Chapter 5 Chapter 4 Self-knowledge, change the world first change yourself

I have a private folder in my filing cabinet labeled "Stupid Things I've Done."Inserted in the folder were transcripts of silly things I'd done.I sometimes dictate to my secretary for notes, but sometimes these things are so personal and stupid that I don't have the face to ask my secretary to take notes, so I have to write them down myself. Every time I pull out that "folly" file and revisit my own criticisms, it helps me deal with the most intractable problem of all—managing myself. I used to blame others for my troubles, but as I got older and Hope got a little wiser—I finally realized that the only one to blame was myself.Many people realize this as they grow older.When Napoleon was exiled to St. Helens Island, he said: "My failure is entirely my own responsibility, and no one can be blamed. My worst enemy is actually myself, which is also the main cause of my tragic fate."

We can be our own harshest critics.We should identify and deal with our weaknesses ourselves before others catch us.Darwin did just that.When Darwin completed his immortal work——, he realized that this revolutionary theory would definitely shake the entire religious and academic circles.Therefore, he took the initiative to start self-criticism, and spent 15 years constantly consulting data, challenging his own theory, and criticizing his own conclusions. Ordinary people are often angered by criticism from others, but wise people find ways to learn from it.The poet Whitman once said: "Do you think you can only learn from those who like you, admire you, and agree with you? Don't you get more lessons from those who oppose you and criticize you?" Instead of waiting If the enemy comes to attack us or our work, it is better to do it yourself.

I am going to tell you the story of a man who knew the art of self-management. His name is Howell. On July 31, 1944, news of his sudden death at the Ambassador Hotel in New York shocked the nation.Wall Street is even more commotion, because he is the leader of the American financial circles, once served as the chairman of the American Commercial Trust Bank, and concurrently served as the director of several large companies.With limited formal education, he worked as a clerk in a small country shop, then as credit manager for U.S. Steel, and worked his way up to positions of greater power. I once asked Mr. Howell the secret of his success, and he told me: "For years I have had a notepad of appointments for the day. My family never expected me to be home on weekend nights, because they knew that I often Weekend evenings are reserved for self-reflection and assessing my work performance during the week. After dinner, alone, I open my notebook and review all the interviews, discussions and meetings that have taken place throughout the week. I ask myself: 'What did I do wrong? What is going right? What else can I do to improve my job performance and what can I learn from this experience.' This weekly review sometimes makes me very unhappy. Sometimes I can hardly believe my own Reckless. Of course, as I get older, this happens less and less, I have always maintained this habit of self-analysis, and it has helped me a lot.”

Howell's approach may have been learned from Franklin.But Franklin didn't wait until the weekend. He did some self-reflection every night.He found 13 serious errors.Three of them are: wasting time, caring about trivial matters, and arguing with people.The wise Franklin knew that if these shortcomings were not corrected, great things would not be accomplished.So, he set a goal to improve on one shortcoming a week, and recorded which side won every day.The next week, he's working on another bad habit: He's been battling his flaws for two years. No wonder Franklin became a beloved and influential figure.Albert Hubbert said: "Everyone is not smart enough for at least 5 minutes a day, and wisdom seems to have a sense of powerlessness."

Do you get angry or resentful if someone calls you stupid?Let's see how Lincoln handles it.Lincoln's secretary of war, Edward Stanton, once criticized the president in this way. Stanton was angry because of Lincoln's interference.To please some self-serving politicians, Lincoln signed an order to move the regiment.Not only did Stanton refuse to carry out Lincoln's order, but he accused Lincoln of being foolish for signing it.Someone told Lincoln about it, and Lincoln replied calmly, "If Stanton calls me stupid, I'm probably really stupid, because he's almost always right. I'll go and have a talk with him myself."

Lincoln actually went to see Stanton, and Stanton pointed out that his order was wrong, and Lincoln withdrew it.Lincoln was tolerant of criticism, as long as he believed the other party was sincere and willing to help. You and I should also welcome such criticism, because we can't always be right.Even President Roosevelt could only hope that he would be correct three times out of four.Einstein, the greatest scientist today, also admitted that 99% of his conclusions are wrong.French writer Lalaus Fogou once said: "The enemy's view of us may be closer to the truth than our own view."

I think this sentence is often true, but when I am criticized, if I don't remind myself, I will still take a defensive posture without thinking.Each time I was extremely dissatisfied with myself.Right or wrong, people always hate to be criticized and like to be appreciated.We are not logical animals, but emotional animals.Our reason is like a flat boat in a stormy ocean. Find ways not to rush into defense when we hear others talk about our shortcomings.Because every mindless person is like that.Let's be smarter and more humble, and we can say grandly: "If I let him know about my other shortcomings, I'm afraid he will criticize me even more!"

