Chapter 3 2. Targeted cultivation of self-confidence

Introduction: In order to develop confidence and courage, you might as well act as if you really have that confidence and courage when you are facing the audience. Be confident, this is the correct attitude you must have in everything you do.Whether you're climbing Mount Everest or talking to people, self-confidence is an essential prerequisite for your success.So, before you start talking, build your self-confidence first! In my class, many students sat together and talked about their experiences after finishing their studies. Quite a few of them believed that the most important thing they had learned was confidence in themselves.In other words, I have more confidence in my own success.In a way, nothing leads a person to success more than self-confidence.

The Bedek Travel Guide says that amateur climbers should have a guide because climbing the Alps is difficult.But a few years ago, my friend and I came to the Wilder Kaiser in the Alps and wanted to conquer this legendary and dangerous mountain.Let's start by saying that neither of us are professional climbers, but we didn't ask a guide.We have succeeded. Before we climbed the mountain, a friend asked us if we could succeed, and I told him resolutely: "I will!" "Why so sure?" the friend continued to ask. I said, "There are men who have succeeded without a guide, as we have. And I never think of failure in anything I do."

So, how should specific operation develop self-confidence?You can follow the training methods below to improve your self-confidence in a targeted manner. William James, the most famous psychologist in the United States, said: "Action seems to follow the feeling, but in fact it is parallel to the feeling. Action is directly controlled by the idea, and the action is controlled by the idea. We also Feelings can be controlled indirectly, but feelings are not directly controlled by thoughts. Therefore, if we lose our original natural happiness, then the best way to make yourself happy is to sit down happily, Act like you're happy already. If that doesn't make you happy, there's no other way. So make yourself feel brave and act like you're really brave, and use your All your will to achieve this goal, then courage may well replace fear."

A person achieves the goal of successful persuasion, which has a lot to do with the preparations made before speaking.Lincoln said: "No matter how powerful a person is, without careful preparation, he cannot speak systematically and at a high level." Therefore, you need to collect materials extensively and conduct in-depth research on your topic before speaking. Careful thinking.When you've confirmed that you're ready, imagine yourself speaking to someone in complete control.This is something you can easily do.You will succeed only if you believe that you can succeed, and if you believe in yourself unwaveringly.

Remember the advice of William James, to develop confidence and courage, act as if you really do have that confidence and courage when you face the audience (provided, of course, that you are fully prepared, otherwise No amount of performance will work). The first way to build confidence is if you already know what you are going to say, you should stride onto the stage with ease and take a deep breath.Breathing deeply for 30 seconds can refresh you, give you confidence and courage.The famous tenor Jean de Raschi used to say, "When you have air in your chest, the tension goes away."

Another way is to stand up straight, look your audience in the eye, and speak with confidence, as if everyone owes you money and they're just asking for grace to pay their debt.This psychological effect will greatly help you stabilize your emotions. A student salesman in my class once put it this way: "After standing up a few times in class, I felt like I could handle anyone. One morning, I found a buyer who was usually aggressive. Before he had time to say 'No', I had samples spread out on his desk. As it turned out, he gave me the biggest order yet!" A housewife also told me: "I used to be afraid to invite my neighbors to my house because I was afraid that we wouldn't be able to have a good conversation and jokes. But after several lectures and standing up to speak, I decided to have a family dinner. The banquet was very successful, and I walked among the guests, chatting and laughing with them to my heart's content."

At another graduating class’s evening party, a clerk said: “At first, I was afraid to talk to customers, and I was always terrified every time. After speaking a few times in the class, I felt confident, and talking to customers was also easy. I took it easy. I started to speak up and disagree. In the first month after I took speech classes, my sales increased by nearly half.” Through this effective training, the trainees realized that they had easily overcome their fear or anxiety; that they had succeeded where they might have failed before. You, too, can gain this sense of triumph and meet life's challenges.If you can do this, problems that once terrified you can become enjoyable challenges that spice up your life.

