Chapter 22 1. Emile Turns 16: Entering the Adult World

Everyone has two lives, one is to survive, the other is to live; one is to be a person, and the other is to be a man. Before puberty, there is not much difference between boys and girls.Judging from the appearance alone, their faces, skin colors, and voices are almost the same, and they all exist as children.Usually, people don't make gender distinctions for them, and they are used to collectively referring to them as "children". At a certain point, the boy will be out of the state of childhood.This moment is ordained by nature and is quite brief, like a tsunami before a storm.However, this moment is very important. When his desire is strong enough, this moment will come.

His temperament changed drastically, becoming more and more irritable, agitated, and rebellious, and he simply refused to listen to my control.He is like a mad lion, no one can tame it.He no longer listens to me, let alone the teacher's teaching. In addition to the change in temperament, his physical condition is also very different from before.His face became sharp and the hair on his chin became black and thick. He already had the physical characteristics of a mature man. His voice became low and muddy, or he lost his voice, because his voice was neither that of a child nor that of an adult, but something in between.

His eyes, formerly only for seeing, were now full of life and capable of conveying emotion.Although his eyes were still slightly innocent, they were not as dazed as before.He has learned to use his eyes to convey meaning and his own mood. He seems to feel nothing, but feels that all the feelings exist in himself.He became more and more restless, but he didn't know why. This is what I call "man's second life". From then on, his own life begins, and everything in the world is no longer new to him.Before, all I cared about was how to make him play, but now my work has real meaning.

It is generally believed that when a child reaches this age, his education should end.My opinion is quite the opposite, I feel that his education is just getting started. Desire is the driving force for human survival, and those who try to eliminate human desire are futile and stupid.They are violating the will of nature and ruining the works of nature. Some people try to prevent desires from arising or simply eliminate desires that already exist, both of which are ridiculous.If you think that what I did before was killing people's desires, you really misunderstood me. For human beings, self-love is the only kind of nature, and it will be the desire that will accompany us all our lives.It has the characteristics of primitiveness and internality, and it is produced before other desires, and it can even be said that other desires are its derivatives.According to this statement, it is not wrong to say that all desires are products of nature.

But in fact, except for self-love, all desires have external causes, so these desires deviate from nature and are of no benefit to us.In this way, step by step, we are getting further and further away from nature, and there are more and more contradictions with ourselves. For a child, the first emotion he has is to love himself, and the second emotion is to love the people around him. Because of his weakness, he feels that everyone who gets close to him must be there to help him, that's it, He gradually develops a love for his own kind. But as his needs increased and his dependence on others increased, he began to have the concept of social relations.Immediately afterwards, various responsibilities and prejudices invaded his mind.He becomes suspicious, jealous, arrogant, and has no shame in deceiving or taking revenge.

Self-love is an inner emotion that involves only ourselves, so as long as our own needs are met, we can ask for nothing more.But vanity is an external emotion, involving the relationship with others. It makes us compare everything with others, and we will never be satisfied. Driven by vanity, we want to love ourselves and not care about others, but we want others to care more about us, which is simply impossible.Self-love allows us to love others, and vanity allows resentment and anger to take over our hearts. A person who knows how to control his needs and does not compare himself with others must be a kind person, while a person who desires too much and is always swayed by other people's opinions must be a vicious person.

According to this principle, it is not difficult for us to find ways to direct the desires of adults or children to good or to evil.As beings in society, we have to live among crowds.Driven by all kinds of temptations, it is very difficult to maintain a kind heart for a long time. It is an indisputable fact that our needs will increase, and we must try our best not to let ourselves go down because of this. People are always in a certain relationship, and the study of people is the study of this relationship.When he was a child, he only knew that he was a physical being, and we wanted to study his relationship with things.

As he grows older, when he realizes that he is also a spiritual being, we will start to study his relationship with people.The second kind of study begins at this stage and will continue throughout his life. When people's hearts are no longer lonely, people are no longer a lonely person.Once a person has the desire for a partner, his desire for relationship with others and the urge to express his emotions will follow.Accompanied by the emergence of this desire, a series of desires all erupted. The transition from childhood to youth does not depend on the natural order, but manifests in various ways according to individual differences or differences in customs and customs.

