Chapter 4 The third chapter draws closer to the opponent

★Look for common ground and create a good opening atmosphere Finding common ground with your opponent and creating a good opening atmosphere are important ways to achieve a successful debate.Just imagine, it is difficult to have a good result in the tense opening atmosphere. ◎Find the similarities with your opponent from the beginning Former U.S. President Lincoln said a word when summarizing his persuasion skills, this is: When I start a discussion, I will find out the common ground of each other's opinions.Finding common ground can resolve the opponent's iron barrel defense.When negotiating and trying to solve several problems, you must start with the ones that are easy to solve and easy for the other party to accept.

Carnegie, an American psychologist and inspirational master, said that when talking with others, don't discuss what you disagree with first, but emphasize what you agree with first.Since you are both working towards the same conclusion, you differ in means, not in ends.If you inadvertently use some inappropriate tones when persuading others, but if you use the assumption of "if I were you" skillfully, you will make up for the mistakes in words, and at the same time, it will also prompt the other party to reflect on themselves and make you feel better. The other party feels that your advice is beneficial to him.

In his famous speech on the emancipation of slaves, Lincoln only stated some opinions agreed by those who opposed it for the first 30 minutes, and then gradually drew the opponents to his side according to his own goals.From the perspective of potential psychology, his persuasion method has two main points: first, people often discover their imperfection when others feel their opinions, and in turn completely trust the other party.The second is "self-discovery", subjectively still very much believe that it is what you mean, but in fact this is often the result of being induced by the persuaded.

The secret of Lincoln's use of this technique is to subtly soften the enemy before the debate, that is, to emphasize the common points between the enemy and the enemy at the beginning, and guide the other party to accept it.If you emphasize the other side's position from the beginning, the gap between them will grow deeper and deeper, and it will become a situation of "if you have that kind of thinking, then I have to fight you".When the other party has this state of mind, you absolutely cannot convince him. An able negotiator often begins with relatively simple issues as the agenda.When discussing this topic, he will say: "In fact, there is no other problem. At least on this condition, our opinions are the same, and the next item is not much different from this item." If you use this method to get the other party to agree to three, then the meeting can almost be concluded. Even if the biggest and most difficult issue is to be discussed later, as long as this method is adopted, it will be successful in all likelihood.

◎Five ways to achieve the goal of seeking common ground 1. Guess the common ground from the introduction of others A section chief of the County Price Bureau and a teacher from the county met at a friend's house. The host introduced the strangers. They immediately discovered that they were both the host's classmates, and immediately surrounded the "classmates" "Talk through this breakthrough, get to know and understand each other, and become intimate. When listening to other people's introduction, you should carefully analyze and get to know each other, and then extend the conversation after discovering common points, and constantly discover new topics of common concern.

2. Observe words and expressions to find common ground A veteran encounters a stranger in a vehicle just behind the driver.The car broke down shortly after it was on the road, and the driver got busy getting in and out of the car and hadn't repaired it yet.The stranger suggested that the driver check the oil circuit again, and the driver dubiously checked it and found the cause of the problem.The veteran felt that he might have learned this unique skill from the army.So he tentatively asked: "Have you been in the army?" "Well, for six or seven years." "Oh, we should be considered comrades-in-arms. Where was the army when you were in the army?" So, the pair The stranger started talking, and it is said that they later became friends.

A person's psychological state, spiritual pursuit, life hobbies, etc., are more or less expressed in their expressions, clothing, conversation, manners, etc. As long as you are good at observing, you will find your common ground.Of course, what you discover by observing words and expressions must be combined with your own interests and hobbies, and you are also interested in this, so it is possible to break the silent atmosphere.Otherwise, even if you find something in common, you will have nothing to say, or you will get stuck after speaking a sentence or two. 3. Explore common ground in the conversation

In order to find the common ground between strangers and yourself, you can analyze and figure out when the person who needs to communicate with others talks, and you can also figure out the other party's words when the other party talks to yourself, and find common points from it.Carefully pondering the other party's conversation can indeed find out the common ground between the two parties, thus opening up the situation for the conversation. 4. Find common ground in in-depth conversations Finding common ground isn't too difficult, but that's all that's needed for the initial stages of a conversation.As the content of the conversation deepens, there will be more and more common ground.In order to make the conversation more beneficial to the other party, we must dig out a deeper level of common ground step by step in order to achieve our own goals.

