Chapter 8 Chapter 7: The Angel Looks at Hometown

In my view of the film studio, the first thing that appears is always a soundstage that I have never been in. It looks like a person in gray clothes, carrying a big spider web, with a blurry face walking past my eyes However, like a bald model in avant-garde fashion, there is no one else around. There is only one studio in the factory, and I have never seen this studio used.The trail leading there was overgrown and lush like a forest.When I first transferred to the factory, I often went to visit this mysterious huge building alone at dusk. It has no windows, is airtight, is as high as a five-story building, and has a corridor as narrow as a string ladder on the top, with gray iron handrails, which makes me think it is reserved for sentry soldiers. What kind of ghosts are imprisoned in the black cell?During my insomnia nights, such strange questions would pop up one after another, turning my mind into a fountain of water, but what came out was not clear water, but a light gray The silky substance that sticks to your hands, of course, this is spider webs, they are all over the entire idle studio, from end to end, floating, free, you really don't see it so big anywhere else Such a complete spider web, even in the real primeval forest, those outdoor spider webs will have a few holes when blown by the wind. In my opinion, a spider web with holes is really ugly.Come here if you want to see the most beautiful spider webs. There are no windows here, and the door will not be opened once in ten years. The air is absolutely still.This is really a spider's paradise!I would like to become a big spider.

Nothing but spiders is dust.Anyone who wants to write a book of "The Grand View of Dust" must come here for investigation. The condition of dust is as good as that of spiders, and there is enough time and space for them to grow into various shapes.You have to put on a mask, a cloth hat, a pair of rain boots that cover the cuffs of your trousers, and two sleeves, and then walk in gently. Don’t move too much to avoid eyes into dust. The prettiest ones are the round and light velvet dust, ethereal, ethereal, bouncy, and if they are a bunch of little girls, I totally agree.But if they don't dance, I'm going to look at those thick mounds of dust, which are hardened in the corners, like some silent rocks, which have not moved for a thousand years.The most common is powdery dust. They are the most extensive and the most common. They are scattered all over the world like a crowd. The song "Little Grass" sings about them, but they are even humbler than the grass. If it wasn't for me Write them, and they will disappear into the darkness, forever lost.

After seeing lumps, mounds, and powders of dust, I was about to raise my head, and the most spectacular moment came. From the ceiling of the five-story building, there were sheets of curtain-like dust hanging down from the ceiling of the five-story building!It's like a waterfall flying straight down, suddenly sealed by a magic, sealed for a thousand years, the water has turned gray, it is waiting for a person, this person said softly: fly.This large piece of solidified waterfall will fly out and make a huge roar. Of course, this person is me. In this spider-and-dust studio, I think there are three types of films where interiors can be shot.

The first category is the Pansi Cave of the Great Immortal Pansi. This cave is more suitable for dancing than any real cave. Let the dancer put the wings of the spider spirit (spiders do not have wings, and here refers to something similar, which is a kind of Narrative wings) let’s make it one foot long, two wings add up to two feet, artistic things need to be exaggerated to look good, in our studio of Guangying, no matter how long the wings are, they can dance freely, When dancing, the sky is dim and the earth is dark, the sun and the moon are pale, and this is how to live up to the great myths and legends.In addition to spider spirits, it can also accommodate a group of bat spirits at the same time. Bats are much more lively than spiders, but it doesn't matter, just let them fly wildly, fly as crazy as you want, fly as fast as you want, Like black lightning bolts, the children stared wide-eyed and screamed.

The second movie takes place in a medieval castle. Since it is an ancient castle, I think it is Europe. I think the spiders and dust in Europe are not qualitatively different from ours. From a distance (especially in movies) they are all the same.This is a romance film, there is a male lead, who is a prince, and a female lead, who is a beautiful woman in Qingcheng. I don’t want to go on when the story comes to this point. This kind of love that is out of time and society is actually It's very pale, like it's made of paper, it's not thick enough to blow it up, and it won't grow flesh if I pour all my blood into it. It's not worth the candle to make up such a story, and if I write any more, I'll kill myself.

