Chapter 9 overwhelmed

My whole life I have been misunderstood.One of the misunderstandings is that many people think that I am competitive by nature and love to stand out, so I became a "representative of the masses" at Beijing Foreign Studies University during the "Cultural Revolution".Some people heard that I had written to Chairman Mao several times, and they thought I was a rebel leader. These misunderstandings are actually justified.I used to be "in the news" in the 70's.One of the reasons may be that at that time, literature and art were depressed, and people could only watch eight model plays over and over again.Except for Albanian and Romanian films, there are very few foreign films.So the news documentaries of diplomatic activities have become a main channel for people to see a little novelty.Those of us who go to diplomatic occasions every day have become "amateur stars".In particular, China's entry into the United Nations in 1971 and Nixon's visit to China after that made our participants even more famous.I remember that at the end of February 1972, after Nixon’s visit to China was over and he returned to the United States from Shanghai, we had a day off in Shanghai, so we went to the streets together. Unexpectedly, pedestrians on the street came to watch and called each of us by name. It can be seen that at that time The impact of these daily TV news on people.Today's Ministry of Foreign Affairs still has many outstanding young translators, but their names are not as familiar as mine was back then.

The role of the news media cannot be underestimated.So far, many people over the age of forty in the intellectual class still have an impression of me, probably because of those news reports twenty years ago.From this, it's easy to think that I'm a socially active person.Many years ago, a friend in the press asked me what I most yearn for in life?I said: "I can probably guess the answer you are expecting. You all think that I am a 'strong woman' type of woman. I must have great ambitions and hope to have a vigorous career in my life. If I tell you my true heart The world, you must not believe it. In fact, what I yearn for most is to have a warm little family of my own, where I can read in a comfortable environment and cook delicious meals for my husband and children. Can you believe it?" Unfortunately, this wish never came true in my life.

In fact, I became what I am today. The idealistic theory is probably a trick of fate, and the real reason is "being pushed to the top". Before the "Cultural Revolution", I was originally a foreign language teacher in an ordinary university who was very content with the status quo.Unexpectedly, a "revolutionary storm" completely changed my life from its original track.When I was criticized and fought, I completely lost hope and confidence in the future, and being able to live on the edge of mediocrity was probably the best ending.Later, when the two factions fought, I was not a major figure.Because I was very insignificant at the time, I should not have been involved in the struggle between the two factions.Unexpectedly, in the autumn of 1968, after the workers' propaganda team and the military propaganda team entered the school, my friends and I were once again beaten as "enemies", and the attack was very fierce.The death of Wu Pu stimulated me a lot. The indignation in my heart more and more surpassed the fear of my friends who were in trouble one by one, which made it difficult for me to restrain.At this time, the panic of the early stage of the "Cultural Revolution" has been reduced, and the mind is clearer than before.I realized that if we don't stand up to fight for fairness and justice, personality and dignity for ourselves, we will only be bullied, trampled, and even lose our basic right to survive.Just at this time, the head of the school's military propaganda team heard from somewhere that my father had a friendship with Chairman Mao, and that I had taught Chairman Mao how to read English.After all, the Military Propaganda Team is not a fledgling impulsive student rebel faction, so nothing is a problem.They were probably afraid that they would make a mistake in treating me, so one day the head of the English Department of the Navy Propaganda Team suddenly and kindly invited me to his office, who was still in a semi-isolated state, and asked me bluntly if I was really serious. taught English to Chairman Mao.I said it was true.He asked if he could let him see the relevant materials, so I was allowed to go home to get the "proof".I showed the detachment leader Chairman Mao’s letter to his father in 1964. At the end of the letter, he said: “How is Comrade Hanzhi? I hope she will work hard and make progress.” I also showed him Chairman Mao’s learning English. The English translation of the "Nine Commentaries" in large print.The detachment leader showed great devotion to Chairman Mao and admiration for me.Since then, my situation has improved slightly, but the general situation of the school has not changed much.This move by the military propaganda team reminded me that only Chairman Mao can fundamentally reverse the persecution of cadres and intellectuals.I took advantage of my personal freedom and decided to write a letter to Chairman Mao again to reflect the situation of the School of Foreign Languages.I discussed it privately with my neighbor Zhang Youyun, a young teacher, and she said she was in favor of writing a letter to Chairman Mao, and that she could sign the letter with me.In this way, we wrote a "Letter of Complaint" to Chairman Mao, in which we described how the Military Propaganda Team and Worker Propaganda Team sheltered the "ultra-left" forces in the School of Foreign Languages ​​and persecuted cadres and teachers, and asked Chairman Mao to send someone to investigate The situation in the outer court.