The two had dinner at a common friend's house, and after being introduced by the host, they started talking. They gradually discovered that they had similar views on social injustice, and they started a discussion unconsciously. When talking about the soil and root causes of social phenomena, the more you talk, the more in-depth you will be. There are many ways to find common ground, such as the common living environment, common work tasks, common travel direction, common living habits, etc. As long as you find out carefully, the situation where strangers have nothing to say is not difficult to break .

★Appropriate compliments Once upon a time, there was a person who liked to flatter, and the emperor and officials were all surrounded by him.After the King of Yama heard about it, he sent the little ghost to arrest him and take him to the Hall of Yama, where he was going to sentence him to a frying pan.The man rolled his eyes, immediately "plopped", and knelt down and shouted: "Master Yan, it's not that the villain is willing to be humble, but those people like to be flattered and flattered by me. If they can be as ruthless as you, law enforcement is like a mountain!" , then no matter how much I flatter you, it’s useless?” Hearing these words, the king of Hades acquitted him and let the little ghost send him back to the human world.

It is human nature to love to hear praise. Everyone likes positive stimuli rather than negative stimuli.If everyone is willing to appreciate others and be good at praising the strengths of others in interpersonal communication, then the happiness in interpersonal communication will be greatly increased. At the end of the Qing Dynasty, there was an official named Cai Naihuang, who was talented and good at "poetry". Poetry Bell is a kind of literary and artistic activity in ancient China. The rule of the activity is to make a seven-character couplet within a specified period of time, and require the characters determined by lottery to be used in the specified positions of each sentence. Due to the suspected corruption case, Cai Naihuang was removed from his post, but he has been active all the time, hoping that the competent officials will be reinstated.Soon, he entrusted his friends and wanted to catch up with Yuan Shikai and Zhang Zhidong. At that time, Yuan Shikai and Zhang Zhidong had just eliminated their political enemies Qu Hongji and Cen Chunxuan by tricks. It can be said that they were in power and proud.One day, he heard from a friend that Prince Qing, Yuan Shikai, Zhang Zhidong and others were playing a game of Shizhong in a restaurant, so Cai Naihuang hurried over. On that day, the words drawn out by everyone were "Jiao" and "Duan".The event host decided to use these two characters in the fourth character position of each sentence. When everyone was still thinking about it, they only heard Cai Naihuang chanting: "Slay the tiger and get rid of the three evils, Fang Mou and Du Du are of the same heart." Everyone applauds in unison.The Shanglian uses the allusion of "Zhou Chu eliminates the three evils" as a metaphor to get rid of Qu Cen's two major political enemies.After hearing this, Prince Qing and Yuan Shikai felt that they were praising themselves.The second couplet uses the allusions of Fang Xuanling and Du Ruhui, the virtuous prime ministers of the early Tang Dynasty, in essence to praise Yuan Shikai and Zhang Zhidong.Zhang Zhidong was also very proud after hearing this. Cai Naihuang's "Poetry Clock" does not have a single word of high hat, but in fact, it is undoubtedly the most brilliant praise. In this way, Cai Naihuang won the favor of powerful figures in power, and he was reinstated soon after. Complimenting people is also an art, not only needs to be expressed in a suitable way, but also insightful and creative. A well-mannered woman said to a friend, "Your speech was brilliant tonight. I can't help thinking how good you would be as a lawyer." After hearing this unexpected comment, the friend said, She blushed like a schoolboy. As André Maures once said: "When I talk about the merits of a general, he doesn't thank me. But when a lady mentions the brilliance of his eyes, he expresses infinite gratitude." .” Everyone has a strong desire to be admired.Complimenting others is the key to being a human being.You must learn to praise, but if you praise too much, the recipient will not only feel uncomfortable, but will change color suddenly. You must find the place where others need praise most and praise it. Zeng Guofan had an in-depth study of Neo Confucianism.He thinks that after many years of practice, he has basically reached the moral and self-cultivation required by Confucianism. Once, when chatting with his staff about contemporary figures, he said: "Peng Yulin and Li Hongzhang are both great talents, which are beyond