Let's say "Blood and Tears of the Lone Star", which is the third film suitable for shooting here. This movie has a certain fate with me, I always come across it at different times, even in the 1990s when I didn’t watch movies, I would see its familiar figure when I turned on the TV, I secretly swear , One day, when I meet an expert, I must ask me what was the relationship between me and this film in my previous life. I often see an old lady with white hair and gray skin, her eyes are staring and she makes nervous movements. She walks up and down in a dusty room. This is her new house decades ago. The wedding dress and dowry are well preserved, but already covered with dust.This scene made me sad.If "Blood and Tears of Lone Star" is remade here, I will definitely compete for the spinster, and I will write a blood book. After I write it, I will realize that this is an outdated practice. The coagulated blood is the ugliest disgusting stuff, the directors of today are not going to be impressed by it.So I'm going to sleep with the director?But I'm too old, the director will feel that he is posting backwards.How much I want to do whatever it takes, how much I want to do whatever it takes, even so, I don't have much chance, this is my sorrow.This is all because I am a woman. If I were a man, at my age, it was the most popular golden age, so there would be no reason to dedicate myself to fear that others would not want it.

Three films have been shot, I should have no idea.But the imagery of the spider is so strong that I can't help thinking that this is a movie that has been deposited in my heart. I didn't want to say it here, but it is too lush. Palm trees covered with wild vines, everything is silvery at night, when strong lights come on, and a wonderful woman appears, Spider Woman in a shining robe trimmed with silver threads, her face He wore a mask, also inlaid with silver.But she couldn't move because she was covered with cobwebs, and there were lines growing from her waist, buttocks, and underarms. These hairy lines were all part of her body.She was crying, tears streaming from beneath the mask, sparkling like diamonds.Her eyes became more and more sad, tears flowed more and more, and her image filled the whole picture.

I saw this film at the Reclining Buddha Temple in Xiangshan, Beijing in July 1988. Now, eleven years have passed, and the ending is still so vivid and clear. As long as I stare at a spider for more than half a minute, that island, that The woman in the silver thread gown floated all the way from Xiangshan Mountain, and arrived in front of me in an instant. Her diamond-like tears fell into my palm, round and cold, which made my heart ache. I don't remember if it was a French film or an American film, I hadn't seen Manuel.Puig's translation of the original, I had never even heard of this Argentine genius.The pie fell into my arms from the sky, and I went to Xiangshan to participate in the fifth international film workshop.I remember that the first ten days were American classes, and the last ten days were French classes. In addition, I remember that the translator told everyone at the beginning of the movie that the actor who played the gay Molina was a big French star, "The Last Metro" The male lead, who played a gay man, faced a backlash from his admirers.These are all things I just remembered.I don't understand why those French audiences are disgusted with him playing a homosexual. Is there a general prejudice in France?It's incredible.

In my opinion, the actor playing Molina is beautiful, much more touching than in "The Last Metro".All his movements are very feminine and his eyes are soulful.At the beginning of the movie, Molina tells the story of a woman who is in the same cell as a political prisoner. He acts while he talks. He learns from her to put one leg on the other. His whole leg is naked Yes, the light in the cell was very dark, and it appeared that his legs were as white as moonlight, and his feet were straightened, his figure was very elegant.He described her hollow high-heeled shoes and painted black toenails. When talking about stockings, he made a gesture of putting on stockings. His fingers swept gracefully and lightly from toes to legs, and then he described her Her hand, her nails, his hand shape is as beautiful as a flower in the darkness of the cell.

The political prisoner Valenti is a man full of masculine charm. Molina fell in love with Valenti in the life of living together, and told Valenti about his feelings and psychology of being a "woman".Valenti doesn't fall in love with him (Val is not a homosexual), but out of sympathy (and perhaps more exploitation) finally makes love to Molina.Molina, who had gained love, was willing to do anything for Valenti. After he was released, he came to the square to meet with Valenti's comrades.Just as Valenti was not a homosexual, Molina was not a revolutionary either. He knew that once he got involved with them, he would either go with them or be wiped out by them. He withdrew all the deposits in his bank in advance. come out.Molina, a man who sees love as his life, arrives in the square thirty minutes early, and finally, Valenti's comrades arrive in a white sedan. The revolutionaries find the police, and the joint fails. , Molina ran towards the car desperately, but the car did not stop to wait for him, but instead fired a stream of bullets from the car, hitting him directly in the chest.According to the analysis of the police station, the extremists wanted to kill him to keep him from confessing.

