Chapter 11 accept the inevitable

To bear the inevitable lightly, just as the willow bears the wind and rain, and the water accepts all containers, we must also bear all the facts. One day when I was a kid, some friends and I were playing in the attic of a dilapidated old log cabin in northern Missouri.When climbing down from the attic, I stood on the window rail for a while, and then jumped down.I was wearing a ring on the index finger of my left hand.As I was jumping, the ring caught on a nail, and my whole finger snapped off. I was terrified and immediately screamed, thinking I was going to die, but after my hand healed, I never bothered about it again.What's the use of worrying?I accepted the inevitability.It never occurs to me now that I have only three fingers and a thumb on my left hand.

A few years ago, I met a guy who ran a freight elevator in an office building in midtown New York.I noticed that his entire left hand was gone.I asked him if he was sad without his hand, and he said, "Oh no, I don't think about it at all. The only time I think about it is when I'm threading a needle." If necessary, we can accept almost any situation, adapt ourselves to it, and forget about it altogether. I often think of a line inscribed on the ruins of an old 15th-century church in Amsterdam, the capital of the Netherlands: "It is so, not otherwise." In the long years, we will inevitably encounter some unpleasant things, and if they are so, they cannot be different.Of course, we also have a choice: we can accept them as inevitable and adapt to them; otherwise we have nothing to do but use worry to destroy our life and eventually cause a nervous breakdown.

My favorite philosopher, William James, once gave us this advice: "Be willing to admit that it is the way it is. Being able to accept what happened is the first step in overcoming any misfortune that comes with it." Live Elizabeth Conley of Portnam, Ore., learned this the hard way.Here is a letter she recently wrote to me: "On the day the United States celebrated the Army's victory in North Africa," the letter said, "I received a telegram from the Department of Defense that my nephew—one of my favorites—was on the field Disappeared. Not long after, another telegram said he was dead.

"I couldn't be more sad. Before that happened, I always felt that fate was very good to me, I had a dream job, and I was trying to raise this nephew. In my eyes, he represented all that is good about young people. .I feel that my previous efforts have been well rewarded now... Then this telegram came, my whole world was shattered ruthlessly, and I felt that there was no point in living any longer. I began to ignore My job, ignoring my friends, I leave everything behind, cold and resentful. Why is my favorite nephew dying? Why is such a good kid - who hasn't started his life yet - let him die On the battlefield? I couldn't accept this fact. I was so sad that I decided to give up my job, leave my hometown, and drown myself in tears and regret.

"Just as I was clearing my desk to resign, I suddenly came across a letter I had long since forgotten. It was written to me by my nephew, who was dead. A few years ago, my mother passed away. He wrote me this letter when I was 11. 'Of course, we'll all miss her,' the letter said, 'especially you. But I know you'll get through it—in your personal view of life , you will get through it. I will never forget those beautiful truths you taught me: No matter where we are, no matter how far we are, I will always remember you taught me to smile and be like a Man, take what's happened.'

"I read that letter over and over again, and it seemed like he was right next to me, talking to me. He seemed to be saying to me: 'Why don't you do what you taught me? Be strong, carry on, Whatever happens, hide your personal sorrow behind a smile and go on living.' "So, I went back to work again and stopped being rude to people. I told myself over and over again: 'Since it has happened, I have no power to change it, but I can continue to live as he wants.' I Putting all my thoughts and energy into work, I wrote letters to the soldiers at the front—they were other people's sons; at night, I took adult education classes again. I wanted to find new interests and make new friends .I can hardly believe all the new changes that have happened to me. Instead of grieving over things that have happened and gone forever, I am now filled with joy every day of my life - just like my nephew wants me to Arrived."

Elizabeth Conley learned what we all learn sooner or later, that we must accept and adapt to what we cannot avoid.This lesson is not easy to learn.Even the heads of state at the top often remind themselves that they must.For example, the late George V had the following words on his palace wall at Buckingham Palace: "I will not weep over the moon, nor regret anything." Schopenhauer expressed the same thought in the following words: "Being able to obey is the most important thing when you embark on the journey of life." It is clear that circumstances alone do not make us happy or unhappy, only our reactions to our surroundings determine how we feel.

We can all endure disaster and tragedy if necessary, and even overcome them.We may think we can't do it, but the fact is that there is an amazingly strong inner strength that can help us overcome all difficulties if we only use it. The late Booth Tarkington always said this: "I can take anything life throws at me, except one—blindness, which I can never bear." But this kind of misfortune happened. When he was in his 60s, when he looked down at the carpet on the ground, the color was blurred and he couldn't see the pattern of the carpet clearly.He went to an ophthalmologist, who confirmed the unfortunate fact that his eyesight was failing, and he was almost completely blind in one eye, not much better in the other.What he was most worried about finally happened to him.

