Chapter 11 Memory Fragments About Picking Up Girls-1

a brief moment It's an afternoon during the SARS period, and only true friends get together, so it's your friend to tell the truth. You take a taxi, pick him up, and head to someone else's house, where you play mahjong and kill off yet another day when you don't have to go to work. Get off at your destination.You have to go through an underground passage, go to the opposite side of the road, and get into a residential building, where There are one hundred and thirty-six mahjong tiles piled on the soot-stained rug, waiting for your caress.You can never understand the principle of half-push and half-success in playing mahjong, so you always take the initiative to make a fuss, rushing in front of you with an anxious look.

Walking into the underground passage, your eyes can't adapt to the darkness for a while, and the hunched figure in front of you is blurred, and your mood is suddenly in a trance.Dark passages, cold air, shadowy figures, these objectively existing substances form a familiar feeling, diffuse from your big toe touching the ground, mixed in your sense of touch, smell, sight, and taste , fix you there, unable to move forward. It was a tangling memory: you suddenly hugged her in the dark underground passage, and she struggled a bit, implying that there was someone else in front.You quickly kissed her mouth, snatching the gum from her mouth.

You stayed there for a moment, and this moment was so fast that you noticed something strange when you saw the trick.When he turned to look at you, you started walking again, but in this short moment, you thought of her so much, so much.One long slow motion. The next time seems to pass faster.You go upstairs; you preside over finding out the wind; you find out that there are no cigarettes; you suggest to prepare the cigarettes first, but refuse to go downstairs to buy cigarettes when you see the trick, and boast that you have successfully quit smoking for more than two years; you just buy it yourself ;You started to play cards; when you sent out a piece of six cakes, Zhang Yuanwai caught a cannon, and the door on the second floor was cleared; you were ridiculed by everyone, especially the laughter of old Dong; Mom is not his card, you can't wait to punch his limp nose to make you shut up.

But you are indifferent to these.You see her all in front of your eyes: she is quietly queuing in the cafeteria; the red plastic bucket she carries when she goes to the bathroom; she and Liu Ping only eat one dish to save money to buy a lipstick ;She turned her head and ran away in the theater, unaware that your fight was just to get her attention; she whispered to her roommate, cute and naughty, you thought she was laughing at you, but you asked her later, it was not; You bought a piece of silk and inferior stockings, which made you very sad; she pretended to be calm and walked into the hut you designed, watching you frantically tossing on her body; she blocked your hand stretching out to her chest: "I am beautiful!" , you won’t be able to bear it”; in the dormitory filled with foot odor, they tortured you and her progress, and you didn’t say anything even if you were beaten to death, but there was a smirk stiffer than an idiot on your lips...

Your brow is sweating. This humiliated them again. Are they still thinking about the six cakes? You never know why you think of her on such a day. You survived so many days when you thought you would be miserable; so many times when you heard about her love trends, you kept a gentle expression on your face; so many long nights, you struggled to cope with your loneliness Thinking of her, but it was not like this time, so sudden, so overwhelming, so indistinguishable from all kinds of tastes, and such a disease disappeared like a thread. You couldn't stand it on the hemp table at all, but there was a tender feeling in your heart that you haven't seen for a long time, and the pain was very enjoyable.

In fact, even the final breakup is what you would like to see.So when you routinely went to drink to relieve your sorrows after the breakup, you were scolded by Liu Lao Wu.From that day on, you knew that you were so hypocritical and hypocritical, and you thought you would never think of her so exaggeratedly again. But on this day, she broke into your memory involuntarily, even when you went to the bathroom to wash your hands.You think of her as you wash your hands, holding your right hand with your left hand, as if yours held hers.Her little hands were as frozen as a few carrots in the harsh winter in the north.She always likes to insert both hands into your cuffs and feel your heat.

She said, it will be troublesome to marry you in the future. If you get married in winter, you must buy a big ring, but if you get married in spring, you won't be able to wear the ring in winter. You said, it doesn't matter, I will go to the south with you, let the snow in the north float in the southern sky. We don't like playing mahjong like Beijing.She said, would you be willing to leave your buddies? You said, no one can stop us from being together. You rush out of the bathroom and walk to the hemp table.The smog is lingering, the phantoms are whirling, and they are still the same old hemp sticks from back then. Not to mention Nian Yong; Lao Dong starts to tremble as soon as he hears about poker players, known as "Makinson Syndrome"; even some mahjong terms are campus slang words from more than ten years ago, and nothing has changed.