It was in such a helpless situation that I embarked on the road of "appealing for the people" that I did not want to take. "Forced to the top" is an aggressive decision.But it is difficult to get down after going up Liangshan.The development of the situation does not allow me to back down.I can only go down this path... Chairman Mao received our letter and gave instructions.The military propaganda team did not convey Chairman Mao's instructions to me, but later I I learned that Chairman Mao instructed the Beijing New Municipal Party Committee to solve the problem of the School of Foreign Languages.So, one afternoon, I was suddenly called to the large conference room of the school’s military propaganda team to meet with Comrade Ding Guoyu, then Secretary of the Beijing New Municipal Party Committee.He saw me go in, shook my hand warmly, and said that before he came, he thought Zhang Hanzhi was a gay man, but he didn't expect to be a lesbian.At that time, I was full of resentment, and I really wanted to say to him: "Not necessarily! You must have done a thorough investigation before you came, and the military propaganda team must have reported to you. You can't even figure out whether it is a man or a woman. Just talk to me!" However, I restrained myself and greeted him politely.Comrade Ding Guoyu is a straightforward person. Knowing that I wrote a letter to the chairman, he said that according to Chairman Mao's instructions, he came to listen to my opinions.I roughly repeated to him my opinion to Chairman Mao: the school army and the workers’ propaganda team were divided into one faction and fought against the other, to protect the “ultra-left” forces, including organizations that openly posted big-character posters “Down with Zhou Enlai” in Tiananmen Square, and to fight against persecution. Adhere to Chairman Mao's revolutionary line, oppose the overthrow of Comrade Chen Yi, and oppose the revolutionary cadres, teachers and masses who completely negate the achievements of the past seventeen years.

After this meeting, I expect some major changes in the school situation.However, what is disappointing is that the only change is that I myself have received preferential treatment. Not only have my personal freedom been fully restored, but I was also sent to participate in the translation team for the report of the Ninth National Congress before the opening of the Ninth National Congress of the Communist Party of China in 1969.At that time, it was an extremely honorable thing, and only the most politically trusted could enter the team.I was ordered to report to Xinhua News Agency, and all the experts and general translators were gathered in a former compound of foreign experts. During the "Cultural Revolution", most foreign experts were driven away or scared away, and the few remaining foreign old Communist Party members were locked up, just like the old British experts Crook and his wife from the School of Foreign Languages.Xinhua News Agency's Academy of Experts is also empty.After the translation team was concentrated, the discipline announced to us was very strict.For the sake of confidentiality, not only were we not allowed to go home, we were not even allowed to make phone calls.For a month, we were completely isolated from the world.The work was very intense, especially when the draft had to be finalized on the eve of the opening. For a few days, all the staff worked overtime and did not sleep for almost 24 hours.

At that time, I was really happy to participate in the translation work of the "Ninth National Congress", because it not only showed a complete rehabilitation politically, but also after three years of neglect, I was exposed to English, which I love very much.Life seems to be turning around again! However, this joy disappeared quickly when I returned to school as the "Ninth National Congress" ended.When I see that all the injustices are still going on, when I see my friends who fell with me and so many other good people are still under the so-called scrutiny, when I see their dark eyes, I realize how much I am. I was "recruited" and "bought", and the military propaganda team "liberated" only me, so that I would no longer cause trouble for them.I discussed with Zhang Youyun, and we decided to write to Chairman Mao again.

This time, Chairman Mao seemed determined to solve the problem of the School of Foreign Languages.Not long after our letter was delivered, he gave instructions: It seems that the Beijing Municipal Party Committee cannot solve the problem of the School of Foreign Languages, and plans to send Unit 8341 there. This is undoubtedly great news for us! Unit 8341 is the Zhongnanhai Guard, and it can also be said to be Chairman Mao's personal guard.At that time, under the order of Chairman Mao, this army had already stationed in the No. 6 Factory and No. 2 School. The No. 2 schools were Tsinghua University and Peking University.Now the School of Foreign Languages ​​has become the third university that 8341 has settled in. What an honor it is!The School of Foreign Languages ​​became a school that directly received the care of Chairman Mao, and all this was because I wrote a letter to Chairman Mao.This is how the current situation has made me a "hero" who didn't want to be a hero!I was pushed onto the historical stage of the "Cultural Revolution" and could not escape.

