Chapter 26 you have to be happy

Happiness is somewhat contagious, but you can only be happy if you make others happy. When I started planning to write this book, I offered a $200 reward to the most touching self-motivation story under the title "How to Be Happy". There are three judges for this essay competition, namely Eddie Reckenbacker, Chairman of Eastern Airlines, Dr. Stewart McCollinan, President of Lincoln Memorial University, and Kattan Bonn, broadcast news critic.However, among the manuscripts we received, there were two excellent works, which made it impossible for the three judges to choose, so the two applicants had to share the prize equally.Here is one of the winning stories, written by Mr. Bolton of Springtown, Missouri.

"I lost my mother when I was 9, and my father when I was 12." Mr. Burton wrote in the article, "My mother left home suddenly one day 19 years ago. Didn't meet the two sisters she took. She didn't write to me until 7 years after leaving home. Father died in a car accident 3 years after mother left home. He partnered with others in a small town in Missouri He left a coffee shop, and later his partner sold the coffee shop while he was on a business trip, and fled with the money. A friend telegraphed his father and told him to come back to deal with the matter. In a hurry, he happened in Salina, Kansas. I was in a car accident and died. I had two aunts, poor, old and sick, who took three of our five siblings home, leaving me and my brother with no one to take in. Although unwilling to be seen I became an orphan, but we had no choice but to beg for help from people. I lived in a poor family for a while, but soon the husband lost his job, so he could no longer support me. Later, Mr. Luo Futing and his wife took me in. Let me live in a farm five or six kilometers away from the town.

"Mr. Luo Futing is 70 years old. He suffers from herpes zoster, commonly known as 'loin-clothed dragon'. He lies in bed all day long. He told me that as long as I don't lie, don't steal, and behave obediently, I can live there forever. These three The commandment became my bible, and I lived by it. Then I went to school, but the first week I hid in the house like a baby and cried. Many children deliberately made trouble for me, made fun of my big nose, Say I'm a fool and call me 'little stinky orphan'. I'm so sad and want to beat them, but Mr. Luo Futing said: 'Always remember, the one who can walk away and not fight is greater than the one who stays and fights A lot.' So I endured it and didn't fight with people. Until one day, a kid grabbed a handful of chicken shit in the school yard and threw it in my face. I beat the kid up, and the result Made several friends who all said the guy deserved it.

"I really like a new hat that Mrs. Lofting bought me. However, one day, a big girl tore my hat off, filled it with water, and ruined the hat. She said that she The purpose of pouring water into it is to 'that water can wet your big head, so that your popcorn-like brain will not explode randomly'. "I never cried at school, but when I got home, I cried a lot. Until one day, Mrs. Lofting gave me some comfort, and all my worries and worries disappeared at once, and I started to try to turn my enemies into friends. She Said to me: 'Roff, if you show interest in them and notice what you can do for them, I think they might stop teasing you and calling you an orphan.' I took her advice , and studied harder. Later I became the first in the class, but no one envied me, because I always tried to help others.

"I helped many students in my class improve their composition writing skills, and I also wrote complete book reports for them. Some children were embarrassed to let their parents know that I was helping them, and often told their parents that they were going to catch kangaroos. Then he ran to Mr. Luo Futing's farm, locked the dogs in the barn, and asked me to teach them to read. "The god of death swept away the farm near us. All the adult men on the farm were dead. I was the only male left in the four families. I lived with the widows for two years. Every day after school, I would go to their farm, Help them chop firewood, milk milk, and feed and water the livestock. Everyone likes me very much, treats me as a friend, and no one scolds me anymore. When I retired from the Navy, I really felt their affection for me. Home On the first day, more than 200 farmers came to see me, some even drove over from 40 kilometers away. I have been trying to help others, so that I have no worries, and no one has called me 'little smelly' for 13 years Orphans' gone."

