Chapter 9 9

hindsight If a creator is unwilling to be lonely and comes out to talk about his own work, any explanation or justification for what he has completed there is redundant "in hindsight". Maybe it's my shallow experience. When I talk about it, what I talk about is actually known and developed. These will not exceed the time of creation.Creation is very similar to what Levi Strauss said: "My work can be found out, but I don't even know what I might think." Therefore, creators should learn what God says, and don't say anything. But why say it again There is only one case, because it failed.Because I didn't do it, I didn't do it well enough, it should be this way, that way, if I knew it earlier, I could have done it.Annoyed, regretted, murmuring all day long.Speaking at this time, rather than telling others, it is better to talk to yourself, which is close to confession.

I have worked with director Hou Hsiao-hsien for more than ten years, and have collaborated on ten scripts. I have witnessed him chattering periodically every time he completes a film.The epilogue always says: "If you re-edit it again, the film will definitely be a hundred times better than the current film." It seems that every film is a regret, and dissatisfaction, and the next film becomes an addendum to the previous film. . I often want to record these hindsights of his, as a not-too-distant lesson, and provide them to movie enthusiasts.After all, the fruits of success are mostly the same, but the taste of failure is varied.

The location of "Dream Life" Anyone who studies Hou Hsiao-hsien's films in the future will find that "Life in a Dream" was a peak and then a turning point in his creative process. Judging from the existing works, Hou Hsiao-hsien's "Green Grass by the River" in 1982 is a farewell work, saying goodbye to all kinds of money-making films that he has participated in or filmed since he entered the industry in 1973.In 1983, when I was filming "The Big Doll of My Son", I started to suffer from poisoning. It was not until I finished filming "A Dream of Life" in 1993 that I finally started to shine.

He is the most discussed fixed camera position and long-shot aesthetics, which has become his orthographic mark, until "Dream Life" has reached its completeness.It's so thorough that friends laugh at him, it can be compared to a photo album, with a hundred shots, you might as well turn it over page by page as if you were looking at photos. Long shots, as everyone knows, are intended to maintain the integrity of time and space, stemming from respect for the object, and do not like subjective cutting to interfere with its free presentation.The heightened authenticity of the long take approaches that of a documentary, exuding an austere charm.

Dealing with the activities in a single frame of a long shot, using deep focus, depth of field, layers, and scene scheduling, let the environment speak to the characters themselves.Therefore, the messages released by a single screen are multiple, ambiguous, ambiguous, and contaminated.Its message depends entirely on the participation and selection of the viewer. The difficulty of using a long lens lies in how to capture any single image that seems to be scattered and devoid of function.Because if you don’t follow the drama, give up the conflict and climax, and ignore the plot or foreshadowing that the plot needs at least, then, what can you rely on to complete a movie?

I think, basically, the long lens simply adopts another perspective to see the world.An understanding, an interpretation. Hou Hsiao-hsien is the instigator of the proliferation of long shots in Taiwan's new films.But the problem with the long shot is not that it is long and slow, but that it is only an aesthetic form, but not a time to observe the world's attitude and vision.It's just aesthetics, no wonder Jiao Xiongping said that he would rather go to Hollywood movies. "Life in a Dream" makes full use of long shots, for example, he boldly omits the structure.In his own words, it is to take a piece and use it to present the whole (synedoche·) He said: "The problem is that this piece must be very rich, full and vivid, like an oiled rope. Although only one section is taken, the whole piece is still needed The rope is soaked in." One piece and one shot, what connects the pieces is not causal relationship, but the tension under the shot, the breath that permeates the picture.

Jointly and indirectly, the frugality that has always been unique in his films has become even more frugal.He makes good use of the space, sound, and events that exist outside the scene frame, using fiction as reality, leaving blank space for the viewer.Due to omission and economy, he often narrates what has not yet happened in advance in editing, without giving any explanation or clues. After he understands it later, he begins to recall the meaning of the previous fragments.The viewer has to go back all the way, turn the plow, and keep in dialogue with the whole movie-watching experience. So in a single shot, it may have been ten years in a flash.Voice-overs span scenes, weaving events as accessible as a time traveler, like Aaron Resnais. (The above is from Jim Hoberman of The Village Voice.)

"Life in a Dream" summed up the characteristics of his past films, taking a step forward, and it's over.The lighter the drama, the more pure the movie.Reaching the boundary of the film, it makes the viewers have a lot of doubts, whether this is a film or not? My experience, it seems that it is especially a film that belongs to the film creators. Film creators seem to be able to get joy and inspiration from this film.For example, Akira Kurosawa, the number of ways is very different from him, and I have read it four times.Iran's Abbas watched it in Cannes, and later came to Japan. He told the media: "After watching the film, I thought it was good. When I go back and think about it, it's not only good, it's amazing."

Probably, this is the location of "Dream Life", it belongs to the research and development unit.Unfortunately, it is probably farther away from the viewer. be an actor "When you arrive, you will come back", a picture hangs in the home of Nomura Yasushi, the master of Noh, which means that you have come back after you have reached the end.I express it by looking at the world with a long shot, and when I am satisfied with "Life in a Dream", I start to think about other things. The sky of Penghu is different from that of the main island.There are too many seas, and there are seas everywhere, which often seem to eat up the sky.If it is drawn down, there will be a low horizon across one-tenth of the picture, on which is the sky and the sea, the only land where no big trees grow, with grass and germanthus growing, stone houses and reefs. Short walls made of rock are scattered among them.

In winter, the northwest wind across the mainland brought the salt from the sea and rushed straight to the island. The long wind all night and all day seemed to never stop, making people's faces dry and their memories blank.They are all weathered, and the only rubbish may be plastic bags that are taken away by the wind, and cacti are left when they meet, hanging on the thorns ostentatiously, clusters of cactus, by the sea, in the fields, like clumps flower tree. Fenggui, a village on the island.The wind pushes the waves from the sea level, and when they are collected here, they are locked in a dark reef cabinet. They cannot be locked, and the enraged waves burst forth rumblingly, and the clouds collapse and the shore cracks.

