Chapter 9 Chapter 7 "Giori is the hardest to bear"

The Japanese often say, "Giri is the hardest thing to bear."One has to repay giri, just as one has to repay "obligation".However, the obligations required by "giri" and the obligations required by "obligation" belong to different series.There is no equivalent word for "giri" in English.Of all the peculiar categories of moral duty that anthropologists have discovered in world cultures, giri is also the strangest.It is unique to Japan. "Loyalty" and "filial piety" are moral norms shared by Japan and China. Although Japan has made some changes to these two concepts, they still have some similarities with the moral requirements familiar to other Eastern countries. "Yili" has nothing to do with Chinese Confucianism, nor does it come from Eastern Buddhism.It is a uniquely Japanese category, and it is impossible to understand Japanese behavior without understanding giri.The Japanese often speak of giri when speaking of his motives for his actions, his reputation, and the various troubles he encounters in his own country.

To Westerners, giri encompasses a mixed series of obligations (see the table on pages 109-110 of this book): from repaying old favors to revenge.No wonder the Japanese don't want to explain the meaning of giri to Westerners, even their own dictionaries have trouble defining the word.The definition in a Japanese dictionary (according to my translation) is: "the righteous way; the way one should follow; to avoid being criticized by the world to do what you don't want to do." "The word indicates: "Yili" and "obligation" are obviously different. "Obligations," however demanding they may be on an individual, always refer at least to a series of responsibilities owed to one's next of kin, or to the supreme ruler who represents one's country, its way of life, and its patriotism.This strong bond is inherent and therefore deserves to be fulfilled.Although some specific actions in "duty" can also make people "unwilling", the definition of "duty" never means "unwilling" to do.The repayment of "giri" is full of inner unhappiness.In the realm of giri, the difficulties of the debtor cannot be increased.

There are two distinct types of giri.One type I call "giri to society", which is literally "repayment giri", that is, the obligation to repay favors to associates; the other type I call "giri to reputation", which is roughly similar to German The "reputation" of man, that is, the duty to keep it free from any stain. "Giri to society" can be roughly described as the fulfillment of a contractual relationship, which differs from "obligation" in that the latter is the fulfillment of kinship responsibilities born with it.Therefore, the scope of "giri" includes legal relations by marriage, while the scope of "obligation" includes only immediate family members.Father-in-law and father-in-law are called "giri" fathers, and mother-in-law and mother-in-law are called "giri" mothers.Brother-in-law and sister-in-law are also called brothers and sisters in "giri".This set of titles applies to both relatives to spouses and spouses to relatives.In Japan, marriage is of course a contractual relationship between family and family.The fulfillment of contractual obligations to the spouse's family for life is "giri", the heaviest of which is the "giri" to the parents who arranged the contract.The young daughter-in-law's "giri" towards her mother-in-law is particularly heavy. As the Japanese say, the daughter-in-law lives in a family other than the one she was born into.A husband's obligation to his father-in-law is somewhat different, but also dire.Because when the father-in-law is in trouble, the son-in-law must lend money and perform other contractual obligations.As a Japanese said: "When a son becomes an adult, he serves his biological mother out of love for his mother. This is not 'giri'." Any action that comes from the heart cannot be called "giri".The obligations to in-laws cannot be ambiguous, no matter how much the cost is, they must be fulfilled, so as not to be condemned by the world, saying "this person does not understand 'giri'", this kind of condemnation is terrible.

The Japanese attitude towards the obligations of in-laws can be seen most clearly in the "marriage and adoption".He married into his wife's house like a woman gets married.If a family has daughters but no children, it is necessary to choose a son-in-law for a daughter to continue the "family name".The adopted son has to cancel his own name in the original household registration and change to his father-in-law's surname.He entered his wife's family, was subordinate to his parents-in-law in terms of "giri", and was buried in the cemetery of his father-in-law's family after his death.These are exactly the same as ordinary women get married.The reason for choosing a son-in-law for a daughter may not only be because there is no boy in the family, but it is often for the benefit of both parties, which is the so-called "political marriage".Sometimes the woman's family is poor, but the "family status" is noble, and the man brings money to the woman's family in exchange for a higher status in the hierarchy.Sometimes the woman's family is rich and able to train her son-in-law to go to school. The price for the son-in-law to accept this favor is to leave his family and go to his wife's house.Sometimes it is the woman's father in order to get a future business partner.No matter what the situation is, the "giri" that the adopted son bears is particularly heavy.Because, in Japan, it is a serious matter to put one's name on someone else's family register.In feudal Japan, this meant that in a war he had to fight for his adoptive father, even killing his biological father, to prove he was part of the new family.In modern Japan, relying on the strong "giri" binding force caused by the "political marriage" of the adopted son, the youth was bound to the career of the father-in-law or the fate of the adoptive father's family with the heaviest restraint.Especially in the Meiji era, this kind of thing was sometimes beneficial to both parties.However, the society generally dislikes adoptive children.The Japanese have a proverb: "If you have rice and three together, you will never marry." The Japanese say that this disgust is also due to "giri".If the United States also has this custom, the Americans will say when they hate it: "This is not done by a man", but the Japanese do not say that.In short, fulfilling "giri" is an embarrassing thing, and it is "unwilling" to do it.Therefore, the phrase "for giri" is, for the Japanese, the most expressive expression of that burdensome human relationship.