In terms of geography, people living in tropical regions and those living in frigid regions have very different transition methods; in terms of personality, people who are enthusiastic and unrestrained are more mature than those who are reserved and reserved. These reasons are all spiritual, but are often mistaken for material, especially by philosophers, who almost all commit the same error in this matter. Natural education uses human senses to awaken human imagination, and human education uses human imagination to awaken human senses.The normal way of education is to carry out the education of nature first, and then the education of man, but we have reversed the two, and the result is that the senses are already active before they are mature.

It needs to be emphasized that puberty or sexual maturity comes earlier in educated or civilized people than in savages or savages. Children living in a civilized society, influenced by the surrounding environment, will soon expose the falsehood and deceit behind those dignified and serious. We have educated them since childhood to speak politely and act appropriately. In order to blind their eyes, we put a veil of mystery on everything, but this not only did not curb their behavior, but also inspired them to explore. desire. The more we hide, the more they want to know.Of all the education we have given them, this is the best way for them to actively "learn".

Experience teaches us that such an education is foolish enough, not only to hasten the natural process, but to pervert the character.Thinking about this we can see why cities decline. Children waste energy on these useless things, which leads to their stunted growth and short stature.They are old before they grow, just like grapes that have ripened in spring, but only a bunch of dead leaves in autumn. The emergence of a child's sexual consciousness is related to the individual's development and education, so we can speed up or delay the arrival of this moment by exerting influence on the child.Similarly, the child's physical development will also be interfered by us, so as long as we slow down this progress, the child can gain more vitality and energy. We are often troubled by such a question, that is, when children show strong curiosity about things that are not suitable for them to know, should we tell them the truth directly, or find some excuses to perfunctory?Based on the above arguments, we now know what to do: neither approach is desirable. First of all, if you answer them, you will make them more curious, and this kind of curiosity is not the more the better. Second, if the question can be avoided answering, then you better not lie to them, it's better to keep your mouth shut than to lie. Finally, if you make up your mind to answer them, your language must be simple and clear, and avoid lengthy speeches.In addition, your expression should be calm and calm, and don't let them interpret it as a mysterious meaning. Satisfying a child's curiosity is far less harmful than stimulating it.If you lie to your children, even just once, if they find out, they will feel that there is nothing wrong with lying, and they will lie to you again.In doing so, all your educational gains will be ruined. Some things are not suitable for children to know, but in case it is time to hide, we'd better tell them.Either stop his curiosity, or satisfy it, or else they will do them no good at all when they are of a certain age to find out for themselves. If you are not sure that they will understand the differences between the sexes after the age of 16, then tell them these differences before the age of 10. Good conduct is one of the most basic human morals, but children don't know it.Often, people don't realize the importance of good conduct until they commit a crime.If we force our children to behave properly, we are teaching them about crime. When we teach children the concepts of goodness and propriety, the opposite of these concepts, such as shame or filth, will also enter their minds imperceptibly, and these things we don't want them to know. So driven by curiosity, they will explore by themselves. They will succeed, and with the growing imagination, the uncontrollable emotion burns their hearts like a raging flame.A man who blushes must have a sinful desire in him, for a truly innocent man is not ashamed of anything he sees. To maintain a child's innocence requires the efforts of everyone around him.Mind you, all of us, if they start touching things they shouldn't, all our efforts will be for naught. When communicating with children, a mysterious smile, a strange expression or an inadvertent movement will arouse their curiosity. They will feel that we are deliberately hiding something, but they dare not ask us questions. Speak naturally and generously, without pretentiousness, without concealment. This is the innocent way of communication that truly respects children. As long as we can do this, we can avoid those dangerous curiosity in children. "Where do I come from?" This is a question that almost every parent has to face, and it is also a question that every parent finds it difficult to answer.If the parent's answer is inappropriate, it will leave a shadow in the child's heart, and this shadow will accompany them throughout their lives. On the one hand, the mother should avoid the child asking this question; on the other hand, if it is unavoidable, it is much better to tell him not to ask this question directly than to make up a perfunctory explanation. He would not have read the mystery in our attitude if we had frequently left him unanswered on insignificant questions.The same is true for this question, children will not have to ask the bottom line because of our refusal to answer. I have heard such an answer to this question.The reason why I single out this answer is because I was so impressed by it. This answer comes from the mouth of a generous and decent mother, who, for the benefit of her child, ignores the censure and ridicule of the gossips and the harangues of the foolish. Her child asked her: "Mom, where did I come from?" The mother told him without