So did the late Dr. Frank Lupe of Seattle, Washington, who was bedridden with rheumatism for 23 years. "Seattle News" reporter Stewart Whitehouse wrote to me: "I have interviewed Dr. Lu Pei many times, and I have never met such a selfless person, so appreciative of each day." How can a patient like him who can only lie on the hospital bed live a good life?Does he complain and criticize others all day long?no!Is he filled with self-pity and desperate to be the center of attention?no!Does he want everyone to sympathize with him and take care of him?Nor is it.Instead, he took the Prince of Wales' quote "I serve others" as his motto, collected the names and addresses of many other patients, wrote them joyful, encouraging letters to cheer them up, and in doing so It is also an inspiration to himself.He organized a club for correspondence between patients and later a national organization called the "Society in the Ward."

In this way, he lay on the hospital bed and wrote an average of 1400 letters a year. The radios and books donated by people also brought happiness to thousands of patients. What is the difference between Dr. Lu Pei and ordinary people?There is only one difference: he has an inner strength to work hard to accomplish his goals and tasks; he can derive happiness from ideals that are nobler than himself, and he will not become a person like Bernard Shaw: Self-centered, sick, miserable old guy who complains all day long that the world doesn't make him happy." Psychotherapist Alfred Andel once made an amazing statement.He often said to patients suffering from mental depression: "If you can follow my method, your illness will be cured within 14 days. This method is to think about how you can please others every day."

This statement is so unbelievable that I feel the need to explain it further and quote part of Dr. Ander's famous book, What Life Should Mean to You. On page 258 of What Life Should Mean to You, Dr. Ander writes: "People with depression have a chronic anger and deep dislike for others. Although the purpose is to get care, sympathy and help, they often become depressed because of their own feelings of guilt. Depression Patient's early memories often go like this: 'I remember wanting to lie on the bench, but my brother was already lying there, and I cried so loudly that he had to go away.'

"Depressed patients often commit suicide as a means of revenge on themselves. The first treatment provided by doctors is to prevent them from having any reason to commit suicide. The method I use to relieve their tension-is also the first treatment in this form. One rule - is to advise them to 'never do anything they don't like to do'. This may sound simple, but it goes deep to the root of the disease. If a depressed person can do all He wants to do what he wants to do, so who can he blame? What revenge can he have on himself?' If you want to go to the movies, or go on vacation, go. Come back.' This is the most ideal life that people aspire to, and it seems to satisfy the sense of superiority they pursue. He is like a fairy. For other patients, this may not be what he pursues way of life. He wants to control others, he wants to blame others. If everyone obeys him, he has no reason to blame others. This practice can relax people's tension. Among my patients, there has never been There have been suicides.

“Often the patients say to me, ‘I don’t have anything in particular.’ I hear that so often, and the answer is, ‘Then don’t do anything you don’t want to do.’ Sometimes They also say, 'I want to stay in bed all day.' If I say it's fine, he may not want to do it again; but if I object, he'll argue with me like a war. So, My usual practice is always to agree. "That's one of the methods, the other is a direct blow to their way of life. I said to them: 'If you follow my method, you will be cured in fourteen days. This method is Think every day how you can please people.' Do you know what that means to them? Especially when their minds are full of 'how can I make people worry'. But their answer is very interesting, Some people say, 'It's too easy for me, I've been doing this my whole life.' They've never done it. I ask them to think about it, but they don't care .I said to them, 'When you can't sleep, you can greatly improve your health by spending some time thinking about how you can cheer up others.' The next day I asked them if they had thought about my advice. Someone replied: 'Last night I fell asleep as soon as I went to bed.' Note that you must be sincere and friendly when speaking to them, without showing too strong a sense of superiority at all.

