Chapter 63 Section 6 restarts

On November 28, 1990, 11 years, 6 months and 24 days after I first stepped here as Prime Minister, I left 10 Downing Street for the last time. I felt pain in my heart because of conflicting and chaotic thoughts.I've lived so long in the public eye of the official world, and now I'm leaving for...where?However, although I may have leaped—or propelled, I might say—into the darkness, I am not free-falling uncontrollably.I have my family, I am in good health, and I have also discovered that I have so many friends who give me moral and practical help. Alistair McAlpine lent me his house in College Street, not far from the Palace of Westminster, for temporary office use.When Dennis, Mark, and I got there, I found a small living room where I could work.John Whittingdale, my political secretary as Prime Minister, was there to greet us, along with several other faces we knew and didn't know.As for our own house in Dorvik, Dennis and I bought it partly as an investment and partly as an emergency (although we seldom foresaw its use), we no longer want to keep it.It is too far from Westminster, and, in spite of the present circumstances, we both envisage that, whatever I do in the future, I will not choose to "retire" anyway.I want to earn money for a living, and probably need to.Anyway, not working is driving me crazy.

It was some time before we found suitable accommodation; first we borrowed a beautiful flat in Eaton Square from Mrs Henry Ford.Finding something to do is certainly not a problem.I need to write to the countless people who have expressed my sympathy and I am deeply moved by their condolences.Some of the people who wrote to me were in despair themselves, and I was just down. Fortunately, there are some personal distractions at the moment.Christmas is less than a month away.Leaving Downing Street meant having to cancel plans to celebrate Christmas at Checkers Cottage and book a hotel room for our own Christmas party (my own house has been moved out of both Downing Street and Checkers Cottage piled up, that's 11 and a half years of accumulated stuff), need to re-invite guests who are now unable to go to Checkers for the holidays, order a new set of post-office Christmas cards, and pay for all this.

However, after some time, the time on hand is still too much to kill.I've always packed my work and life to the brim, and I know how to find solace in personal disappointment by letting go of the past and starting a new venture.Work is my panacea.Now I have to adjust the working speed.But it wasn't easy at first. I wasn't born to reflect or look back, and I've always found it preferable to look forward, to deal with the practical problems of the moment easiest, and (within reason) the harder the better.There is now more opportunity to look back than I have enjoyed (if that is the right word) as Leader of the Opposition or as Prime Minister.It was perhaps the first time that I felt a deep (albeit painful) need to think through and through what I had done in my life, how I had used the opportunities I had been given, and the significance of various historical events.

At first, my involuntary "retreat" was dominated by some gloomy thoughts.I can still read obituary articles about the "Thatcher era" in the newspapers.It is certainly not surprising that some of the newspapers that published articles about my work as Prime Minister were, as far as I recall, very inaccurate.It was clear to me from the beginning that I had to write memoirs to correct it with my own narrative—after all, I have publicly joked about writing memoirs many times, and there is no lack of interest in it.Then again, job performance doesn't "speak for itself", although politicians may very well hope they do.But I don't see writing oral memoirs as a means of self-justification—that's mostly a matter between me, my conscience, and God.Rather -- and increasingly -- I want to use my memoir to encourage those who think and feel like I do, that the next generation of political leaders, and beyond, take a firm grip on their own destiny.

In a sense, I am a political exile on an island.But as time went by, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my little island was no longer an intellectually and socially desolate place.Around me are not only friends who care about me, but also some like-minded scholars, journalists and younger generation politicians. In fact, they are some people whose ideas and beliefs are enough to influence the future.I came to realize that to leave Downing Street was also - however unpleasantly and reluctantly - freed from a certain self-inflicted exile that comes with high office.Over the years I have had to live or work with politicians and civil servants, most of whom, with a few notable exceptions, disagree with me and disagree with my basic views.They did what they were supposed to do with all their heart and soul—and some of them did more than they were supposed to.But I often had to act like a lone dissenter to the actions of a government led by myself.This situation aggravates the inevitable loneliness of power.I'm often portrayed as an outsider who, through some odd combination of circumstances, stepped into the circle of insiders and stayed there for eleven and a half years.This portrayal of me cannot be said to be inaccurate.

