Coming soon.At first, I talked about the idea of ​​publishing this collection with my old friend Xiao Guanhong.This was about a year ago.But I was always procrastinating, and it was only in the last month that I became nervous. I rushed to write day and night, and my blood pressure rose.It's all my own fault. My whole life seems to be passively pushed by other people or other forces. However, I am very happy to publish this collection.At first, Guan Hong said that the two collections I published in Shanghai were no longer available, but readers were still interested and asked me if I could republish a new edition.I immediately agreed, because I often receive letters from readers asking me where I can buy it, and the bookstore does not have it.I will send it to readers from my own little "library".However, both Guan Hong and I believe that it is not necessary to simply reprint, but to have some new content and a new look.

So, I collected it into the collection and used it as the title of the book.In addition, I rushed to write an article "Yesterday's Remnant Dreams".When I committed to writing this article, it was because it was one of the most important phases of my life that I never really touched.But when I wrote the pen, I had mixed feelings and found it difficult to lift the pen. The twelve years from 1971 to 1983 condensed all my emotions and dedication in my life.Probably few people have gone from heaven to purgatory in just twelve years as I have.The dazzling brilliance I got in these twelve years made me a public figure, and the love I got was the envy of the world, not only because Qiao Guanhua was a leader on the international stage at that time, but also because we were twenty-two years apart in age. Years of Wangnian love is so deep, so true, and so difficult.But in these short twelve years, everything I have gained has disappeared so quickly and so cruelly.From the glorious peak, Guanhua and I were pushed into the terrible abyss of hell overnight.I lost everything...the last thing I lost was my only possession - my love, the people I loved.At that time my body was still alive, but my soul was empty.The road of life seems to have come to an end.The winter in Shanghai that year was so cold, bone-chillingly cold.There was so much rain, a steady drizzle.How many times a ghost dressed in black and wearing a black scarf wanders the banks of the Huangpu River...

At the threshold of life and death, it is not only the desire to live that keeps people alive.In the cold winter of that year, the temptation to die was even greater for me.But I am not reconciled to disappearing from the world in silence like this, and I am not reconciled to the history being distorted like this.So I survived. This passing time was deeply buried in my heart after I finished writing "Ten Years of Wind and Rain".I struggled to find a new life, a new motivation, and even a new emotion.However, when I started to write this "Yesterday's Remnant Dreams", I realized that the pain still exists, it is only lightly covered up.Rediscovering the past is like tearing off the thin gauze covering the wound, and then sprinkling a thick layer of salt on it, and it starts to bleed again.I really can't face the past that I thought was gone.In the end I chose to escape.I must apologize to the readers for the lackluster and disjointed writing.I tried to write lightly, I tried to avoid pain, and I ended up being very dissatisfied myself.I can only promise that in my lifetime, if my feelings can really become stronger, I may be able to give history and readers a better answer.

When I sat in this courtyard house where I lived for forty-two years and rewrote everything that happened here, I couldn't help but think of the word "old man".This shocked me very much. Unknowingly, did I really become an "old man" obsessed with the past, and could only babble about what happened in the yard in the past? !My life really only has the past, no present or future?The subtitle of this collection is .What I always thought was that the big red door came in from the outside, unfolding the historical picture scroll of this courtyard, revealing the joys and sorrows of the people who lived in this courtyard.But at this moment, when I hurriedly escaped from yesterday's remnant dream, I suddenly realized that maybe this big red door should also be stepped out from the inside.Maybe I should take my emotions out of this big red door and look for a new starting point in life. Will I have new insights when I look back at these two big red doors?

From here, I also thought that the courtyard houses I wrote always stayed in our two generations—my father, me and Guanhua.I never thought that there is a third generation in this courtyard, daughter Niuniu.I always feel that she is not part of the history of this courtyard, because she left this courtyard when she was a teenager, and she cannot understand the dignified sense of history of this courtyard.Niuniu disapproves of me burying myself in this courtyard, in the long-gone emotional grievances, but I think she can't understand the heavy mental journey of my generation at all.Not long ago, the bronze statue of her father was unveiled in Shanghai Fushou Garden. Scholars discussed her father's life seriously. Niu Niu finally spoke, but said, "I think my grandpa is very 'cool'. He does his own way and doesn't care what others say to him." , also said "I don't like to talk about inheritance, I like to talk about innovation".The older generation in the audience shook their heads, but the young and middle-aged people greatly appreciated it.Back in Beijing, this matter was always circling in my mind, and I gradually realized a truth, that there is actually a third generation in this courtyard house.The three generations of our family in this century seem to condense the progress of Chinese society.One hundred years ago, my father was an anti-Qing fighter and participated in the Revolution of 1911.Fifty years later, I rebelled against my father and became a member of the Communist Party.Today, another fifty years have passed, Niuniu is the new generation in this courtyard, she is also rebelling against me, trying to pull me from the past into the present.She was born in this big red door, and stepped out of this big red door when she was twelve years old, but she retained the complex of the big red door, and re-entered the big red door from the other side of the ocean more than ten years later.It's just that what she brought into the big red door was a brand new and strange breath.The new concept media publications she runs and her lifestyle are too advanced for me to fully understand and accept.Her "deviance" no longer belongs to this yard in my opinion.But these days, I can't help but ask myself, isn't this just a new milestone in the transformation of the courtyard house?I stared at the oldest crabapple tree in the yard. It was about the same age as Niu Niu. When we moved into No. 51, it had just been planted, and now it is full of branches and leaves, giving us half of the yard shade.In the past 40 years, many of the old branches of Begonia have withered and died, and most of the vigorous and dense branches are now new branches.Old stems and new branches intertwine to form this old tree full of vicissitudes.Isn't that the case with history and life?

I also thought of my father, the first generation in the Dahongmen, his ending was intact, because he followed his own independent personality and beliefs throughout his life, and determined his own destiny.But the second generation of me is the biggest tragedy.Maybe that's because at that time, I couldn't control my own destiny, and I couldn't realize my beliefs and dreams.Now the third generation, Niu Niu, is challenging the past of this courtyard with an aggressive manner.She will not let any tragedy in this courtyard repeat itself.I finally became cheerful, and seemed to see new vitality and future in the old courtyard walls.I hope that the courtyard in Dahongmen will go forward with Niu Niu's generation, going round and round and never stopping!