Chapter 24 discover yourself, stay true to yourself

The idea of ​​combining the best of others is the most stupid and absurd behavior. Here is a letter from Mrs. Edith Allard from Aire Hill, North Carolina. "I have been very sensitive and shy since I was a child," she wrote in the letter. "I have always been fat, and my face looks fatter than it is. My mother is very rigid. In her opinion, wearing beautiful clothes is a A stupid thing. She is always nagging and saying: "The loose clothes are easy to wear, and the narrow clothes are easy to tear." And she buys my clothes according to this sentence. For this reason, I never participate in other people's Banquets, and rarely had a good time. At school, I didn't go outside with the other kids, and I didn't even go to gym class. I was shy and felt different and completely unlovable.

"Growing up, I married an older man, but I haven't changed much. My husband and his family are friendly and confident, and they are exactly the kind of people I want them to be. I try my best Trying my best to fit in with them and just not being able to. Everything they did to open me up made me withdraw even more into my shell. I became extremely nervous , and started avoiding all my friends, so bad that I was afraid to hear the doorbell ring. I knew I was a failure, but I was afraid that my husband would find out. So every time I was in public, I pretended to be very happy, and I did very well Inappropriate. I often regretted my mistakes, and sometimes felt that there was no point in living—I thought about suicide."

What changed the life of this miserable woman?It turned out to be just a casual sentence. "One offhand remark changed my whole life," Mrs. Allard wrote. "One day my mother-in-law talked about how she raised her children. She said, 'I always ask them to be what they are, no matter what. ''Stay true to yourself', that's it. All of a sudden, I realize that the reason I'm so distressed is because I've been trying to fit myself into a mold that doesn't work for me. "My whole life changed overnight. I started to be who I am, and I tried to work on my personality; I discovered my strengths, and I started to work on color and clothing, and to dress in the way that suits me; I I took the initiative to make friends and joined a community organization - a very small one. The first time I participated in the event, I was terrified, but every time I spoke, I gained more courage. Although it cost me It was a long time, but it gave me a lot of joy that I never imagined I could have. When I teach my own children, I often tell them what I have learned from these pains: No matter what, you have to stay true to yourself."

"The question of how to stay true to yourself is as old as history," said Dr. James Zilkie, "and as common as life." The reluctance to be true to oneself contains many underlying spiritual and psychological causes.Angulo Petra, who has written 13 books and thousands of articles in the field of children's education, believes: "There is nothing more painful than someone who wants to be someone else, or something other than himself." This desire to be someone very different from oneself is especially prevalent in Hollywood.Sam Wood is one of the most well-known directors in Hollywood.He said that when he was inspiring some young actors, the most troublesome problem he encountered was how to keep them in their true colors.They're all willing to be second-rate Lana Turner; second-rate Clark Gable. "And the audience can't stand these routines," Sam Wood kept telling them, "they need something new."

Sam Wood worked in real estate for many years and picked up some salesmanship skills before he started directing movies like "The Teacher of Men and Men" and "The Bell Tolls."He believes that the same principle can be applied to other businesses and movies.It is impossible to achieve good results if you follow the same steps and follow what others say."I've learned from experience that the safest course of action is to get rid of the posers as soon as possible," he said. Recently I asked Mr. Paul, Director of Personnel Department of Sufan Petroleum Company, what is the biggest mistake that job seekers make most often.Mr. Paul has interviewed more than 60,000 job seekers and published a book called "Six Ways to Find a Job".His answer is: "The most common mistake job seekers make is that they can't maintain their true colors and don't show their true colors. Instead of being completely honest with recruiters, they give some answers that they think they want." But it's not helpful, and no one wants to hire a hypocrite any more than anyone wants to accept fake banknotes.

One girl learned this the hard way.She aspires to be a singer, but she is not pretty--a long face, a big mouth, and very exposed teeth.The first time she sang in public at a New Jersey nightclub, she kept trying to pull her upper lip down over her teeth in hopes of appearing prettier, only to end up making a fool of herself. Just when she thought she was doomed, a person in the nightclub who had heard her sing thought she was very talented and said to her very frankly: "I have been watching your performances and know that you want to hide yourself. , do you think your teeth are ugly?" The girl looked embarrassed, but the man continued, "Is it a sin to have buck teeth? Don't try to cover it up, please open your mouth. If If you don't care, the audience will like it. Maybe those teeth you want to cover will bring you luck."

Girls take this advice and stop paying attention to their teeth.When I sing, I only think about the audience.She opened her mouth wide, sang enthusiastically and cheerfully, and finally became a star in the entertainment industry.Many actors now deliberately imitate her. Renowned psychologist William James talked about people who never found themselves.In his view, ordinary people are only using 10 percent of their potential.He wrote: "We are only half awake compared with what we can achieve; we use only a small part of our physical and mental faculties. That is to say, man lives only in himself. In a small part of a limited space, he has all kinds of abilities, but he doesn't know how to use them."