At this time, the wind season is over, and the big sun is on the scene. After a whole season of salt and wind, the village is so clean that the stone walls and stone steps are all divided into black and white under the sun. The black is the shadow, and the white is the sun. , such a clear and distinct afternoon, but it makes people dizzy.And Yan Huanqing spent most of the afternoon in the terrific billiard room opposite the bus stop outside the village. It’s a bird, not only because it’s the only one, that shriveled old man squats next to the blackboard to keep score, and the one hundred and one green cloth table is said to be for kindergarten students to play. Suspect.A short stone house was crowded with five or six big boys. The sound of billiard balls, knocking and clattering sounded empty and crisp in this hot and lonely afternoon, which was very frustrating. Bubble, bubble can foam.After soaking for a while, there was going to be a fight, Ah Qing threw away the pole, took three cans of beer root from the refrigerator, like three hand grenades, threw them to Arong Guo Tsai, and walked out of the billiard room in one breath.Otherwise, kick cans on the main road, and compare who can kick far enough and loudly, which one is unlucky and who loses, this time it was Ah Qing who was assigned to run behind a group of tourists, shouting: "Hey, hello. "Running in front of a woman with rice noodles, bowed ninety degrees: "I'm sorry, I recognized the wrong person." The shriveled old man was unambiguous, and recorded their debts on the calendar next to the wall. Most of the blank calendar was occupied by advertisements for motorcycles, fertilizers, and cement.Ah Qing and his group are represented by black circles, a few bottles of soda and a few packs of cigarettes on a certain day of the month, and the old man and his wife will be delivered to the house every few days to calculate how much it costs.I can't remember when Ah Qing's mother didn't even have the energy to scold him, and she counted the money to others. When he happened to be there, she gave him a hateful look like an enemy. Every time he seemed to see his mother walk into the inner room in bits and pieces, run beside the bed, lift up a corner of the tatami, and take out the hidden money to count.His father often sat on a rocking chair by the door, facing the light outside the door, and became a silent silhouette, maybe he was looking at the sea, maybe there was nothing there, who knows.It all made him want to run out of this old dark room, into the sun, and let the bright sun blind him and dry him out. This is often the case with him. When he comes home, he has already eaten at home. The table is tidy and covered with newspapers. He soaks the rice in the boiling water of the thermos. He dropped the chopsticks and went out again.Standing on the stone street reflecting the sun, just panicking, panicking for no reason.Just kick the old yellow dog's buttocks in the shade to see it fleeing for its life with its old bald tail between its legs.It wasn't difficult for him to find Ah Rong and the others opposite Xiaobaicai's grocery store. A group of lecherous guys gathered in front of the Town God's Temple to gossip. They were so bored that they could bet that anyone would dare to take off their trousers and walk into the store to buy with Xiaobaicai. Peanuts to eat.Ah Qing took off his trousers in the street, leaving only a pair of extremely fat shorts. If there were two big black characters of "Flour" on his cloth trousers, no one would be surprised.He staggered across the road, walking so virtuously that he really should have put on a pair of wooden clogs, rattling and trampling a white alley until he was old and despondent! Then they squatted in front of the temple and spent the whole afternoon eating Peanut shells and cigarette butts, patted his knees, and left, trampling the ground with peanut shells to a chaotic sound. Sometimes the wild wolves of Arong's family were ridden out, and a few people squeezed into the car in a row, whistling and flying to Magong Town to watch a movie.A dilapidated movie theater played a grandma’s movie from an unknown dynasty. It was like a continuous dim yellow rain from the beginning to the end. A row of them put their legs on the back of the chair in front of them. After a few cuts, chickens and cats shouted and blew up. Come whistle.Ah Qing stretched his arms on the back of the chair to form a big character, looking at the light coming in from the cracks in the roof tiles of the theater, the light was full of dust, like his old dark house... A long time ago, before his father was hit in the temple by a baseball.It seemed that the boat arrived at Magong at night, and the father came back from the island, but they fell asleep when they got home, and the mother woke them up one by one to see what goodies the father had brought them.My elder brother got a set of twenty-four filial piety picture story books, my elder sister got a box of sixteen-color pastel crayons, his got a toy airplane, and my mother got a piece of fabric.Under the dizzy light, my mother shook out the light-transmitting material, and it was hard to tell whether it was sky blue or malachite green. It felt like a soft and deadly green water wrapped them all in it. His father laughed and lifted him into the air, bumped into the light bulb, and when the light flickered, the shadows in the house ran out, and