Chapter 64 14. Lubricate and stuff the pastry

When we opened the history books, we felt extremely stuffy.In fact, before the An Lushan rebellion, there was nothing strange about what happened. It was nothing more than that Concubine Yang liked An Lushan so much that she made her her godson, stripped him of his clothes, and threw him into the Take a bath in Huaqing Pool. In the history books, the records about the mother-child relationship between Concubine Yang Gui and An Lushan are extremely delicate and pure.The incident started when An Lushan came to Beijing by order. This ethnic minority brother had a fat belly.Sitting with her former father-in-law and current husband Li Longji, she asked An Lushan: "Old Ann, what is in your big fat belly?"An Lushan replied with a smile: Madam Qizuo, we pretend to be loyal to the emperor in our belly.Li Longji heard it interesting, so he asked: An Lushan, did you make a mistake?You should say His Majesty Qizuo, how dare you ignore me and say Empress Qizuo?

An Lushan replied: Sorry, Your Majesty, you are OUT, have you forgotten that I am a barbarian? Li Longji asked: What happened to the Hu people?Don't the barbarians recognize Jun's father? An Lushan replied: Your Majesty's answer is correct, plus ten points - we are uneducated and do not understand etiquette, but we are straightforward and simple.The cultural etiquette of the Central Plains people puts the status of the father above that of the mother, and completely ignores the hardships of the mother's ten-month pregnancy. This is something we Hu people cannot agree with.We Hu people are grateful to our mothers all our lives, and we only recognize our mothers, not our fathers—it’s not that we don’t recognize our fathers, it’s because our fathers’ efforts to bring us into this world can be completely ignored.I wonder if His Majesty thinks so?

But... no.Li Longji was stunned when he heard it: You bastard, you are full of nonsense, but what you say is all the truth...Since you only have your mother in your eyes and don't recognize your father, how can I be a gentleman in the future?Why not... why not just accept the noble concubine as your mother, and let the noble concubine lead you in the future. At that moment, An Lushan was overjoyed, and he lay down on Concubine Yang Guifei, and called out sincerely: Mother! Concubine Yang also responded affectionately: Baby, mother finally found you... Concubine Yang was so excited that she had a fat son for no reason. She immediately presided over a grand ceremony in the palace. She stripped off her son An Lushan's clothes, wrapped them in silk, and was carried to the edge of Huaqing Pool by the maids. Everyone worked together: One, two, three, whoosh, plop, gurgling... An Lushan had already been thrown into the hot spring pool, and he was gulping down his stomach with warm water.

Panting, An Lushan broke through the siege of the maids in all directions, rushed out of Huaqing Pool, and saw the old man Li Longji sitting in the sun, squinting his eyes and reciting poems: Lushan boy, come here, I am just about to recuperate A poem came out, praising your mother's nipples... Why are you staring at such a big bull's eye?I'm not scolding you, it's your mother's nipples. Didn't you recognize the imperial concubine as your own mother?Now it’s time to praise the imperial concubine’s nipples. Your father and I have already made up the last sentence: Ruanwen freshly peeled chicken head meat... What’s the next sentence?

An Lushan: Lubricate and stuff the pastry. Li Longji: Soft and warm freshly peeled chicken head meat, lubricated and stuffed with crisp.I rely on!Lu Shan, you are so talented, you have expressed the most subtle feeling I want to say... What needs to be explained is that some historians are straight-faced and refuse to accept this paragraph of records, especially this couplet about fucking nipples.Although it is written stroke by stroke in the history books, historians firmly believe that this was made up by people at that time in order to discredit the leaders.And there are some filthy literati, but they reasoned down with a dark heart: Damn, An Lushan, how did he know that Concubine Yang's nipples were lubricated and stuffed with crisps?Could it be that he used to... Quack quack, it turns out that the green hat on Li Longji's old head is already shiny...

However, in the study of history, the above two attitudes are undesirable and wrong, and should be completely rejected and criticized. Let me talk about the first one first. Historians who hold the first attitude somehow think that the imperial palace is sacred, and the leaders even shit and pee are grand and solemn.In fact, that's not the case at all.The people who eat in the palace are all eating and drinking men and women, there is no sacredness at all.And the reason why the imperial city is so majestic is to cover up this point. With the help of the towering palace walls, it will give the world an illusion, as if the daily life of the emperor's ladies is so solemn, so that you will be submissive. Resolutely accept the fate of being enslaved.

The latter point of view is to transplant one's filthy psychology into the palace, thinking that all the filthy things one imagines will happen here.In fact, there is no difference between the inside of the palace and the outside. There are ordinary people outside, and men and women eating and drinking inside. People outside try their best to hide their dirty hearts and show a kind of majesty. To put it simply, An Lushan's entry into the palace did cause a disorderly disturbance in the palace, but in the end, everyone still had to put on a straight face, continue to maintain their decency, and continue to live their lives.

That is to say, between Li Longji and An Lushan, there were indeed some whispers of sexual desire between men and women, just like any two men chatting about girls when no one is paying attention.But as dirty as the little literati imagined, it may not happen-everything is the same as the daily life of ordinary people. Everyone has a heart but no courage. When there is courage, the thief is gone. . The thief is really gone, because An Lushan returned to the front line soon.And the trust he received in the palace, and the relationship he formed with Li Longji and Concubine Yang day and night, plus the glaucoma and cataract that only he knew about, we know that at this time, he, besides being full of concubine Yang, Gratitude never harbors the slightest thought of rebellion.

Yet the rebellion occurred. why? Because Yang Guifei's cousin Yang Guozhong.