I have discussed how to deal with malicious attacks.Now here's another thought: When you're burning with anger at a malicious attack, why not first tell yourself, "Wait a minute... I'm not perfect. Even Einstein admitted he was 99% wrong, Maybe I'm not right at least 80% of the time. This criticism may come at the right time, and if it is, I should be grateful for it and find a way to benefit from it." Charles Luckman, the president of a large American company, once invited Bob Hope to appear on the radio show with $1 million.Bob never read letters that praised him, only those that criticized him, because he knew he could learn something from them.Ford Motor Company specially invites employees to criticize the company in order to understand what is missing in management and operation.

I know a soap salesman who even offered to be critiqued.When he started selling soap for Colgate, orders were few.He's worried about losing his job, and he's sure there's nothing wrong with the product or the price, so the problem must be him.Whenever he failed to make a sale, he would walk down the street and figure out what was wrong, was it not convincing enough, or not enthusiastic enough?Sometimes he would turn back and ask the merchant: "I didn't come back to sell you soap, I hope to get your opinion and correction. Please tell me, what did I do wrong just now? You have more experience than me. , the career is successful again. Please give me a little correction, it’s okay to be blunt, please don’t keep it.”

His attitude won him many friendships, as well as valuable advice.Want to know his development?He later rose to become president of Colgate, the largest soap company of our time.He is Mr. Little. Only a wise man with a big heart can look up to Howell, Franklin, and Little.When no one is around, why don't you ask yourself what kind of person you are?


Circumstances alone do not make us happy or unhappy, it is our reactions to the things around us that determine our emotions.We can withstand disasters and tragedies and overcome them if necessary.The inner strength of human beings is amazingly strong, and if we develop it, it can help us overcome all difficulties.

