Chapter 90 Chapter Eleven Intimate Contacts with Europeans (Part 1)

At the end of this chapter, it was necessary for me to explain to the reader how the story was written step by step, week by week. When I started writing, I didn't have a definite plan, and I didn't have a diary or documentation to base the story of this experience on.When I write, I write with the movement of my mind.I dare not say that all my conscious thoughts and actions are in accordance with the instructions of the gods.Yet examine that the greatest steps I have taken in my life, and those that may be regarded as the smallest, are not too much to be said to have been done at the will of the genies.

I have not seen God, nor do I know God.I believe in God on purpose, and because my belief is indelible, I take it as an experience.However, describing belief as experience can be said to be tantamount to falsifying truth. Perhaps it would be more correct to say that I really cannot find the right words to characterize my belief in God. Why I believed that I wrote this story was God's idea is perhaps easier to understand now.When I started the previous chapter, I used the title of this chapter, but I realized as I was writing that I should write something like an introduction before I described my experiences with Europeans.I did so, and the title changed.

Now, as I set out to write this chapter, I have a new problem.A serious question arose as to what to mention and what to omit about the English friends I was about to write about.If the relevant matters are omitted, the truth is concealed.As for what is relevant, it is difficult to make a straightforward decision, because I don't even know how to write it properly. Today I see more clearly that there is truth in the opinion I read long ago that all autobiographies are unfit for history.I know that in this story, I didn't write down everything I remembered.For the sake of truth, who can say how much I should include and how much should I omit?What is the value of the partial evidence I give in court of certain events in my life?If any meddlesome mind examines the chapters I have written, he may perhaps add some luster to them; and if he meets a fastidious critic, he may even call "a lot of my affectations and falsehoods "All the places" were thrown out to show off himself.

Therefore, I am a little hesitant to write these chapters.But as long as no one suppresses this heartfelt voice, I must keep writing.I must follow the sage's famous saying: Nothing should be left halfway until it is proved morally wrong. I did not write my autobiography to please my critics. Writing an autobiography itself is an experience of truth.One of the purposes is of course to provide my colleagues with a little comfort and reminiscence material.Really, I set out to write according to their wishes.This book might not have been written had it not been for Gerandas and Swami Ananda for their insistence.So if I was wrong to write this autobiography, they should share the blame.

Now let's talk about things within the topic.Just as I had many Indians living with me, like my family, I had British friends living with me when I was in Durban.Not everyone I've lived with likes it, but I insist on keeping them.I'm not smart about everything and I've had some painful experiences, both Indian and European.I do not regret these experiences.In spite of my experiences, and in spite of the inconvenience and uneasiness I often caused my friends, I have not changed my conduct, and they have treated me politely.When my friends were offended by my association with strangers, I did not hesitate to blame them.I think that people who believe in God must be detached enough to live with them if they want to see in others the same God embodied in them.The ability to live with others can be cultivated. It is not to avoid the rare opportunity of this kind of communication, but to welcome this kind of communication with the spirit of serving the people, so that you will not be affected by whether you have the opportunity or not.

So when the Boer War broke out, although my house was full, I hosted two Englishmen from Johannesburg.They are all theosophists, and one of them is Mr. Ji Teqing. We will have a chance to talk more about him in the future.These friends often make my wife cry.Unfortunately, she has been through a lot of that because of me.This is the first time that British friends live with me as close as family.Although I lived in a British family when I was studying in the UK, I lived in accordance with their lifestyle at that time, somewhat like living in an apartment.Now the situation is quite the opposite. These two English friends have become members of our family. They have adopted the Indian way of life in many ways. Although the equipment in the house is all Western-style, the interior life can be said to be mainly Indian. .I remember having some difficulty treating them as family, but I can say with certainty that it was not too difficult for them to live in my house exactly as if they were their own. Urban is much more.