Chapter 31 The third part opens up a new land of literature and art, the sound of autumn in confusion

Living in Shanghai for a year, Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman often had conflicts, and their differences in personality and interests gradually emerged.Lu Xiaoman likes to play, likes to be lively, tends to be lazy, and enjoys a comfortable life, while Xu Zhimo likes to be quiet, likes to think, and yearns for a positive life. What made Xu Zhimo even more troublesome was Lu Xiaoman's extravagance. She often booked seats in theaters, nightclubs and other entertainment venues, spent a lot of money to catch up with the audience, and went to "Atlantic" and "Yipinxiang" to eat big dishes. There were a lot of servants at home. There is also a long-term hired car, etc. After a month, the living expenses are as high as five or six hundred silver dollars (equivalent to about 20,000 yuan today).Xu Zhimo's one-month teaching salary is not enough for Lu Xiaoman's expenses.Xu Zhimo, who loves his wife deeply, had to rush to write poems and essays after school to earn manuscript fees, but he was still struggling.

Since Lu Xiaoman had been in poor health, her friend Weng Ruiwu persuaded her to smoke a few tubes of opium after she came to Shanghai. Although her condition was under control, she became addicted over time.After taking opium, Lu Xiaoman became more and more lazy and playful, and added a huge amount of expenses to the family.In order to order a costume for acting, Lu Xiaoman sent Enhouzhi to the couple to spend the expenses of studying in Europe. Although Xu Zhimo was very depressed, but for Lu Xiaoman's happiness, he had no choice but to agree, and reluctantly agreed to go with Lu Xiaoman On the same stage, "Yutangchun? Three Trial Trials" was performed.

On December 7, 1927, "Yutangchun? Three Trials" was staged at the Shanghai Summer Peak Theater. Xu Zhimo performed a play that day in order not to spoil Lu Xiaoman's interest.But afterwards, something happened that made Xu Zhimo particularly embarrassing. On the 17th, "Sherlock Holmes Tabloid" published an obscene article signed by "Pi Zhe", titled "Sister Wu Massages Tired Friends", alluding to the relationship between Lu Xiaoman and Weng Ruiwu.Although there are many inaccuracies in the article, it can be known that Lu Xiaoman and Weng Ruiwu were relatively close at that time.This incident hurt Xu Zhimo a lot, and it also made the relationship between the couple gradually tense, but Lu Xiaoman did not give up communication and friends because of this, and still went his own way with Weng Ruiwu.

Weng Ruiwu, a native of Changshu, Jiangsu, is a son of an aristocratic family. He can sing Peking Opera, draw pictures, and appreciate antiques.Because he often falls in love with Lu Xiaoman, he is very fond of Lu Xiaoman.Among Lu Xiaoman's many friends, he occupies a special position. Although Lu Xiaoman and Weng Ruiwu have been in a relationship, she still loves Xu Zhimo deep in her heart.It's just that she has developed many habits since she was a child, and she can't change them for a while.The marriage with Xu Zhimo was not handled well, and Lu Xiaoman also had her helplessness. She once said to her good friend Wang Yingxia: "Zhimo is a romantic poet, and the love he longs for is illusory love. It is best to be in the hopeless love forever." The unattainable situation, once married with the beloved girlfriend, the fantasies are gone, the enthusiasm is gone, and life becomes like plain water, dull. Not only is Zhimo not as good to me as before, but he also interferes in my life, telling me not to play cards, Don't smoke opium, keep me in control, I can't live such a restricted life. I'm a bird in a cage, I want to fly, fly to the lush woods, be free."

Xu Zhimo this year was shrouded in deep pessimism, and even the speech he gave to the students was full of pessimism.At the invitation of Jinan University Qiuye Club, Xu Zhimo gave a speech entitled "Autumn Sound" to the teachers and students of the school. Xu Zhimo said that in Beijing two years ago, it was also such a lively autumn day.He compares one's feelings to fallen leaves, leaves that fall from the tree of life.Falling leaves are a symbol of decay and withering, and its mood is almost mournful.But these small leaves fluttering in the air and upside down on the street are not without their charm. Their colors and meanings, in the eyes of a few caring people, are not completely without status in this universe. "Thank you for your destruction, so that we are liberated and free," they seem to say to the ruthless autumn wind. "Excuse me, kick us into powder and stamp us into mud, so that we can be freed and wiped out." They seem to say to people who don't care.Because on the day when the spring breeze returns, these humble seeds of life will turn out a fresh world from the frozen soil.Their power is unquestionable.The dullness that Xu Zhimo felt at that time was really an indescribable dullness.It was like a great mountain, and his whole life was weighed down by it.He once borrowed the formless cursed poem "Poison" to vent his sulking anger, but he was not despairing and pessimistic. In the deep depression, he still felt hope.So at the end of "Baby", he encourages people to give up pessimism.

Year after year, another two years passed.Has his wish come true in the past two years?Is that great baby born?Has his suffering gained awareness and value?He doesn't know, he doesn't know.All he knew was the mass of ugly bloated dullness, the crushing dullness that hung over his mind and his life, in his economy and in his blood.He could not resist, he had no strength left.People sustain life not only with bread and rice, but also with love, admiration and hope.Love is worthy of admiration and allows hope, but what is the current situation?What happened to the manifestation of human nature?There is nothing here, the manifestation of human nature is ugly, obscene, and dark.Too ugly to love with love in a fiery breast; too obscene to adore with admiration; too dark to hope for.The sun was eaten by the dog.People can only be silent in the boundless darkness, forever silent!It was as if the tragedy of a strong earthquake had caused thoughts, feelings, and personalities to be shaken into unmanageable fragments, no longer systematic, coherent, or expressive.

But he was asked to speak at this moment, which made Xu Zhimo feel strangely uncomfortable.Suffering because of his own misery.Unbearable, especially because he is a poet, and his possessions, apart from a few castles in the sky, are at best a warm heart.Maybe some people feel the sadness of this era like him, an inexplicable and inescapable state of affairs, so they invite him to come to this sad and dull place, hoping that he can make a few humorous metaphors, tell a little joke, and give a little comfort. In half an hour, each other can forget the cruelty of time in the warmth of sympathy.So he hesitated, he was afraid that he would not explain when he came, and he felt uneasy if he did not come.He also wanted to talk about some things that were far away from the real life, but the idea was in vain, because no matter whether the starting point of thinking was starlight, the moon or a butterfly, as soon as he turned around, he encountered the basic problems of life again. Leng Sensen stands upright like a few tombstones blocking the way.No, you can't hide from them; questions about the life of the times, small, big, crooked, and straight, are all around like butterflies.Just as they forced Xu Zhimo to declare a firm attitude two years ago, they are still forcing him to come out and express a firm attitude today. Well, Xu Zhimo thought, this is another chance for him to clear his mind.On a completely unhealthy tree of life, one can expect to eat the beautiful, fresh and sweet fruit of thought!On the personal side, he proposed to recognize the disease of the times, the virus is in the body and in the blood.As long as you recognize the symptoms, there is always a solution.Xu Zhimo asks everyone to get closer to nature, because nature is a healthy and pure influence, and there are endless spiritual resources, inspiration and inspiration in it.

First of all, we must aspire not to be slaves of time and time, but to be masters of thoughts and lives. This temporary dullness will never overwhelm our ideals. We should be grateful for this deep dullness, because here we feel some self-consciousness. received news.We still have to work hard, we still have to keep our attitude positive.Just as Xu Zhimo encouraged everyone to give up pessimism and maintain a positive attitude towards life at the end, he still wants to persuade everyone today.