Chapter 4 4. Parental Divorce and Educational Style

There is always a distance between parents and children.The parents' table was separate from theirs, and Charlie didn't come downstairs to eat with his parents until he was seven.This is the rigid, formal, and restrained life of aristocratic families, and it is the education method left by the previous generation.Diana's brother Charlie recalled that the way was special and outdated, lacking maternal love. The lack of maternal love is not only in this respect, the divorce of parents has become a permanent trauma in the hearts of children.Regarding the marriage that ended in divorce, the late Earl Spencer said: "How much of a married life of 14 years was happiness? I thought it was until the moment we parted. I was wrong. We didn't break up, but We are estranged from each other." How much happiness can there be in an estranged marriage? The harmonious atmosphere of Parker Manor has disappeared.In public, the couple are all smiles, but privately there is no laughter in their lives.The trauma of the cold silence, sharp language, and fierce quarrels on the children's hearts is obvious.Diana vividly remembers hiding behind her living room door to watch her parents quarrel.The reason for the quarrel was a third person in their lives—Peter Shand Kidd.The wealthy businessman sold his Australian ranch and returned to England.The Spencers met the outgoing industrialist and his wife at a dinner in London.Later they went on vacation with Peter to a Swiss ski resort.This trip is an unfortunate turning point in their lives.In Frances's eyes, Peter was cheerful and unrestrained, and seemed to have all the characteristics that her husband lacked.In the excitement of the exchange, Frances does not seem to notice the downcast side of Peter's character.

Returning from holiday, the 42-year-old Peter left home, his wife and children, and lived alone in a place in South Kensington, where he began a tryst with Frances.It was the summer of 1967, and Diana's parents had reached a separation agreement.That scene has become an eternal shadow in little Diana's heart: she was only 6 years old sitting on the cold stone steps of Parker Manor, helplessly grasping the wrought iron carved stair railings, surrounded by chaos and noise.She heard her father put the suitcase into the trunk of the car, heard her mother's high-heeled shoes knocking on the gravel road in the yard, heard the car door slam shut, heard the engine roaring, and gradually drifted away.Mother out of Parker Manor, out of her life.

The mother lived in London. She originally planned to take Diana and Charlie to live in London together, but was firmly opposed by her father.The father's victory is not limited to this, the mother's departure has been charged with "elopement".When the newspapers reported the scandal, she was portrayed as a bad woman who was extremely selfish, abandoned her husband and children, and threw herself into the arms of another man.People expressed sympathy for the husband of this "bad woman" and angrily condemned Frances's scandal. Diana, 6, was too young to understand it all.But the loneliness of being abandoned and betrayed is unforgettable.She thought it was all her fault that she wasn't a boy and caused her parents to discord.Marriage breakdown does bring trauma to the parties involved, but the damage to the children is even greater and irreparable.

Every night, lying in bed surrounded by toys, Diana could hear her brother sobbing for his mother.Sometimes, she got out of bed and went to her brother's room to put him to sleep; sometimes, she was also lonely and scared and could only stay in the room and listen to her brother crying: "I want mother, I want mother." At this time, she just I can bury my head in the pillow and let the tears wet the pillow. "I couldn't bear the helplessness and fear. I didn't have the courage to get out of bed to comfort my brother. I still remember these things clearly today," she recalled.

Insecurity becomes a torment the children have to endure.As children, both Diana and Charlie were terrified of the dark and demanded that the staircase lights be on at night and the lights in the house be on.Outside the window, the wind howled through the trees, and the hooting of owls and other animals was mournful.For children, Parker Manor in the dark is very scary.One evening, my father mentioned casually that a murderer had escaped from prison and had escaped nearby.The children, too scared to sleep, listened for every sound in the empty house.Diana even counted on her hippo toy to protect her.She paints the hippo's eyes with glow paint so that at night she feels as if the hippo is standing guard for her.

In the eyes of outsiders, Diana is still a happy child.She was busy in her own little world, neat as a new doll.She puts the animals to sleep and tucks her dolls in.She rode the blue bicycle through the avenues of the estate, pushed the doll in the stroller she had been in, and helped her little brother get dressed.Warmth, love, and consideration for others have always been her personality traits. Behind happiness is loneliness.The mother was gone, the older sisters Sarah and Jenny lived in boarding school, and the father was devastated and debilitated, shut up in his room with no one to see except the housekeeper.His son Charlie recalled: "After the divorce, he was really in a bad mood, mainly extremely depressed and autistic. He often sat alone in his study and stayed at home. I remember playing cricket with me on the lawn. It was him. It's a rare happy moment, but I'm happy."