the house swayed like a boat on the waves.Mother seemed dissatisfied with the color of the fabric, saying it was too young.But it was such a joyous night.My father also opened a box of mung bean cakes, which were plum-shaped, hexagonal, chicken heart-shaped, and pillow-shaped, and asked him to choose one first. He chose a square shape, which looked like the robot he loved in comic books.He remembered that his sister was reluctant to eat the heart-shaped piece of chicken, wrapped it in calendar paper and hid it in the drawer, but was eaten by mice the next day, and his sister burst into tears. Even though he gave her another piece of mung bean cake, he was still sad for a long time.There are also five-claw apples, which were cut up on the spot for five people to eat, and each person was given one claw. My sister also got the fragrant yellow apple flesh that was rusted, so she ate it with her front teeth bit by bit. It's a bright and happy ending to a fairy tale. If Yan Huanqing hasn't forgotten himself in the end, there is a brilliant and shining gem in the deep, deep place of his being.A dream, a dream he didn't even know about. He was shaken awake in his dream, and Ah Rong told him to take a quick look. He stretched himself, and looked, it was still the unfinished yellow rain.But obviously the situation has changed a lot. Just now, they were just like plague chickens, and they seemed to have been injected with stimulants, chirping and croaking endlessly.It’s nothing more than seeing a piece of R-rated birds, and it’s good enough to be so good! It’s really shameful for a group of vagrants to play this way all day long. He clearly felt that life was flowing away bit by bit, trickle down, from his arms spread out into a big character, like a muddy yellow river, flowing away, and he would eventually die of exhaustion.The only thing he hopes is that the endless yellow rain will never stop, so that he can lie here forever like a big belly fish, get killed, salted off, and then flipped off. He hated the word "the end of the play" typed at the end.Hate that the emergency door of the theater creaked open, and a basket of oranges fell in with a bang of sunlight, Ah Rong shook him: "Hey, Ah Qing, let's go." Hate walking out of the cinema, and being caught by the sharp reflection on the cement floor at the entrance But, Yan Huanqing was still playing sausages at the entrance of the theater every three days, but he couldn't do anything wrong, at most he won a bunch of sausages for everyone to eat.Guo Zai's father repairs boats at the dock, and Guo Zai sometimes goes to help with odd jobs.Occasionally, when they get excited, they will also dive to catch clam shells and conch shells, and dig out the meat to sell to seafood shops.Or get a few beautiful coral stones and cheat tourists out of their money.Otherwise, bet. On this day they gambled with the dock to help the monkey.Ah Qing was in the limelight, and won by a lot of votes, Hou Zi couldn't hold back his face, and his subordinates didn't know what to do, so Guo Zai caught him right away and threw him off.Before running out of the alley, Guo Zai knocked down the little hozen who was alone with a punch, told him to stand up and stand at attention, yelled a few nonsense like "Long Live the Three Heroes of the Wind Cabinet" and stood up fifty times before catching up. He hit the road.The winning money was just a few shots of the official and righteous Shrokers in Magong Town, and it was enough to order a plate of steamed shrimp and a few bottles of beer. When Ah Qing came home in the evening, it was still bright during summer time, but the house was already lit. In front of the porch, my brother was sitting on a bench with his shirt off, and there was a bruise on his shoulder, which his mother asked his mother to rub with ginger. Drink the wine and rub it vigorously. "It was hit by a bullock cart..." my brother said with a smile. My elder brother is a very resolute person, he is the same as his mother, he is thin and thin, and his mouth is often pursed. It makes people think that this kind of person lives by a will or something.My elder brother is teaching in Ma Gongguo Middle School, so he asks his friends to help this utterly ruined younger brother to arrange a job for him.My brother's clear and narrow face seldom smiles, and when he smiles occasionally, he is so pure that he is innocent, and the magic mirror shows him as a flamboyant idiot! His mother asked him to feed his father porridge.He seemed to see him walking on the field path with his father again, on the way home after playing baseball, pushing a bicycle, and he was only a little taller than the bicycle at that time.Suddenly they saw a snake, the two stopped, the father handed him the car to support him, picked up the baseball bat and walked over quietly, swung it down, and hit the snake on the head, fearing that it was still alive, hit again, hit... …he fed the meal so quickly that my father choked, coughed, and sprayed the powder on his knees.The mother ran over, snatched the bowl and spoon, and cursed angrily: "If you don't want to, don't feed it! If you don't die, go outside! Come back, why are you coming back..." He stood there, watching his mother scolding him, watching his mother clean up his father's leftovers, and his elder brother sitting on the side of the stool looking at him sadly...all of them seemed to have nothing to do with him.He heard