As a kid, I used to play games with my friends in the attic of a dilapidated old log cabin in northern Missouri.When I came down from the attic, I stood on the window rail for a while, then jumped down.Since I had a ring on the index finger of my left hand, when I jumped, a nail got caught on it and my finger snapped. I was so scared to death that I screamed, thinking I might die.However, after my hand healed, I didn't feel sorry for it any more.What else can be solved by being sad?I can only accept the fact that this has happened. A few years ago, I saw a guy operating a freight elevator in an office building in downtown New York who lost his entire left hand.I asked him if he was bothered by the lack of a hand, and he replied, "No, I don't realize it at all, unless I notice it when I'm threading a needle." In fact, generally we accept any bad situation and either let ourselves get used to it, or don't think about it at all.In Amsterdam, the capital of the Netherlands, there is an old church built in the 15th century. On the ruins, there is such a line: "The truth is what it is, nothing else." I often think of this sentence. With the development of history to this day, everyone will inevitably encounter unsatisfactory things.If they are already this way, they are no longer any other.Even so, we still have a choice: accept these misfortunes as inevitable and get used to them, or allow worry to break our spirits and destroy our lives?I love this advice from the philosopher William James, which is: "Happily accept that it is what it is. Being able to accept whatever happens is the first step in overcoming the next misfortune." Elizabeth Conley of Portland, Ore., understands this now, and through much misfortune.She described her own experience in a letter to me: "On the day the United States celebrated the Army's victory in North Africa, I received a telegram from the Department of My nephew was lost on the battlefield. A short time later there was another telegram from the Ministry of Defense saying that my dear nephew was dead. "I'm really sad about this result. Before this, I always thought that God is for me, a dream job, a beautiful ideal, that is, to raise my nephew. In my opinion, My nephew is the embodiment of all good young people. All my efforts are worthwhile. But these two telegrams have destroyed my hope in life. I feel that life has no purpose anymore. What's the point? So I didn't pay much attention to work, and I didn't keep in touch with friends. "Since everything is meaningless to me, what else can I do? I left everything behind, became indifferent, and lived in resentment all day long. Why did my favorite nephew die? Why did this happen? Let a good young man die on the battlefield before he started his beautiful life? I can't accept the reality that he has left me. I am so sad. I decided to give up everything, including my hometown, my hometown Ideal job, let yourself be immersed in tears and regrets. "I started clearing my stuff and getting ready to resign. That's when I found a letter from so long ago that I've almost forgotten. It was a letter my nephew wrote me. It was a few years ago when I When my mother passed away he wrote me, 'Of course we'll all miss her and I know you'll miss her even more. But I'm sure you'll make it through, you're such a strong person. The understanding of life, I believe you will be able to accept these. I will always remember how you taught me, no matter where, no matter how far we are, I will always remember you taught me to learn to smile, like a man, Be brave enough to accept whatever has happened'. "I read the letters my nephew gave me over and over again, and I felt that he hadn't left, as if he was talking to me beside me. He seemed to say, 'Why don't you use the methods you taught me? Get through it strong, no matter what happens What a misfortune, cover up those sorrows with a smile and move on with your life'. "So I started going back to work, stopped being indifferent to people, and tried to get my life back to the way it was before. I said to myself 'it's over, I can't change anything, but at least I can still be like me My nephew wants to live'. I put all my mind and energy into my work. I also wrote letters to the soldiers in the front—other people’s sons. In the evening, I participated in adult education classes, worked hard to learn new things, and discovered new things. fun, making new friends. If I hadn’t read this letter, I wouldn’t have thought I’d be able to make these new changes. I’m no longer sad about things that have passed forever, and now my life is full of laughter, just Just like my nephew wanted." Elizabeth Conley understands the truth that we all need to know sooner or later in life, that is, we must work hard to accept and adapt to the helpless things that have happened.This truth is not easy for everyone to learn, and even those leaders of countries who are busy with daily affairs must often remind themselves to accept the facts that have happened. Actress Sarah Banhart has dominated theaters in four major states of the United States for 50 years, and she can be called a diva-level figure.But when she was in her seventies, her legs were amputated due to illness. When her doctor, Professor Pokey, told her the news, he thought Sarah would have a mental breakdown because of it.But after hearing what he had to say, Sarah just gave him a calm look and said, "If you have to, then do it." Before she entered the operating room, she said to her crying son, "Don't go away, I'll be right back." On the way to the operating room, she recited the lines she had acted to the doctors and nurses, Make them happy.After the surgery, she recovered well and went on to travel the world and perform for another seven years. No one can resist the inevitability and start a new journey in life at the same time, no one can.Between the two, you can only choose one.Or bow when the storm comes, or be broken for resisting it. 1933 was the most tragic time in the life of novelist Homer Chloe, when he had to leave the Long Island home where he had lived for 18 years.Before, he never thought that such a thing would happen to him. Twelve years ago, he was at the pinnacle of his life, as if the world was under his feet, and his novel "The Face of the Water Tower" sold the film rights in Hollywood at the highest price.He and his family went to Switzerland for the summer, and lived in the south of France in winter, living a wealthy life. During the 6 months in Paris, Chloe completed the novel "They Must See Paris", which was later adapted into a film, the first sound film starring Will Rogers.The producers told him to stay in Hollywood and make a few more films for Rodgers, but Chloe insisted on returning to New York.Trouble ensues from there. The success of her career made Chloe feel omnipotent, and began to prepare to become a shrewd businessman.When he heard that someone invested in real estate in New York, from a small businessman who had just immigrated to the United States, he became a millionaire overnight.He felt that since others could do it, so could he.The desire to get rich occupied Chloe's whole body and mind. Despite her ambitions, Chloe knows nothing about the real estate industry.He first mortgaged his house and bought a piece of real estate in the Florestan Hills.At that time, Chloe believed that as long as the real estate rose and then sold, she could enjoy huge profits and become a millionaire from then on.He has begun to sympathize with the hard-working office workers who live on a meager salary for a busy day. Chloe is complacent and thinks she has special financial talents.But unfortunately, the U.S. economy began to decline. Like a chicken coop in a Kansas wind, Chloe's dream of getting rich disappeared in an instant.Not only does he have to pay $220 a month for the land, but he also has to pay for the mortgage on the house and take care of his family.He picked up his pen again and wanted to write some humorous novels for the magazine, but under such circumstances, how could he write well?All efforts failed, and except for the typewriter and the gold teeth in his mouth, he couldn't think of anything that could be mortgaged. Life was extremely difficult, and he had no money to buy coal, so he could only collect some waste wood nearby at night.The milk company stopped delivering milk, the gas company stopped supplying gas.The dream of a millionaire is out of reach, and the pangs of poverty surround the Chloe family.He often couldn't sleep at night, got up in the middle of the night and wandered around.That property was also repossessed, and the money spent on it became cannon fodder.The bank repossessed the mortgaged house, leaving the family with nowhere to live. On the last day of 1933, Chloe and her family moved into a small apartment.Sitting on the suitcase, he thought: "I have had the most miserable experience, and I have survived it. My life will definitely get better in the future." The facts are already in front of him, and he can only muster up the courage to accept the facts and start on the road again.He thought about the good things in his life, like his body is still healthy, his friends and family have not left him, and everything can start again. Chloe decided not to grieve for the past anymore, and put all her energy into her work. The situation gradually improved, and her career also improved.Thinking of that experience back then, Chloe said that he has always been grateful. It was that painful past that gave him strength and confidence.