Not only obligations to in-laws are giri, but even obligations to uncles, parents, nieces and nephews fall into the same category.The obligation to such close relatives is also not included in the category of filial piety, which is a major difference in family relations between Japan and China.In China, many such relatives, and relatives farther than that, also share common resources.But in Japan, this kind of relative is a "giri" relationship, that is, a "contractual" relationship.The Japanese pointed out that the rescue of such relatives was by no means a kindness they had done, but to repay the kindness of their common ancestors.Although raising one's own children has the same motivation, it is a natural "obligation"; while helping distant relatives, although the motivation is also to repay the common ancestor, is included in the category of "giri".When it is necessary to help such a relative, one says, as if helping an in-law: "I am implicated by giri."

The great traditional giri that most Japanese value more than giri to in-laws is the samurai's relationship to his lord and his companions.This relationship is the loyalty that a man of honor owes to his superiors and peers.Many works of traditional culture extol this giri-like obligation as the virtue of the samurai.In Japan before the Tokugawa clan unified the country, this kind of virtue was more important than "chu" in people's minds at that time, that is, the obligation to the general.In the twelfth century, Genji Genji asked a daimyo to extradite a rival lord he was protecting, and the daimyo wrote a reply that survives to this day.He expressed strong indignation at the criticism of his "giri", and even refused to betray "giri" in the name of chu.He wrote: "With regard to public affairs, there is nothing I can do personally, but samurai value honor, and the 'giri' between samurai is an eternal truth", that is, it transcends the power of the shogun.He refused to "break the promise of those whom he respected".This transcendent samurai virtue in ancient Japan has been widely circulated in historical stories to this day. After polishing, it was adapted into Noh, Kabuki and Kagura dances.

The most famous of these is the story of a mighty ronin (samurai who fends for himself without a lord), the twelfth-century hero Benkei.He has nothing but miraculous strength.He lodged himself in a monastery, frightening the monks.He beheaded the warriors in the past, collected swords, and raised the necessary equipment for the feudal warriors.Finally, he challenges a young lord who seems to be ordinary in martial arts, but meets a strong opponent and discovers that the young man is a descendant of Genji and is plotting to restore his family to the status of general.This young man is Yoshitsune Yoshitsune, the hero whom the Japanese extremely admire.Benkei expressed his sincere "giri" to Yoshitsune, and made countless contributions to Yoshitsune.But in the last outnumbered battle, they were forced to flee with their retainers.They disguised themselves as monks who established temples and traveled all over Japan.In order to avoid people's eyes and ears, Benkei disguised himself as the team leader, while Yoshitsune dressed in the same costume and mixed in with the group.Whenever there was an arrest arranged by the enemy along the way, Benkei took out a fabricated monastery donation book and recited it in order to get away with it.But at the last moment, despite Yoshitsune's humble clothes, he could not conceal his aristocratic temperament, which aroused the suspicion of the enemy.They called the group back.Benkei immediately used tricks to dispel the enemy's suspicion of Yoshitsune.He slapped Yoshitsune on the excuse of a trivial matter.The enemy mistook it for the truth, and all doubts disappeared.Because, if this monk is really Yoshitsune, the retainers would never dare to beat him.Such a violation of giri is inconceivable.Benkei's disrespectful behavior saved the lives of the group.After arriving at a safe place, Benkei immediately knelt at Yoshitsune's feet and begged Yoshitsune to die.The Lord graciously pardoned him.

These ancient stories tell of a time when giri came from within, untainted by the slightest bit of distaste, and framed the dream of a golden age for modern Japan.These stories tell them that in that era, "giri" did not have the slightest "willingness" to do it.If giri and chu conflict, people can uphold giri with dignity.At that time, giri was a kind of direct human relationship that people cherished, but it also had a feudal decoration. The meaning of "knowing righteousness and reason" is to be loyal to the lord for life and the lord will repay him with sincerity. "Repaying Giri" means dedicating your life to the lord who has received your deepest favor.

