Chapter 55 Chapter 19

At the foot of Mount Yoshida lived many nobles and samurai, who usually received meager salaries and lived a monotonous life. The houses here are crowded and the doors are ordinary. One can tell at a glance that they are some conservative families. Musashi searched from house to house along the street. "Not here, not there." He hardly had the confidence to continue searching, so he stopped, thinking: Maybe he has moved. He was looking for his aunt. Except for seeing this aunt once at the funeral of his father Wuerzhai, Musashi's memory of her was only a distant impression of his youth.However, apart from her elder sister Ah Yin, the only relative left is this aunt.Therefore, as soon as Musashi came to Kyoto, he immediately thought of this aunt, and only now came here to look for it.

He only remembered that his uncle was a low-level samurai in the Konoe family who received a meager salary.Musashi thought that he would be able to find it as long as he went to the foot of Mount Yoshida. Unexpectedly, the houses in this area all looked the same on the outside, with narrow fronts, full of garden trees in front of the houses, and closed doors like snails.Some houses had house numbers on them, while others didn't, so Musashi couldn't identify them, and he couldn't find anyone to inquire about them. They must not live here, forget it! Musashi gave up his search and prepared to return to the city.At this time, the night is falling, and through the thin twilight, you can see the lights that permeate the atmosphere of the New Year.In the dusk of New Year's Eve, there was a lot of noise everywhere in Luo Nei. Looking at the busy street, the eyes and footsteps of people passing by were unusual.

"what……" A woman passed by Musashi. Musashi looked back and recognized her as his aunt whom he hadn't seen in seven or eight years.He concluded that it was the sister of his mother who married from Banzhou Sayong Township to the city. "It's her." Although Musashi was sure, but for the sake of prudence, he still followed behind and observed secretly.The woman was nearly forty years old, short in stature, with a pile of New Year's goods on her chest, turning and walking towards the small street that Musashi had just looked for. "Aunt!" When Musashi called out, the woman looked surprised and stared at Musashi's face for a long time.This woman usually lives a comfortable life. Although she only does housework, due to her age, crow's feet have appeared in the corners of her eyes. At this moment, her eyes are full of surprise.

"Ah! Aren't you the son of Wu Ersai, Musashi?" Musashi didn't meet this aunt for the first time until his boyhood.Now my aunt doesn't call him Musashi (take-zou), which surprises Musashi.However, an inexplicable loneliness was stronger than this accident. "Yes, I am Takezou of the Shinmen family." Musashi replied like this.Auntie looked around Musashi's whole body.He didn't say to Musashi, "Hey! You've grown up, you don't even recognize..." or something like that. Just said coldly: "What are you doing here?" Auntie spoke with reproach.Musashi lost his mother when he was young, so he has no memory of his mother.But when I chat with my aunt, I can't help but imagine that my mother's appearance, figure, and voice may be similar to my aunt when she was alive!Musashi tried to find the figure of his dead mother from his aunt's expression.

"Nothing special. Since I came to Kyoto, I miss you very much." "Are you here to visit us?" "Yes, though presumptuous." But the aunt shook her hand and said to him: "You'd better not come, we've met here. Go back!" The aunt I haven't seen for many years has such a cold tone.Musashi felt that she was colder than strangers, and he couldn't help feeling a little chill in his heart.Originally, he regarded his aunt as a relative second only to his mother. Only then did he realize how naive he was, and a surge of regret welled up in his heart, and he blurted out:

"Auntie, why do you say that? Ask me to go back, I will definitely. But we finally met again, and you urged me to go back, which makes me puzzled. If there is something wrong with me, I will punish you." Musashi was aggressive, and Auntie couldn't help showing embarrassment. "Okay! Then you come in and sit down for a while and meet with your uncle. It's just... your uncle has not met you for a long time, but he is that kind of person, so don't pay too much attention to it." Hearing what his aunt said, Musashi was relieved a lot, and followed his aunt into the house.

Through the sliding door, he could hear his uncle Matsuo's panting cough and unfriendly words.Musashi sensed the indifference of the house. "What? Musashi, Wuersai's son, is here... Oh! He will come in the end... How? What did you say? He's already in? Why did you let him in without my consent? You're so careless gone." Hearing this, Musashi held back his heart, and wanted to ask Auntie to come out to say goodbye, but—— "Is Musashi already in the next room?" His uncle asked someone to open the paper door of Musashi's room, and looked at Musashi with a frown, as if he saw a dirty countryman stepping on the tatami in straw sandals.

"What are you doing here?" "Because I passed by here, I stopped by to visit." "You are lying." "what?" "Even if you want to deceive us, I know the truth of the matter. You have been doing something wrong in your hometown, ruining the door, and you are on the run now, aren't you?" "..." "How do you face your relatives and friends?" "I am also very frightened, and I hope to apologize to my ancestors and my brothers and sisters in my hometown." "Even if you apologize, do you still have the face to go back to your hometown? Evil will be rewarded with evil. Your father Wuerzhai can't rest in peace under the nine springs!"