If there are indeed some deficiencies, you can carry out targeted training to overcome these difficulties and deficiencies, so as to build self-confidence. Demosthenes, who ranked first among the "Ten Great Speakers" in ancient Greece, had a stuttering problem since he was a child, and when he spoke, he always had one shoulder high and the other shoulder low, and he kept shaking.In such an era that advocates eloquence, such people will naturally be discriminated against.He was very distressed and had a deep sense of inferiority.However, he was not overwhelmed by inferiority complex, but trained hard with extraordinary perseverance and hard-working spirit.Every morning he stands by the seaside, practicing with a stone in his mouth.In response to the problem of shaking, he practiced in front of the mirror and hung two swords on his shoulders so that he would not shake.After assiduous training, he became, as we now know, a very good and respected orator.

A young British lawyer is going to argue with a group of well-known lawyers in court. He has made sufficient preparations, but he still feels uneasy.Worrying about screwing up the debate.So, he went to ask Mr. Faraday, and he asked Faraday: "My opponent knows much more than me, and I will definitely lose." Mr. Faraday told him simply and plainly: "If you want to succeed, tell yourself they don't know anything!" Many people will face the same problems as this young man, and their real difficulties do not lie in the two points mentioned above.Because the vast majority of us are not as unfortunate as Demosthenes, have no stuttering problems, and no other deficiencies.

Psychologically speaking, low self-esteem or shyness always exists in us to varying degrees.A survey in the United States shows that about 3/4 of people feel embarrassed when they come into contact with strangers at a banquet; similarly, examples of speech or other conversation failures caused by shyness or inferiority complex are common.It can be seen that a person has no self-confidence, not because he is really inferior by nature, but because he thinks so.Therefore, only by completely overcoming this feeling can you perform normally or even supernormally. All your preparations are for the few minutes of the speech.No matter how well-prepared you are, in general, a feeling of insecurity can strike you when speaking.It may be caused by your fear that you are not quite ready—in fact, you are quite prepared, but you think you may have missed something, or it may be because you are worried that the audience is better than you, and What you are saying is too simple for them; or you are worried that something unexpected may happen, such as someone interrupting you in the middle of your speech, etc.The deadliest thing these thoughts do is give you negative self-suggestions, and you have to figure out how to get them out of your mind.

To be successful in public speaking, it is necessary to give yourself certain positive cues.Try the method below, which has been worked out over the years. (1) Be sure that the topic is valuable. After the topic of the speech is selected, it should be collected and sorted according to the situation, and discussed with friends.But this kind of preparation is not very sufficient, and you have to convince yourself that the subject matter is valuable, so you must have a firm attitude to motivate yourself and believe in yourself. How can I convince myself of this?This involves studying the subject matter of the speech in detail, grasping its deeper meaning, and implying to yourself that your speech will help the audience, and they will become better people after hearing it. (2) Don't think about things that distract you. For example, if you imagine that you might make a grammatical error, or suddenly stop speaking, these negative thoughts are likely to cause you to lose confidence before you even start. Before speaking, it is especially important to take the attention away from yourself.Concentrate, listen to what the other speakers are saying, and keep your attention on them so that you don't create undue stage dread. (3) Appropriate self-motivation. It is possible for any speaker to have doubts about the subject matter of his speech.For example, he will ask himself whether the topic is suitable for him, whether the audience will be interested, etc., so he is likely to change the topic in a single thought.At this time, negative thoughts are very likely to completely destroy your self-confidence, so you should first cheer yourself up and encourage yourself with simple words; "This talk is right for me because it comes from my experience, from my view of life; I will be better suited than any other audience to give this particular talk; I will do my best to make the subject Clearly." Does this age-old method really work?certainly.Modern experimental psychologists agree that this motivation, even if feigned, by autosuggestion is the most powerful driver of rapid learning.Then the effect of sincere self-motivation based on facts will naturally be better. How to quickly increase self-confidence: (1) Find out the root causes of your low self-confidence and find ways to solve them. (2) Your self-confidence will lead you to success, so you need to stand up and speak confidently without thinking about anything. (3) If you find that you just have stage fright - which is not necessarily due to lack of self-confidence - then the problem is much easier to deal with, because you can exaggerately believe that almost everyone is afraid of public speaking.