Schopenhauer said: "The ability to accept is the most important thing on the journey of life." The famous philosopher William James also gave this advice: "Be willing to admit that things cannot be changed, and be able to calmly accept what has happened, and you will be able to overcome any misfortunes that follow." We should face the facts that cannot be changed.Face it bravely and adjust your mentality, just like a tree that bears the wind and rain.It's no use worrying about things that have already happened.The only thing that can be done is to learn from the facts and avoid similar things from happening again. There will inevitably be unpleasant things in life, which cannot be changed by anyone, and there is no second way to go.When we encounter such a thing, there are two attitudes to choose from.One is to adapt to it and accept it; the other is to worry about it and let it ruin our lives.Which would you choose? Everyone will experience failures and setbacks, and life is always accompanied by pain and misfortune.What matters is how we deal with our emotions when they come.To defeat it or be captured by it?Which would you choose? Remember this: if things are beyond repair, it's better to accept the status quo, work hard to change yourself, and start a new career and life. While writing this book, I interviewed some prominent American businessmen.What impresses me most about them is their ability to face reality.When things are irreversible, they will accept the status quo, try to change themselves, and start a new career and life.If they didn't have this ability, they would have all been crushed by the pressure of reality. Penney, who founded a nationwide chain of stores, once said to me: "Even if my business loses everything, I don't worry. Because I understand that worrying can't get me anything. All I can do is Do your best to do your duty well, and you have to resign yourself to fate as to the result.” Henry Ford said something similar: "When things I can't handle, I let them run their course." Keller, general manager of Chrysler, also said: "If I encounter difficult things, as long as I can find a solution, I will try my best to do it. If I can't find a suitable method, then put it aside. I never Don't worry about the future, because no one knows what will happen in the future. There are too many factors that affect the future, and worrying may not be useful." Keller is not a philosopher, but a very successful businessman, but his ideas are It coincides with the theory of the famous ancient Roman philosopher Epitotas. The ancient Roman philosopher once said this: "There is no other way to be happy, that is, not to worry about things beyond your power." The tires of a car can withstand the bumps of the road and can travel thousands of miles.People who start out making tires want to design a tire that can withstand bumps in the road, and it doesn't take long for that tire to fall apart.Later, people changed the design idea, so that the tire can absorb all kinds of pressure given by the road surface, and can "accept everything".Such tires are more durable.If our life can also withstand various pressures and bumps, we can better enjoy it instead of struggling with it. When Booth Tarkington was alive, he often said something like this: "Anything in life, I can bear it. It is not the environment itself that makes us happy or unhappy, but our ability to adapt to the environment. It is our ability to adapt to the environment. own feelings." When we have to, we all have to endure various disasters and misfortunes, and even overcome these demons.Maybe sometimes we can't do what we want, but in fact, our spiritual power is extremely huge. As long as we make good use of it, these powers can help us withstand any disaster. Booth Tarkington said: "No matter what fate arranges for me, I can accept it, but I can't bear it except blindness." An old man in his sixties.He looked down at his carpet, and what he saw was a blur, and he couldn't even make out the patterns.He went to an ophthalmologist and confirmed the misfortune: his eyesight was indeed declining, and he was almost blind in one eye, while the other was deteriorating.The most unacceptable fact still happened to him. What could Booth Tarkington do about this "unacceptable" misfortune?Do you think that he would feel: "Okay, this is the end of my life, and this is the end of me." No, no, even he himself did not expect that he was still very happy, and even had a sense of humor.Before, the "dark spot" floating in front of his eyes made him worry, but now, even if the biggest black spot passed by his eyes, he just said: "Ha! The old black spot grandpa is here again. The weather is fine today, he wants to go Where is it?" After being completely blind in both eyes, Booth Tarkington said: "I found that I could bear the absence of sight as well as anything else. So, even if my other sense organs were lost, I Trusting that I can still get on with my thoughts. As long as my thoughts