她十四岁订婚后如何学习伺候未来的丈夫用餐。在此之前，她一次也没见过未来的丈夫。丈夫在美国，她在（日本的）越后。可是，在母亲和祖母的亲自监厨之下，她一而再、再而三地“亲自下厨做几样据我哥哥说是松雄（未来的丈夫）特别爱吃的食品。我假想他就坐在我身旁，我为他夹菜，并且总是劝他先吃。这样，我学习关心未来的丈夫，使他感到愉悦。祖母、母亲也总是装作松雄就在眼前似的问这问那。我也很注意自己的服饰和动作，好像丈夫真的在房间里。如此这般，使我学会尊重丈夫，尊重我作为他妻子的地位”。
男孩子虽不像女孩子那么严格，也要通过实例和模仿接受细致的习惯训练。“学了”习惯之后就不能有任何违反。青年期以后，在他生活中的一个重要领域主要是靠他自己的主动性。长辈从不教他求爱的习惯。家庭禁止一切公开表现性爱的行动。而且，九岁或十岁时起，没有亲属关系的男童与女孩之间就完全不同席。日本人的理想是双亲要在男孩确实对性感兴趣之前，为他订下婚约。因此，男孩接触女孩的态度最好就是“害羞”。农村的人常常用这个话题取笑男孩子，使他们总是“害羞”。但男孩子仍然设法学。过去，甚至最近，在偏僻的农村，许多姑娘，有时是大多数，在出嫁之前就已怀孕。这种婚前的性经验是不属于人生大事的“自由领域”。父母议婚时也不在乎这些事。但是今天，就像须惠村一位日本人对恩布里博士讲的那样，甚至连女佣人都受到教育，知道必须保持贞洁。进入中学的男孩子也严禁与异性有任何交往。日本的教育和舆论都在竭力防止两性在婚前的亲密交往。日本的电影把那些对年轻妇女随便表示亲昵的青年看做是“坏”青年，而所谓“好”青年则指那些对可爱的少女，采取一种在美国人看来是冷酷甚至粗野态度的青年。对女人表示亲昵，就意味着这位青年“放荡”，或者是追逐艺妓、娼妇、咖啡女郎的人。到艺妓馆是学习色情艳事的“最好”方法，因为“艺妓会教你，男人只需悠然旁观”。他不用顾虑自己笨手笨脚，也不指望与艺妓发生性关系。但是，日本青年能到艺妓馆去的人并不很多。多数青年是到咖啡馆去看男人怎样亲昵女人。但是，这种观察与他们在其他领域的训练不是同一类型。男童有很长时间担心自己笨拙。性行为是他们生活中无须由值得信任的年长者亲手指导而学会的极少数领域之一。有地位的家庭在年轻夫妇结婚时会交给他们“枕草纸”和绘有各种姿态的画卷。正如一位日本人说的：“看书就可以学会。好比庭园布置，父亲并不教导如何布置日本式庭园，但你上了年纪就会学会这种嗜好。”他们把性行为和园艺都看做到时候看书就会，这很有趣，虽然日本大部分青年是通过别的办法学习性行为。但不管怎么说，他们不是靠成年人的细致教导。这种训练上的差异使青年深深相信，性属于另一领域，与人生大事无关，从而无须由长辈亲自指教、严格训练以培养习惯。这是一个可以自行掌握以求满足的领域，尽管他惴惴不安，常感迷惑。这两个领域有不同的规则。男子结婚后完全可以毫无顾忌地在外面享受性的欢乐，这样做毫不会侵犯妻子的权利，也不会威胁到家庭关系。
妻子则没有同样的特权。她的义务是对丈夫保持忠贞。即使被勾引，也只能偷偷进行，日本妇女很少能隐秘私恋而不被发现。神经过敏或心绪不宁的妇女被说成患有“歇斯底里”。“妇女最常受到的困难不是社会生活，而是性生活，很多精神不正常的妇女以及大多数的歇斯底里（神经过敏、心绪不宁）患者，显然是由于缺乏性协调。妇女只能靠丈夫随意来满足性欲。”须惠村的农民们说，大多数妇女病“始于子宫”，而后蔓延至头部。丈夫如果只迷恋其他女人，妻子就会求助于日本人通认的手淫习惯。自农村以至高贵家庭，妇女都秘藏有用于这种事的传统器具。在农村，妇女如果生过孩子，就可以相当随便地谈论性言行。在当母亲以前，关于性的玩笑她一句也不说，当了母亲以后，随着年龄的增长，这种玩笑就充斥于男女混杂宴会之时。她们还会配合猥亵小曲的节拍，扭腰摆臀，毫无顾忌地跳色情舞蹈，以飨座客。“这种余兴必定引起哄堂大笑”。在须惠村，士兵服役期满回乡时，村里人都到村外迎接。这时，妇女们女扮男装，互开下流玩笑，佯装要强奸年轻姑娘。
