Chapter 37 sincerely appreciate each other

The reason why many people have communication barriers is because they don't understand or forget an important principle - to make others feel important.Everyone likes self-expression, exaggerating and bragging about themselves. If something is done, the first thing to show is how much hard work and contribution you have made.This is actually to prove that others are really not important, and it hurts others invisibly. Everyone has something worthy of praise, as long as you discover this, their attitude towards you will immediately change.Once, I was in line at the post office near the intersection of 33rd and 8th streets in New York to send a registered letter.I noticed that the post office worker seemed to be very impatient with his work, because he weighed letters, picked up stamps, gave change, and issued receipts all day long... This kind of monotonous and repetitive work year after year.So I said to myself, "I've got to make him like me. Obviously, to get him to like me, I have to say something that pleases him. Not about me, but about him."

I asked myself, "Is there anything in him worthy of my sincere admiration?" It's a difficult question to answer when you're dealing with someone you don't know well, but this time, as luck would have it, I quickly discovered something in him that I admired.Just when he praised me, I said to him enthusiastically: "I really hope that I can have such good hair as you." He looked up at me, obviously surprised, but soon a delighted smile appeared on his face. "But it's not as good as before." He said modestly.I said to him sincerely, "It's a little less shiny than before, but it's still very good. I really envy you." He looked very happy.So we chatted happily.Finally, he said to me: "There are many people who say that my hair is good."

I bet he was in a good mood at lunch that night; when he got home that night, he would happily tell his wife about it; beautiful." I am not a person who likes to show off, but I will use these examples to tell others the principles of interpersonal communication.Once, I talked about this in a public place.Someone asked me: "You do this, so what do you get from him?" Yes, what do I want from him?What did I get from him?If we are so selfish and only want to get something in return, then we will not give any pleasure, will not give any sincere admiration.If our mind is so narrow, then we will only suffer due failure, without any success and happiness.

Yes, I did want something from him, something hard to measure in money, and I got it!You see, I praised him and made him feel happy, but it was difficult for him to repay me.This feeling is priceless.Long after the event has passed, you can still recall it in your memory and have a wonderful experience. There is one vital law in human conduct, which, if we obey it, will bring us success; in fact, if we obey this law, we will have countless friends and endless happiness.However, if we violate this principle, we will invite all kinds of setbacks.This rule is: "Always respect others so that they gain a sense of self-respect."

This is just as Professor Dewey said: "Self-respect is the strongest impulse and desire in human nature." Also as Professor James said: "In human nature, the deepest desire is to be valued by others." I also He once pointed out that this impulse is what distinguishes us from animals, and it is this desire that promotes the development of human civilization. For thousands of years, philosophers have been pondering the principles of human relationship, and finally realized an idea.This concept is not new. As early as 3,000 years ago in Persia, 2,000 years ago in China, India, Jerusalem and other places, sages were spreading this concept. Don't do to others what you don't want, and don't do to others what you want."

You hope that people around you will agree with you, hope that your own value will be recognized by others, and hope that you can be valued by others; you don't want to hear cheap flattery, but you are eager to get sincere praise.You want your friends and colleagues to be, as Schkova puts it, "honest in compliments and generous in praise."We all want that.Let us, then, obey this rule ourselves: Treat others as you would like them to treat you. So, how should you go about it?The answer is: practice anytime, anywhere, and it will work wonders for you.I asked one of the guides at the Radio Mall where Mr. Shovel's office was.The guide, fully dressed, articulated, "Showell, (he pauses) 18th floor, (pauses again) room 1816." He was clearly very proud of the way he answered the question, The chest is straight and the head is held high.

I walked to the edge of the elevator, turned back quickly, and said to the guide: "The way you answered me was really wonderful, and I really want to thank you and congratulate you for that. Your answer Very clear and accurate. What an artist you are, what a marvel!" He was refreshed and obviously ecstatic at what I said.He told me why he paused every time, why every sentence he said was so accurate... You see, I made him so proud of my few words that he raised his head high.I suddenly felt that I had done something beneficial to the happiness of mankind that afternoon. This law does not have any privileges, no level restrictions, it is a law that anyone can follow at any time.You don't have to wait until you become a high official or make a lot of money to follow this rule.You can use it almost every day, when we go into a restaurant, ask for French fries, and the waitress brings us a plate of mashed potatoes, we might as well say, "I'm sorry to trouble you. But I prefer french fries." The waitress would say, "You're welcome, it's no trouble at all." Since we showed her respect, she would happily swap our french fries.

"I'm sorry", "I have caused you trouble", "I have troubled you", "Please...", "Can you...", "Thank you"-these small and ordinary polite phrases are like daily monotonous phrases. The lubricant in our life will add a bit of color to our life and enhance our interpersonal relationship, which is also the embodiment of your good quality. The great novelist Kane has thousands of readers, but Kane is only the son of a blacksmith, and he only went to school for 8 years in his life, but he has become the richest writer in the history of the world when he died.How did he create his wealth?Let us hear his story.