can still 'see', I can still live just fine." In order to restore his vision, he asked an ophthalmologist to perform 12 eye surgeries within a year.He wasn't afraid, because it was all necessary, he couldn't avoid it, and the only way to alleviate the pain was to accept it bravely.He didn't want to live in a private ward in the hospital, but chose a large ward with poorer conditions to be with all the patients, and he tried to make other patients happy too.In fact, during the days of surgery, every time he knew what the doctor had done in his eye.He always tried to imagine himself lucky: "What a wonderful thing! Now that science is so advanced, it is possible to operate on such a delicate part of the eye." Ordinary people, if they had experienced 12 or more surgeries like him and lived in a dark world for a long time, they would have already collapsed.But Booth Tarkington said: "I will not exchange my experience for other happy things." It is this kind of experience that made him learn how to accept misfortune and let him understand that whatever life brings to him is He can accept anything, whether it is beneficial or harmful.This experience also made him understand Fulton's words more deeply: "Blindness is not a sad thing. What is sad is that you cannot accept blindness." If we are overwhelmed by these misfortunes, sad or frightened by what has happened, we still cannot change the inevitable facts.Even so, at least we can change ourselves and adapt ourselves to these disasters. William Seleus had been a member of the Coast Guard, and he had just joined the Guard when he was sent to manage explosives.Before that, he was just a clerk in a biscuit shop.Such a big change made him very uncomfortable. Standing on thousands of tons of explosives, he was in fear all day long.Although he received two days of training, what he learned there made him even more frightened. When I first went on a mission, it was dark, cold, and foggy.He was sent to a pier in New Jersey to take charge of a cabin on the ship.Five able-bodied workers were loading the ship with thousands of pounds of explosives, which they knew almost nothing about, and any one of those bombs could blow the ship to pieces.Cyrus was terrified, his lips were dry and his knees were weak, but he could not escape from his post.If you become a deserter, not only will your family lose face, but you will also be arrested and executed. After a frightening hour, he was finally able to think normally.He said to himself: "Even if the dynamite exploded, so what? It's a very pleasant way to die. It's much better than getting cancer. I have to do this job. It's a dead end anyway. It's better to live happily." He kept comforting himself like this, and after a few hours, he felt a lot easier.He overcomes his worries and fears and allows himself to accept the inevitability. Dorothy Dix had a very poor and sick life.When people ask her how to overcome difficulties, she will answer like this: "If you get through yesterday, you can get through today. I won't think about what will happen tomorrow." She said that she deeply understands struggle , anxiety and disappointment.Looking back on the old days, she deeply felt that life was like a battle, dreams could be shattered at any time, hopes could be shattered in the blink of an eye, and dreams didn't always come true.In this battle, everyone's chances of winning are very low.A war is over, leaving only scars. However, she did not feel sorry for herself because of this. She was never sad about the past, and she never envied those lucky ones who lived a superior life.She believes that her life is the real down-to-earth life, and those people are just living.She had had a taste of life, and those people had only sips.The truth she understands, those people may never understand it in their lifetime.What she has seen, they may never see. Dix said that only a woman whose eyes are washed with tears can see farther. From the hardships of the past, she has learned many valuable life philosophies.People who live smoothly can't learn.Dix said she cherishes every day and doesn't fear the next day, which is just asking for trouble.Fear makes people weak, and she tried her best to drive away fear.Her experiences have given her the courage and wisdom to, when faced with fear, the strength to resist it.Little things, little troubles have been helpless to her. Dix also learned not to expect too much from others.Whether it is a friend's betrayal or other people's gossip, she will laugh it off and maintain the previous relationship.She also learned humor. There are too many dumbfounding things in life.If a woman is not anxious or impatient when encountering troubles, but can laugh at herself, then I think there will be no misfortune in the world that can knock her down. For all kinds of suffering in life, don't feel pain and self-pity, because we can fully understand the other side of life through these hardships.And just for that, it's worth everything we pay.