The day when Unit 8341 entered the School of Foreign Languages ​​was an extremely exciting moment.The haze of many days and nights was swept away, and a large number of cadres, teachers, and students flocked to the school gate to welcome the troops into the school.Many people had tears in their eyes. They really had the feeling that the poor and oppressed working people welcomed the PLA to rescue them from the dire straits!After the troops settled down for a while, a school-wide meeting was held immediately, and political commissar Sun Zefu gave a speech. Sun Zefu is a very attractive soldier.He is from Shandong, with an upper-middle build, very burly, with a dignified appearance, revealing the majesty of a soldier.His voice was loud and provocative.He later told me that he insisted on attending the university self-study courses in Zhongnanhai during his service in Zhongnanhai. At that time, they invited many famous experts to take classes.Sun Zefu was also very interested in history, philosophy, and literature. He had listened to the history lectures given by Wu Han, so his cultural knowledge was higher than that of ordinary soldiers at that time.Sun Zefu, like other Zhongnanhai staff members, was full of pious respect for Chairman Mao and other party leaders, and even imitated their subtle movements.I found that he never writes with a pen or a ballpoint pen, but with a pencil; he would rather take the trouble to sharpen a pencil with a pencil sharpener instead of using a convenient ballpoint pen. The simple reason he does this is that the chiefs in Zhongnanhai with a pencil.He said that every morning, the staff had to sharpen a large pile of pencils for these chiefs for their day-to-day use.

Sun Zefu announced in his sonorous voice that they were the team sent by Chairman Mao at the first general meeting of the School of Foreign Languages. They must follow Chairman Mao's revolutionary line to solve the problems of the School of Foreign Languages.His speech received a very enthusiastic response. Overnight, I became an independent "mass representative" who replaced the two rebel organizations in the School of Foreign Languages. Of course, Unit 8341 knew that I had reported the situation of the Institute of Foreign Languages ​​to Chairman Mao, so they had to consult with me on any important matters; overnight, many comrades who had been persecuted were liberated, and yesterday they were "prisoners" and today they have become prisoners. "The guest of honor", the "Cultural Revolution" continues to perform these tragedies and comedies!

I was finally forced to go to Liangshan, and I had to play a Song Jiang-style character.Since my first letter to Chairman Mao with Zhang Youyun, I have been a central figure among the teacher activists supporting the "Red Flag Brigade."I can't help but be involved in this movement, I am fully committed to it, and I am full of passion.At that time, I was sure that I was defending Chairman Mao's revolutionary line.Study life has become a distant past, and everything is for "revolution". For more than thirty years, I have never systematically recalled the road I have traveled, and I am not aware of how much I have changed.Several of my old college friends have told me that they think one of my great strengths is that no matter what my social status changes, my attachment to old friends never changes.

However, when I look back on the road I have traveled, I can't help but say to myself that I have changed a lot.Although my principle of being a human being is still to treat others with kindness, I would rather suffer losses than hurt others.But my temper has changed a lot.Forty-nine years ago, when I stepped into college at the age of eighteen, I was a happy, pretty, easy-going girl, but now, I am easily agitated, impetuous, and easily hurt. The lively, gentle, and beautiful girl of more than forty years ago has long since ceased to exist.what changed meWhy are my middle school and college friends still the same in character, but I have changed so much?This is probably the price I paid for my survival in the harsh reality of thirty years.This change probably started from the "Cultural Revolution". In order to survive and not allow myself to be slaughtered, I learned to fight, and fighting means using the failure of others to obtain the rights I fought for.Although those who prank me are wrong, it is also a cruel human struggle!Whether in college or as a teacher, I get along well with everyone in the English department and with my students.Life on campus is quiet, leisurely, and kind.I still remember it with infinite nostalgia.But when the "Cultural Revolution" came, it seemed that in an instant, the world changed.Some of my former colleagues shouted slogans to kill me; some of my former students suddenly confronted me, accusing me of being their enemy.After a narrow escape, I probably emerged from the flames of struggle, realizing that I can only protect myself with struggle.Unexpectedly, since then, I have been unable to get rid of endless political struggles for thirty years, which eventually led to a tragic ending, leaving scars on my heart that will never heal. Later, I looked through my old photos from a long time ago, and took out a photo taken for my graduation certificate when I graduated from college in 1957, put it in a frame, and placed it on the small table in the living room.Someone asked me, and I said it was just nostalgia and vanity, seeing what I used to look like.In fact, I am paying tribute to the Zhang Hanzhi who no longer exists.What I see in the eyes of that photo is the joy and hope of youth.However, looking at myself in the mirror today, that look has long since disappeared, and there are more vicissitudes and sadness!But I also know that the girl from more than 40 years ago still lives in the depths of my heart. The soul of the 18-year-old girl has not left me, but this world has made me no longer innocent.In order to survive, I can only fight hard, not because I love to fight but out of helplessness, "Survival of the fittest"!Then, I can only let the eighteen-year-old me be buried deeply in the depths of my heart. Only in the dead of night, under a solitary lamp, can my soul make these three different chapters merge into one and return to nature!