Chapter 4 Section 3: First love, time has sent everything away

In love, I learned to meditate. We walked and chatted in Beihai, probably talking about boring things, because I don't remember anything now.But on the way home, by the river at the back gate of Beihai Park, he kissed my face. Not surprisingly, I failed the college entrance examination, and he was admitted to the Law Department of Peking University.I always thought I would marry him, because during the years I spent with him, the boys walking on the street and around me were not worth my eyes! The proportion of marrying first love in modern society is extremely small.We were destined not to be husband and wife.

One day in 1983, I was sitting with his parents for dinner.We have been in love for 5 years. During these 5 years, his eldest brother, sister and second brother went to the United States one after another.I never thought he would go because he never said it to me.We still ate a big pot of goulash his dad made that day.I remember his father often put a few eggs in the meat.The eggs have been simmered in the meat pot for a long time, and the taste is particularly rich.We can share one each and eat hot.When I just put the egg in my mouth and didn't bite, his mother said: "Xiao Gang, use the passport you just got to go to the Friendship Store to buy a bottle of salad oil tomorrow."

At that time, the most exclusive store in Beijing was the Friendship Store, where only foreigners were allowed to enter, and Chinese people were only allowed to enter with passports.There are no imported goods in the shops on the street, and salad oil is not produced in China.Can't imagine how I swallowed that egg.I just remember the disobedient tears streaming down.I didn't say anything, I left my seat and went to another room. That day I suddenly understood that he never saw our destiny as being together, and he never wanted to walk the road of life with me.So, I decided to break up.I know I can't hesitate, I want him to see how strong I am, because I feel like I've been "cheated".At that time, it was too difficult to go abroad, and going to the United States meant going to the sea.

I have been imagining the scene when he returns to China in the future.Of course, it should be old, gray-haired, wearing a suit no matter what season it is, and walking in the messy alleys of Beijing, taking off the gold-rimmed glasses to find the house number, and asking if there is an old lady named "Song Dandan" who used to live in Beijing. This courtyard.Of course, I should already be wrinkled, with a bun, all teeth gone, sitting on the side of the road basking in the sun.We should look at each other for a long time, looking for traces of familiarity with each other, the main theme of the movie "Second Handshake" should be floating in the air...

I wrote him a breakup letter and told him I couldn't see him anymore.He once said that I was cruel, and he also cried for me. It's completely different from what I imagined.He came back in 1994, when I was already a "famous actor".One day when I was doing a program on CCTV, I met Sun Chun, our mutual friend, and he told me Yuan Gang's phone number. We made an appointment to meet at the coffee shop of the China World Hotel. I saw him wandering over from a long distance, and I knew that I would never get back the feeling of my first love.We chatted like friends, talked about each other's situation, and laughed every now and then.We know in our hearts that time has sent everything away.

No matter how beautiful emotions you go through, although you may think "This time is so different!" "Surely we will never be apart, because I will not live; only when you reach middle age, maybe later in life, do you understand that time is What a cruel thing, it turns the life that once broke your heart, made you lose sleep, and made you firmly believe that it will never change, into dreams that seem real and unreal, distant and vague, and people live forever in today, today is reality.