When fate sends us a lemon, we try to make a lemonade. While I was writing this book, I went to the University of Chicago one day to ask President Robert Menan Rogers about how to be happy.He answered me, "I've been trying to follow a piece of advice that was given to me by the late Trias Rosenvo, chairman of Sears. He said, 'If you only have lemons, Just make a glass of lemonade'." This is what a great educator does, and the opposite is what a fool does.If he finds that fate offers him only one lemon, he will give up and say, "I'm finished, that's life. I don't stand a chance." Then he begins to curse the world and wallow in self-pity.And when a wise man gets a lemon, he says, "What can I learn from this unfortunate incident? How can I improve my situation, and how can I make this lemon into a glass of lemonade?" The great psychologist Alfred Adler, after spending his whole life studying the undeveloped retention ability of human beings, believed that one of the most wonderful characteristics of human beings is "the power to change the negative into positive". Therma Thompson also recognizes a truth the ancient Greeks taught 500 years before Jesus Christ: "The best are the hardest to come by." In the 20th century, Harry Emerson Fosdick repeated this sentence: "The greatest part of happiness is not enjoyment, but victory." Yes, this victory comes from a sense of accomplishment, from a sense of achievement. The pride also comes from the fact that we can make lemonade from lemons. Because I have traveled back and forth across the country time and time again, I have had the privilege of meeting many men and women who demonstrate their "ability to turn a negative into a positive." The following is a very interesting and meaningful story.I know the heroine of this story, and she did exactly that.Her name is Therma Thompson. "During the war," she told me of her experience, "my husband was stationed at an Army training camp near the Murgar Verde desert in California. I moved there as well to be near him. I hated that place, to say the least. Extremely, I have never been so troubled. My husband was sent on a business trip to the Mojiafo Desert, and I stayed alone in that small shabby house." "It was unbearably hot in there - 125 degrees Fahrenheit even in the shade of the giant cactus. No one to talk to you except the Mexicans and Indians, who didn't speak English. The wind kept coming Blowing, everything you eat and the air you breathe is full of sand! Sand everywhere! Sand! Sand!" "I was so sad that I couldn't describe it. I wrote a letter to my parents and told them that I couldn't bear it and wanted to go home. I said I couldn't live for a minute and I might as well go to prison. .My father’s reply was only two lines, and those two lines have stayed in my memory, and it changed my life.” "Two people look out from the prison bars, one sees only mud, the other sees stars." "I read those two lines over and over again, and I felt so ashamed. I made up my mind, I must find out where there are other good places, and I'm going to see the stars." "I made friends with the locals and was amazed at how they responded. When I expressed interest in the cloth they wove and the pottery they made, they offered their favorite things that they wouldn't sell to tourists. Gifts from tourists. I carefully admired the fascinating forms of cacti and yucca, and learned the story of the groundhog. I saw the sunset over the desert and searched for shells - here 3 million years ago Or the seabed." "What made me change so dramatically? The Morgarfort Desert didn't change at all, and the Indians didn't change at all, but I changed—I changed my attitude. In this change, I put Those debilitating situations turned into the most exciting adventures of my life. I was so moved and excited by this new world I discovered that I wrote a novel about it, The Shades of Light. ". I looked out of the prison I set up and finally saw the stars." I once visited a happy farmer in Virginia who even turned a poisonous lemon into lemonade.When he bought the farm, he was very depressed.The land was so poor that it could neither grow fruit nor raise pigs, but poplars and rattlesnakes.Then he hit upon a brilliant idea to turn what he had into an asset - he was going to put those rattlesnakes to good use.What he did surprised everyone, because he started canning rattlesnake meat.When I visited him a few years ago, I found out that nearly 20,000 visitors a year visit his rattlesnake farm. His business is doing great.I saw the venom taken from the mouths of his rattlesnakes being sent to major drug companies to make snake venom serums.I have also seen rattlesnake skins sold at great prices for women's shoes and purses.I've also seen canned rattlesnake meat shipped to customers all over the world.I also bought a postcard with a picture of the place on it and I mailed it at the local post office.Now the village has been renamed Virginia Rattlesnake Village to commemorate the man who turned poisonous lemons into sweet lemon juice. 《十二个以人力胜天的人》一书的作者，已故的威廉·波里索曾经这样说过：“生命中最重要的，就是不要以你的收入为资本。任何一个傻子都会这样做，真正重要的，是要从你的损失里去获利。这就需要聪明才智，而这一点也正是聪明人和傻子的区别。” 波里索说这些话的时候，早已经在一次汽车灾难中摔断了一条腿。但我还知道有一个断了两条腿的人，也把他的负面变成了正面。他的名字叫本·福特生。 当时我在佐治亚州大西洋城一家旅馆的电梯里碰到了他。在我进入电梯的时候，我看到这个看上去非常开心的人却断了两条腿，坐在电梯角落的一张轮椅上。当电梯正好停在他要去的那一层楼时，他开心地问我是否可以给他让一下，让他出去。“真对不起，”他说，“这样给您添麻烦。”他说这话的时候，脸上露出一种非常温暖的微笑。 当我出了电梯回到房间时，他的形象在我的脑中一直挥之不去，于是我决定去找他，请他把自己的故事讲给我听： “1929年的时候，我砍了很多胡桃木，准备给菜园里的豆子做支架。我把树木装在车上，回家的时候，一根树枝滑了下来，卡在车子的引擎里，车子一下子冲出了公路，出了车祸。我的两条腿全瘫痪了。那一年，我只有24岁，之后我再也没法站起来走路了。” 年纪轻轻，就必须接受在轮椅上度过余生的现实，他是怎么度过那段时间的呢？他告诉我，刚开始的时候，他也曾心存不愤，内心十分痛苦，感觉世界对他不公。但时间一点点地过去，他终于明白，心中的不愤带给他的只是坏脾气，还令自己一事无成。他说：“我终于明白，身边的人一直照顾我，关心我，我必须有所回报。” 我又问他说，经历了这么多年的磨难，对于当年的那场车祸，是否还有什么怨怼之情。他马上回答我说：“没有了，有时我甚至还觉得我很幸运自己有这样的经历。”他告诉我，在度过了最初的痛苦的阶段后，他开始了自己的第二人生。 他将自己的生命投入到阅读和文学的兴趣中。在之后的14年里，他至少读了一千四百多本书。从这些书中，他学到了许多新的思想，开阔了他的视野，使生活更加丰富多彩。他还喜欢上了音乐，以前那些让他烦闷的交响乐，现在却觉得动听无比。还有一个改变，他有足够的时间进行思考了：“有生以来，我第一次认真地审视这个世界，有了自己的世界观。我明白了一个道理，以前追求的很多东西，其实是没有价值的。” 在阅读时，他对政治产生了兴趣，开始研究大众关心的问题。在轮椅上，他到处发表演讲，认识了很多人，也被许多人认识了。现在，本·福特生虽然还无法站起来行走，但已经是佐治亚州的政府秘书长了。