This is of course an illusion.The history of feudal Japan shows that there were many samurai whose loyalty was bought off by enemy daimyos.And, more importantly, as described in the next chapter, if the lord insults the retainers, the retainers can of course abandon their posts as usual, or even collude with the enemy.The Japanese are equally fond of extolling vengeance and extolling devotion.Both are "giri".Loyalty is giri to the lord, and revenge for insult is giri to one's own title.In Japan, these are two sides of the same shield. However, the ancient stories about loyalty are just exciting dreams for the Japanese today.Because, "repaying giri" now is no longer loyal to one's legal lord, but fulfilling various obligations to various people.Today's language about giri is full of disgust, often emphasizing that it is the pressure of public opinion that compels people to perform against their will.They say, "This marriage is purely out of giri", "I hired that man purely out of giri", "I met him purely out of giri", and so on.They also often say "obliged by giri", which is translated in the dictionary as "I am obliged to it" (I am forced to do so).They say "he forced me with giri", "he forced me with giri", and these and other similar idioms mean that some people force the person who said such words to do what they don't want to do by virtue of the kindness they have done in the past or do not want to do.In the countryside, in the transactions of small shops, in the upper chaebol society, and in the Japanese cabinet, people are "coerced by giri" and "forced by giri".A suitor can force someone to be his father-in-law by relying on the deep relationship between the two families or the deep transaction; others will also use the same means to obtain farmers' land.People who are forced by "giri" also feel that they have to agree.He said: "If I don't help my benefactor, the world will say that I don't understand giri." These expressions all have the meaning of "unwilling" and "just for the sake of sympathy", just as the dictionary explains: "for 'mere decency's sake".

The principle of "giri" is that you must repay. This is a strict rule, not just a set of moral principles like the Ten Commandments of Moses.A person is forced by "giri" and sometimes has to ignore justice.They often say, "For the sake of giri, I cannot uphold justice".Moreover, the principle of giri has nothing to do with the so-called "love your neighbor as yourself".It does not require that one should sincerely and actively be tolerant of others.They say that the reason why a person must perform giri is because "if he does not, the world will say that he 'doesn't understand giri', and he will be humiliated in front of people."In fact, "giri to society" is often translated in English as "conformity to public opinion".In the dictionary, the sentence "Because it is the meaning of society, so it has to be" is translated as "people will not accept any other course of action" (the world will not admit other courses).

The Japanese attitude is best understood by comparing the rules in the giri sphere with the American rules about repaying loans.Americans do not think that they must be as strict as repaying bank loans or paying off interest on receiving letters from others, accepting gifts from others, and obtaining timely advice.In American money transactions, the punishment for those who cannot pay is to declare him bankrupt, which is a very severe punishment.The Japanese see as bankrupt those who fail to repay giri, and every contact in life involves some kind of giri.This means that the Japanese have to be cautious about those small words and deeds that Americans don't mind and never think that they will involve obligations; The Japanese's concept of "social giri" is also similar to that of Americans borrowing and repaying debts. This is that the repayment of "giri" is not at all ideologically correct, and they are treated equally.In this regard, "giri" and "obligation" are completely different. "Obligation" is endless, no matter what you do, it is impossible to fully repay. "Girl" is not endless.In the eyes of the Americans, the Japanese attitude towards the old kindness is almost a kindness of dripping water, and the spring is reciprocated, but the Japanese don't see it that way.We are also surprised by the gifting habits of the Japanese. For example, twice a year, every family wraps some gifts as a reward for the gifts received six months ago; present.However, the Japanese are taboo about returning gifts that are more important than the gifts they receive - "earning gifts", and think it is a dishonorable thing.The same is true when repaying giri. Whenever possible, people record their dealings with each other, whether services or goods.In rural areas, some of these records are kept by the village chief, some by an individual within the group, and some are kept by families or individuals.It is customary to bring "Dianyi" at funerals.In addition, relatives will also send various colored cloths for making funeral streamers.The neighbors all came to help, the women went to the kitchen, and the men made coffins and dug graves.In Suye Village, the village chief has an account book to record these things.It is a precious record for the family of the deceased, because it records what gifts the neighbors gave and what they helped.The above is a long-term mutual courtesy exchange.In addition, there is a short-term exchange of gifts and gifts for funerals in the village, as well as some celebration banquets.The mourner will entertain those who help make the coffin with meals, and the helpers will also send some rice to the mourner as a meal.The rice is also recorded in the records of the village head.When holding a celebration banquet, most of the guests also bring some rice wine as a banquet drink.Regardless of birth or death, rice planting, house building, or gatherings, the exchange of "giri" must be carefully recorded for future rewards. Regarding "giri", the Japanese are similar to borrowing and repaying debts in the West.That is, if it is overdue, it will increase like interest.Dr. Eckstein recounts his dealings with a Japanese manufacturer who offered Dr. Eckstein travel expenses to Japan to collect biographical material on Hideyo Noguchi.Dr. Eckstein returned to the United States to write his biography and sent it to Japan after finalizing it, but received neither a receipt nor a letter.The doctor is naturally worried: Is there something in the book that offended the Japanese.He sent several letters, still no reply.A few years later, the manufacturer called the Dr. to say he was in the United States.Soon, he brought dozens of Japanese cherry trees to visit Dr. Eckstein's house.This gift is indeed considerable.This is because the return was delayed for too long and a generous gift had to be given.The Japanese said to Dr. Eckstein: "You probably didn't want me to pay back immediately!" People who are forced by "giri" often pay more due to the protracted time.For example, someone asks a small businessman for help because he is the nephew of the businessman's childhood teacher.And this student was unable to repay the teacher when he was young, and his debt on "giri" gradually increased as the years passed.Therefore, the businessman "had to" agree to help in order to repay the debt to the teacher, "in order not to be criticized by the world".

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