"Other people will reply, 'I'll never be able to do this, I'm full of worries.' At this point I will say to them: 'You can keep worrying. But sometimes it's okay to think about other people.' I want them to be somewhat interested in other people. Many people say to me: 'Why make other people happy? Others never make me happy.' I rarely hear patients say, 'I thought about you advice.''For your own health,' I replied, 'those people will suffer later.' I understand that their chief aetiology is lack of co-operation, and endeavor to increase their interest in the society. I believe He was healed once they could get along with others on an equal footing. The most important creed in religion has always been 'love your neighbor'... People who have no interest in life are often prone to more serious problems in life The most difficult, the most harm to others. The failures of mankind often come from this kind of person... We ask him, give him the highest praise, because he is a cooperative person and a friend to others , but also a sincere partner in love and marriage." Dr. Ander asks us to do one good thing every day, but what kind of thing can be called a good thing?The Prophet Muhammad said, "A good deed is something that puts a smile on someone's face." Why does doing a good deed every day have such a huge impact on people?For when people try to please others, they give themselves a kind of self-forgetfulness and indulge in self-illusion.Otherwise, worries and fears will come one after another, and you will be prone to depression. Mrs. William Moon, of the Secretarial School in New York City, once tried to please others and was cured of her depression in less than two weeks.She beat Alfred Andel by a chip—no, thirteen chips.Her depression was cured in one day instead of 14, and all she had to do was figure out how she could cheer up two orphans. "Five years ago in December," said Mrs. Moonn, "I was in a state of self-pity. After many years of happy and happy life, I suddenly lost my dear husband. Christmas was coming, My sadness is getting worse. I have never spent Christmas alone in my life. Many friends have sent me invitations, but I don’t feel that I can get any happiness. I feel that no matter what party I am at, I will be a Nasty people, so declined their kind invitations and felt more self-pity for it. I myself realize that there is much to be grateful for in this world, just as everyone else has much to be grateful for. The afternoon before Christmas At 3 o'clock, I left the office and walked down Fifth Avenue, hoping to escape my self-pity and melancholy. The people on the street were so happy and happy-the sight and the sight reminded me of those lost joys. years. I was terrified at the thought of going back to that lonely, empty apartment. I was so lost, I didn’t know what to do, and I couldn’t hold back my tears. After walking aimlessly for about an hour, I found myself Standing in front of a bus stop. I think I used to get on a random bus with my husband, just for the fun of it. So, I stepped on a random bus that stopped. When the bus had gone for a long time, I heard the driver say: "The terminal is here, ma'am." This is an unknown town, a very quiet little place. I was walking on a street in a residential area, and there was a church nearby, and "Peace I walked in and found that the whole church was empty except for the organ player. I sat quietly on a chair and looked at the dazzling lights on the Christmas tree, as if the stars were shining in the moonlight Dancing. The melodious music - plus I haven't eaten since morning - made me feel dizzy, weak and heavy, and fell asleep. When I woke up, I didn't know where I was , a little scared. There were two children in front of me, who might have come in to see the Christmas tree. The little girl pointed at me and said, "I don't know if Santa Claus brought her here." Seeing that I woke up suddenly, the two The other children were also terrified. They were poorly dressed, and I asked where their parents were. It turned out that they had no mother and no father, but two little orphans, in a much worse condition than any orphans I had ever seen. It made me ashamed of my sadness and self-pity. I showed them the Christmas tree, took them to a little trattoria, had some refreshments, and bought them some sweets and a few presents. In the process, my loneliness magically disappeared. These two orphans brought me joy and self-forgetfulness that I haven't had in a long time! As I chat with them, I realize how lucky I have been. I want to thank God , my childhood Christmas was full of joy and love from my parents. Two orphans gave me more than I gave them. This experience once again taught me that only by making others happy can you be happy. We become happy ourselves. I also found that happiness isWhat can infect each other is also receiving when giving.Only by giving our love in helping others can we overcome worry, sadness, and self-pity, and renew ourselves.This was not only the case then, but is still the case today. " There are many, many stories of self-forgetfulness and restoration of health and happiness.Here is another example about Margaret Taylor Yates.One of the most popular women in the U.S. Navy, she was also a novelist.But none of her mystery novels is as interesting as the true story of