Chapter 12 Solve the Mystery of Worry

If we use the time of worry to find the answer to the problem, the worry will disappear without a trace under the light of our wisdom. Does Vicki Kabell's universal formula for overcoming worry, mentioned earlier, solve all your worries?No, of course not. So what should you do when you are faced with worry?The answer is - we must learn the following three basic steps to analyze problems and use them to solve various difficulties. The three steps are: The first step is to see the facts clearly. The second step is to analyze the facts in detail. The third step is to draw a conclusion, make a decision, and then implement the action plan rationally according to the decision.

This is a valuable thought taught to us by the great philosopher Aristotle, and it is also a thinking mode that he personally practiced.These methods must be applied if we want to solve the problems that oppress us, make us sleepless, and make us live in hell all day long. Let's take a look at the first step, to see the facts clearly.Why is it so important to see the facts?Because unless we see the facts, we can't solve the problem sensibly.Without these facts, we can only grope our way through confusion.Is this something I researched myself?No, that's what the late Herbert Hawkes, dean of Columbia College, Columbia University, said.He has helped 200,000 middle school students solve their worries.

He told me: "Confusion is the main cause of worry. For example, if I have a problem that must be resolved by next Tuesday, I will not try to make a decision at all until next Tuesday. During this time I'm going to focus on getting all the facts about this problem here. I'm not going to worry about it, I'm not going to be sad about it, I'm not going to lose sleep, I'm just trying to get all the facts. At the time, if I had seen all the facts, the problem would generally solve itself." I asked Dean Hawkes if this meant he could let go of his worries altogether? "Yes," he said, "I think I can honestly say that I am living without any worries at all. I have found that if a person can spend all his worrying time in a very detached, very objective If he seeks the facts with an attitude, then his worries will disappear without a trace under the light of knowledge."

But what do most of us do?If we want to consider the facts——Edison once said solemnly: "In order to avoid spending time thinking, a person often uses various means." That is to say, we usually look for what we have thought of, like hunting dogs. , ignoring everything else.We want only those facts that fit our actions, those that fit only our wishful thinking, our preconceived prejudices. As André Marross said: "Whatever conforms to our personal desires is true to us, and everything else only makes us angry." No wonder we find it so difficult to get answers to our questions.It's like we have always assumed that 2 plus 2 equals 5, and isn't this even a second-grade arithmetic problem?But in fact, there are so many people in the world who insist that 2 plus 2 equals 5—or equals 500—so that they make life uncomfortable for themselves and others.

What should we do about this?We should exclude emotional factors from our thinking, as Dean Hawkes said, we must look at the facts clearly with a "detached and objective" attitude. It is not an easy thing to do when we are anxious.Because when we worry, we tend to get emotional.However, I have found two methods that help us to see all the facts clearly and objectively, like a bystander: First, when gathering facts, I pretended not to gather them for myself, but to do it for someone else. This not only allowed me to maintain a calm and detached attitude, but also helped me control my emotions.

Second, in gathering the facts that cause all kinds of anxiety, I also sometimes have to pretend that I am the other side's lawyer. Unwilling to face the fact. Then, I would write down all the facts on both sides.At this time, I usually find that the truth lies in the middle of these two extremes. That's the point I'm trying to make: you, me, Einstein, not even the US Supreme Court, can make an intelligent decision on any issue without looking at the facts first.Edison was well aware of this, and the 2,500 notebooks he left behind after his death are filled with facts about the various problems he faced.

Therefore, the first solution to our difficulties is to see the facts clearly.Let us follow the lead of Dean Hawkes: don't think about how to solve a problem until you have gathered all the facts objectively. However, a collection of all the facts in the world will not help us in the slightest if they are not analyzed and interpreted. In my personal experience, it is much easier if all the facts are written down first and then analyzed.In fact, simply getting the facts down on paper and writing our questions clearly can help us make a sound decision.As Charles Gitlin said: "Half the problem is solved as long as you can explain it clearly."

Let me use an example to tell you the effect of this method. There is an old Chinese saying that "seeing is worth hearing a hundred times".I'm going to tell you how one can actually put into practice what we've said above. Take the case of Galen Rickoff -- a man I've known for several years, who was a very successful American businessman in the Far East. In 1942, the Japanese army invaded Shanghai, and Mr. Li Kefei was in China.Here is the story he told me when he came to my house as a guest: "Shortly after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, they occupied Shanghai, and I was the manager of Shanghai Asia Life Insurance Company. They sent a so-called 'military liquidator' (actually he was an admiral) and ordered I assisted him in liquidating our property. There is nothing I can do about this kind of thing. I either cooperate with them or forget it—and the so-called forget it is a dead end.