How did Tarkington react to this "intolerable" disaster?Does he feel that "this game is over, my whole life is over here"?No, it didn't occur to him himself that he could still be very happy, even use his humor.He used to be troubled by the floating "dark spots" that swam past him and blocked his vision, but now, when the biggest ones passed him by, he would say, "Hey! , the old black-spotted grandpa is here again, I don’t know where it is going with such a good weather today.” When Tarkington became completely blind, he said: "I found that I could bear the loss of vision, just as a person can bear anything else. Even if I lost all five senses, I knew I could live on. In my thoughts, because only in thoughts can we see, only in thoughts can we live, whether we know it or not."

Tarkington underwent 12 surgeries over the course of a year to restore his vision, all performed by local ophthalmologists.Is he afraid?No, he knew it was necessary, he knew he had no way to escape, so the only way to ease his pain was to accept it bravely.He refused to use a private room in the hospital and was admitted to a large ward with other patients.He tried to make everyone happy, and when he had to undergo several surgeries and he knew exactly what had been done in his eyes - he always tried to make himself think how lucky he was. "How wonderful," said he, "how wonderful that science has now developed the skill to operate on something as delicate as the human eye."

If the average person has experienced more than 12 operations and lived in darkness for a long time, they will probably become neurotic.But Tarkington said: "I don't want to exchange this experience for something happier." This incident taught him how to accept disasters and made him realize that nothing that life brings to him is beyond his ability This incident also made him realize the truth of what Fulton said, "It's not sad to be blind, the sad thing is that you can't bear to be blind." Conversely, if we recoil from it, or resist it, or feel sorry for it, we cannot change the inevitable fact that has happened.But we can change ourselves, I know, because I've tried it myself. Once, refusing to accept an inevitability in my life, I did something stupid to fight it, and I lost sleep for several nights and was miserable.I started to make myself think of all the things I didn't want to think about, and after a year of self-abuse like this, I finally came to terms with the fact that I couldn't change it. I should have recited Whitman's lines years ago: In my 12 years of cattle herding, I have never seen a cow dry out from lack of water in the pasture, or the weather was too cold, or a bull get mad after another cow.Animals face nights, storms, and hunger so calmly that they never have nervous breakdowns or stomach ulcers, and they never go mad. Does this mean that when you encounter any setbacks, you should be humble and obedient?No, absolutely not, that would be fatalist.In either case, as long as there is any chance of salvation, we will do our best; but when common sense tells us that things are inevitable--and there can be no chance of turning around--then, in order to maintain With our rationality, we should not "look around and worry about nothing". The late Hawkes Dean of Columbia University once told me that he wrote himself a limerick as his motto: While writing this book, I have interviewed many well-known businessmen in the United States.What impresses me the most is that most of them can accept those inevitable facts and live a carefree life.If they cannot do so, they will be crushed under the tremendous pressure.Here are a few good examples: Penny, who founded the nationwide chain of Pan's stores, told me, "Even if I lost all my money, I wouldn't worry because I couldn't see what worrying would get me. I would fight for it with all my might." Do your job and I'll take it no matter what the outcome is." Henry Ford told me something similar. "Whenever something I can't handle," he said, "I let them figure it out." When I asked Mr. Keller, the general manager of Chrysler, how he avoided worry, he replied: "If I encounter a difficult situation, I will try to do whatever I can think of to solve it. If I can't If it is resolved, I will simply put it aside. I never worry about the future, because no one can know what will happen in the future, there are too many factors that affect the future, and no one can say where these influences come from. Since So why worry about them?" Keller would have been terribly embarrassed if you said he was a philosopher, but a very good businessman.But what he meant was similar to the theory of the great Roman philosopher Epitutus before the 19th century. "There is no other way to be happy," Epitotus warned the Romans, "that is, what is beyond the power of our will. Do not worry about it." Sarah Banhart is arguably the woman who knows best how to adapt to the inevitable. For 50 years, she has been the only "Queen" of the Four State theaters and a favorite actress with audiences around the world.But then, at the age of 71, she went bankrupt, lost all her money, and was told by her doctor, Professor Pokey in Paris, that she had to have her leg amputated. Here's how it happened: She slipped and fell on deck in a storm while crossing the Atlantic, and badly injured her leg with phlebitis and leg cramps.The severe pain made the doctor think that her leg had to be