乔治五世曾在白金汉宫的宫殿墙上留下这样的话：“我不会为月亮的消失而哭泣，也不会为做过的事懊悔。” 在我家的院子里的石板和木板上，留着一串恐龙的足迹。那是我从耶鲁大学的皮氏博物馆里买来的。博物馆长来信告诉我说，这些足迹都是一亿八千万年前的古代足迹。即便是傻瓜，也不会想去改变一亿八千万年前的恐龙足迹，而人类的忧虑往往就像这个想法一样无知。 过去发生的事即便是在180秒钟之前，我们也没有办法回头去改变。我们无力改变已经发生的既成事实，只能想方设法改变180秒钟前发生的事带给我们的影响。我们过去所犯的错误，它唯一的价值就是我们可以冷静地进行分析，从中汲取经验教训，然后再彻底把它忘记。 弗德烈·富勒·绥德有一个本领，他可以把古老的真理用新颖的方式讲出来。有一回，他在一所大学的毕业班上讲演，他向学生们提问：“谁曾经锯过木头，请举手。”大部分学生都举起手来。接着，他又问说：“有谁曾锯过木屑？”没有人再举手。 “当然，谁也不可能去锯木屑。”绥德说，“对于已经过去的事，道理也一样，如果你在为过去已经完成的事情而感到烦恼，你就是在锯木屑。” 我曾在几年前开办过一个很大的成人教育补习班，在很多城市都开设了分部。这个补习班让我花了很多的维持费用和宣传费用。而且因为忙于教授课程，所以没有多少时间管理补习班的财务。当时的我还很天真，竟然没有请一个优秀的业务助理来负责各项支出。将近一年后，我突然发现一个事实。我们收入看起来不少，但利润却几乎为零。那时我本应该马上做以下两件事： 1.将这件事完全忘掉，就像科学家乔治·华盛顿·卡弗尔在失去全部财产后所做的那样。再也不提起这笔损失。 2.分析这件事到底哪里出了错，并从中汲取教训。 但这两件事我一件都没做。与之相反，我开始为此而担忧，接下来连续几个月都处在糊涂的思绪中，没睡过一个安稳觉。我并没有从这件事中汲取教训。 其实，对于失败，只有完全忘掉和汲取教训两个选择。其他的一切忧虑和担忧都于事无补。 亚伦·山德士曾经讲过他一生难忘的一次教训。当时他还只是个十几岁的小男孩，多愁善感，常为自己所犯的错误而自怨自艾。他总是在想：“如果那些事情我从来没有做过，从来没有发生，该有多好。如果我从来没有说过那些话，如果我能换个方式来说那些话，该有多好。” 有一天清晨，山德士和同学们上生理卫生课。他的老师保罗·布兰德老师在桌边放着一瓶牛奶，大家都搞不明白他的用意。突然，布兰德老师将牛奶打翻到水槽中，同时大声说：“不要为打翻的牛奶而哭泣。” 接着，老师把同学们都叫到水槽边：“仔细看清楚，牛奶已经漏光了，你再着急，再抱怨，也不可能收回一滴。如果你在事先就曾想过办法，做了预防措施，就不会打翻这瓶牛奶了。但是现在，做什么都已太迟。现在我们能做的就是将它忘掉，去考虑别的事情。”这堂课让山德士终生难忘，它教给山德士一个道理，只要有可能，就要在事前预防，不要让牛奶被打翻。但如果牛奶已经打翻了，就得将它彻底忘掉。 “不要为打翻的牛奶而哭泣”是流传了很久的一句俗话，它凝聚了先人的智慧。在各个时代，很多伟人写的关于忧虑的书中，我们也难以找出像“不要为打翻的牛奶而哭泣”这样更有用的俗语。不听老人言，吃亏在眼前。如果我们能用心领会那些古老的俗语，或许可以过上近乎完美的生活。然而，如果我们把它挂在嘴边，却从不用心体会，就无法从中获取力量。 重量级拳王杰克·邓普塞曾对我描述了他把拳王头衔输给金·童黎的那次比赛。在第十回合结束后，他还没有被击倒，但脸上已经受了很多伤，肿得连眼睛都无法睁开。最后，他看到裁判举起了对手的手，宣布对手的获胜。这场比赛让他走下了世界拳王的宝座。 那天，天空中飘着雨丝，邓普塞走在人群中，无比落寞。 一年后，邓普塞与童黎又进行了一场拳击赛，结果仍然败北。从此，他再也没有重登拳王宝座。要完全忘掉这回事，对他来说并不是件容易的事。但他决定，不能永远活在过去的阴影里，打击虽然沉重，但也要承担起来。在拳击场上被击倒了，但不能让它把自己在生活中也击倒。 他努力忘掉过去的失败经历，把精力放在对未来的谋划上。他转而经营百老汇的邓普塞餐厅，致力于拳击赛的组织和宣传，举办有关拳击的各种展览。他再没有时间，也没有心情为过去烦心。他说：“现在，我的生活要比做世界拳王时还要好得多。” 莎士比亚说：“聪明的人永不会坐在自己的失去上徒自悲伤，他会高兴地去寻找治愈创伤的办法。”我曾经参观过一座监狱，在那里我吃惊地看到犯人们过得似乎很快乐。那所监狱的典狱长告诉我，刚刚来到监狱的时候，犯人们大多都心存不满，脾气也好不到哪里去。但几个月过后，多数聪明的犯人就会安下心来，忘掉过去的不幸，开始适应在狱中的生活。他还说，一个过去做园艺工作的犯人甚至在监狱的围墙内种植蔬菜，高兴地哼着小曲儿。因为他明白在那里眼泪是最不值钱的东西。 虽然错误和疏忽都是因我们而起，但即使圣人也会犯错。拿破仑输掉了他三分之一的重要战役，比起他来，我们的纪录可能还要更好。即使拿破仑动用所有的军队，也赢不回结束的战争。 所以一定要记住：“不要试图去锯那些早已锯碎的木屑。”