And she is no longer with you.Is it this kind of night, you will think of me like this? You will never know the answer to this question.You lost her, a piece of porcelain that can never be repaired, a song that can't be sung anymore, a game of cards that was robbed after listening to the luxurious seven pairs. You finally couldn't hold on any longer: "Brothers, I've been stripped naked, let's go." Your uncle was quickly arranged by the other three people to have several wishful same-sex sexual relationships, and Lao Dong even counted out a wad of money for you to kill toads with your bare hands (1).But you shook your head with a dry smile.

Although he is color-blind, he has a pair of gossip eyes that are good at observing words and colors: "Why is your face like this? Is it okay if I invite you to eat oriental salabel?" You continued to shake your head with a dry smile, your throat was blocked and you couldn't speak.Yes, no one knows what your depression is for, who you are thinking about when you are wandering. You left your old Deshao uncle to Zhang Yuanwai and Lao Dong to ravage, and ran downstairs with the tricks, and got into a taxi. A colorful night...don't get lost on the flyovers you walk by (2).Those who won the money saw the tricks and made a big show.

Remember the song we wrote when we were in school?You ask. of course I remember.He smiled lewdly.I pee wherever I want, and I pull people to sleep.He sang in a rock rhythm. Damn, not this one.You can't be bothered to talk to him. Walking forward carelessly, pretending to deceive the girl, after being deceived, she left me, alas, I am more sad than the girl.This is a song you wrote in your own adolescence. Maybe after this night, you will no longer think of her, no longer have such a long slow motion, no longer have this kind of enjoyable pain.Thinking of this, you stopped the taxi, rushed into the small shop on the side of the road, and came out with two bottles of Erguotou.