You and I both have that potential, so don't waste a second worrying about being someone else. "You are a brand-new thing in this world, which has never existed before. From the beginning of the world until today, no one is exactly like you; in the future and forever, there will never be another person who is exactly like you. Genetics reveals such a secret that the reason why you are you is the result of the interaction between your father’s 23 pairs of chromosomes and your mother’s 23 pairs of chromosomes, and the combination of 46 pairs of chromosomes determines your genetics.” In each chromosome," according to Professor Alan Schoenfell, "there may be dozens to hundreds of genetic elements—in some cases, each genetic element can change a person's entire life." Nothing. There is no doubt that this is how we were created "both terribly and wonderfully".

Even if your mother and father are destined to meet and get married, the chance of having a child happens to be yours, which is only one in three billion.Which means if you have 3 billion siblings, they're all likely to be nothing like you.Is this science fiction?No, it's a scientific fact. If you want to have a deeper understanding of this issue, you can go to the library to read a book called "Inheritance and You", the author of which is Alan Shunfei.And I want to go a little deeper with you about staying true to yourself, because I feel so deeply about it.I know exactly what I'm talking about because I've had a very painful experience with it.When I was young, I traveled from rural Missouri to metropolitan New York to get into the American Academy of Drama, hoping to become an actor.At the time I had an idea that I thought was brilliant—a shortcut to success.The idea is so simple and so perfect, I wonder why thousands of ambitious people haven't discovered it.The idea is this, I want to learn the acting skills of those famous actors back then, learn everyone's strengths, and turn myself into an all-round actor who combines strengths in one body.How stupid!How ridiculous!I wasted a lot of time on this, until finally I realized that I can't be anyone, only being who I am can achieve.

Painful experiences should stick with me for a long time, but they didn't.I didn't learn my lesson so much that I learned it all over again.It was a few years later, and I was about to write a book that I wanted from the outset to be the best book on public speaking.In the process of writing, I had the same stupid idea as when I was acting. I planned to copy the ideas of other authors and put them all in one book, making it an all-encompassing encyclopedia.So I bought a dozen books on public speaking and spent a year incorporating the concepts into my book.In the end, I found myself doing another stupid thing. This kind of cobbled together of a bunch of ideas is very contrived, very dull, and unreadable.So, I threw the year's work into the wastebasket and started all over again.This time I said to myself: "You must maintain your true colors, no matter how many mistakes you make, you can't become someone else." I no longer try to be a composite of other people, but roll up my sleeves and be myself Things to do.I have written a textbook on public speaking entirely from my experience, my observations, as a speaker and as a teacher.I learned--hope forever--the lesson taught by Sir Walter Raleigh.The Sir Walter Raleigh mentioned here is the man who was a professor of English literature at Oxford University in 1904.He once said: "I cannot write a book to rival Shakespeare's, but I can write one written by myself."

Be yourself - as Irving Berlin advised the late George Gershwin.When Berlin and Gershwin first met, Berlin was already well-known, and Gershwin was just a young composer who was just starting out, earning only $35 a week.Berlin admired Gershwin's talent very much, so he asked Gershwin if he would like to be his secretary, and the salary was about twice his income. "But I advise you not to accept this job," Berlin also advised, "If you accept it, you may become a second-rate Berlin, but if you can continue to be yourself, one day you will become a Top-notch Gershwin." Gershwin took this advice, and he went on to become one of America's leading composers. Chaplin, Will Logis, Margaret McBride, Kim Autrey, and many, many others have all learned the lesson I hope you will learn in this chapter.They study hard - just like me. When Chaplin first entered the film industry, many film directors insisted that Chaplin imitate a well-known German comedian at the time, but Chaplin did not become famous until he created a set of acting methods of his own.Bob Hope had the same experience.For years he acted in musicals and ended up in obscurity until he discovered his ability to tell jokes.After Will Rogers performed rope throwing techniques in an acrobatic troupe for many years, it was discovered by chance that he had a special talent for telling humorous jokes. When Margaret McBride first entered the broadcasting industry, she tried to become a comedian and failed.Then she came into her own, transforming from an ordinary country girl from Missouri into one of New York's most popular radio stars. When Kim Autrey first came out, he wanted to get rid of his Texas accent.He dressed like a city gentleman and called himself a New Yorker, but everyone laughed at him behind his back.Later, he learned to play the banjo and sing western songs, and then he started his unique acting career and became a world-famous film and radio star. You should be grateful that you are a unique person in this world, and you should make full use of everything that nature has given you.In a sense, all art is somewhat autobiographical. You can only sing your own songs;For better or worse, you have to create your own little garden; for better or worse, you have to play your own little instrument in the symphony of life. As Emerson said in his famous essay "On Self-Confidence": "In the course of every man's education, there will always be a period when he finds that envy is ignorance, and imitation is suicide. For better or worse, he Everyone should maintain their true colors. The vast universe is full of unknown things, but unless you cultivate your own land, you will not get a good harvest. What nature bestows on everyone is a new ability, except for yourself Besides, no one knows what you can do." To cultivate a peaceful, worry-free mind, here is the fifth rule: "Don't imitate others. Let's find ourselves and stay true to ourselves."