这样，日本妇女在关于性问题上也有某种自由，出身越是低微，自由越大。她们一生在大部分期间必须遵从许多禁忌，但绝不忌讳知道生活真相（指男女间事）。在满足男人性欲时，她们是淫荡的；同样地，在满足男人性要求时，她们又是克制性欲的。女人到了成熟年龄，就抛开禁忌，如果出身低微，她的淫荡毫不逊于男人。日本人对妇女行为端正的要求因年龄和场合而异，不要求一成不变的性格，不像西方人，把妇女简单地分成“贞女”和“淫妇”。
男人们也是既有时恣情放纵，也有时节制谨慎，视不同场合而定。男人的最大乐趣是与男友一起喝酒，如有艺妓陪坐则更惬意。日本人乐于醉酒，没有必须节制饮酒的规矩。两三杯酒下肚以后，就会解除平常严肃拘谨的姿态，喜欢相互倚躺，亲密无间。醉酒者除极少数“难以相处的人”会发生吵闹以外，一般很少看见粗暴行为或打架。除了在喝酒这种“自由领域”之外，日本人说，男人绝不能干别人讨厌的事。如果一个人在其生活的重要方面被人指责为讨厌，那就是仅次于日本人常用的骂人话“马鹿”（混蛋）。
从前所有西方人所描绘的日本人的矛盾性格，都可以从日本人的儿童教养中得到理解。这种育儿方式使日本人的人生观中具有两面性，每一面都不应忽视。他们在幼儿期过的是有特权和娇纵的生活，此后在接受各种训练过程中，他们始终保持着那种“不知耻”年代的欢乐生活的记忆。他们无须为未来描绘天堂，因为，他们过去曾有过天堂。他们描绘童年时代时所用的是他们的术语，说人性本善，众神慈悲以及做一个日本人无上光荣。这使他们很容易把自己的道德建立在一种极端观念上，即认为人人身上都有“佛种”（成佛的可能性），死后都能成神。这种观念使他们固执，有相当自信，是愿意干任何工作而不顾自己的能力是否相称的思想基础，是他们敢于坚持己见，甚至反对政府、以死力谏、以证明自己正确的思想基础。有时，这种自信使他们陷入集体性的狂妄自大。
六七岁以后，“谨言慎行”、“知耻”，这类责任逐渐加在他们身上，而且背后有强大的压力，如果有过错，家庭就会反对他。这种压力虽非普鲁士式的纪律，却无法逃避。在具有特权的幼儿时代，有两件事情为这种必须履行义务奠定了基础：一件是父母固执地训练其便溺习惯和纠正各种姿势；另一件是父母常常嘲弄孩子，吓唬说要遗弃他。这些幼年时代的经验使孩子们有所准备，能够接受严格的约束，以免被“世人”耻笑、遗弃。他要抑制幼儿时期无拘无束、公开表达的那些冲动。那些冲动并不是不好，只是因为已不合时宜了。他现在正进入严肃的生活。随着童年特权的逐渐遭受否定，他被允许享受成人的更大享乐，但幼年时代的那些经验绝不会真正消失。他们的人生哲学随时从童年吸取经验。他承认“人情”，这也是回复到幼时的经验。整个成年期间，在其生活的“自由领域”内，他又重新体验幼年时代。
日本儿童生活有一个显著的连续性联结其前期和后期，这就是取得伙伴的承认具有非常重要的意义。正是这一点，而不是绝对的道德标准，深深扎根于儿童心中。在儿童时代的前期，当他长大到会向母亲撒娇时，母亲就把他放在自己的床上睡觉，他就会计较自己与兄弟姐妹们所得点心的多少，以判断自己在母亲心目中的地位。他能敏感地察觉遭到冷淡，甚至会问姐姐：“你是不是最疼爱我？”在童年的后期，他日益要放弃个人的满足，其补偿是得到“世人”的赞许和接纳，其惩罚则是遭“世人”的讥笑。这当然是大多数文化对教育儿童所施加的压力。但在日本，这种压力则特别沉重。被“世人”抛弃，这在孩子心目中的形象就是母亲嘲弄威胁要丢弃他。因此，在他整个一生中，被伙伴排斥比挨打还要可怕。他对嘲笑和排斥的威胁异常敏感，即使仅浮现在脑中也感到可怕。实际上，由于日本社会很少可能保持秘密，“世间”对一个人的所作所为几乎巨细皆知，如果不同意，就可能把他排斥掉，这绝不是主观想象。何况日本的房屋结构，薄薄的板壁既不隔音，白天又敞着。因此，没有能力修筑围墙和庭院的人家，私生活就完全亮在外面。
日本人使用的某些象征，有助于了解因儿童教养的不连续性而造成的两面性格。幼年期建立的一面是“不知耻的自我”。这使他们成年后不免常对镜自照，以窥测自己还保存多少儿时的天真。他们说，镜子“反映永恒的纯洁”，既不会培养虚荣心，也不会反映“妨我”，而是反映灵魂的深处。人会从中看到自己“不知耻的自我”。在镜子中，他把自己的眼睛看做是灵魂之“窗”，这有助于使他作为一个“不知耻的自我”而生活。他在镜子中看到理想的父母形象。据说颇有人为此而镜子不离身。甚至有人在佛坛上放一面特别的镜子，以静观自身，反省自己的灵魂。他“自己祭自己”，“自己拜自己”。这虽然不寻常，但并不费事。因为所有家庭的神龛上都放有镜子作为神器。战争期间，日本的广播电台曾特意播送过一首歌，赞扬几位女学生自己掏钱买一面镜子放在教室里。人们毫不认为这是虚荣心的表现。而说这是她们心灵深处重新焕发的、为沉毅的目标而献身的精神。对镜自照是一种测试精神高尚的外观活动。