amputated.The doctor was a little afraid to break the news to the grumpy Sarah.For he thought that the dreadful news would irritate Sarah greatly.But he was wrong, Sarah just looked at him for a while, and then said very calmly: "If it really has to be this way, it must be this way." This is fate. Her son stood by and wept as she was wheeled into the operating room.But she waved to him and said with a smile: "Don't go away, I'll be right back." On the way to the operating room, Sarah had been reciting a line from a play she had acted in.Someone asked her if she was doing this to cheer herself up, but she said: "No, I want to make the doctors and nurses happy, they are under a lot of pressure!" When the surgery was complete and her health was restored, Sarah continued to travel the world, captivating her audience for another seven years. Elsie McMick said in an article in Reader's Digest: "When we stop fighting against the inevitable, we can save our energy and create a richer life." No one has enough emotion and energy to resist the inevitable and at the same time create a new life.You can only choose one of two things: you can bow and bow under life's inevitable storms, or you can resist them and be destroyed. I've seen this happen on my own farm in Missouri.At that time, I planted dozens of trees on the farm. At first they grew very fast, and then a hailstorm came, and every tiny branch was covered with a thick layer of ice.These branches, instead of bowing obediently under the weight, stood proudly stiff, and at last broke under the weight--and had to be destroyed.They are not as intelligent as northern trees.I have seen hundreds of miles of evergreen forests in Canada, and never saw a cypress or a pine crushed by ice or hail.These evergreens know how to obey, how to bend their branches, how to adapt to the inevitable. Japanese judo masters teach their students to "be supple like a willow, not straight like an oak tree". Do you know why the tires of a car can last so long on the road and endure so many bumps?At first, someone wanted to make a tire that could resist the bumps in the road, and the tire was soon broken into pieces by the bumps.Then they made a tire that could absorb the various pressures encountered above, such a tire can "take everything".If we can bear all the setbacks and bumps in the difficult journey of life, we can live longer and enjoy smoother journeys. What will happen to us if we don't obey, but rebel against the various setbacks we encounter in life?The answer is quite simple: we develop a cascade of inner conflicts—worried, tense, and irritable. If we go one step further, abandoning the unpleasantnesses of the real world and retreating into a dream world of our own creation, then we become deranged and restless. In wartime, thousands of terrified soldiers had only two choices: accept the inevitable or break down under the stress.Let us take, for example, the case of William Caselius.Here's an award-winning story he told an adult education class in New York: "Shortly after I joined the Coast Guard, I was assigned to one of the scariest units on this side of the Atlantic. They put me in charge of dynamite. Come to think of it, I was just a cracker clerk and now I'm in charge of dynamite Just the thought of standing on top of 10 million tons of TNT makes my bones freeze. I only had two days of training, and what I learned fills my heart fear. "I'll never forget my first mission. It was dark, cold, and foggy, and I was ordered to Cavan Pointe Pier, New Jersey. I was in charge of the fifth cabin on the ship, and Five dock workers working together. They are strong, but know nothing about explosives. They are loading the ship with 2,000-4,000-pound bombs, each containing a ton of TNT, enough to turn the old ship It blew up to pieces. We hoisted the bomb to the boat with two wires, and I kept saying to myself, If one of the wires slips, or breaks, oh my God! I'm terrified. I was trembling, my mouth was dry, my legs were weak, and my heart was beating almost out of my chest. But I couldn't run away. To do so would be to flee, and not only would I lose face, but my parents would also lose face, and I might I was shot for fleeing. I couldn't run, I had to stay. I kept watching the dock workers move the bombs around with no care, thinking that the ship would be blown up at any moment. "After over an hour of fear and fear, I finally started to use my common sense. I had a good talk with myself and I said, 'Listen, so what if you get killed? You I don't feel anything anymore. This kind of death is painful and quicker. It's better than dying of cancer. Don't be a fool. You can't live forever. You have to do this job, or you will be shot. Then you might as well have fun." "I said this to myself for a long time, and then I felt lighter. Finally, I got over my worries and fears and allowed myself to accept the inevitability of the situation. "I'll never forget that experience. Now, whenever I worry about something I can't change, I shrug my shoulders and say, 'Forget it.'" Brilliant, let's give a big shout out to the biscuit clerk. "Look lightly at the inevitable." These words were spoken 399 years before Jesus Christ was born.But in today's worry-ridden world, people need the words more than ever: "Take the inevitable lightly." therefore.To break the habit of worrying before it destroys you, here's rule number four: "Accept the inevitable."