hesitation: "You came from my mother's stomach. When my mother gave birth to you, my stomach hurts. It almost hurts." killed me." Only fools would say something teasing with a look of astonishment on their face, while a really wise person would stop and think about whether there was a better or more reasonable answer. To ensure that the development of children's desires has a certain order and law, it is necessary to find ways to prolong the development of their desires.The more time you have, the better your arrangements will be.It should be noted that it is nature, not people, who should make arrangements for children's desires. The only thing you have to do is to ensure that the natural arrangements can go smoothly. If you only have one student, it's much easier for you.However, everything around him has the potential to stimulate his imagination, and the prejudices of those fools suck him into a black hole like a torrent.Controlling imagination with emotions and overcoming prejudice with reason is the only way to save him. Sensibility is the source of all human desires, and imagination determines whether desires develop in the direction of good or evil.Therefore, if you want to prevent children from becoming bad, first of all, let their imaginations not deviate. When all a child's emotions are concentrated on himself, we cannot use moral standards to evaluate his behavior.When he shifts his focus to something outside of himself, his first social emotions will arise. Immediately afterwards, he will form his own unique view of good and evil, because the function of the view of good and evil is to integrate human nature, so its formation is a sign of growing up. The sooner we pay attention to him, the better, but we must avoid taking those "little adults" as examples for him to learn from.Although he has acted like an adult, he is still a child after all.What we are looking for are those natural people who follow the laws of nature and grow up according to the natural order. The natural process is slow and orderly.The blood does not boil all at once, the spirit does not soar all at once, and the personality does not become fixed all at once. All developments have a gradual process.No skilled worker can make fine things without fine tools. Similarly, people's desires do not arise instantly, but go through a long period of anxiety, but due to ignorance of desires, this period is often ignored by people. After entering puberty, his desire began to expand little by little, but he didn't know what he wanted.His blood began to boil; his life force rushed out of his body and expanded outward without limit; his eyes burned with emotional fire and began to pay attention to those around him. He became interested in others and finally no longer felt like a lonely being.He knew that there was love in the world, and he was full of yearning for this love, so he opened his heart to others. After a child who grows up according to the laws of nature enters adolescence, the first emotion he feels is not love, but friendship. As his imagination grows more awakened, he tends to approach those who are like him, and at this time, the same sex attracts him more than the opposite sex. The advantage of prolonging the period of ignorance, therefore, is that these new sensibility which are constantly emerging, plant the seeds of humanity and fraternity in the mind of the adolescent child. I found that those children who were contaminated prematurely with wine, sex and lust were very cruel, and their depraved lives completely dehumanized them.They are violent, manic, and vengeful. They have only one idea in their minds, and they reject all human behavior except this one.They don't have the slightest sympathy, and they can give up everything, including their parents, in order to be quick for a while. On the contrary, a young man who grew up in a pristine environment has a gentle, honest and sympathetic character, and the suffering of any companion will touch his heart.He jumped up and down with joy at the sight of his friends, he knew how to throw out his arms to hug others, and he knew how to shed tears of sympathy to his companions. When he offends others, he will bow his head in shame; when he offends others, he will look apologetic.If he's offended you, the kindness and sadness in his eyes will blow your anger away when you're about to throw a tantrum at him. He will cry when he has hurt others, and if he can, he will use his own blood to make up for the blood lost by others.When he finds out that he has made a mistake, he will restrain all his arrogance and anger, and bow his head humbly. He can also throw a tantrum when someone offends him, but a word of apology will calm him down immediately.He is as ready to forgive the mistakes of others as he is to make up for his own.Throughout his adolescence, he was warm and generous and had no idea what hatred was. Here, I can confidently say that a child from a kind family must be kinder than other children before he is 20 years old. He is willing to give his love to others, and he deserves the love of others the most. People are social.Because people are weak, they must live in groups; and because they suffer in common, they must care for and keep each other warm. As human beings, we cannot avoid having responsibilities to others.Due to the lack of our own strength, we have become dependent on others.How indifferent our lives would be if everyone was strong enough.It is these own weaknesses that allow us to realize the existence of happiness in the world. No one is absolutely happy except God, because no one is absolutely alone except God. There is no perfect person in the world, even if we can satisfy all our needs, what fun is there in satisfying them?The most likely result is that he will become lonely, boring, artificial, and miserable.A person who does not have any needs will not know how to love others, and a person who does not know how to love others will not be a happy person. In order to touch a young man's growing social emotions and cultivate his kindness and compassion, he must first form a correct view of happiness. In