my reach. I can admit it, but I have never been flattering in my life." Zeng Guofan's words It means that practices such as flattering and wearing a high hat will not work here. After hearing his statement, one of his staff members said: "Each lord has his own strengths: Mr. Peng is mighty, and no one dares to be bullied; Mr. Li is so smart, no one can be bullied." up.After hearing this, Zeng Guofan asked, "Then what do you think of me?" Everyone bowed their heads in thought, but no one seemed to be able to find a suitable word to describe Zeng Guofan, and no one spoke for a while.But soon, the silence was broken.I only heard a young student in charge of copying say: "Zeng Shuai is benevolent, people can't bear to be bullied." When everyone heard this, they couldn't help applauding.Zeng Guofan hurriedly said: "Don't dare to do it, don't dare to do it." After the man withdrew, Zeng Guofan asked the people around him, "Who is that?" So someone told him, "He is from Yangzhou. He has been selected as a scholar, and his family is poor. He is still cautious in his work." People have great talents, don't let them be buried." Later, when Zeng Guofan became the governor of Liangjiang, he sent this person to be the Yangzhou salt transport envoy. In today's words, he is the "director of the Yangzhou Salt Monopoly Bureau". Salt is a necessity for people's livelihood, and it is monopolized by the state. The official is fat poor. Vulgar direct praise will make people who have drunk a few catties of ink uncomfortable and even look down on you.In the face of such a person, your words of praise should be reserved, but must hit the other person's heart.Let the other party admire you while receiving your compliment. In the Southern Song and Southern Dynasties, there lived Wang Sengqian, a descendant of Wang Xianzhi, a great calligrapher of the Jin Dynasty. He was knowledgeable and wise, and was especially famous for his calligraphy. When he was a teenager, Wang Sengqian wrote a poem in official script on a fan. Emperor Wen of the Southern Song Dynasty saw it and was very surprised, so he called him to be the prince's disciple.In the Yuanhui period, Wang Sengqian was also worshiped as the Minister of the Ministry of Officials. Later, the Southern Song Dynasty was replaced by Qi.Qi Gaodi Xiao Daocheng also appreciated him very much, so he worshiped him as his servant. Xiao Daocheng is also a person who loves and is good at calligraphy. Of course, he also knows in his heart that his level is still not as good as Wang Sengqian.One day, he had a sudden whim and wanted to compete with Wang Sengqian.In fact, there is no need to compete, the outcome is obvious.Wang Sengqian's writing has always been serious and meticulous. When he received the "war letter" that the emperor wanted to compete with himself, he wrote a thick and simple big block character and a flamboyant picture as usual. cursive. The ministers who were watching the excitement at the scene, apart from sincerely admiring him, also secretly sweated for Wang Sengqian.Doesn't he know that the opponent is the supreme emperor?If you win the emperor, that's great! Qi Gaodi Xiao Daocheng also finished writing, and then asked Wang Sengqian: "Look at our calligraphy, who is the first?" After Wang Sengqian carefully read Gaodi's words, he replied seriously: "My minister is the first, and your majesty is also the first." Xiao Daocheng laughed loudly, and said: "How can there be such a reason in the world? How can there be two people who will win the first place in the competition?" Wang Sengqian replied calmly: "There is no emperor in the world who condescends to compete with his courtiers! When I say that your majesty is the first, I mean to other emperors; when I say that my ministers are the first, I mean to the ministers of the Zhou Dynasty." said." Xiao Daocheng laughed and said, "You really know how to talk! If I were in your position, I would say something like this: 'The official script is the first, the cursive script is the second; Your Majesty's cursive script is the third, and the regular script is the second; Your Majesty is not the first. , I don’t have a third.’” The ministers also followed suit and laughed. It seems that in the face of big shots, to win their hearts, it really requires a more ingenious speaking skill and a higher level of wisdom. ◎Praise should be just right Research in psychology shows that emotions lead to actions.Positive emotions, such as liking, joy, and excitement often produce behavioral effects of understanding, acceptance, and intimacy; while negative emotions, such as dislike, hatred, and anger, bring repulsion, rejection, and indifference to self-interest, and then To accept our point of view and achieve a consensus on understanding, we need to guide and stimulate their positive emotions to the greatest