I will never forget the shot of Molina running like hell, his long hair flying, his blue eyes burning with pain and love, but a bullet hit him from the front and blood gushed out of his clean white shirt .This moment is so thrilling and heartbreaking.For Molina, love is impossible and so is revolution. This is the first time I have heard the word gay in public media, it comes from a foreign land, with a warm look, just as beautiful as the French actor himself (I still don’t know his name), in my opinion Come on, it's not some mess, but a ray of moonlight in a dark cell. Someday if I go back to the old place, I must go and see the gray house where I lived.For a while I hated it, because the factory didn’t give me a house, let me live in this temporary guest house, and a dozen martial arts performers fought in my living room; Uninhabited, it has become a paradise for me and my lover without any scruples. The papaya, banana, and neem trees in front of the gray house became more and more clear in my thoughts.One, two, three, one breath, another breath, and the gray building appears.How serene it is, I am standing on the balcony on the fourth floor, a green papaya is right in front of my eyes, the raindrops are falling on the broad leaves of the papaya, the papaya is not wet at all, and the plantain leaves are glowing with water , kept making beautiful rain sounds. Now I am going back to the film factory from the downtown area of ​​Nanning again. I set off from Guangxi Art Institute and cross the entire urban area of ​​Nanning. Tiantao Road, Taoyuan Road, Qixing Road, Xinghu Road, Qiyi Square, Chaoyang Road, Railway Station, these road names came to life one by one, they rushed to my feet and rubbed against my wheels. The dark green color remains unchanged all the year round, and it is brilliant and gorgeous. If there is a strong wind, it would be great to blow all of them into the sky!How nice it would be if it blows up into the sky and falls down again!It would be great if all of them blow to the Yongjiang River!How nice it would be to bury me!Or, they just hang on the tree forever like this, growing up every year, taller than a ten-story building, bigger than a swimming pool, how amazing are such big leaves!It is especially good for environmental protection. It is equivalent to adding countless oxygen generators out of thin air. They cover the sky and cover the sky, with a trillion capillary pores whistling to release oxygen. Every person walking on Nanning Street is equivalent to doing aerobic exercise. Female The skin of children will be watery (girls in Nanning are very thin, some people say that Nanning has no beautiful women, I agree with this), and the wrinkles of old women must be opened. In this way, I have accidentally been in a movie, a vulgar romantic movie that is exaggerated, false, and insincere. Am I full of such rotten images in the depths of my heart?Why don't I learn from Antonioni and make a "Nanning" like "China"? this is a problem. But I have to put all the problems behind me. I want to go back to Nanning Railway Station. I turn right from the train station and I arrive at Zhonghua Road. Then turn left at the intersection and I arrive at Hengyang Road. Hengyang Road is named after me. I have forgotten it for ten years, and I haven't remembered it before, but now it suddenly pops up, just like Monkey King jumping out of a stone.The most beautiful facade on Hengyang Road is Nanning Cotton Mill, referred to as Nanmian. It is a large-scale factory. Whether it has 10,000 people, 20,000 people, or 100,000 people, I have never figured it out. I have always been A person who is imprecise and can never figure out the numbers.But I knew that Nanmian was the largest enterprise as early as 1975. I have been passionately yearning for Nanning Cotton Mill since 1975. At that time, I was a high school student and went to school in a county several hundred kilometers away from Nanning. Nanning can only be reached by train.The provincial capital, the tall factories, the automated machines, the white hats of the weaving women, the aprons with thinner waists and higher chests, a brand new movie is coming, which is completely different from the old gray town. Different movies are phantoms over the gray town, with metallic luster, the sound of machines that have been beautified infinitely, the temptation of modern industry (the temptation of industry to a small agricultural town is like the temptation of a man to a woman), The film shimmers on the ceiling of our classroom and swings in the sky above the town. How much we want a ladder reaching the sky to appear out of thin air!We will hold on to this ladder and climb, step by step, as heroically as in the most breathtaking cinematic footage.One day, we were suddenly told that this ladder exists, but it is not in the sky, but on the ground. Although it is on the ground, it is related to the sky. Its name is the vast world, which comes from the quotations of Chairman Mao. At this time, we all knew that after graduation, we only need to go to the countryside to exercise for two years, and as long as we perform well, we will be recommended to Nanmian as workers.In order to go to Nanmian, we enthusiastically signed up to go to the countryside. This incident gave us a real illusion, as if