outside the courtyard wall, a fishing boat on the sea, Budu Budu, sailing back to the embankment. Later, he learned from Xiaopang that his brother was not hit by a bullock cart. When school was over that afternoon, the monkey carried him into the alley and took all the money from him.Ah Qing found Guo Zai and the others, and the wild wolf rode to Ma Gong. In the evening, he found a ticket for the monkey at the stall in front of the fish market. Zai picked up a shovel for shoveling fish and swung it at his face. The monkey screamed and fell to the ground, bleeding from his forehead, and the people on both sides were stunned.Ah Rong turned around and ran away, Guo Zai followed, Ah Qing watched the monkey hugging his head in pain, rolled, and rolled to his feet, he twitched his feet cleverly, and ran away too. The blood-red sunset was like salted duck egg yolk soaking in the golden sea, Guo Zai walked into the waves and washed his hands and feet clean.The motorcycle was propped up on the beach, and a wheel mark slanted across the fine white sand from the main road. There were two people lying flat on the sand, and there was no one else on the empty beach.At dusk, the coast is eroded inch by inch, and finally when it gets dark, the sun sinks into the water, and the wind blows on the sand. Heavy skin, let the tide take you away, go far... "Let's get out of here." Ah Qing said in a very low and far voice while lying on the sand. Monkey and his family reported to the police station.When the elder brother and Guo Zai's father came to look for them, they had been hanging out in the inner circle for several days.It is an empty house owned by Guo Zai’s old uncle. The old uncle has lived in the house of his cousin Guo Zai in Taipei.In the early morning of the second day after arriving in Neiyi, Neiyi Beach has not yet woken up. The jade green water, the fine salt sandy shore, and the stone houses lined up on the shore, the white stone walls, and the black reef short walls, are vivid and distinct.They just got up from the kang, and the stone window let in the bright morning light outside, which seemed to be the beginning of a new day, which was pleasant, they ran out of the house, ran straight down from the bank slope, and ran to the beach.The soft and powerful pile of sand made them tired from running in a while, but they felt that it was not enough, not enough... strip off their clothes and run naked, it was still not enough.Until finally they completely collapsed in the tidal sand, letting waves of soft and cool sea water flood their backs and chests.Flooded up, retreated, and flooded up, I felt a kind of panic. They killed a reed chicken, cooked soup with melon seeds, and drank Wujiapi.The elder brother came and they were having a good time. Guo Zai's father rushed in and knocked Guo Zai to the side of the wall.The elder brother didn't say anything, but still looked at him with sad and peaceful eyes.Bring them back to town, go to the police station and close the case. When I got home, it was the Ghost Festival. People in the alley had a brazier burning at the door, rolling cigarettes and burning sparks. There was an altar outside the house, and vegetables, fruits and cigarettes were displayed.My elder sister brought a box of pickled fish from her husband's house in Dingwan. After worshiping the gods, she collected the offerings and said nothing to him. My elder sister got angry and scolded him: "You have the sense of beating others, and you have the sense of being responsible. Run away from this place." What kind of!" "Don't worry about my affairs." "I don't care. Brother will help you to apologize! Lose money!" "Who told that man to beat my brother?" The elder sister sneered and said: "You can do it. You go and beat people! If you go and beat them, you are a hooligan. If they can't fix you, don't you think that they are going to beat your brother again—" "Dare... I'll tell them to die!" Mother was chopping and chopping vegetables on the trough. She was so angry that she grabbed the kitchen knife and threw it at him. Hugh flew past his feet and bounced on the ground with a clatter. Leaning against the wall, he slowly rolled up the hem of his trousers, and saw a piece of white flesh on his calf, which immediately oozes blood.My mother ran over, bent over to see her, she burst into tears, and cried, "Ah Hong, bring the towel, hurry up, Ah Hong..." He looked down at the two fluffy heads of his mother and sister squatting in front of him, hurriedly applying medicine to the wound, and he didn't feel any pain. He just noticed a bunch of dry gray hair on the top of his mother's head, and looked up at him hurriedly. , three or four horizontal lines were carved on his forehead, which made him hate himself so much that he wanted to run away from here and run far away. On the day Ah Qing left, early in the morning, he could see from the window that his mother was cleaning the vegetable garden on the sandy ground in the back garden, and his brother had gone to school.The room was dimly lit, with dust flying in the light and shadow.In the quiet room, I heard the pot of water boiling on the stove, beeping beeping.Father slowly turned over on the bed, before getting up, the rocking chair occupied its own space empty.He left a message in the blank space on the back of the torn-off calendar, writing: Mom, brother, Ah Rong and I are going to Kaohsiung to do business.A Qing. He took away