extent.The art of praise and praise is actually an effective way to guide and inspire. On the surface, scolding the other party is actually praising the other party, which can often stop the other party's abuse and achieve the intended debate effect. One official, Peng Yulin, passed by a back alley. A woman was drying clothes on a bamboo pole when the bamboo pole suddenly fell and hit Peng on the head.When the woman saw the person who was about to get angry, she took a closer look and found that it was Peng Yulin, so she said, "Don't be unreasonable. Peng Yulin is here. He is honest and upright. If I go to tell him the old man, I'm afraid he will be killed." Cut off your head?" Peng Yulin couldn't help turning his anger into joy when he heard this, and left happily. Generally speaking, when the other party has very good reasons for refusing, it is very difficult to get him to accept your request.However, if you grasp the reason for the other party's refusal in advance and subtly praise the other party's advantages, the other party will easily develop an attitude of acceptance.For example, the editor of a magazine is not very eloquent, but no matter how busy the writers are, he has a way to get them to agree to write for him.The reason is that he is good at complimenting each other appropriately: "Of course, I know you are very busy, and it is because you are very busy that I have to ask you for help anyway. The works written by writers who have too much free time are worse than others." You wrote well." Compliments are loved by everyone.The more arrogant a person is, the more he likes to be flattered.Someone speaks strictly and righteously, saying that he is not flattered and is willing to accept criticism. This is his facade. If you believe it and criticize it unceremoniously, he may not express it on the surface, but he is very displeased in his heart. Qian Chenqun, a Jinshi during the Kangxi period, saw this through. At that time, there were often some candidates who asked to see Qian Chenqun, and Qian Chenqun received them all, the thin ones were shrewd, the fat ones were blessed, and so on, full of compliments to the guests.One day, when he came back after seeing off the guests, his student asked, "Who is that person?" Qian Chenqun thought about it for a long time, but couldn't remember it, so he said, "I forgot the name." The student said: "The teacher praised him for a long time, how could he forget his name?" Qian Chenqun said without hesitation, "I came here to ask for a few good words. I just praised him casually. Who cares who he is?" There is no match for the joy of praise, and the greatest disappointment of an indifferent mouth.If some shortcomings of the other party are moderately beautified, so that the other party can get some kind of psychological satisfaction and alleviate the psychological distress when they are frustrated, it will be easy for them to accept everything about you in a more pleasant mood. Zhu Yuanzhang, the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty who was once a cowherd as a young man, always wanted to find old friends to talk about the past after he proclaimed himself emperor.One day, as expected, an old friend came.As soon as the man sat down, he gesticulated and said, "Long live my lord! In the past, you and I herded cattle for the rich man. One day, I boiled the stolen green beans in an earthen pot in the reed pond. Before they were cooked, Everyone is rushing to eat, you smashed the jar, grabbed the green beans from the ground to eat, and accidentally got the grass blade stuck in your throat, I told you to swallow the green vegetable leaf, so you swallowed the grass blade stuck in your throat of." Zhu Yuanzhang was stunned for a while, and suddenly shouted sharply: "Where is the lunatic! Beat me out with a stick!" This unlucky guy was beaten out and told about it to Zhu Yuanzhang's former fellow cowherd boy.The cowherd boy swaggered into the palace. When he saw Zhu Yuanzhang, he bowed and bowed, and then recounted the old days: "Do you remember the emperor? Back then, the humble minister followed your big driver and rode a green bull to raid the Luzhou government. In Guanzhou City, Marshal Tang was on the run, but you captured General Dou, and Honghaier was at the throat, thanks to General Cai who repelled him. We won a complete victory in that battle." Zhu Yuanzhang was well aware of the war that his old friend bragged about, and he said the scandal in a subtle and pleasant way, with a bright face.Thinking back to the time when everyone was suffering from hunger and cold and suffering together, I was so excited that I immediately appointed this old friend as the chief of the Imperial Forest Army. To use good words and praise, one must understand the other party's hobbies, habits, and even personality, temper and