"I had to follow orders because I had no other choice. However, there was an insurance premium, about US$750,000, which I didn't fill in the list. The reason why I didn't fill it in was because the money belonged to our company in Hong Kong, It has nothing to do with the assets of the Shanghai company. However, I am still worried that if the Japanese find out about this matter, it may be very harmful to me. They found out very quickly. "When they found out, I happened to be out of the office, and the director of my accounting department happened to be there. He told me that the Japanese admiral was furious at that time, and he slapped the table and cursed at people, saying that I was a robber and a traitor. Said that I insulted the Japanese Imperial Army. I know what he meant by these words, and I guess they will probably be imprisoned in the gendarmerie.

"The gendarmerie is the execution chamber of the Japanese secret police. I have a few friends who would rather commit suicide than be sent to that place. I also have friends who were interrogated there for 10 days and endured all kinds of torture. I died in that place after being tortured. And I might be in the gendarmerie now. "What would I do in that situation? I got the news on Sunday afternoon and I think I was terrified. If I don't find a way to fix the problem, I'm going to be scared to death. Years Come on, whenever I worry, I always sit down at my typewriter and type out the following two questions and their answers:

1. What is my concern? 2. What should I do? “I used to answer both questions in my head without writing the answers down. But I stopped doing that many years ago. I found that writing both the questions and the answers down helped me to think more clearly. Clear. So, on that Sunday afternoon, I went straight to my room at the Shanghai YMCA, took out my typewriter, and typed the following: 1. What is my concern? I'm afraid I'll be locked up in the gendarmerie tomorrow morning. 2. What should I do? I spent hours thinking about this question, writing down 4 possible actions I could take, and the possible consequences of each action. "I can try to explain to the Japanese admiral. But he doesn't speak English, and if I try to explain to him with a translator, it will probably annoy him, and then I may have to die. Because he is a very cruel man. I'd rather be in the gendarmerie than explain it to him. "I could run away. But it was impossible because they were watching me all the time. I had to register when I moved in and out from the YMCA, and if I tried to escape, they would probably be caught and shot. "I can also stay in the room and not go to work. But if I do this, the Japanese admiral will definitely become suspicious, and he may send someone to arrest me, without giving me any chance to explain I was locked up in the gendarmerie. "On Monday morning, I can go to work as usual. If I do, the Japanese admiral is likely to be busy and forget about my business. And even if he thinks about it, he may have calmed down and stopped coming Trouble me. If that's the case, I'm out of trouble. Even if he still comes to me, I still have a chance to explain to him, so I should go to the office on Monday morning as usual, like everything is not happened before. "Once I'd thought everything through, I decided to go with plan four - going to work on Monday morning as usual. Afterwards, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. "When I walked into the office the next morning, the Japanese admiral was sitting there with a cigarette in his mouth, looking at me as usual, but saying nothing. 6 weeks later - thank goodness , he was transferred back to Tokyo, and my worries were over! "As I said before, the reason why I was able to save the day is probably because I wrote all kinds of different situations and the possible consequences of each step that Sunday afternoon, and then made a decision very calmly. If I If I didn't, I might be confused or indecisive enough to make a mistake in a pinch. If I didn't analyze my problem and make a decision, I'd be distraught all Sunday afternoon. The lack of sleep that night, and the likelihood of going to work on Monday morning with a panicked and sad look on his face-this alone should make the Japanese admiral suspicious and make him take further action. "Later, time and time again, it was helpful to make decisions gradually. We were all trapped in an unbearable inner circle because we couldn't achieve our goals and couldn't control ourselves. , will lead to mental breakdown and embarrassment in life. I found that once I made a clear and certain decision, 50% of my worries disappeared, and 40% disappeared after I followed the decision I made. " That said, taking the following 4 steps can usually eliminate 90% of our worries: First, clearly write down what is the worry? Second, write down what can be done. Third, decide what to do. Fourth, implement the decision immediately. Galen Rickoff, now one of the most important American businessmen in Asia, told me very sincerely that his success should be attributed to this method of analyzing worries and daring to face them squarely. "Once a decision is made, it is practiced that day," said William James, "without regard to liability, and without regard to consequences." What he means is that once you base your facts on If you make a very careful decision, you need to put it into practice instead of stopping and reconsidering. Don't hesitate, worry and hesitate. Don't doubt yourself, otherwise it will only cause other doubts. Don't keep looking back. I once asked White Phillips, one of Oklahoma's most successful oil businessmen, how he put his resolutions into action. "I have found," he replied, "that if we go on thinking about things beyond a certain point, it creates confusion and anxiety. When investigation and overthinking are harmful to us, that is when we should make up our minds. Time to make up your mind, put it into action, and never look back." So why don't you apply Galen Rickfield's method to your worries right now?The following is: First, what is my concern?Second, what should I do?Third, what do I decide to do?Fourth, when do I start doing it?