Now I'm an outsider again, but it's a different kind of "outsider" than I remember in the past.I have found that, in contrast to my difficult days as Leader of the Opposition, which I have described in earlier chapters of this book, almost all of the sensible, productive, and able Conservatives around me now share my ideas. consistent.That revolution in the past -- privatization, deregulation, lower taxes, expansion of ownership, restoration of self-reliance, building a ladder out of poverty, strengthening national defense, creating an Atlantic alliance, restoring the morale and standing of the country -- was worked hard inside the government Done, which somehow blinds me to the extent of the intellectual revolution that is taking place outside the government.Occasionally—such as my annual visit to the Center for Political Studies—I saw something of what was going on, but I didn't get the whole picture.So, as I worry about some of the government's policies today, I correspondingly place greater hopes on those who are still engaged in ideological struggle outside the government.Besides, it has its delightful and practical side.Because I've always been good at giving inspiring talks; and whenever I need help giving a lecture or writing an article or presentation on a esoteric topic, I've always had a group of enthusiastic and expert volunteers reach out to me .

Similarly, I have given lectures abroad many times and have had similar experiences.At first, I was received as a former prime minister and spent a lot of time meeting people I had known in office.However, the international political situation is changing, and the leaders often change rapidly.The number of leaders previously approached dwindled.If they host me not because of what I've held, or even what other people think I've accomplished, but because of what I "represent" in a general sense, then I'm really happy and refreshed.I figured that I could probably expect such a reception in the United States, the center of modern radical conservative thought, almost my second home.But when I talk to politicians, entrepreneurs and intellectuals in the newly liberated democracies of Central and Eastern Europe, when I talk to Western Europeans who share my fears about the Maastricht Treaty, when I talk to orthodox capitalism As I talk to political and business leaders of Asia and the Pacific, functioning, thriving economies, I talk to leaders who are transforming Latin American countries rapidly from the failed lessons of the Third World to the energetic prospects of the First World , also have the same pleasant feeling.I'm moderating and participating in a sort of traveling symposium.They are very willing to listen to my insights, and I can learn a lot from them myself.

Of course, I also see the frustration side.The weakening of US-EU ties, the creeping rise of former communists to power in a "post-communist" world, and the horrors of the war in Iraq - the West's weak attitude to this is tantamount to allowing or even encouraging it Outrageously, a steady stream of Slovenians, Croats, Bosnians, and democratic-minded Serbs came to me to describe the horrors there.But from the way I have been received by my hosts abroad (as well as from my safe escape at home), I feel that the basics of what I have preached and tried to implement over the years are as relevant and persuasive as ever.It's not that the world has turned its back on my kind of conservatism, but that conservatives in some countries have temporarily lost faith in themselves and their beliefs.Visiting foreign countries is tiring, but I have made up my mind that as long as I have the energy--and so far it seems to be strong--I will try to influence the minds of peoples, if not actions of governments.And I hope that, one day when I am no longer able to do it myself) my foundation will do it for me.

Today the West seems to be hesitating between bravado, cynicism and fear.There are many domestic problems.In most Western countries, government spending on social benefit programs is leading to increased deficits and higher taxes.There are also many problems abroad.Western defenses are collapsing, and the resolve to use them continues to wane.There was serious confusion about Europe's and Britain's place in that defense system.The "special relationship" with the US has cooled to near freezing point.The West is not giving democrats in the post-communist world the support they need; their place is being taken by many dubious and dubious elements.With the Russians, we are doing nothing and then being weak, and we are encouraging them to believe that if they behave like the Soviet Union in the past, they will only get the respect and attention of the West.In the former Yugoslavia, we allowed aggression to succeed.Confusion is growing within NATO as it destroys an empire without yet identifying a new role to play.But it's not all bad.The world is freer now than it was during the Cold War, although it cannot be said to be safer.But political success still lacks one of the most important factors, and that is clear goals.

Of course, I can say that.Can't I?Maybe not.But people who used to criticize me in government are saying the same thing now.In the following chapters on Europe, the wider international environment, social policy and the economy, I offer some ideas on how to correct these aspects.But now is the time for others to act.