emotion, grasp the other party's psychological weaknesses, choose things that the other party is really interested in, and make the other party feel very satisfied, in order to achieve good debate results.In addition, we must show sincerity, not groveling, flattering, bragging.At the same time, the praise should be just right, just right, don't go too far, because if you say too much, it will arouse the other party's alert. A certain man was good at flattery. One day he invited several guests to his house for dinner, waited for him at the door, and asked them one by one how they got here.The first guest said that he came by car, and he immediately praised: "Ah, how luxurious!" The second guest joked that he came by plane, and he praised: "Ah, how superb!" The three guests rolled their eyes and said that they came by rocket. He said with great joy: "Oh, how brave!" The fourth guest said frankly that he came by bicycle. !” The fifth guest shyly said that he came on foot, and he clasped his hands together and said, “That’s great, walking can exercise your body, so it’s very healthy!” The sixth guest deliberately made a problem, saying that he came by crawling.He immediately complimented: "It's the most secure!" The seventh guest ridiculed him that he came here on a roll, but he laughed and said: "The most thoughtful!" All the guests laughed. In real life, compliments must be appropriate and suitable for the person, so that others are comfortable listening to them, and they do not lower their status.Excessive flattery and flattery will damage one's personality, and at the same time cause the other party's resentment and contempt, and even make the other party angry. In general, compliments (or compliments) are best to follow the two principles of "honesty and decency" and "backhand compliments". 1. Honest and decent A person will never feel disgusted when he is praised by others, unless the other party's words are too outrageous, and the other party feels that he has been fooled by calling a stupid child a genius.The first condition for flattering others is to have a sincere heart and a serious attitude. Overly superficial compliments will damage one's reputation and taste, and even "horse flatterers" are inconvenient to use them openly. 2. Praise behind the back It is more effective to praise others behind their backs than to compliment them in person.Complimenting people behind their backs is the most pleasing and most effective of all forms of flattery.Would we not be pleased if we were told that so-and-so said many good things about us behind our backs?This kind of compliment, if spoken to us in our presence, may make us feel false, or suspect that he is not sincere. ★The correct way to criticize Under no circumstances should criticism be spoken lightly.Think about the easiest way to be accepted by others before criticizing others.If you are facing an opponent, you should choose the method of criticism more carefully. ◎Sugar-coating criticism 1. Comforting criticism The young Maupassant consulted the famous writers Bouille and Flaubert for poetry creation.The two masters drank champagne while listening to Maupassant reading poems aloud.After listening to it, Bouye said: "Your poem, although the sentence is lumpy, like a tendon, but I have read worse poems. This poem is like this glass of champagne, which can barely be swallowed." Although this criticism was harsh, it left room for the other party to give some comfort. 2. Suggestive criticism Xiaosun, a worker in a certain unit, is getting married. The chairman of the trade union asked him: "Xiaosun, what are you going to do with your wedding?" This daughter..." The chairman said: "Oh, Xiao Xu and Xiao Wu in our unit are all only children!" Both sides of the conversation used lingo.Xiaosun meant that the wedding had to be arranged, and the chairman did not criticize her directly, but implied that she was also an only child, but she could do new things. 3. Vague Criticism In order to rectify labor discipline, a certain unit held a staff meeting.At the meeting, the leader said: "Recently, the discipline of our unit is generally good, but some comrades have performed poorly. Some come in late and leave early, and some chat during working hours...." Here, he used A lot of vague language: "recently", "total", "individual", "some", "some", etc.In this way, it not only took care of other people's face, but also pointed out the problem. This kind of statement does not name the name but actually refers to it by name. It has a certain flexibility and is usually more effective than direct criticism by name. 4. Asking criticism A man was fishing in a prohibited reservoir, and a policeman approached in the distance, and the fisherman thought that something was wrong.When the police approached, unexpectedly, instead of reprimanding them loudly, they said kindly, "Sir, if you wash your nets here, the downstream river will be polluted?" . If the police had scolded him in the first place, the effect would have been different. 