Chapter 17 Let the worries "stop here"

If we can draw a "stop here" boundary for all kinds of worries in life, we will find that life can be so happy and happy. Do you want to know how to make money on Wall Street?Of course, I'm afraid there are at least 1 million people who want to know this.If I knew the answer to this question, I'm afraid this book could sell for $10,000 a copy.However, there is a good idea here, and many people who have achieved it have applied it. An investment advisor named Charles Roberts told the following story. "When I first came to New York from Texas, I had only $20,000 that my friends entrusted me to invest in the stock market. I thought I knew enough about the stock market, but then I lost everything .Yes! I made some money in some business, but in the end I lost it all.

"If I just lost my own money, I wouldn't mind too much. But I think it would be a very bad thing to lose all my friends' money, although they all have enough money. In our After such an unfortunate investment outcome, I was genuinely terrified to see them again, but what I didn't expect was that they were not only open about it, but optimistic beyond belief. "I began to study carefully the mistakes I had made. I made up my mind that before I entered the stock market again, I must first understand what the stock market is all about. So I found one of the most successful forecasters, Bo Don Cases, made friends with him. I believe I can learn a lot from him, because he has been a very successful man for many years, and I know that people who can make such a career, can't It's all about chance and luck.

"He first asked me a few questions about how I did it before. Then he told me one of the most important principles in stock trading. He said: 'Every stock I buy in the market has a A minimum standard that stops here and cannot be lost. For example, I bought a stock of $50 per share, and I immediately stipulated that $45 is the minimum standard that cannot be lost again.' That is to say, in case the stock price falls, When it falls to 5 dollars lower than the buying price, sell it immediately. In this way, the loss can be limited to only 5 dollars. "The guru went on to say, 'If you bought smartly, your profits could average $10, $25, or even $50. Therefore, after limiting your losses to $5, even if you The above judgments are all wrong, and they can also make you a lot of money.'

"I quickly learned this technique and have been using it ever since, and it has saved my clients and me tens of thousands of dollars. "After a while, I discovered that this so-called 'stop here' principle can also be used outside the stock market. I began to set a 'stop here' for myself in terms of worries other than finances. I put a 'stop here' limit on every annoyance and unpleasantness, and the results are fantastic. "Here's an example: I often have lunch with a friend who is very unpunctual. He used to arrive after most of my lunch time. Now I tell him: wait for you later' and stop here ' The limit is 10 minutes, and if you arrive after 10 minutes, our lunch will be over—you won't be able to find me."

I wish I had learned years ago to apply this "stop here" limitation to everything about me—my impatience, my temper, my desire to adapt, my regrets, and All mental and emotional stress.Why didn't it occur to me before to catch every situation that might destroy my peace of mind?Why don't you say to yourself: "This matter is only worth worrying about so little - there is no need to worry about more..." However, at least I felt like I was not bad at one thing, and it was a very serious situation - it was a crisis in my life - when I almost saw my dreams, my plans for the future, And the years of work put into motion.That's what happened:

In my early thirties I made up my mind to write fiction for life as a career, to be Frank Rislow, Jack London, or Hardy Second.I was full of confidence and lived in Europe for two years, and in the days after the First World War, the cost of living in Europe in US dollars was very small.I spent two years there working on my creations.I titled that book The Blizzard, which was a very good title, because the attitude of all publishers towards it was as cold as a whistling blizzard.When my agent told me that the work was worthless, that I was not capable of writing fiction, my heart almost stopped at that moment.

I left his office in a bewilderment, no more surprised if he had hit me on the head with a stick, and I was stunned.I felt like I was at a crossroads in my life and had to make a big decision.What should I do?In which direction should I turn?It was weeks before I awoke from my daze.At the time, I had never heard the phrase "put a 'stop' limit on your worries," but in retrospect, that's exactly what I did.I looked at the two years I spent painstakingly writing that novel as a valuable experience, and moved on from there.I went back to my old ways of organizing and teaching adult education classes, writing biographies and non-fiction in my spare time.

Am I satisfied that I have made such a decision?Now whenever I think about that incident, I feel like dancing in the street with pride.I can honestly say that since then, I haven't had a day or an hour regretting not being second to Hardy. On a night 100 years ago, when a bird sang in the woods by Walden Pond, Thoreau dipped his quill in his homemade ink and wrote in his diary: "The price of a thing is I call it the total value of life, which needs to be exchanged on the spot, or paid at the end." Put it another way: if we pay for a part of our lives, and if we pay too much, then we're the fools in the world.This is the tragedy of Gilber and Sullivan: They know how to create happy lyrics and music, but they have absolutely no idea how to find happiness in life.They wrote operettas that the world liked very much, but they had no control over their tempers.At one point they had been quarreling for years over the price of a rug: Sullivan had bought a new one for their theatre, but when Gilber saw the bill he was very annoyed.This incident even went to court later, and the two never talked to each other until their death.

