Chapter 42 Chapter Fifteen Religious Excitement

Now I can go back and talk about my experiences with my Christian friends.Mr. Baker was more and more concerned about my future.He took me to the Wellington Congress.Protestant Christians hold such a meeting every few years, so that believers can get a kind of enlightenment or self-cleaning.This can also be said to be a kind of religious restoration or religious revival. The Wellington Congress was of this type.The chairman is the well-known local pastor Andrew Murray.Mr. Baker had hoped that the religious excitement of the convention and the zeal and sincerity of the attendees would inevitably lead to my conversion to Christianity.

His last hope, however, rested on the efficacy of prayer.His faith in prayer was unchanging.He was convinced that God could not fail to hear any earnest prayer.He cited many examples, such as George Muller in Bristol, who depended entirely on prayer, even for secular needs.I listened to him with an open mind about the power of prayer and assured him that if I felt called, nothing would stop me from converting to Christianity.I gave him this assurance without hesitation, because I have long since learned to obey my inner voice.I gladly obey that voice.It is not only difficult but also painful for me to do things with this voice behind my back.

So we set off for Wellington.Mr. Baker was a little embarrassed to accompany "a colored man" like me to the meeting.There have been many times when he has been inconvenienced solely because of me.One day, which happened to be a Sunday, we stopped on our way, as Mr. Baker and his companions were unwilling to travel on the Sabbath.Although after many twists and turns, the manager of the station hotel finally agreed to take me in, he absolutely refused to let me eat in the restaurant.Mr. Baker is not one to give in easily. He wants to fight for the rights of hotel guests.But I know his difficulty.At Wellington I stayed with Mr. Baker, and though he tried to hide some of the inconveniences he suffered, I could see them clearly.

This convention is a gathering of devout Christians, and I am delighted in their sincerity.I met with Reverend Murray.I know many people pray for me. I liked some of the hymns they sang, they were very nice.The conference was held for three days, and I can understand and appreciate those devout believers who attended the conference.Yet I see no reason why I need to change my beliefs - my religion.It is impossible for me to believe that only by becoming a Christian can I go to heaven or be saved.When I told this bluntly to a few close Christian friends, they were amazed.However, there is no way.

My difficulties don't stop there.I really can't believe that Jesus is the only begotten son of the incarnation of God. Only those who believe in him can have eternal life.If God can have sons, we can all be counted his sons.If Jesus is like God, or is God himself, then all men are like God, or are God.My intellect was not prepared to convince me, literally, that Jesus did redeem the world from the sins of the world by His death and His blood.Perhaps when it is a fable, there is some truth.Also, according to the Christian belief, only human beings have a soul, other creatures do not, so for them death is tantamount to total destruction; my belief is just the opposite.I can admit that Jesus was a martyr, the embodiment of sacrifice, and a divine master, but not that he was the most perfect human being who ever lived.His death on the cross was a great example to the world, but if there was any mystical or strange benefit in it, I could not accept it.The pious life of a Christian has given me nothing, if the life of a man of other religions has given me nothing.I have seen the same reformation in the lives of others as I have heard among Christians.Philosophically speaking, there is nothing lofty in the principles of Christianity.In terms of sacrifice, I think Hindus are far better than Christians.So I cannot think that Christianity is a perfect religion, let alone the greatest religion.

I have told my Christian friends about these tossing and turning thoughts in my mind whenever I could, but their answers have not satisfied me. So, since I didn't think Christianity was a perfect or greatest religion, I didn't believe that Hinduism was such a religion at the time either.The shortcomings of Hindus are ones I feel deeply.If the "untouchables system" can become part of Hinduism, it can only be a rotten part, or a tumor.I cannot understand why there are countless sects and castes.What does it mean to say that the Vedas are inspired by God?If they are truly inspired by God, why aren't the Bible and the Koran?

While my Christian friends are trying to convert me, even my Islamic friends are doing the same.Abdullah Sai has been persuading me to study Islam. Of course, he can't stop talking about the benefits of Islam.I wrote to Raichandbai about my difficulties.I also corresponded with and received replies from other religious authorities in India, and Raichandbai's letter somewhat calmed me down.He asked me to be patient and to study Hinduism further. He said: "If you look at this issue with a calm eye, I believe that other religions do not have Hinduism's profound thoughts, its insight into the soul, or its fraternity."

I bought a translation of the Koran by Xie Li and started reading it.I also got other books on Islam.I corresponded with my Christian friends living in England, and one of them introduced me to Edward Maitland, with whom I began to exchange letters.He sent me a copy of The Perfect Way, which he co-authored with Anna Kingsford.The book presents a counter-view to popular Christian beliefs.He also sent me another book, A New Interpretation of the Bible.I like both books.They appear to be pro-Hindu.Tolstoy's "The Kingdom of Heaven Is Within You" captivated me.This book left an indelible impression on me.All the books Mr. Coates gave me seemed to pale in comparison to its independent thinking, profound morality, and truth-seeking spirit.

The research I have done has thus taken me in directions my Christian friends would not have expected.My correspondence with Maitland lasted for quite a long time, and my correspondence with Raichandbai continued until his death.I read several books he sent me, including "The Five Karmas", "The Ring of Pearls", "Chapter of Liberation" in "Yoga" by Vastor, "Wonderful Views" by Haribandro Suri Collection" and so on. Though I have taken paths my Christian friends did not want me to follow, I am forever grateful for the religious yearnings they have awakened in me.I will always miss my association with them.The years to come have stored up for me more, not less, of such sweet and divine ties.