5. Praise criticism When a baseball coach corrected a player, instead of saying "wrong", he said "generally good, but if you correct it... (specific methods)... the result will be better." He did not deny the player, but first added Make sure to correct it again, that is to say, satisfy the other party's self-esteem first, and then improve the goal. If it is just a warning, it will only arouse the disgust of the players, and there will be no real effect at all. ◎Criticism easily accepted by the other party On the premise that the matter is not the person, the following criticism methods can be used to make it easier for the other party to accept. 1. Avoid comparing each other Otherwise, over time, it will only make the other party feel inferior everywhere, and thus lose confidence and even despair. 2. Wrong and praise right Most critics tend to focus on pointing out what the other party is "wrong", but they cannot clearly indicate what should be done "right". 3. Criticism should be concise It's best to make the other person understand with just a sentence or two, and then move on to other places immediately, so that people don't always feel that you are holding on to his braid. 4. Change negative to interrogative "It's not right for you to do this" is a sentence pattern commonly used by critics, and "Are you doing it right" is a modified interrogative sentence pattern.Obviously, interrogative sentences can easily prompt the other party to reflect on themselves. 5. Change critics from first person to third person "I don't think you're right" is in the first person, and "everyone thinks you're wrong" is in the third person.This change eased the direct conflict between the critics and the opponent, but the pressure on the critics increased instead, and he had to consider everyone's opinions. 6. Change criticism to self-criticism Self-criticism for the same mistakes is tantamount to speaking out.Although they are talking about the same thing and the same reasoning, even if the words are more intense, it will not sound harsh to the other party in another way. Of the above methods, the most effective is to change criticism into self-criticism.Words of self-criticism can inspire the other person to empathize with each other.By blaming yourself and inspiring the other party to do self-criticism, so as to recognize and correct mistakes, it is a method of indirect criticism.If one is at fault, there is often an emotional defensiveness.If we do not pay attention to this, it will not be easy for him to listen to our point of view.Blame yourself, just happens to be the key that opens this door.Strictly analyzing one's own thoughts, and telling convincing truths in the process of analyzing oneself, can easily cause emotional changes in the other party, and then touch one's own thoughts. ★Change positions and angles In order to convince both parties with reason, you must clarify your own position, hear the other party's position clearly, discriminate the positions of both parties clearly, and subtly change your position if possible. Changing your position is not an easy task. Generally speaking, you have to go through the following four steps: 1. Make your position clear Xiao Liu from Sichuan and Xiao Yang from Zhejiang are good friends, and they often spend their pocket money together.Once, the two bought mustard greens, and Xiao Liu bought a bag of Sichuan mustard greens.Xiao Yang was very unhappy: "Why don't you buy Zhejiang mustard?" Xiao Liu: "How can the taste of Zhejiang mustard be as pure as Sichuan mustard?" Xiao Yang: "You really don't know how to eat it. The taste of Zhejiang mustard is pure. What!" Xiao Liu: "I don't know how to eat it? I grew up eating pickled mustard. I've eaten it for decades. I'm afraid you don't know how to eat it." In this case, neither side has made its position clear.What is "pure"?It's an ambiguous word.Perhaps the real contradiction between the two sides is: Xiao Liu is from Sichuan and likes to eat spicy mustard; Xiao Yang is from Zhejiang and is used to eating sweet mustard.Because they did not clarify their position, it triggered a new confrontation: who will eat mustard more? Articulating one's position includes articulating one's arguments, arguments, and arguments (especially arguments).Clarifying one's position can prevent the other party from misunderstanding oneself and avoid unnecessary confrontation. When we debate with others, we must first of all clarify our position.If the position is not clearly stated, then the debate is muddled. 