Chapter 81 Give me a slap and send a sweet date

In communication, we often encounter such a situation: we need to maintain the relationship with each other, but also "reject" the other party. Faced with this "dilemma", we might as well adopt "slap in the face and send a sweet date" way to proceed. Once, Carnegie, the master of American eloquence and communication, had to refuse a speech invitation that should not be refused due to emotion or reason.He said to the inviter in this way: "Unfortunately, I really can't arrange the time. By the way, Mr. So-and-so spoke very well, maybe he is more suitable for you." Carnegie recommended to the inviter a currently capable solution. The peers of this problem enable the inviter to get more or less psychological compensation, and alleviate the dissatisfaction and disappointment caused by being rejected.

Carnegie refused the invitation, which naturally made the other party feel uncomfortable, as if he had been slapped in the face, but he took the initiative to recommend another "more suitable" speaker for the other party, and gave the other party a sweet date. There is a sense of frustration of "going for nothing". In interpersonal communication, when we "have more than enough heart but not enough energy" for the other party's request, we might as well adopt this method, which can fully express our sincerity and get the other party's understanding.It's much easier to talk between friends, and telling the truth is often the best choice.However, when facing people with average relationships, especially those who are more unfamiliar, you must pay more attention to "compensation" and control the number of times you say "no".

Sometimes, we still face such a dilemma: we are in a "sandwich" state between two conflicting parties in communication, and we cannot favor either side. At this time, we can also use "slap and send a sweet date" way to solve. Princess Huyang, the sister of Emperor Guangwu in the Eastern Han Dynasty, was a widow when she was young, so Emperor Guangwu treated her very favorably.Once, the servant of Princess Huyang killed someone outside and hid in the princess' palace.The detective in charge of the hunt went to the Palace of Huyang Princess to negotiate and wanted to catch the prisoner.But the prisoner is hiding in the princess palace, this problem cannot be solved at once, let alone breaking in and taking the prisoner, the police officers all think this matter is very difficult.After Dong Xuan, the Luoyang order at that time, heard the news, he came up with an idea to pull the servant out of the car and beat him to death while the servant was accompanying Princess Huyang out.The princess was very angry when she saw it, and immediately complained in front of Emperor Guangwu.Emperor Guangwu was very angry when he saw his beloved sister suffer such a blow. He immediately summoned Dong Xuan and prepared to execute him.Dong Xuan came to the front of the hall and argued calmly: "Your majesty, you have forgiven the criminal who has proven his crimes, how can you show the dignity of the law to the world? However, I also know that I have been rude to the princess, so I should make amends, and I don't need the emperor to deal with it." , I will now apologise with death."

Although Dong Xuan spoke slowly, he did it very quickly. He immediately hit his head on the pillar of the palace, and his head was bleeding.The emperor heard Dong Xuan's words were very reasonable, but because of the affection of Princess Huyang, he didn't know what to do for a while.Later, he thought of an idea, and immediately asked the left and right attendants to hold down Dong Xuan's head, and asked him to apologize to Princess Huyang in order to settle the matter. However, Dong Xuan pressed the hands of the left and right attendants on the stone pillars. He would rather die than bow his bloody head to apologize to the princess.At this time, Emperor Guangwu had no choice but to say: "Dong Qing's neck is really hard." Then he ordered Dong Xuan to retreat.Emperor Guangwu took a positive attitude towards Dong Xuan's uprightness and integrity, and gave him a reward of 30,000 yuan.

From this case, we can see that Emperor Guangwu was in the dilemma of "public relations": on the one hand, he was facing his own sister; . The importance of emotion and reason makes it difficult for the parties involved to make a clearer decision for a while.As the ancient feudal emperor who "familyed the world", it is difficult for us to ask him to cut off his family ties, and he is absolutely biased towards law and reason.Under the special background conditions, Emperor Guangwu, as the emperor, handled this matter with the strategy of "clear punishment and secret reward", which is indeed wise.This not only gave Princess Huyang face, maintained the relationship between sister and brother, but also saved the minister's life, and gave favor to the wronged subordinates through "secret rewards", using a special medium of "30,000 yuan", There is a kind of approval or apology silently conveyed.