在孩子心目中培植“观我”观念以前，日本人就已发生对镜子的感情。他们照镜时并未看见“观我”，但镜中所反映的自我恰如他们自己的童年时代一样，自然是善良的，无须用“耻”来开导。他们赋予镜子的这种象征性也成为自我修养以求“圆熟”的基础。在这种自我修养中，他们坚持不懈地消除“观我”，以求复归儿时的直率天真。
尽管幼儿期的特权生活对日本人有各种影响，但他们并不认为童年后期以耻感为道德基础的各种约束纯粹是剥夺特权。如前所述，自我牺牲是基督教的概念之一，日本人则常常攻击这种看法，否认他们牺牲自己的观念。即使是在生命的最后时刻，他们也说是“自觉自愿”为“尽忠”、“尽孝”或为“义理”而死，并不认为属于自我牺牲的范畴。他们说，这样自愿死去正是达到他所要达到的目标；否则就是“犬死”，意思是无价值的死。在英语中，“dog's death”是指穷愁潦倒而死，日本人不是这个意思。至于那些不甚极端的行为，在英语中也称作self-sacrificing（自我牺牲），日语中则属于“自重”范畴。“自重”常常意味着克制，克制与自重具有同等价值。大事业只有克制才能做到。美国人强调，自由是实现目标的必要条件，生活体验不同的日本人则认为仅此是不够的。他们认为克制才能使自我更有价值，这种观念是他们道德律的一个主要信条，否则，他们怎能控制那种充满冲动的危险的自我？这些冲动是有可能冲出来搞乱正常生活的！正如一位日本人所说：
经年累月，漆坯上的漆层涂得越厚，做出来的漆器就越贵重。一个民族也同样如此。……人们讲到俄罗斯人时说：“剥开俄罗斯人的外表，出现的是鞑靼人”；对于日本人，人们也可以说，“剥掉日本人的外皮，除掉它的漆层，露出来的是海盗”。但请不要忘记：日本的漆是珍品，是制作工艺品的材料。它不是掩盖瑕疵的涂料，没有丝毫杂质，至少与坯质同样精美。
使西方人感到诧异的日本男子行为的矛盾性，是日本儿童教养的不连贯性造成的。他们深深地记得有这样一个时期，那时他们在自己的小世界里就是神，可以纵情恣意，甚至可以恣意攻击别人，似乎一切欲望都能得到满足，这种记忆虽然几经涂饰，仍然留存意识深处。这种根深蒂固的二元性，使他们长大成人后，既可以沉溺于罗曼蒂克的恋爱，也可以一变而绝对顺从家庭安排的婚姻。既可以沉湎于享乐和安逸，也可以不计一切而承受极端的义务。谨慎的教育往往使他们行动怯懦，但他们却又能勇敢得近于鲁莽。在等级制下他们可以表现出极为驯服，但却又很不轻易接受上级的驾驭。他们非常殷勤有礼，但却又保留着傲慢不逊；在军队里，他们可以接受盲从的训练，但却又顽固不易驯服；他们是坚定的保守主义者，但却又很容易被新的方式所吸引；他们曾经学习中国习俗，继而又吸取西方学说，这就是证明。
日本人性格的二元性造成种种紧张。对这种种紧张，日本人的反应并不一样。虽然每个人都要对同一个基本问题作出自己的决定，即如何协调儿时那种纵情无虑、处处受人宽容的经验与后来生活中那种动辄关系到自身安危的种种束缚，许多人都感到难以解决这个问题。一些人像道学家那样，一丝不苟地约束自己的生活，唯恐纵情无虑会与实际生活发生冲突。正因这种纵情无虑并不是幻想，而是确曾有的经历，这种恐惧也就更加严重。他们态度超然，墨守自己所制定的规则，并由此认为自己就是能发号施令的权威。有些人则更加意识分裂。他们害怕自己心中郁积的反抗情绪，而以表面的温顺来加以掩饰。他们把思虑耽溺于日常琐事，以防止意识到自己的真实感情。他们每天只机械地演习那些基本上毫无意义的生活常规。另有些人，由于对儿时生活感情更深，长大成人后面临社会对他们的一切要求，感到严重焦虑。他们试图更加依赖别人，但年龄已不允许。他们感到任何失败都是对权威的背叛，从而动辄陷入紧张激动，凡不能以常规处理的意外情况都使他们感到恐惧。
以上就是日本人在极