2. Pay attention to understanding the position of the other party Regarding the position of the other party, the emphasis is on the word "listen".Only by being a good listener and hearing the other party's position clearly can we understand the other party correctly and avoid misunderstandings. After A and B bought sports lottery tickets, A said: "Issuing sports lottery tickets is good. It can raise a lot of money for sports." B said: "I don't think so, this is encouraging the gambling psychology of the masses." The purpose is different. Buying lottery tickets is to contribute to the cause of sports, how can it be equated with gambling?" B: "Since issuing lottery tickets can raise funds, should we issue aircraft carrier lottery tickets and moon landing lottery tickets? Is it because my family is short of money to buy a house, so come here What about lottery tickets?" B expands A's argument—A is in favor of a sports lottery, but not necessarily a lottery for every shortage of money—and is making trouble for softening the opposition.Arbitrarily expanding the conclusion of the opponent to make it ridiculous is a common technique in debate competitions.Everyday debate calls for convincing both sides with reason, not for one side to win over the other. 3. Find out the positions of both parties In 1999, colleges and universities expanded their enrollment, and public opinion was mixed.In a live interview program on a certain radio station, a general manager of a foreign company who graduated from high school debated this matter with a young university lecturer.The general manager believes that there is no point in expanding enrollment. The vast majority of people do not need to go to college, because they can also live well; a few people do not need to go to college, because they can still have cars and bungalows through hard work.University lecturers take the opposite view: Higher education should open its doors to more people because people should learn more.At the end of the program, the university lecturer concluded: "The fundamental difference between me and the general manager is not whether I agree with the expansion of college enrollment, but whether knowledge or material life should be the goal people pursue." The fundamental antagonism between the lecturer and the general manager is an unresolved issue. What is valuable is that the lecturer has found the real antagonism beneath the superficial antagonism.Only when the real opposition is softened is the opposition truly softened.Distinguishing the positions of the two sides and finding out the real opposition is the prerequisite for softening the opposition.By clarifying one's own position and listening to the other side's position, one can have a clear understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of both sides' views, and understand where the real opposition lies. This is the key to softening the opposition theoretically. 4. Subtly change your position Debate requires changing one's point of view in a timely manner in order to agree with the opponent.There are two methods to refer to. 1. To guide the other party to change their point of view For a period of time, the incidence of myopia among students in a school was very high, which caused a dispute between doctors A and B. Doctor A believed that the high incidence of myopia among students was mainly a health problem, which was caused by unhygienic eye use. Caused; Doctor B thinks it is mainly an educational issue.Doctor A said: "Myopia is mostly caused by unhygienic eye use such as reading for too long, incorrect reading posture, etc. It is naturally a health problem." Doctor B said: "Have you ever thought about it? If the students are not under heavy pressure, the students will Do you read books for a long time?" Doctor A said: "Yes, they may read extracurricular books for a long time." Doctor B said: "If this is the case, why doesn't the school strengthen eye health education?" Doctor A said: " Maybe education doesn’t work.” Doctor B said: “Education doesn’t work, isn’t this an education problem?” In this debate, Doctor B cleverly introduced Doctor A's point of view into his own: even if it is a health issue, it is first of all a health education issue, and thus an education issue.Attributing the other party's point of view to your own point of view can guide the other party's point of view. 2. Change the positions of both parties The marketing manager and the development manager of a company debated the development of a new product.The marketing manager believes that before developing a new product, a detailed market survey should be done to see if consumers have such a demand.The manager of the development department believes that the development of new products must be kept secret, so that customers and competitors in the same industry can feel mysterious.The two debated for a while, and both felt that there was a problem with their position.The marketing