"Excuse me, Auntie, I take my leave." "Can't sit still?" The man scolded: "If you linger here, you will suffer. The old man from the Tian family—that stubborn Ashanpo, came here once half a year ago, and recently came to us more often to inquire about your whereabouts. Have you ever been here? Every time it's menacing." "Ah! Has that old woman been here too?" "Grandma told us everything. If you were not our relative, I would have tied you up and handed you over to that old woman. But I can't do that... So before we get into trouble, You go away quickly."

These words surprised Musashi very much.Uncle and aunt only listened to Ashanpo's one-sided words and believed them completely.Musashi's heart was covered with an indescribable loneliness, and he was not good at words by nature, so he bowed his head silently. The aunt looked at him pitifully, and asked him to rest in the next room, which was the greatest kindness.Musashi remained silent, got up and went to another room.The fatigue of the past few days, and the first day of the new year after dawn—an appointment at the Gojo Bridge—so Musashi immediately lay down to rest, still holding the big sword in his hand.At this moment, he only felt the size of the world, but he was alone.

There were no polite words, only sarcasm - how could relatives who were related by blood treat him like this? Musashi was so angry that he really wanted to spit it on the door and leave.But having thus relieved himself, he lay down and rested.His relatives are few and far between, so he cherishes them all the more.He tried his best to care for these relatives who are related to him by blood, hoping to care for and support each other in this life. In fact, Musashi would have such an idea due to his ignorance of the world.Rather than saying that he is still young, it is better to say that he is so childish that he does not understand the world, he is just a young man who has not been deeply involved in the world. If it is said that he has achieved fame and wealth, it is not an exaggeration to have this kind of family caring for each other.But in the cold winter, wearing only a dirty travel suit, and at the house of relatives who visited abruptly on New Year's Eve, it is not appropriate to think so. What happened next proved once again that his thinking was wrong. "Let's take a break before leaving!" Auntie's words brought him some strength.Although he was so hungry that he couldn't be hungry anymore, he still waited for his aunt to bring food.In the evening, the smell of food wafted from the kitchen and the sound of dishes and chopsticks kept coming, but no one brought food to the room. The fire in his room was too weak to keep warm, but hunger and cold were the next problem, and he slept for a long time with his head resting on his hands. "Ah! The bells on New Year's Eve." He subconsciously jumped up, the exhaustion of the past few days was swept away, and his mind cleared up. The ringing of bells from temples inside and outside Luo seems to imply that life is full of light and darkness. The 108 ringing bells represent the troubles of all things in the world. Ringing the bell on New Year's Eve arouses people's reflection on the past year. - I did nothing wrong. ——I did what I had to do. --I do not regret. Musashi thought to himself, how many people can do it? Every time he heard the bell ring, Musashi thought of something he regretted. The past is really unbearable! It's not just this year that he regrets - last year, the year before last, the year before last, which year did he live a life without regrets?When will he not regret it? It's easy to regret anything you do.Even if a man has a wife and a family, he will still do things that he regrets; a woman can be forgiven for doing things that she regrets, but even so, it is rare to hear a woman speak loudly.But men often treat their wives like chaff in order to show their masculinity. Their expressions are more tragic than crying, but they look even uglier. Although Musashi has not yet married a wife, he has similar regrets and troubles. At this time, he suddenly regrets visiting here. "I still haven't got rid of the idea of ​​relying on relatives. Although I often remind myself to be self-reliant and struggle alone, I immediately have to rely on others...I am too stupid, too superficial, and I am too naive." Musashi felt ashamed, and even more ashamed. "By the way, write it down!" Musashi was thoughtful, and he unwrapped the burden of a practicing martial artist who had never left his body. At this moment, an old woman dressed in travel clothes was knocking on the door outside the house. Musashi took out a book bound with quarto paper from the bundle, and prepared a pen and inkstone. He wrote down his thoughts, Zen words, geography, and self-vigilance mottos in his wandering life on this booklet, and occasionally sketches with his thick brush. "..." Musashi picked up his pen and looked at the white paper, while the one hundred and eight bells from far and near were still ringing in his ears. He wrote: I have no regrets about anything. Every time he found his weakness, he would write it down to guard against himself, but it was meaningless to write it down. He had to recite it like a scripture in the morning and evening in order to remember it in his heart.Therefore, he had to modify the words and phrases into verses so that he could sing along with his mouth. Now he twisted his beard and groaned bitterly. I am everything... Musashi changed this sentence to - I am everything... I have no regrets about anything. He tried to chant it a few times, but it didn't feel right enough.He deleted the last text and changed it to the following: I have no regrets. The original sentence "I have no regrets" is still not strong enough, so I changed it to "I