Chapter 6 you may not be unique enough

No two roses in the world are exactly alike, and no one person has or will ever have the exact same life journey as another person...everyone's life experience is unique. My husband is an avid gardener and his rose garden was a joy for everyone.One day, we admired roses together, and he said: "At first glance, it seems that these roses are all the same, don't they? In fact, they are not! If you distinguish carefully, you will find that there are still differences between flowers with the same color and variety. There are nuances—the speed of growth, how curled the petals are, how densely the color spreads—every flower is slightly different.”

The natural world is full of diversity, and humans themselves are even more diverse.Sir Arthur Keyes, an expert on paleoanthropology and former president of the British Association for the Advancement of Science, said: "No one person has ever been or will ever be on the exact same journey as another human being...every human experience is unique." Yes, every human experience of life is unique, even though we are all essentially made of the same stuff. The knowledge and understanding of this fact is necessary for the attainment of mature wisdom, which is a bridge of communication with our fellow man.We cannot communicate or form any meaningful relationship with another person until we respect him as a "person" as much as we know we are a "person."

This may sound easy, but in fact it is getting harder every day.As much as we like to think of ourselves as a country that has abolished class consciousness, in fact it is still governed by it.We have developed a particular vocabulary that reflects our dislike of taking a person as an individual and subsuming him into what we think he belongs to—in statistical columns or questionnaires, “average person,” “lower middle class,” class”, “consumers”, “low-income groups”, “white-collar workers”, “blue-collar workers”, “coffee shop people” and so on—all these “labels” show our reluctance or lack of thinking of others as “individuals”. ’ rather than the competence of a faceless, faceless member of a group.

We have been categorized and then lumped into a group.In life, we are being surveyed in every aspect; social investigators are all too familiar with us: how many cups of coffee we drink, how many people own cars and what brand of cars, what radio or TV we listen to, and even what we do every year. How many times had sex, how was it, etc. Everyone is emphasizing "adjustment," "group integration," and "social mobility," reducing one's individuality to conform to the respectable behavior of the group to which one belongs.Absolute individualism no longer exists.No wonder we always feel that we have lost our independence and feel uncomfortable when we think and act differently from others.

In fact, everyone still hopes that they can live uniquely.The pressure to classify, the pressure to identify doesn't stop people from deep down wanting to be different.And once this desire is released through outward manifestations, we also have the opportunity to lie on the bench in the psychiatrist's office, be admitted to a mental hospital, and indulge in alcohol, sex and drugs.But in this way, the lost self will never be recovered. how to solve this problem?How can we be unique individuals?How do we get a relatively mature self-awareness?We make three recommendations: (1) Know yourself in solitude and withdrawal

Overstressed lives rob us of opportunities for self-reflection, and we must create opportunities for solitude. Different people have different understandings of loneliness.A friend said that if he needed to meditate, he would take a long walk down the street and let himself disappear in the crowd. "Thinking in this way, I can avoid distractions." When in New York, my husband used to go to a nearby church because it was quiet.This will give him peace of mind, keep him alive, and refresh his spirits. My rarest moments of solitude are when I'm immersed in nature.I rarely do long walks or outdoor activities, but I often take walks in the garden or at least look up at the tree or the sky from the window from time to time.The change of seasons is an eternal miracle.You can experience the fun of appreciating the square inches of land and the vast fields.At this time, I will feel that I have been in close contact with nature.

Maybe some people like to be alone in a quiet room or just leave the physical body alone.Regardless, creating a time of solitude each day, away from the phone and all distractions, is what we must do to explore our own lives, beliefs, and actions.Many philosophers and thinkers have emphasized the value of solitude: Jesus, Buddha, John the Baptist, Descartes, Montaigne, Bunyan, and others were inspired in solitude. (2) Get rid of the shackles of habit We have been buried alive in habit and nonsense, and only by supernatural effort can this violent dynamite free us.How many people are willing to put on the shackles of habit and inertia, and live a dull and hopeless life?

A young schoolgirl of mine told me the story of how she and her husband broke the shackles of habit: “My husband and I both like to watch TV,” she said. “The first thing we do after get off work every day is to turn on the TV and watch TV shows for dinner until we are so sleepy that we have to sleep. In order not to miss a good show, we don’t Visiting friends instead of reading books or going out to have a good time together. When someone comes to visit us, we hope that he will leave quickly so that we can continue watching the interrupted TV show. One day I eat with my friends At lunch, I found that I couldn't talk to them, I couldn't put my mouth in. I hadn't been anywhere, I hadn't read a book, I hadn't done anything—the golden years of my life were surrounded by a The TV in the dark room was consumed.

"When I got home, I advised my husband that some people can get off drugs, and we should be able to get off TV. He agreed with me, and we started working on other things to divert our minds. We signed up for adult Educational classes, bowling a lot and going out to see friends, borrowing books from the library and reading to each other. I am very satisfied that I have quit the TV addiction. Our work and marriage have improved because of it. We feel that there is a lot in life fun, and the value of life, both to oneself and to others, increases." Two people who had been buried alive in their habits were finally liberated. They had been tightly wrapped by themselves.

(3) Discover what we are most satisfied with in life In 1878, the psychologist William James best described it in a letter to his wife: "... I insist that the best time to judge a man's personality is to observe him when he is most active and satisfied. spiritual or moral attitude, when his inner voice is: 'This is who I really am!'” Simply put: the real self emerges naturally when excited, because a person is also most excited when he is "most alive and satisfied", no matter what form of excitement the person is about an idea, a person or a situation, It will make us get rid of boring things, habits and pressures, and form a stimulus to our true self.

Excitement is the most fundamental element in turning work to success and fueling our enthusiasm to reach its fullest potential.Sir Edward Victor Appleton, the great physicist and Nobel laureate, said it surprisingly: "When it comes to the secret of scientific success, I would even rank passion before technical expertise." .” Of course, Sir Edward is not saying that professional skills are not important in scientific research, what he wants to say is that enthusiasm - excitement - will stimulate a person to master professional skills. In my 44 years of experience in teaching public speaking, my husband came to the conclusion that "the effectiveness of a speech depends on how excited the speaker is about his topic."Whether he talks about the hydrogen bomb, or about the mother-in-law, or about the rainfall in Isopia, his impact on the audience is always proportional to his sensitivity to the topic. An individual's character is difficult to change, only to make him manifest.To find out the precious advantages that distinguish us from others, we must get rid of those fears, timidity, suspicion, confusion, bad habits, etc. from the bottom of our hearts.Excitement is the fire that burns these things and exposes the true nature and character. Excitement comes in many forms.Love is a form that opens us up.Anyone who has seen the movie "Marty" can understand how love can transform the boring and lonely people, and then create a new world for them. Excitement is the motivation for people to constantly stimulate their work and activities.Professor William Lyon Phelps of Yale University has a book called "The Excitement of Work", which is full of his interest in work. Life crises can stimulate some people and bring them to life.Disasters on a relatively large scale, such as wars, floods, or earthquakes, will have strong stimuli on people—Verity heroes can see their true colors; People who live and look old can often become a force and play an important role. So, here are three ways we can differentiate ourselves from others and develop our own unique identities: (1) Give yourself a moment of alone time every day; (2) Efforts to break free from the shackles of bad habits; (3) Excitement and enthusiasm from the heart. The maturity of the mind depends on continuous self-discovery, which is a continuous process.Without understanding ourselves, we cannot understand others. "Knowing yourself" is the beginning of wisdom, just as Socrates said, "You are the only you in the world".