the money my mother had hidden under the tatami.He walked out the door with a simple canvas bag on his back, looked back at the house, everything was as usual, and he left without much nostalgia. Arong's older sister, Meihui, kicks her thighs in the Phoenix Song and Dance Troupe. The two-story building renovated by Arong's house was created by his elder sister. She returned to the wind cabinet during the Chinese New Year, and brought large and small bags home. A little excitement from relatives in her hometown is enough to make her live a happy life.When they found Meihui's house on Hexi Street, Meihui was rushing to eat instant noodles, she was dumbfounded, and asked with her mouth wide open, "What are you doing here?" "We're here to find something to do." Ah Rong looked like a sincere and innocent bird. Mei Hui took a look at the three, put them into the room, and scolded Ah Rong first.Ah Rong figured out the old lady's temper, and just asked her to scold her sincerely, so that when Ah Qing really wanted to leave, Mei Hui said, "Have you eaten yet?" Ah Rong said no, Mei Hui Sighing, he stopped eating instant noodles, picked up his purse and took them out for dinner. They happily ate tanbula and oyster noodle noodles on the top floor of Datong, Meihui was already muttering and starting to think about the three tricky items in her hand, Arong just jumped around the other side of the aisle, yelling at them to play electronic toys.The only one left, Ah Qing, felt that Mei Hui was miserable, so he finished the noodles with her, and Mei Hui gave him the five copper coins she had found: "Let's go play a few rounds." In the next few days, they stayed on the floor of Meihui's house for a few nights. Meihui made phone calls to contact their residence and work. During the day, they gave them money to go to the movies, go shopping, and beat the little bees. On the road, they found a bum in the dance troupe to accompany them.This wretch is even more boring than them, for example, watching a movie and asking them to buy a student ticket, but when the ticket is being given to the lady, he calls out to the lady: "They are not students, buy a student ticket!" His unlucky face, with a salivating face and a wicked smile. They heard that there are X-rated places on a certain street, and they decided to try their luck. They wandered around without a plan under the sun. They walked away all afternoon in the agricultural era. How could they get stuck in a large group? They were in the traffic, and the squeaking bicycles washed them to pieces like a flood. It turned out that the girls who rode fluttering on the bike after get off work in some ghost processing factory were racing cabbage one by one. Finally, they were found by a middle-aged man in a back alley. "Young man, do you want to see something good?" The three of them knew a little bit, but they didn't want to be regarded as idiots, and each showed a cold face that knew a lot about human affairs. "Two hundred yuan, two hundred yuan per person is fine, it's cheap." The man bumped into them intimately, told them the location and code, and stretched out his hand to beg for money.They were noncommittal, and each handed over the money indifferently. It was the first time in my life that I was curious and nervous, but quietly did not say a word to each other. According to the secret place instructed by the man, I climbed the cave and climbed seven floors, only to hear the panting sound in the dark, like three steam locomotives .When you arrive, knock on the door instead of ringing the bell.Ah Qing knocked on the door three times, and for a long time, there was no sound. He tried to push the door lightly, and the door opened—it was an empty house that was not built properly.A neon sign outside the empty window flickered into the house, turning blue and purple.Ah Qing rushed to the window and looked down, the world of mortals rose from the ground, and not far away was Kaohsiung Harbor, thousands of lines, red and green, lights on the shore, shadows in the water, all cluttered and chaotic, I really wanted to fall down in a tumble, Not cover. No longer a pier in Penghu, here.Far away in the air, a cluster of flames licked the sky. "What is that?" Arong muttered to himself in a daze. "The refinery." Meihui's half-old apartment was next to the Love River, and the walls were single and thin. At night, the whole building was still noisy and noisy, and they slept sideways on the terrazzo floor.One night, she was woken up by a loud electric bell, unsure whether to open the door, "I'll come..." The light was on, and Mei Hui, who had just removed half of her make-up after returning home, walked out of the room, striding over the room where they were lying around with fluffy skirts. Between the limbs to open the door, it was a man.Mei Hui prevented him from coming in, talking about something, then turned to look at them on the floor, the man poked his head in and took a look, looking very disappointed, he slapped Mei Hui on the bottom, kicked and went downstairs.They moved a passage for Meihui to pass, turned off the lights, and lay down again, smelling a suffocating scent of powder lingering in the air. One night, the door of the house was knocked open, and a woman fell into it. The three of them were startled, and sat up, looking at the woman standing in the middle of the room, with their backs to the stair lights outside the door, the