have no regrets". "Great!" Satisfied, Musashi kept this sentence firmly in his heart.He expects that he can continue to accept training, so that his body and mind can reach the state where he has no regrets in doing anything. "I must achieve this goal." Deep in his heart, he nailed the ideal stake deeply and insisted on this belief. At this moment, Musashi's aunt opened the lattice door behind her with a pale face. "Musashi……" Auntie said tremblingly: "Originally, I kindly asked you to stay and rest, but I expected something to happen in my heart, and it turned out as expected. But at this time, the old woman from the Tian family knocked on the door and saw you taking off the straw sandals at the door, so she asked sternly. Has Musashi been here before? Hand him over... Listen, you can hear the old woman's voice here too. Musashi, think of a way!" "Hey! The old lady A Shan is here?" Musashi listened attentively, that's right, the dry voice of the old woman, unchanged from the old bitter, stubborn and domineering tone, passed through like a cold wind. The bell on New Year's Eve has stopped, and it is already the morning of the first day of the new year.Auntie seemed to have seen the taboo blood, and said to Musashi hesitantly: "Run away! Musashi, it's fine to run away. Now your uncle is dealing with that old woman, saying that you haven't been here to delay the time. At this moment, you run away through the back door!" My aunt urged Musashi, and helped him carry the luggage and bamboo hat, and took a pair of leather socks and straw sandals from my uncle, and put them at the back door. Musashi hurriedly put on the straw sandals, but he hesitated to say: "Auntie, I didn't mean it, but can you give me a bowl of rice? Because I've been so hungry since last night." The aunt said as soon as she heard it: "What are you talking about? Now is not the time to eat, hurry up, take this for you to eat on the road, hurry up!" Wrapped in white paper were five rice cakes, Musashi quickly accepted them. "please take care……" Musashi stepped on the frozen road.It was the first day of the new year, but it was still dark outside, and he walked away quietly like a winter bird with its feathers curled up. It was so cold that even his hair and nails were almost frozen.Musashi exhaled white smoke, which soon formed hoarfrost on the beards around him. "It's cold." He blurted out unconsciously. Although it is not as cold as the eight cold hells, why do you always feel cold?Especially this morning. "The body is cold, the heart is even colder!" Musashi said to himself. He thought again: It seems that I still can't forget.Just like a baby who is nostalgic for the warmth of the human body and misses the sad frankincense, it will shake his will, fear loneliness and envy the warm lights of others.What a shame!Why can't I be grateful for my loneliness and wandering?Why can't we embrace ideals and be proud? Originally, his feet were painful due to the freezing, but now his toes started to heat up as he walked, and the white breath exhaled in the darkness, like steam from a hot spring, pushed back the chill. Adrift without ideals, lonely without gratitude, this is the life of a beggar.The difference between a Master Xixing and a beggar lies in the ideals and gratitude in his heart. Suddenly, he found white light shining on the soles of his feet. Looking carefully, it turned out that he was stepping on thin ice.At some point, he had come to the Kawahara area, walking on the east bank of the Kamo River. The river and the sky were gray and dull, with no sign of dawn.Along the way, I couldn't see my fingers, but I still walked down from Mount Jitian safely.However, only then did he realize that he was walking by the river bank and his foot got stuck in the ice. "By the way, I'll light a fire to keep warm." Musashi went to the embankment, picked up some combustible materials such as dead branches and wood chips, and lit the fire with flint. Such a process of lighting a fire requires great patience. The withered grass was finally ignited, and Musashi carefully piled up the wood chips on it. With the help of the strong burning flame, the tongue of flame suddenly sprang up with the wind and rushed towards Musashi, almost burning his face. Musashi took out the rice cakes in his arms and baked them. Seeing the scorched and puffed rice cakes reminded him of the Spring Festival when he was young.Homeless people, sentimental feelings are like bubbles constantly bursting in their hearts! "..." The rice cake is neither sweet nor salty, only the original taste, Musashi chews the rice cake, tastes the warmth and coldness of the world, and keeps it in his heart. "...This is my Spring Festival." He roasted the fire and ate the hot rice cakes.Suddenly he found that celebrating the New Year alone was a bit funny, and a helpless smile unconsciously appeared on his face. "This year is so good. People like me can still enjoy five pieces of rice cakes. I think God is fair to everyone only during the New Year's festival. The gurgling water of Kamo River is my Tusu wine, Dongshan Thirty-six peaks are my door pine, let me wash off the dirt and welcome the sunrise on the first day of the new year!" He went to the river, took off his clothes, stripped off his clothes, and jumped into the water with a plop. Like a water bird not afraid of the cold, he flapped his wings in the water and washed his whole body. When he was bathing, a ray of morning light shot out from the clouds, and the morning light reflected on his back. At this time, there was a figure standing on the embankment looking at the burnt firewood on the river bed.Although her appearance and age are far from those of Musashi, her fate is also suffering from the cycle of karma. She is Ashanpo who belongs to the Tian family.