When Sullivan finished writing the music for the new opera, he sent it to Gilber; and Gilber, after filling in the lyrics, sent it back to Sullivan.At one point, they had to take the stage at the same time, so they stood on opposite sides of the stage, facing different directions and bowing so as not to see each other.They don't know how to set a minimum limit of "stop here" when conflicts and unhappiness arise, but Lincoln did this. During the American Civil War, when some of Lincoln's friends attacked some of his enemies, Lincoln said: "You feel more about personal grievances than I do. Maybe I feel too little. But I always thought it was very It's not worth it. There's really no need for a person to waste time arguing. If that person doesn't attack me again, I won't hold him against him."

I wish my Aunt Edith had Lincoln's generosity.She lives with her uncle Frank on a mortgaged farm.The soil quality there is very poor, and the irrigation conditions are also poor, so the harvest is naturally not good.Life was hard for them, and every penny had to be saved.But Aunt Edith liked to buy curtains and other trinkets to decorate her home, and she had bought them on credit from a small grocer in Maryville, Missouri.Uncle Frank was very worried that their debts could not be paid off, and he was a person who valued personal credit and was unwilling to owe debts, so he told the grocery store owner in private that his wife would not be allowed to buy his things on credit.

When she heard about it, she lost her temper—almost 50 years ago, and she was still losing her temper.I have heard her say this more than once.The last time I saw her, she was almost 80 years old.I said to her: "Aunt Edith, Uncle Frank's behavior is indeed wrong, but you don't think that since that happened, you have complained for almost half a century. Isn't it worse than what he did?" ?" The price Aunt Edith paid for her unpleasant memories was too great—her own peace of mind. When Franklin was young, he also made a mistake that has been difficult to let go of for 70 years.When he was 7 years old, he fell in love with a whistle, so he excitedly ran into the toy store, put all his change on the counter, and bought the whistle without asking the price. "Then I came home," he wrote to a friend 70 years later, "and whistled all over the house, very proud of the whistle I had bought." After he overpaid for the whistle, everyone started making fun of him.And as he said later: "I cried bitterly in annoyance." Years later, Franklin became a world-renowned figure and served as the American ambassador to France.He also remembered that because he had paid more for the whistle, he had suffered more than the pleasure the whistle had given him. Franklin learned a very simple lesson from this: "As I grew up," he said, "I saw a lot of human behavior, and I think I met a lot of people who paid too much for whistles. In short, I think that part of human misery arises from the fact that they miscalculate the value of things, that is, they overpay for whistles." Gilbert and Sullivan overpaid for their "whistle", as did my aunt Edith, and myself in many cases.And the immortal Tolstoy, author of two of the world's greatest novels.According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, during the last 20 years of his life Tolstoy was "probably the most respected man in the whole world".In the 20 years before his death, his admirers kept going to his house, hoping to see him, hear his voice, or even touch the hem of his clothes.Every word he said was wanted to be recorded in the notebook, just like it was a "sacred oracle".But in life, when Tolstoy was 70 years old, he was not as smart as Franklin was when he was 7 years old. He had no brains.Why do I say that? Here's why I say so about him: Tolstoy married a girl he really liked.In fact, they were so happy together that they often got down on their knees and prayed to God to allow them to continue living this fairy-tale life.However, the girl Tolstoy married was jealous by nature. She often dressed herself up as a country girl, spied on his movements everywhere, and even sneaked into the woods to spy on him.They had so many horrific fights that she was so jealous of her own daughter that she once shot a hole in her daughter's picture with a gun.She would roll about on the floor, hold a bottle of opium, and threaten suicide so frightened that her children huddled in a corner of the room, screaming. So what did Tolstoy do in the face of such a situation?If he went into a rage and smashed the furniture, I wouldn't blame him, because he had a reason for it.But what he did was far worse than this, and he recorded it all in a private diary!In it, he blames his wife for everything - his "whistle".He wanted his next generation to forgive him, so he blamed his wife for all the mistakes.And what method did his wife use to deal with him?Is there even a question?Obviously, of course she tore up and burned his diary.She also kept a diary herself, blaming Tolstoy for all her mistakes.She even started writing a novel, titled "Whose Fault".In this novel, she portrays Tolstoy as a home-wrecker and herself as a distinct martyr. What is the result of all things?Why did these two men turn their only home into what Tolstoy called "a madhouse"?Obviously, there are several reasons for this, one of which is that they desperately want attention.It is true that their greatest fear is the opinion of others.Do we care who is to blame?No, we will only pay attention to our own problems, and will not waste a minute thinking about Tolstoy's private affairs.These two boring people paid a huge price for their "whistle". 50 years of living in a horrible hell, just because neither of them was willing to say "stop arguing".Because none of them have enough value judgment to be able to say, "Let's just wrap this up right now, we're wasting our lives, let's just say 'enough' right now." Yes, I believe "having the right values" is one of the biggest secrets to mental peace.And I also believe that as long as we can set a personal standard, half of our worries can be quickly eliminated-what is worth comparing with our life.