what happened to her.It happened the morning of the Japanese attack on the U.S. fleet at Pearl Harbor.At that time, Mrs. Yeats had been lying in bed for more than a year because of a heart attack, and she had to stay in bed for 22 hours out of 24 hours a day.The longest walks she took were to sunbathe in the garden, and she had to be supported by servants. For a while, she even thought that she had become a useless person.she said to me: "If the Japanese hadn't bombed Pearl Harbor and drove me out of my self-sorrowful state, I might never have had a real life." "After the incident, everything was in chaos. A bomb fell near my house, and the force of the explosion knocked me out of bed. Army trucks rushed to the base and transferred the army and navy families to the public schools. and call those who have spare rooms to take them in. The Red Cross, knowing that I have a phone by my bed, asked me to record all the information for them. So I recorded all the Army, Navy Dependents, and where the children were being sent, the Red Cross also informed all Navy and Army personnel to call me and ask where their families were being settled. "I soon learned that my husband, Colonel Rob Yeats, was safe and sound. I tried to cheer up the women who didn't know if her husband was alive or dead, and tried to comfort those whose husbands had died - the number of casualties continued to mount, 2,117 Marines were killed and 960 missing. "At first I was lying on the bed to answer the phone, and gradually I sat up. I was so busy and nervous that I completely forgot that I was still weak, so I walked out of bed and sat at the table. I completely forgot about myself when I was in trouble. Since then, I have never gone back to bed except for normal sleep. I think if the Japanese hadn’t bombed Pearl Harbor, I might have spent my whole life as a Semi-crippled. I lay comfortably in bed, cared for, and virtually lost hope of recovery without knowing it. "Pearl Harbor was a great tragedy in American history, but for me personally, it was the best event that ever happened to me. The crisis gave me new strengths that I could not have imagined Yes, it made me not just focus on myself, but give more attention to others. It gave me something indispensable and became my purpose in life. I stopped thinking about myself and worrying about myself all day long." A third of those who go to a psychiatrist can heal themselves—if only they are willing to help others—just by doing what Margaret Taylor Yeats did.This is not only my personal opinion, but also the famous psychologist Jung, who is the most authoritative person in this field.He said: "About one-third of my patients are not really sick, but because their lives are meaningless and empty." A lifetime—but the parade caravan just goes by and doesn't stop and wait, so they go to a psychologist and talk about their meaningless little things and their worthless lives.I can't catch up with the boat, but I stand on the pier, blaming me non-stop; I don't know myself, but I ask the whole world to center on me. Maybe you're saying to yourself, "What's so special about that, I've hosted two orphans on Christmas Eve; if I had been at Pearl Harbor, I'd have been brave enough to do Margaret Taylor Yeh My situation is different. My life is too ordinary, my work is too boring, and nothing dramatic has ever happened. How can I be interested in helping others? Why should I do it? What good does it do me?" Let me answer these questions.No matter how ordinary your life is, you meet some people almost every day, how do you treat them?Are you just looking at them, or are you trying to understand their lives?For example, a postman travels hundreds of kilometers every year to deliver letters to your door. Have you ever tried to ask him where he lives, or look at the photos of his wife and children?Did you ask him if his feet were sore?Does his job bore him?And the grocery delivery kid, the newspaper guy, the guy on the corner who shines your shoes.These people are all human beings with their own troubles, dreams and personal ambitions. They long for the opportunity to share their happiness and sorrows with others, but have you given them the opportunity?Do you show an interest in their lives?This is my answer.You don't have to be Nightingale or a social revolutionist to change the world, but you can start tomorrow morning with the people you meet. What is the use of doing this?It can bring you more happiness and greater satisfaction, and it can fill your heart with comfort.Aristotle called this attitude of life "beneficial selfishness".Zoroaster, the ancient Persian Zoroastrian leader, once said: "Doing good deeds to help others is not a responsibility, but a kind of joy, which can make yourself healthier and happier." Franklin's statement is more Straightforward: "When you are kind to others, you are kind to yourself." Henry Link, director of the New York Center for Psychotherapy, said: "In my opinion, the most important discovery of modern psychology is the scientific demonstration that self-sacrifice and self-discipline are necessary in order to achieve self-awareness and happiness. .” Thinking more from the perspective of others will not only make you no longer full of worries, but also help you make more friends and gain more joy in life.But how exactly can