Because Kane loves poetry, he read all the poems of the great poet Rosdy.He also wrote a speech in honor of Rosdy's artistry in poetry, which he gave to Rosdie himself.Rosdy was, of course, very pleased. "Any young man who can have such a profound insight into my talent," said Rosdy, "must be a very bright man." So Rosdy invited Kane to his home and asked him to be his secretary.For Kane, this is a rare opportunity to change his life path—because with this new identity, he has come into contact with many famous contemporary writers, received useful advice from them, and was encouraged and inspired by them. Started his own writing career and eventually became famous all over the world.

Kane's hometown is Fort Gribar on the Isle of Man, England, which has now become a tourist attraction for tourists from all over the world.The property he left is as high as 2.5 million US dollars!However, who knows, if he hadn't written the speech in which he sincerely praised Rosdy, he might have died poor and poor!This is the power of sincere praise from the heart, which is a great power!It’s nothing new that Rosdy thinks he’s important—almost everyone thinks they’re important, very, very important. Never forget what Emerson once said: "All the people I meet are better than me. In this respect, I just can learn from him." Anyone you hear or meet people, you You may feel that he is stronger than you in some respects, this is an undeniable fact.As long as we admit this, admit the importance of the other person, and express it sincerely, it will get you his friendship.

But it's infuriating that people who do nothing but think they're successful spend their days masking their inner insecurities with disgusting rhetoric.This kind of person is just like what Shakespeare said: "Man! arrogant man! With such a little talent, he even behaved in the face of heaven, and deceived the angels to shed tears." A Connecticut attorney told me of his own success in following the law, but he didn't want his name to be known, so let's call him Mr. G for now. Shortly after Mr. G came to my class for training, he and his wife drove to Long Island to visit some of her relatives.His wife left him to chat with her elderly aunt while she went to visit other relatives.Since Mr. G is going to give a lecture on how to use the law of praise in class, he plans to start training his talents in this area from this old lady. Mr. G looked carefully round the old lady's house, hoping to find something he could sincerely admire. "Your house was built around 1890, right?" Mr. G asked the old lady. "Yes," replied the old lady, "that was the year it was built." "It reminds me of the house where I was born," said Mr. G. "It's so nice, so pretty, and so spacious inside! People don't build houses like that anymore, you know." "That's right, young man!" echoed the old woman, saying, "Young people these days don't care much about a nice house. All they want is a small apartment and a refrigerator, and be free." Drive the car without worry, go for a drive around." "This is a house that condenses ideals and hopes." The old lady's voice was a little trembling, and she was lost in memories. She said tenderly, "This house is the crystallization of love between me and my husband. My husband and I are building The design of this house was conceived for many years. We did not hire an architect, it was entirely designed by us.” Then, the old lady led Mr. G to visit the old house.The house is full of souvenir treasures collected by the old lady during her travels around the world: Persian shawls, old English tea sets, Wig porcelain, French bedding, Italian oil paintings, and castle decorations that were popular in the French feudal dynasty. Silk curtains.She has always regarded these things as precious as life. Mr. G expressed his sincere admiration for these things. "After the old lady showed me around the house," Mr. G said, "she took me to the garage. There was an almost new Buick luxury car." "My husband bought this car shortly before he passed away," said the old lady in a low voice. "I haven't used it since he left me...Young man, you are very good at admiring a beautiful car." I am going to give this car to you." "Oh, no! Auntie!" said Mr. G. "you're making me wonder. Of course I'm grateful for your kindness. But how can I accept such a precious thing? I'm not you." immediate family, and I have a car myself. Besides, many relatives like this Buick very much.” "Relatives?" cried the old lady excitedly. "Yes, I do have relatives. But they're all waiting for me to die so they can get my car. But none of them can get it. " "If you don't want to give it to them, you can sell it to a used car franchise." Mr. G told the old lady. "Sell it?" cried the old lady. "Do you think I want to sell it? Do you think I'm willing to let strangers who don't know me ride around in the car my husband bought me?" Run away? Young man, I would never dream of selling it. I just want to give it to you, because you are a man who appreciates beautiful things." Mr. G tried his best to refuse to accept the old lady's car.But he had to accept it in the end, because his refusal only made her sad. The old lady lived alone in this empty old house, and all she had was her Persian shawl, various English and French antiques, and her memories.What she craved was admiration and appreciation like Mr. G's.She was also young and beautiful, and had many suitors.She once built this house together with her husband, which contains their eternal and warm love, and they also collected various treasures from various European countries to decorate this love nest.But now, she is old, in this old and lonely environment, she longs for a little human warmth, a little sincere praise-but no one gives her what she needs.Now that Mr. G has given her all these, her heart is full of gratitude like the land that has been dry for a long time, and it makes her feel the feeling of long absence.Once she got all this, even giving Mr. G that Buick car could never fully express her gratitude to him. After reading the above story, how can you and I apply this golden rule of complimenting others?Why not start with our own family?I don't know where else it would be needed more.Surely your wife has her qualities, or at least you thought she had some, or would you have taken her as your wife?But how long has it been since you last complimented her?Do you remember, how long has it been?Remember to always praise others and make him feel important. Not only will you not lose anything, but you will gain more from it.