going to the countryside is going to Nanmian. As long as we go to the countryside, we will definitely be able to reach Nanmian. The distance between them has been completely canceled by us, and the minds of middle school students have always been the best minds, tampering with reality wishfully, thinking about the good things they want to think about, and not thinking about the bad things at all. That's how it happened. When I actually got to Hengyang Road, I realized that Nanmian was absolutely not allowed to go. If I went there, I would be deafened by machines, and I might be laid off in the 1990s. After crossing Hengyang Road, there is no need to look at the dangerous places. (Note: The source of this sentence comes from the famous poem "Shui Tiao Ge Tou. Revisiting Jinggang Mountain", "After passing the Huangyang boundary, you don't need to look at dangerous places") After passing Hengyang Road, you will arrive at Youai Road. Youai Road was called Dazhai Road when I was 19 years old. It is something I should show off. About this matter, I have written all about it in my novel "One Man's War". If this matter is true, after "One Man's War", it will It will become more real. If it is fiction, after "One Man's War", it will change from false to real. From this point of view, it is also reasonable to say that "One Man's War" is an alchemy furnace. So you have to take a look at this alchemy furnace, it is very beautiful.As a novel, it has a certain intertextuality with this text.However, its editions are messy, and it is a muddy quagmire. This is because some people thought that this book was shocking. For different purposes, some editions were added with some miscellaneous items, and some versions were deleted with some miscellaneous items. In this way, you will see a broken alchemy furnace. If you don't want to appreciate the beauty of incompleteness, you can read the version of Changjiang Literature and Art Publishing House. (Is there anyone who recommends your own book so much?) You'ai Road or Dazhai Road is a suburban road, which can be seen from the name of the road.It must have been dusty back then, with tractors, horse-drawn carriages, mule carts running endlessly, and sometimes buffaloes and big white geese staggering past. If it was in the north, it must be similar to "The Cotai Strip" (it seems that it has not been made into a movie. , it seems to be filmed, it is Huang Fuli playing some kind of sister-in-law) or the road in "Sunny Sky", but I didn't see all this when I was nineteen years old, I only saw a tractor rumbling past, the car There are loads of green bananas on the road, hanging one by one, solemn and solid like cannonballs.I got off the bus at the end of Dazhai Road, the terminus of the bus, and walked forward timidly. The more I walked, the more desolate, the twilight was dim, and there were few people. However, what I am going to talk about now is when I was twenty-nine years old.In the past ten years, I have graduated from university and have lived in Nanning, the provincial capital, for five years. I am already an old man!I went to the Guangxi Art Institute to see the art exhibition, and then I rode a bicycle all the way through the entire Nanning City, and came to the end of Youai Road. The gate of our factory is light yellow, and it is a beam on top of two rectangular columns, which has no characteristics.There is a long sign at the door with the name of the factory written on it. (I heard that these words were written by Zhao Dan, who was reformed through labor with Huang Zongying in Liuzhou in the 1970s.) The film studio was a very mysterious place in the remote province in the 1980s, although the gate was unremarkable , Such a factory name can still frighten people like me. Before I get used to this gate, it always scares me so much that my heart is pounding. Passing through the thrilling iron gate, you will come to a big circle. This circle is a pool with moss-covered rockery, water, and goldfish. There are three layers of flowers around the pool, red, green, and yellow. , forming a giant flower bed, I think this flower bed has two meanings, one is that the National Day is coming (I have been educated and hinted like this since I was a child, and I have formed a conditioned reflex, and I will immediately think of the National Day when I see flowers , and later came to Beijing, this problem has been strengthened), second, this is the center of the whole factory, just like Tiananmen Square is the center of Beijing.As it turned out, my second thought was correct. Standing on this flower garden square, I have a feeling that I am surrounded by enemies. In fact, there is no one around, but because the place is so open, anyone who appears in any direction will see me at a glance. I really hope that I will be here soon. There are some trees, and as long as there is some shade, I feel safe, but all the trees are on the other side of the fence, and it's bare here. Now I want to go back to the dormitory. There are two doors leading to the dormitory area. One is the side door connecting the factory area and the dormitory area, and the other is the gate facing the road.If it's not for commuting, I usually don't go through the factory area and then enter through the side door, and of course I don't go like this now.