manager then proposed: The development manager's proposition is correct, but it is best to conduct a general market research before development. The marketing manager softened the opposition by adjusting his position from detailed market research to general market research in order to match the other side's point of view (to keep it confidential).Attributing one's point of view to the other's point of view can transform the positions of both parties. ★Compare hearts to hearts and seek common ground The opponent is not your enemy. Trying to win over the opponent, let the opponent resonate, and gradually achieve psychological consensus are often used methods. This method can often produce very good results. ◎Let the opponent resonate Efforts to win over the opponent and make the opponent support one's own debate is the basic principle for the debater to create conditions to win. We call it the law of identity. To win the opponent's support, it is necessary to make the opponent identify with one's own side, which includes intellectual consensus and emotional resonance. 1. Intellectual consensus It is the consistency of the opponent's rational understanding of the views and propositions of a certain debater in the debate, thus showing agreement or even admiration.The generation of intellectual consensus is the basis for the opponent to accept the choice of a certain side of the debate.Generally speaking, it comes from the rational identification of the content of the debate, and it is also accompanied by the perceptual and intuitive emotional experience of the scene (the opponent present in the oral debate). 2. Emotional resonance It is the emotional fluctuation and tendency of identification caused by the opponent's aesthetic experience in participating in the debate.Generally speaking, emotional resonance is produced on the premise of rational consensus, and rational consensus is its core content.The basic feature of emotional resonance is the content of the debate, as well as the opponent's aesthetic feeling caused by the debater's emotion, personality, eloquence (writing), appearance, manner and other factors, thus mobilizing the opponent's emotional recognition. The opponent's intellectual and emotional identification determines their acceptance of the identified debater, thus generating support. The stronger the opponent's intellectual and emotional identification with a debater in the debate, the stronger it is qualitatively (the depth, breadth, and strength of the identification), and the more quantitative it is (the greater the number of opponents who agree), the more it can increase the support. The probability that the debater wins. ◎A method to achieve psychological common ground Swapping positions between the two parties, experiencing the psychology of the other party in person, and actively adjusting one's attitude and behavior are one of the effective ways for the two parties to reach a consensus, and it is also the best outcome of a debate in life.This method is to seek the same psychologically and compare hearts with each other. Ai Zi has a grandson who is already in his teens. He is lazy, playful, doesn't study hard, and can't even play well.Aizi's only son is the only son, and he is often worried about the child being beaten: he is afraid that he will not be able to bear it, and he is afraid that he will have no descendants if he dies.Therefore, every time Aizi punished his grandson, the son would plead for mercy with tears and snot in his nose.Ai Zi said angrily, "I'm disciplining my son for you, isn't that good?" So he beat his grandson even more severely. One morning, when it was snowing heavily, Ai Zi saw his grandson playing a snowball game. Without any explanation, he stripped off his clothes and made him kneel in the snow.The grandson shivered and shivered.Aizi's son didn't dare to say anything, took off his clothes, and knelt beside him. Aizi asked in surprise: "Your son is at fault and should be punished; why are you kneeling here?" Aizi's son said with tears in his eyes, "You freeze my son, and I will freeze your son too!" Ai Zi smiled and spared his grandson. In the debate, by assuming a certain situation or scene and letting the other party experience the psychology of others, it can inspire the other party to improve their understanding, and then make adjustments to his words and deeds. 一个小村子里，一个男人独自把儿子拉扯大，攒钱给儿子娶了老婆，又帮着两口子带孩子。但是，两口子却把老爷爷视为负担，决定把老爷爷扔到一个很远很远的地方。 一天傍晚，男人带了一个大竹筐回来。他把老爷爷抱起来放在竹筐里，说：“父亲，您知道，我们不能再照顾您了。我们决定把您送到一个神圣的地方，那儿所有的人都会对您很好的。您在那儿会比在这儿生活得更有趣。”老爷爷马上看出他们的用心，气愤地训斥道：“你这个忘恩负义的畜牲！你就这么报答我！”男人恼羞成怒，猛地背起大竹筐，匆匆走出了屋门。 孩子一直偷偷地看着。在父亲就要消失在夜幕里时，他向父亲喊道：“爸爸，把爷爷送走后，千万记着把筐子带回来。” 男人转过身来，迷惑不解地问道：“为什么？” 孩子回答：“等您老了，我想把您送走的时候，还用得着这个大筐子呢！” 听了儿子的话，男人的腿颤抖起来，他没法再往前迈步。回转身，又把老爷爷送回家来。 将心比心术主要是通过唤起对方的良心与道德意识，让对方赞同我们的论点，修正他的错误。如果对方是稍有良心与道德的人，运用将心比心术往往能取得很好的论辩效果。