exposed curves were covered with watery halos. .Later I found out that it was the girlfriend who lived with Mei Hui.Meihui carried her into the bathroom, and they lay helplessly in the semi-darkness of the living room, hearing the sound of vomiting, the toilet was flushed, the gas cock was turned on, the bath water was turned on, the water heater slammed, and the bathroom door closed. , the door opened, Meihui threw in a change of clothes, the sound of splashing water... It was hot, and the impetuous and damp emotions melted into a buzzing nightmare. "Let's go back." A sense of failure crawled up Ah Qing's body coolly and slickly like a snake. Meihui helped them find Boss Wan's upstairs, but she and Huang Jinhe became neighbors again.Afterwards, Jinhe took them all to work in factories in the export processing zone. The day they moved in, it rained heavily.Boss Wan's downstairs is half a grocery store and half a residence. They went in and out through the back door and stairs. They moved things up the stairs in a haphazard manner in the yellow rain. They found a yard full of sundries. There was a girl standing naked in the rain. wet.Strangely enough, Gudong Gudong ran down a man upstairs, held an umbrella and ran to the girl, stood side by side at first, and after a long time, turned around to face the girl, not to accompany her, and wiped away the bruises on her face It was tears or rain, and the umbrella tilted to cover the two of them. Ah Qing and the others were still watching dumbfoundedly. The play was over. The men and women came to the corridor under umbrellas. After a glance, it was indeed Huang Jinhe. During the chatter, the girl went upstairs first with her head down. "Woman, alas!" Huang Jinhe curled his lips and sighed with a smile. Jinhe said: "Sister Meihui contacted me. When I heard that it was you, I was so excited. Several Penghu people lived in this house alone. I didn't expect everyone to meet here. Ah Rong, sister Meihui is really a member of our Penghu gang." Eldest sister has a head." Arong wanted to drag him to dinner with him, but Jinhe glanced at his watch in a hurry, he had to go to night school, so he waved his hand and left without saying much. In the middle of the upper floor is the living room. There is a large Jinhe living room on the other side of the living room, and there is a balcony beyond the living room. The three of them share two small rooms separated by sugarcane boards.After a while, Ah Rong mysteriously ran over with a washbasin in his hand, saying that the girl seemed to be living with Jinhe just now, and he saw her changing into a long nightgown and drying her hair in Jinhe's room, and dragged them to see.Guo Zai is fond of lack of love, just take out his precious tape recorder and put it on the bedside, and listen to those Shen Wenchengs that he will never get tired of listening to in his life. Ah Qing followed Ah Rong past the door of Jinhe's room, and went around to the balcony outside. The two sat on the concrete wall of the balcony, and saw the room with orange lights through the window. A double spring bed covered with sunflower flowers and leaves. In the evening, when Jinhe came back from school at the college, he bought stewed vegetables and beer, and the four of them sat around the tea table, eating and chatting.Jinhe suddenly yelled into the room: "Xiao Xing, come out and meet my friend." When they were about to finish eating and close the stall, Jinhe suddenly remembered and said to them: "Probably asleep... my daughter My friend, Tang Qiuxing, just call her Xiaoxing." Xiao Xing also works in the factory.Every morning, they have to take a ferry across the sea from Qijin to the urban area. Most of the time when they go out, Xiaoxing and Jinhe have already left. The green ones, light yellow ones, water blue ones, and eggplant purple ones are like Fang Fang's dream, waving in the wind and waving to people.Xiao Xing is used to tying her handkerchief to the shoulder strap of her backpack. She doesn't pay much attention to people, and she doesn't care much about work.It happened that when they came out and went in, Jin Hezai would warmly invite them to eat, but Xiao Xing just didn't even look at them, making them feel that they were really a bunch of disgusting idiots. They met once later, when Xiao Xing's sister came to visit her from Chiayi. The two talked for a long time in the room, and they heard half a sentence, probably trying to persuade Xiao Xing that this is not the way to go, and it would be in her interest to make a decision early.When Jinhe was about to go back from school, Xiaoxing sent her sister downstairs.Xiao Xing's eyes were red, she walked downstairs, came up, walked through the living room with her head down, and went back to her room.They feel sorry for Jinhe, and try to win Xiaoxing's centripetal force towards Jinhe.The first time I was paid, I forced the two to eat at the night market. Ah Qing and Guo Zai punched the driver loudly at the stall, like two big roosters dancing with wings, Xiao Xing smiled and fell on Jinhe , Let them talk about it for several days. On Sunday, Jinhe and Xiao Xingmo didn't get up until almost noon, and Ah washed the dirty clothes and went to the balcony to dry them. The thick curtains in Jinhe's room were drawn down to cover the windows.Ah Qing wrung out the water from his wet clothes in front of the small bonsai plants, and heard the laughter of Boss