this be done?I once consulted Professor William Lyon Fairp of Yale University, and he answered me this way: "Whether it's a hotel stay, a haircut, or shopping, I always have something to say to the people I meet to make them happy, and I always treat them as a human being, not a small part in a machine. I will compliment the store The waitress who received me here said that her eyes are beautiful and her hair is beautiful; I will be very concerned to ask the master who is cutting my hair, will he feel tired standing all day? I ask him how he does it How long have you been doing haircuts? Have you ever counted how many heads you have shaved? I have found that when you show interest in someone, it cheers them up. When I was with the guy who was helping me with my luggage When shaking hands with the waiter in the red hat, he will feel very happy and full of energy. “One hot summer day at noon, I walked into the New Haven Railway dining car. The dining car was so overcrowded that it almost became a madhouse. Due to the overcrowding, the service was very slow, and the waiter handed me the menu for a long time, and I ordered. He said to him: "The back kitchen must be hot and stuffy, and the chefs must be very tired today." The waiter suddenly called out, his voice full of resentment. At first, I thought he was angry. "My God! ' he said loudly, 'everyone complains that the food here is bad, that we are too slow, that the air is too stuffy, that the food is too expensive, and I have heard all kinds of complaints here for 19 years Yes. You are the first and only one to express sympathy for cooks who work in stuffy kitchens, I beg God for us to have more guests like you.' "The reason why the waiters are so surprised is that I treat the black chefs behind me as human beings, instead of seeing them as small screws in the big railway organization." What ordinary people hope is that others can treat themselves as human beings , whenever I see someone leading a beautiful dog on the street, I always praise that dog. When I walk a few steps forward and look back, I often see that person pat the dog's head with his hands Express your joy.My compliments made him like his dog even more. "I once met a shepherd in England, and I sincerely praised his big and smart sheepdog. I also humbly asked him how to train the sheepdog. After I left, I looked back and found that The shepherd was stroking the shepherd lovingly, with his forefeet up, on the shepherd's shoulders. Our little interest in the shepherd and his dog made the shepherd It was happy, and it made the collie happy, and it brightened my mood." How can someone who shakes hands with a red hat, expresses sympathy for a cook working in a stuffy kitchen, and tells someone they love their dog, be so full of resentment toward others, or so full of worries about himself that he needs a psychiatrist?impossible!Of course not!There is a Chinese saying that goes well: "The hand that has held a rose will always have some fragrance." If you are a man, you can skip this paragraph, maybe it doesn't mean much to you.Here is the story of how a worried, sullen girl gets several men to propose to her.The girl in the story is now a grandmother.A few years ago, I went to give a speech in the small town where she lived, and I was once a guest at her home.The morning after the speech, she drove me to a station more than 20 kilometers away, and then transferred to New York Central Station. We were talking about how to make friends along the way, and she said to me, "Mr. Carnegie, I want to tell you something that I've never told anyone, not even my husband." She was born in a poor family in Philadelphia. "My girlhood was so miserable. Because my family was poor, I couldn't have as many things to be happy as other girls. The quality of clothes was poor, the style was outdated, and I looked Too fast, the clothes always don't fit. I always feel very embarrassed about this, full of humiliation in my heart, and often hide in the quilt and cry. In desperation, I thought of a way, when I attend dinner parties, I always invite male companions Tell me about his own life experience, future plans and opinions on some things. The reason for asking these questions repeatedly is not because I have any special interest in them, but to avoid my male partners from paying attention to my ugly clothes However, a strange thing happened. After chatting with these male companions and getting to know them better, I suddenly became interested in their conversations, and even forgot about my own clothing. But I was even more surprised What’s amazing is that I listened patiently, got the boys to talk about themselves and made them very happy, and I gradually became one of the most popular girls around, and I even had three boys propose to me at the same time.” If we want to "improve everything for others"—as Dreiser preaches—then let's do it quickly, without wasting time. "I will pass this road only once, so whatever good I can do and whatever kindness I can show, do it now. Let me neither delay nor neglect, for I shall not again passed this way." If you want to eliminate worry and cultivate a mood of peace and happiness, here is the seventh rule: "Be interested in others and forget about yourself, and do one good thing each day that will bring happiness to others."