在几年前，有一次我到了德国南部。一天，当我正和几个朋友在一个小城市的街道上闲逛时，其中一个朋友突然说道：“你们看，那座小房子就是当年爱因斯坦出生的地方。”我们停住了脚步，顺着他的手指的方向望去，那是不远处的一间杂货店。 当我听说爱因斯坦的叔父还住在那里时，非常兴奋，当天下午，我就去拜访了他。但结果并不尽如人意，关于我想知道的爱因斯坦是不是天赋异禀，是不是有特异能力，他只字未提。他滔滔不绝地向我讲述着众所周知的事情，比如说：爱因斯坦小时候非常害羞，说话结巴反应迟钝，学校的老师认为他朽木不可雕，甚至父母都在担心他是不是弱智。 就是这个从小被所有人看作弱智的笨孩子，后来却成了当代最杰出的人物、有史以来最伟大的科学家之一！ 爱因斯坦的成名源于其相对论，这让他自己都非常意外。那还是几年前某一天，爱因斯坦一觉醒来忽然发现，自己已经成了世界名人，世界各国在报纸的头版上纷纷报道着他——一个普通的数学教授。对于一个科学家来说，能够受到新闻媒体如此强烈地关注，这是第一次！ 爱因斯坦的性格非常奇特，生活中大多数人所梦寐以求的事情，如名利、奢华的生活等，他完全都不在乎。有一次，他乘坐一艘轮船横渡大西洋。当船长得知名人爱因斯坦在船上时，热情邀请他去住最豪华的套间，但被爱因斯坦拒绝了。他宁愿坐在下等舱里，也不想被别人特别的优待。 爱因斯坦50岁生日时，德国政府为了表达对这位伟大科学家的敬意，在普斯丹城为他建了一座半身铜像，还赠给他一套别墅和一艘小游艇。 可是好景不长，纳粹头子希特勒上台了，他开始迫害犹太人。爱因斯坦也是犹太人，所以只能逃往海外，暂居比利时。他一走，家里的财产就被全部没收，家门还被上了锁；一位警探日夜待在他的屋子里守候着。 当美国的普林斯顿研究院听说爱因斯坦的遭遇时，热情地邀请他前去担任数学教授。当爱因斯坦到达纽约那天，码头上挤满了前来采访的媒体和记者。为了躲避这些骚扰，在轮船靠岸之前，爱因斯坦就在朋友的帮助下秘密地下了船。 爱因斯坦的相对论非常难懂，他曾用一个简单有趣的例子来形容“相对论”：一个美女陪着你1小时，你会觉得似乎只有1分钟那么短；而让你在火炉上坐1分钟，你则会觉得似乎有1小时那么久。这是显而易见的，谁都愿意和美人相对而坐，而不愿意坐在火炉上。而这两者之间的区别，其实就是时间的相对性。现在市面上出版的关于相对论的书籍多达九百多种，但是爱因斯坦曾说，世界上真正懂得相对论的人恐怕不超过12个。 爱因斯坦的第一任太太就坦承，她完全不懂相对论。爱因斯坦一生结过两次婚，第一任太太还为他生了两个可爱的孩子。爱因斯坦夫人虽然不了解相对论，不过她却了解对妻子来说更为重要的东西：自己的丈夫。 爱因斯坦夫人喜欢热闹，所以会经常邀请朋友们到家里喝茶聊天。这时，她总想让自己这个教授丈夫也能下楼去一起开心聊天。爱因斯坦被打断了思考，往往显得脾气暴躁，他喊道：“不行！我不去！我得快点离开这里，我再也受不了这些吵闹了，我根本没法工作！”此时，爱因斯坦夫人聪明地保持着沉默，等到爱因斯坦发完脾气之后，她就会巧妙地运用一点外交手腕，很快就能把他带到楼下去喝茶，这也使他得到了必要的休息。 据爱因斯坦夫人说，爱因斯坦在思想领域中是很遵守秩序的，但在平时的生活中，他却显得非常简单和“随意”，不想受到任何约束。他给自己订了两条规距：一是，不要任何规则；二是，不受任何人的支配。 一方面，他正在解决复杂的“宇宙之谜”；但另一方面他又认为，不应将人生的享受搞得过于复杂。如果你在街上看到了他，肯定认不出来。他总是穿着一套邋遢的旧衣服，多数时候还没戴帽子。在浴室里，他常常吹着口哨或哼着歌曲；洗完澡刮胡子时，总是直接用洗澡肥皂而不用刮面香皂。他认为用两种肥皂不仅麻烦而且浪费。 有一次，他去乘坐柏林的公交车，买票时误以为对方找错了零钱，于是和售票员吵了起来。售票员把钱重新数了一遍，结果是爱因斯坦数错了。售票员嘲讽地笑道：“先生，您没学过算术吧？” 的确，他对金钱没什么概念，因为他从不渴求什么金钱、名气或者赞美。他能从一些简单的事情——如他的工作、拉小提琴或划船中，得到满足和快乐。 在我看来，爱因斯坦拥有一种完美的人生哲学，他的快乐哲学甚至比他的相对论更有意义。爱因斯坦曾说：“我的幸福是——从不期望从任何人身上得到什么好处！”