Children in divorced families often encounter two dilemmas, being abandoned by their parents or becoming the object of contention by their parents.The Diana siblings unfortunately belonged to the latter group.Mother Frances and father Johnny are both fighting to win their children's love to their side.They all bought their children a lot of expensive gifts, but they didn't give them the hugs and kisses they craved. On Diana's 7th birthday, Johnny threw a fantastic party.That afternoon he had borrowed a dromedary named Burt from Dudley Zoo, and let the flattered children ride it around the lawn while he watched with gusto.

The Christmas season is even more extravagant.Before the festive season, both Charlie and Diana received catalogs from Hamleys, a large toy store in London's West End.They were told what they wanted to buy and they put a tick on the catalogue.Sure enough, on Christmas Day, their wishes came true: the stockings on their bedside were filled with good things."These things make you believe in materialism," says Charlie. A child in this situation is awkward and painful, and one gift forced Diana to make one of the most painful decisions of her young life. In 1969, aged eight, she was invited to the wedding of her cousin Elizabeth Wake-Walker and Anthony Duckworth-Chard, which took place in Piccadilly near St James's Palace.Her father gave her a beautiful blue dress, and her mother gave her an equally beautiful green dress. "I can't remember exactly which one I was wearing, but I do remember that it bothered me a lot because it made me have to choose a side."

At school, the shadow of divorce still exists.Diana and her brother are the only students in the school whose parents have divorced, which fundamentally distinguishes them from other children.Delisa Needham, Diana's former form director, said: "She was the only student I knew whose parents had divorced. It was a rare thing at the time." One afternoon, the sun was shining brightly, and everyone was having a drawing class. For some reason, Diana burst into tears. The students didn't understand why, but she wrote "Dedicated to Mommy and Daddy" on each painting. As a result of the divorce proceedings of the parents, the mother lost the case and the custody of the children belonged to the father.But every holiday and weekend, Diana and her younger brother can go to London to meet their mother accompanied by a nanny.Getting together is not a happy thing. Every time they meet, their mother's tears make them painful and guilty.After the mother picked them up from the train station, she often burst into tears.The children carefully asked their mother what was wrong.And the mother's answer is always: "I don't want you to leave tomorrow."

The heavy reunion was lightened by the presence of stepfather Peter Shand Kidd. In 1969, Peter Shand Kidd officially entered the lives of Diana and Charlie.They met for the first time at Liverpool Street Station.Peter is handsome in a suit and leather shoes, with a big smile on his face.The kids fell in love with him when they first met.The mother said they were married that morning, and the children were even happier. Peter is the generous, emotive and easy-going stepfather of the family wallpaper business. He took the children on a voyage and allowed little Charlie to wear the cap he had once served in the Royal Navy.Charlie has since had the nickname "General".He nicknamed Diana "The Duchess", which was used by Diana's friends for a long time.This time with her mother and stepfather had a great impact on Diana's character.

Charlie said: "If you're trying to figure out why Diana wasn't a pampered flashy girl, it's because we had two very different ways of life. We didn't always live in a grand mansion with a butler. My mother's place is a normal house, and we spend half of each holiday with our mother, so we spend a lot of time in relatively normal surroundings." Three years later, in 1972, Shand Kidder and his wife bought a 1,000-acre farm on Sale Island, south of Oban in Argyll County, where Diana's mother, Frances, lived A very long time.Kids come here for their summer holidays to enjoy the idyllic scenery, mackerel fishing, lobster fishing, sailing and, on sunny days, barbecues on the beach.Diana was given a Scottish stallion of her own, named Suffolk.Because of riding a horse, she injured an arm, and she has been afraid of riding a horse ever since. At that time, Diana was riding a pony in Sandringham Park when the horse suddenly tripped and she was thrown several meters away.Diana only felt pain, and her arm didn't seem to be hurt by the fall.Two days later, she went skiing in Switzerland.Only then did she feel her arm was numb and unable to move, so she went to a local hospital to take an X-ray, and the doctor diagnosed it as a "parabend fracture".This is a common disease in children. Because the bones are soft, they are easy to deform, but not easy to break.The doctor put a bandage on her arm.But when Diana was riding again, she fell again due to nervousness.Her fear of horseback was overcome when she became a princess with the help of a handsome equestrian instructor, James Hewitt.But she was not keen on horseback riding all her life.