Wan's children playing downstairs.Suddenly the curtains were torn open, and Xiao Xing shouted out the window: "Good weather." Seeing him, she patted the window frame to say hello to him. "Let's make curry and rice for lunch." Xiao Xing turned around and leaned against the window, looking at Jin He who was still lying on the bed.Even if his back is turned and he can't see, Ah Qing can still feel the horizontal light shining in Xiao Xing's eyes, which no one can refuse. Jin He jumped up from the bed, looked at his watch, and hurriedly changed his clothes and pants, "It's over, the business is ruined." He went in to brush his teeth and wash his face, and didn't know who to lose his temper, making a lot of noise.When leaving, pull out a cardboard box from under the bed and pack the electrical equipment in the box into a travel bag. Xiaoxing said: "You must do this!" Jinhe ignored her, and Dongdongdong ran downstairs. "Huang Jinhe!" Xiao Xing called out to him on the balcony, and dropped the wallet he forgot to take away. Jinhe caught it, thanked him with a wave of the wallet, and left. Xiaoxing was so angry that she shouted to herself: "Without him, we can't eat curry rice." He knocked on their room, "Whoever goes to the vegetable market with me, we will cook a big meal." Ah Rong and Guo Zai got up sleepily and said are willing to go. beautiful sunday.I was going to buy vegetables, but instead I went across the sea to the city to play.Going to the street stalls to buy sweatshirts, Xiao Xing also helped them choose styles and bargained with others.Let them suddenly realize that they are really like boys, they can be crazy, they can go crazy, they can come back in a mess, they are pampered by others, and they smile helplessly. In the evening they had a picnic on the balcony, drank a lot of beer, and sang Shen Wencheng's songs. Tired of singing, Xiao Xing went to the room to find a Lin Huiping cassette and played it to Guo Zai's tape recorder.Listening to this, I feel sad for some reason, the balcony lights are turned off, the window reveals the melting light of Xiao Xing's room, and I can see the pale pink walls in the room.Xiao Xing suddenly stopped the cassette, "Go to sleep, I have to go to work tomorrow." She walked back to the house, the windows darkened, and she turned off the lights. Jin He came back very late and heard him kick down a beer bottle.The next morning, Ah Qing went to the balcony to put away the shirts that were drying in the sun, and Xiao Xing was cleaning up the remnants left by them the night before, sweeping the chicken bones and peanut shells all over the floor. When she saw him, she said: There are buns." He collected his clothes and went into the house, and saw steaming steamed buns piled up on the coffee table in the living room, which was still the same as many mornings in normal days.Do something different, he thought. Xiao Xing is learning Japanese conversation.When he came back from work that day and walked through the street, he thought about it and went to the store to buy a set of elementary Japanese.Hearing that he wanted to learn Japanese, Arong Guozai burst out laughing, teased him evilly, and was scolded by him as a "red deer and a red deer".He has a thick skin, he learns one point and five points, and he makes rapid progress. The days went by like this.He reads Japanese, Guo Zai is obsessed with electric toys, and he falls in love with Liu Lihua, a female worker in the factory, and drags them to help chase them.Ah Rong hangs out with those bastards from her older sister's song and dance troupe, and sometimes they come here to find Ah Rong's gangsters, all of them are less popular than monkeys, and they play some tricks that even they have never heard of.One of them, Ah Rong, called him Sanjiu, came here a few times, seeing that Xiao Xing was familiar with them, winked at them behind Xiao Xing's back, and asked if all of them had slept with her, or would they have a meeting with her concubine? The five-person walk is also quite enough... Before I finished speaking, I was beaten downstairs by Ah Qing. Then there was a car accident on the way home from work. Jinhe told them not to worry about it. They still went up to take him to the hospital. The truck driver who caused the accident wanted to settle the matter, but the price could not be negotiated. The victim sued the court Go, they are witnesses, they were summoned several times, and they were asked to come. Later, it was found that the plaintiff's family was also difficult to deal with, and both sides were not good people, so the three witnesses and the three of them were entangled in it, and they were extremely useless. Jinhe is busy making money, his feet seem to be stepping on a pair of hot wheels, he can't stop for a moment, he comes and goes in a hurry, he lives the most vigorously.One day Xiao Xing quarreled with him again and said loudly, "Why do you want so much money!" "It's not for you." Jinhe also said loudly. Xiao Xing was even angrier. "You are doing it for money, for your own feelings!" “唐秋杏你讲话客气点。”锦和恼羞成怒，半天，恨恨的别出一句：“你不是要结婚，没钱，结屁!” 小杏脸都白了，干噎气，两颗豆大的眼泪直直掉在地上。抓起桌上一把打火机，拆、拆，着了火，就烧头发。 “你疯了!”锦和劈手去夺，发梢已着火，急把小杏扔到床上，抄起枕头闷住她头。小杏趴床上哭起来，锦和跌在床边，气得干瞪眼。 白天在工厂，阿清他们看见小杏走过窗户外走廊到另一间厂房去，低垂着的泡肿的眼睛显得很憔悴。头上系着一条艳色丝巾，绕到发根右侧系朵蝴蝶结。晚上回来，小杏要他们帮她把一绺绺绕坏的头发修剪掉，正在理弄，锦和上楼来，铁青的脸，穿过客厅，进屋拿了课本，复下楼去，至终没望他们一下。锦和走没多久，他们在搞吃的，忽然阿荣把阿清拉到房间里，从窗户望下去，万老板门口来两个人，一个是条子样子的，跟万老板问什么，朝他们楼上望了一眼。阿荣忙避在墙边，说：“找我的。