order that his mind will not be polluted by arrogance, jealousy, vanity, etc., you must not take him to those pompous and rich palaces or similar ostentations, and do not let him come into contact with those richly dressed people and their social circles. . Unless he has formed an independent value judgment on the upper class, otherwise, try not to let him get involved with the upper class.Getting in touch with a luxurious life too early will not do him any good. You are not educating him, but bringing him down. Not all people are born to be emperors, dignitaries, nobles or rich people.Everyone comes into this world naked, and then suffers all kinds of pains such as poverty, disease, disaster, lack, etc., and returns to dust.This is the essence of life, and the study of human nature should start from here. A person should have experienced pain and felt pain when he was 16 years old, but he has not seen other people's pain, so he still cannot feel the pain of others.As his body develops, his imagination becomes richer and richer, and he is more and more able to feel the pain of others, so he can put himself in other people's shoes. For the first time, he had empathy, especially with those of his own kind who were suffering.You didn't even notice the moment was coming, but who can you blame? When they are young, you start telling them about the complex emotions of human beings, and let them speak with empathy.Now, they start to use what you taught them to deal with you, which makes it impossible for you to tell which sentence is their perfunctory sentence and which sentence is their true feelings. Everything can be summarized by the following three principles. One, it’s human nature to tend to focus on those who are more sympathetic than we are, rather than those who are happier than we are. Second, those people we sympathize with have had similar experiences to us, or we may fall into such encounters in the future. Third, our degree of sympathy does not depend on the degree of pain suffered by others, but on the degree to which these pains are felt by us. Back to my method of education.For a child approaching puberty, we should expose him to things that will curb rather than stimulate his sensory activities and desires.At the same time, these things should try not to stimulate his imagination.Only by suppressing the activity of his senses can he keep his imagination from drawing near to things that stimulate the desire. In view of this, it is best to take him away from the city, where the dress and indiscretions of the women will only hasten his maturation.In his view, life in the city is a kind of enjoyment, so it is best not to let him live in the city until he forms an independent value judgment. On the contrary, the simple life in the country more or less checks the development of his desires.If he is obliged to stay in the city because of his love of art, then do everything possible to keep him from becoming more and more lazy by city life.You must strictly select and check the people he contacts, the activities he engages in, and the hobbies he cultivates. You know, the city is full of bad behavior that stimulates his desires, which, if allowed to develop, will eventually take a toll on his physical and mental health. I don't mean to say that he should be a paramedic or a philanthropist, traveling between hospitals all day long, or dealing with prisons and execution grounds, to witness the most cruel and painful scenes in the world. I mean, we should let them see the pain in the world and the people who suffer from it, but once is enough, if they see too much, they will be so familiar with it that they will become numb to the heart, Unmoved by the pain of others. Just look at those priests and doctors. Just because they have seen too much, they will look indifferent and disapproving when facing the dead or sick. Not all pain is suitable for children to see.We have to choose something carefully, and then take our children to see it at the right time.We must ensure that this matter can keep the child's compassion for at least a month, and always think about the truth. Therefore, if you expose him to too many things and teach him too many lessons, his senses will become more and more dull, not only will it not have a positive effect, but it will also hinder the natural process. Teachers often complain that adolescent children are too disobedient.I deeply agree with this point, but teachers who say such things, isn't this caused by you alone?You should know that as long as the child is allowed to express his feelings through the senses, all other methods will no longer work. You often blame your children for being too angry, but without this anger, it is impossible to complete their adolescent education; without this anger, when they grow up to be as strong as you, they will not be reconciled. under your control. Children in adolescence have a passion that has to be vented in their hearts. For teachers, this passion is like a rein, which can control their actions. They were unrestrained before, because they had nothing to love, so they were not subordinate to anyone, as long as their own needs were met; but now they are involuntary, because they have begun to know how to love others, so they will be influenced by others. The bondage of a loved one. In this way, his relationship with human beings and their society began to form.Don't think that he will give his emotions to everyone, he just needs to get close to those who are similar to him.In his conception, people like him are those who have the same joys and pains, the same thoughts and emotions as him. In a word, he only loves those who are of the same nature as himself.This kind of love seems to be loving others, but it is actually a kind of self-love. Only after he has been cultivated on the basis of nature, and he has thought deeply about his own emotions and those of others, can he break away from the abstract concept of "human being" and crystallize it into independent individuals .On this basis, he will establish and maintain a connection with some of these individuals according to his emotions.