阿清，帮我挡一下……”就躲到厕所去。 结果却是厂里的保警和管区警察，因厂里丢了一批货，锦和是负责看管仓库的，嫌疑最大，要他去警察局侦询。 小杏听了，惨惨一笑，像是早在她预料中。“我带你们去找他吧。”简单收拾了提包，便跟警察下楼去了。仍然是提包肩带上系着一条干净的淡蓝色手帕。 阿荣从厕所蛇蛇蝎蝎的走出来，跟阿清愣坐沙发上发呆。阿清冷眼瞅着阿荣，问：“你在外面干了什么事·” “我们去砸小獐子弹子房，放倒了一个人……”阿荣鸟鸟的说。 “妈的我看你那些朋友破得要命，你他妈的最好离他们远点。”阿清发了顿无名火，一摔几上的抹布，回房间了。 小杏去了一夜一日，白天都不见她跟锦和上班。回来那天星期天，下雨。小杏像萎掉了一半人，问她结果怎么样，淡淡的说：“丢的那些东西，他赔钱，开除……”不愿再多讲什么。 雨零零落落下一阵、停一阵，一阵簌簌忽然大起来，又小了。万老板的小狗生了四只小娃娃，在院子里做窝，一下雨积水，哀哀唁唁跟牙痛似的叫得人心烦意乱。小杏换了睡袍站阳台上发怔，雨光飞进飞出，像全世界只剩下她一个人，没人能代替她一些什么，分担她一些什么。看见颜焕清下楼，“阿清”，叫他一声。他从门廊下望见在二楼阳台的小杏，觉得她在很高很高，像月宫那样的地方，不胜寒。小杏说：“我们把哈利搬到走廊下好不好·好可怜唷。” 小杏下楼来，在走廊一角角放了生力面纸箱，要他先把小狗弄进来。阿清一辈子没跟狗打过交道，跑过雨地到窝旁边，就要抱小狗，被哈利六亲不认差点咬了一口，试两次不行，搞毛了他，真想给它一脚。小杏喊道：“阿清你叫它名字看看，哈利，哈利。慢慢来……” 阿清回头望见小杏焦虑的脸，还有万老板两个小孩攀在纱门里一副认真透顶的紧张相看着他——卯上了。他照小杏的方法做，慢慢哄着哄着的，拾走一只，两只，最后一只也放进箱子里了，哈利隆咚一跳也进了箱子，两个孩子拍手欢呼起来，小杏也笑了。 大雨倾盆而下，他跳着跑进屋子，淋湿的头发和眉毛变得那么浓郁而黑，压压的覆着他圆骨轳轳狡黠的眼睛。小杏看着他，笑着的眼睛底下流着幽幽深深的光线，让他觉得真是做了一件棒透的事情。 很晚的时候，房间里阿荣郭仔都不在，小杏来他房间，他正在听调频台。小杏先是攀在门边，似乎只是经过停下来，随意说起：“阿和他要上船了……” 阿清吃一惊，望着她，小杏惨澹而笑。阿清说：“学校呢·不念啦·只剩半学期了!” 小杏说：“反正他无所谓，只想赚钱。现在他一毛钱都没了，上船，可以赚一大笔回来……我不要他上船。跟他讲，他要上船，我们就，完了。他不听。没有用，跟他讲不通。” 小杏一张清瘦的脸白剥剥的，也没有更多的情绪和激动。阿清反手把收音机叭地关了，没有了音乐的空间，骤然寂静得像古——洞一声沉到深渊之下，灰凉透底。 小杏说：“阿和不知道我有小孩了。”她是讲别人的事一样讲自己。 阿清面目模糊的望着小杏的脸，他不懂得。“你为什么不跟他讲·” “跟他讲!”小杏冷笑道：“他就会负责·他会一辈子恨死我。” 阿清说：“你打算怎么办·” 小杏安静的望着他。“我想把小孩拿掉。” 他无法正视这样一张苍白无事的脸孔，躲开了小杏的眼光。小杏说：“可是，我不想阿和知道，都不要他知道。” 他不懂小杏为什么要跟他讲这些。小杏说：“……需要男的签字……你能不能，帮我，签个字。” don't know.但是他毫不犹疑的点点头答应。小杏眼睛一红，忍着并不掉下眼泪。 锦和上船前一晚，他们在客厅喝酒给锦和饯行，喝得多，却闷在肚里，越喝越沉，越沉越结。锦和也许心里想跟小杏是完了，只把眼睛那样阴郁的、而肆无忌惮的钉住小杏，小杏给钉得眼皮越垂越重，整个人薄薄的脸颊像挨了个嘴巴子红烫起来，终于把杯子朝桌上喀哒一放，踉跄回房去了。锦和跟去，门关上，里面反锁住，听见窗帘刷地，拉上了。 “祝福阿和，干!”郭仔阿荣一杯饮尽。 阿清看着他这两个喝得满脸胀红的朋友，感到无以名之的、深沈的悲哀。他放下了酒杯，推开椅子，走下楼，走出这栋楼，走入街上红红绿绿的霓虹灯海中。他去打了大半夜的史劳克。凌晨回来时，冥暗的光影里，他看看客厅茶几上的杯盘狼藉，看看锦和房间紧闭的门，倒回床上，一头就睡了。 他们去码头送锦和。多少年来，小杏一直以为自己离不开锦和的，不见得是锦和的人，到后来，多半是离不开与锦和一起过过的日子，成为习惯的许多事情，即使已经理所当然不再发亮的东西。以及离不开她自己付出的这一段感情和苦恼。然而事到临头，似乎也并不是如预想中的会走到感情的极端上去——很家常的送走了锦和。谈不上诀别不诀别，锦和登船时还握了握她的手。 船走后，阿清陪小杏去了医院，签字，拿掉小孩。他一辈子都记得，小杏在进手术室时，转头望了望他，那双麦褐色的眼睛，眼睛里灰淡淡的什么都没有的，甚至没有惧怕。像一头小兽，依着自己的本能，顺从一项决定而已，踽踽走入荒原的深处。 他坐在医院门口阶梯上等。看着大太阳底下来来去去的人、车子和对面街上的商店，橱窗里陈设着漂亮的舶来品，屋影投在白光光的马路上。人都是孤独的，彼此不能代替。颜焕清想着，我们都是他妈的孤独透了。 收到哥哥的来信，父亲过世了。他马上收拾好东西回家。小杏叫住他：“阿清，等我一下，我跟你去。” 他站在楼梯阶上，仰脸看她，不明白她说的什么意思。小杏说：“没去过澎湖……想看一下你们住的地方……风柜·阿和也住那里的嘛。”不等他答应与否，折身去房间收行装了。 台澎轮下了码头，客运车子从马公镇上开出。小杏靠窗坐，他在旁边，不定指一指窗外的海，说：“你看，海。”指田野上一排排挡风的矮石墙，说：“墙。”指牛，说：“牛车。”经过村子外那家鸟透的弹子房，他说：“史劳克。” 仍然是他熟悉的街巷跟房子，阳光下截然的白日与黑影，那些个荒荒漫漫的下午。然而是有些什么不一样了。离开不过数月光景，他从前觉得很长的巷子、变短了，很宽的庭院、变窄了，很高的屋脊、变低了，很大的这个村落，走走就到了尽头。诧异的发现原来风柜只是这么样一个小地方。 远远他走回家，望见家门口地上搭着一座棚子，里面一口棺木，有和尚在做法事。暗的棚子里，明的屋子外，像一场荒梦了了。他走近，看看那口棺，不大明白，父亲那样长高的身材怎么装得下·希奇，也没有泪。 然后他抬头看见屋子门口站着的哥哥。哥哥疾步走出来，一握握紧他手臂，绽开微弱的笑脸，说：“以为你赶不回来。时辰都定好了，明天早上出殡。”哥哥望见太阳地下的小杏，善意的点了点头。 姐姐姐夫都来了，忙着照顾里里外外，看见他回来，是安慰的。母亲从屋后迎出，他喊一声妈。矮矮的站在他面前的母亲，仰视他像仰视一棵春天里朝空中飞长的云树，哭了。 家中没有他可以插手的地方，他带小杏东走走，西看看，在小白菜家的杂货店买了包烟。小白菜已嫁到白沙赤嵌村，小白菜妈妈老白菜在看店。又走到锦和家，锦和嫂嫂背着婴儿蹲在门口做活，把鱼干一条条穿在网钩上。先没认出阿清，知道了是颜先生的小儿子，忙请他们进屋，倒茶，在他们对面坐下。 他们看着趴在女人背后的婴儿，扯着女人的头发，女人侧过脸拨开婴儿的手，给婴儿她的一根手指头抓着。屋里一张大竹床上两个小孩在玩，把土花布单拉开了包住身体跟头，露出眼睛觑着小杏偷笑。他们看着屋外泡过盐巴似的太阳光，一只大肥猫蜷伏在干鱼箱旁边打盹。 出殡回来，琐琐碎碎的善后工作在肃寂的气氛和日常里处理着。父亲的摇椅仍然坐在门廊下，兀自对着海上。从他父亲给棒球打到太阳穴瘫痪以来，也许七年前那次父亲就死了，现在只不过是消失。曾经有过那么一天，父亲坐在摇椅上，弯身系好了鞋带，起身，抖抖毕挺的裤脚，母亲把一个手提箱交给父亲，父亲拍拍他的头，出门去了。他藏在门后，看父亲走远了，出来，把靠在走廊下的脚踏车偷偷推出。他踩在车上根本还构不着地，将身子穿进车杠杠里，一高一低踩了出去，踩着，踩着，记忆里那是个明亮的春天早上。 哥哥问他：“唐小姐家是做什么的·” “不知道。”阿清说。 姐姐说：“台北的女孩都比较大方哦……” 小杏已吃完饭。昨一夜东歪西靠的也没睡，这时蹲到阴凉地下带小孩玩，而不知道在厨间吃饭的一家人怎么看她。阿清想起是另外一天，饭桌上灯泡低低悬在空中，一家人吃饭，光影中五张明黄黄的脸孔像开着五朵花盘，忘记为了什么，父亲忽然伸出手，用中指的骨关结狠狠敲他一记脑袋，他垂下头，下巴几乎埋进饭碗里。他都忘记父亲也有过这么坚固的气力了，泪就两行掉下，落在碗饭上。但他似乎又像是为了小杏感到悲伤。 “就这样，咚一下，打在太阳穴这里，我爸倒下去，就没起来过。真希奇，前一秒钟还好好的。你不知道，我最喜欢跟我爸去打棒球了。那时候很流行打嗳，一放假，单位和单位，或是社区，互相都玩嗳。” “那时候你多大·小杏问他。 “小学五年级。有一次我跟我爸打完球回家，看到路上有一条蛇，我爸就用棒球棒去打，打，把蛇打死了。过很多天以后，我跑去看那条蛇，没有了，只剩下干干一层皮……”阿清讲着好笑起来，不知什么缘故，就是好笑，小杏也笑了。“都没有了，真希奇，只剩下干干的皮。” 他们仍又回到了高雄，投入上下班的茫茫人潮中。 郭仔收到家里转来的兵役通知，做完这个月拿到薪水他就不做了。阿荣下工后，晚上在夜市帮朋友卖录音带，有时几人就跟阿荣坐在摊上豁一晚上，流行歌曲一首一首放得全夜市震响。筋疲力竭，回去倒床便睡。听得见远方夜市的喧嚣，隐隐约约，蒸蒸腾腾，与大城市许多声音汇成一片大河，呜咽的缓缓流着。他们不过也是傍河千万户人家里的一家，亮着他们小小的灯。日子的长河很长，生命却很短。 阿清喜欢这样的，这样走在夜市一溜灯火通明的街上，有时候小杏落单了，在摊子上买发夹别针劳什子，有时候又跟他脚边像只小猫咪。让他觉得这花花世界都是他的，而有一个人永远在那里看着他。 小杏蹲在一座小铺前算命。笼子里有只小黄雀专门会衔签，算命老头接过签纸，赏雀儿一粒壳子吃。老头跟小杏解签，小杏很认真的聆听。阿清守在旁边看着，看着，忽然他那么想要，强烈的想要创造一个亮光光的世界给她，他站在那个世界的边缘，捍卫她。 后来他们在玩拨钉球赌芦笋汁和香烟的游戏的时候，小杏拨着钉球，拨着拨着，就哭了。 但白天在工厂餐厅吃中饭时碰见，小杏又完全没事的样子，找他晚上一起去看电影。当天晚上两人下班回家，信箱有航空信，锦和从日本寄来的，船坏了，泊日本修船，公司把他们先遣送回来。小杏告诉了他，两人怔怔半晌。小杏说：“赶紧，看电影去，来不及了。” 然而阿清都感觉到了，小杏根本没在看电影，她的人也不在电影院里，靠坐一起，那么近的人，那么远。 次日早晨，阿清来敲房间门，找小杏去上班。“进来。”小杏说。 阿清转开房门，见小杏在收拾行李，床上一个大皮箱，小杏也不抬眼看他。 “咦，你要去哪里·” “台北。” 阿清讶道：“台北!” 小杏说：“我阿姨在那里。” “去做什么·” 小杏说：“找事情做。” “你在这里不是做得很好嘛。”阿清的声音不能克制的高了起来。 For a long time.小杏说：“阿和要回来了……我不想再看到他。” 阿清站在门口，仿佛整个人，一下，被掏空了。许多事情，眼前的，过去的，一景景如流光里飞逝的埃尘，看着它离去，抓也抓不住。阿清道：“我送你上车吧·” 小杏说：“不。你要上班，我自己走。” 她迅速俐落的收拾着东西，又是那样像处理别人的事情似的处理着她自己。走过来，把一个印章交给他，必须要抬起头看着他的时候，也只是一张漠漠空白的脸庞。她说：“印章。这个月的薪水你帮我代领一下。我到台北会寄地址给你，你再帮我汇来……走吧，上班要迟到了。” 他收下印章。道：“再见。”转身下楼去了。 旗津渡船头，他买了票，排队等船。晨光，而像暮色苍茫，模糊的渡船头，模糊的行人匆匆。心口上模糊湮成一大塌的哀伤，无边的继续泛滥开来，将他掩覆。他折身又离开渡船头，走回家。 登上楼，正碰小杏提着两箱行李下楼，狭路相逢，还是重逢，分不清。阿清道：“我想还是送你去车站吧。” 小杏道：“不行，你要上班。” “送你我再去，一样。”阿清接过小杏的行李，一起下楼。 公路局车站，他帮小杏买了票，交给小杏，陪她排队等车。四面八方拥塞吵乱极了。小杏用她整个身子的力气叫话，说：“不要告诉阿和我去台北了，就讲我回嘉义——结婚啦。”是个笑话，而两人笑不出。 说：“想离开这里啦……”又说：“都太熟了。”说：“就想跑远一点……”她那样叫着话，像他们中间隔着黄烟尘尘的大漠，一下她就吃了满嘴沙尘，把嗓子叫哑了。假如不是这么坏的地方，这么坏的时刻让他们遇见，小杏也许只要大喊一声：“阿清，我在这里。” 但这时候他看着她朝他只能颓然一笑，提着行李跑上国光号车子。车开，隔着车门跌跌绊绊朝他挥手再见。他给她一个飞洒漂亮的手势，再见。 跟阿荣郭仔吃过宵夜回家，阿荣肩背装录音带的帆布带，走着深夜清荡荡的大马路上，哇啦哇啦乱唱歌。“喂，记不记得上次我们在内埯海边裸奔·”阿清说。 “妈的要跑就跑嘛。”郭仔说。 他们一气跑到西子湾滩头，阿荣把帆布袋哗刷摔在沙上，三人脱光衣服跑。黑夜什么也看不见，只剩下感觉，感觉脚下的沙砾很粗，垃圾很多。他们一直跑进溶溶的卤雾湿风里，将跑过去的黑夜丢在身后，一直跑进看不见的前面的前面。 阿清忽然说：“阿荣，你将来要干什么·” 阿荣说：“我要娶个老婆。” 阿清说：“就这样·” “再来，生两个孩子，我下班回家，他们会跑出来，喊我爸……”阿荣说。 看得见远空中一叠两叠暗云，与沙滩上三只灰条条浮移的小人。潮岸不知伸向何方。他们亦将是、其去未知。