go to your house.You tell each other what to do.You know that he sent his wife back to her natal home during the SARS period, and your wife is like a beautiful girl, and you also know that you will play mahjong all night tonight. Nod your head when you see the tricks, and I know that you are not happy about losing money. You are a layman.You cursed, and walked into the house with him.Seeing the trick, I went to the kitchen to mess around for a while, brought out a plate of ham sausage, and sniffed it under my nose again: eat it at ease, there is no peculiar smell. Tell me about the time when you picked up girls. You said, unscrew a bottle of Erguotou. past Pick up girls?After seeing the tricks, I immediately returned to my sanctimonious appearance. This word is really ugly, and I can be regarded as an intellectual with both virtue and skill. You take yourself too seriously.You immediately greeted his uncle.No wonder you are a unique person - there are more than six billion people in the world, but you are the only one who knows that you are an intellectual. After seeing the trick, he drank a sip of wine, so thick-skinned that he didn't show his face at all. Picking up girls is a virtue.You said it clearly. A few years ago, my cousin graduated from Beijing Medical University and was assigned to a hospital.A college student who has just graduated and registered can arouse the curiosity and fighting spirit of his colleagues.Just out of curiosity, do you have a boyfriend?The fighting spirit is that if you are still widowed, they will match you up as a couple, and if you have a sweetheart, they will separate you by spreading gossip. And my cousin happened to be single at the time, so everyone in the same department mobilized to introduce someone to her.Her schedule filled quickly for the next year. One of them introduced the top-notch goods he had hoarded in this way: "That young man is very pure. He has never talked to anyone, and he has never even held a girl's hand." Unfortunately, this supply information reached my aunt's ears. Here, the elderly immediately became interested in her, and urged her cousin to quickly arrange a summons. It happened that I was eating at her house that day, and when I heard this, I immediately expressed my strong opposition. I asked my cousin, how old is that young man? Maybe twenty-six. He is a twenty-six-year-old man, and he has never even held a girl's hand.There are two possibilities, one is that he doesn't want to hold the girl's hand, what is such a man if he is not a eunuch?Another possibility is that he tried to pull the girl's hand but failed. What is such a man if he is not a complete loser?So, to find a partner, you have to look for someone like Don Juan.The first question I suggest you ask your partner is, have you ever dated a girl?Never soaked?out of the question. I nodded my cousin repeatedly, and suddenly my aunt said that she couldn't bear it: My dumplings stuffed with fennel today are really fed to the dogs! I can't agree more with you.When you see the tricks, the eyes are piercing.According to what you said, sexual experience is the only criterion for testing a man, so according to Bruce Kanger's social evolution theory, needs determine the direction of evolution, and in the future humans will grow things like tree rings on their faces, let's just say Call it the "sex wheel."Every additional sexual experience adds another wrinkle, and the result is that men with faces like continental shelf maps are attractive, while men with smooth and stretched faces are unloved.Only an idiot like you can come up with an argument like this. You "cut" contemptuously.I know that you have failed in love, so I started to despise those who have a good harvest.You poor wretch, people dump more girls than you like. I have to admit that most of those who flaunt fluff to pick up girls are suffering from language delusion.It is precisely because I can't do it that I like to talk so much, using words to make up for the lack of action.But like me, hehe... A dog that bites does not bark.If you see the tricks, the meat will rot and the mouth will not rot. Fuck you, even the monks on Wutai Mountain know that you are not good at picking up girls. After seeing the tricks, he made his expression a little more serious.In fact, the real reason why I object to your statement is that anyone's journey of picking up girls starts from scratch, from simple to complex.Unfortunately, people of our generation, at the age when we should pick up girls, bound up our souls with a ruthless desire. We only dared to take a peek at the girl in the next class. You must deliberately treat her like whoever you love and whoever dismisses love.And our favorite artistic conception is to call out loudly to the sky, say I love you; to the wandering white clouds, say I miss you.After finishing speaking, he stood in front of his beloved girl, not even daring to fart, and managed to hold back a sentence, so you like Gregory Peck (3), and I like liquid too.In this way, encourage the girl you love to love others. Therefore, we have already lost at the starting line, so you should stop using indicators like the "sex wheel" to make us feel inferior. There is one more point that needs to be brought to the attention of the opposing debaters.Seeing the trick and saying that he had sex, no one could stop him for a while.In fact, the verb to pick up a girl can only be used passively: no matter how you try to pick up a girl, in fact, you will end up being picked up by that girl, to be or not to be. While talking, he walked into the study room that he deliberately made messy to look like he was working hard. He took out a book from the bookshelf, held it for a while, and continued to talk.In the middle, let's see Aunt Wang teach the secrets of picking up girls to Ximen Zhiqing who wants to soak up the lotus of Pan Jin: "You can buy a piece of white silk, a piece of blue embroidery, and a piece of white silk, and then use ten taels of good cotton, and give them all to the old man. But I walked over and asked her for a cup of tea, but said to the female: "There is a benefactor and official who gave me a set of clothing materials, so I came here to borrow the calendar head. The young lady and the old man choose a good day to go. Ask a tailor to do it.' If she sees me saying this and ignores me, the matter is over. If she says, 'I'll do it for you,' don't call me a tailor, then it's worth it. I So I invited her family to do it. If she said, "I will do it at home in the future," and refused to come, the matter would be over. If she said happily, "I will do it, and I will cut it for you." If you are willing to come to my place to do it, you have to arrange some wine, food and snacks to treat her. On the first day, you don’t come either. On the second day, if she says it’s inconvenient, she must do it at home, and the matter is over. If she is willing to come to my house to do it as before, the light will be three points. This day, you don’t come either. Around noon on the third day, you come dressed neatly, coughing as a sign. You are at the door The former said: "Why haven't you seen Wang Ganniang for several days?" I will come out and invite you to come into the room. If she sees you, she will get up and run back. Should I hold her back? This matter will be over. If she sees you Come in, and when you don't move, the light will be four points. When you sit down, you will say to your daughter: "This is the official who gave me clothes and materials, so kill him!" I exaggerate the many benefits of officials, you Then she showed off her needlework. If she doesn't come to solicit promises, the matter will be over. If she promises to speak, it will be worth five points. But I said: "It's rare that this lady can do it with me. Thank you Kill your two benefactors: one for the money and one for the strength. It’s not that the old man is different from each other. It’s rare that this lady is here. The official can be a master and pour hands for the old man and the lady.’ You take out the silver and beg me Buy. If she pulls away and leaves, can't you hold her? The matter will be over. If she doesn't leave, the light will be six points. But I took the silver, and before going out, I said to her: "Thank you, lady." Wait for the officials to sit down.' If she also gets up and goes home, will I stop her? The matter will be over. If she doesn't get up and walk around, the matter will be fine again, and the light will be 70% Yes. When I got something to buy and put it on the table, I said, "Miss, clean up your life and have a drink. It's rare for this official to have bad money." If she refuses to eat at the same table with you, she will leave Go back, and the matter will be over. If she only said that she was going, but didn't leave, it would be fine again. This light will be eight points. When the wine she has eaten is strong, and she is talking about entering Hong Kong, I will Pushing the road out of wine, and asking you to buy it again, you begged me to buy it again. I just went to buy wine, slammed the door, and shut you and her inside. If she was anxious, she ran back. Then I rested. If she let me slam the door, when she is not anxious, she will have nine points. - Only one point is owed and it will be over. This point is difficult. Senior official, you are in the room. A few sweet words will come in; but don’t be irritable; just go and start to disturb things, and I don’t care about you at that time. First pretend to flick your sleeves on the table and put a pair of chopsticks away, you just do it He picked up the chopsticks from the ground, and pinched his hands on her feet. If she made a fuss, she would get up , I came to rescue myself, and this matter will be over, and it will never happen again.If she is silent, it is very bright. "(4) Ah Qing followed the plan.Aunt Wang is really a great prophet. Things were completely implemented according to the program she designed. In the end, the two of them "undressed and went everywhere." But seeing Alian allow him to develop in such a hot and bright way, when the progress is very bright, "then laughed and said: 'Officer, don't ask me! Are you really going to hook me up?' Then he took Ximen Qinghou will get up."This can't help but make people doubt: Do you say that Ximen Zhiqing soaked Pan Jinzhilian successfully, or did Pan Jinzhilian soak Ximen Zhiqing with less effort? Let me say something very feminist: Men always like to hunt for beauty, but in the end they become prey without exception. Pick up girls? --Pooh! Alright alright, count me as a misnomer.You start to retreat wisely, because you clearly know that there are two things in this world that cannot be questioned, refuted, or provoked. One is the beautiful description of your body by your wife, and the other is a life motto created by yourself. . words? - Bah bah!He didn't understand the principle of accepting as soon as he saw a good move, and continued to practice with the strength of alcohol. I think, haha, love is murdered by words, and everything in the world is murdered by words.You are used to using the most boring words to summarize the richest feeling, such as "moving", such as "style", such as "sweet", such as "ecstasy", in fact, as long as you pick out a feeling from your mouth at random, It is more real and authentic than these monotonous words, because the real feeling cannot be replaced by words.But for you, your most authentic feelings are consumed by language, and you even use language to regulate your feelings, completely disregarding the order of first come first come. Before you were circumcised, you began to accept the alienation of language, so your concepts of women and love were all instilled in a mechanical and rigid way.You think that women need skin that is better than snow, so when you see your beloved girl being bitten by a mosquito on her leg, you will have an uncomfortable reaction; you can’t stand the dead skin on her feet, you can’t stand her freckles on her breasts, you think it’s wrong if she doesn’t make the bed during sex, you think The so-called orgasm is to fly in the clouds. At this time, as long as I feel that I am still on the bed, it is the same as I am sorry for this intercourse... Because, the women and love in the book are not like this. Swallow a piece of rotten ham sausage after seeing the trick.In fact, as a man, we are also regulated by words.We should have bronzed skin, but our face is full of mites and acne; we should have a body like a javelin, but our body is exactly like a bowling ball except for a plump belly; The skill in bed is extraordinary, in fact... alas! Live men and women are loved while being despised by lifeless words. Why can't you talk about a realistic love?I despise you, despise the word pick up girls. When you were gasping for breath and taking a short rest, you took the opportunity to interject. You just said that you just picked out a feeling from your mouth.I have such a time, it seems that it is not from the depths of the soul, nor the second sulcus of the left lobule, but just a taste from the bottom of your tongue, it seems to be pork and cabbage in the sixth student cafeteria The smell of stuffed buns reminds you of a woman. You recount her sudden assault on your memory from afternoon to night.Your tone is as gentle as the moonlight outside the window, as if the greasy face is no longer in front of you. No wonder you lost so much money.It seems that the Ma Jing should be rewritten, who said that the casino will go crazy if you are frustrated in love? You ignore his nonsense and raise your glass.It doesn't matter if you lose money, the main reason is that this feeling is so good tonight, and someone can share a feeling with you.You clink glasses with him and take a long gulp. share?After seeing the tricks, he let out a "cut" from his nose. Your eyes darken, knowing that your affectionate lyricism will be ruined by this kid again. Sure enough, he started to refute again, but this time he used a sad tone.It turns out that I also think so, stories and moods are for sharing.But now I have begun to doubt everything expressed in words. I think words are a kind of thing that distorts the truth.For example, the story between you and her, once you tell it, once I relay it, maybe it is no longer you and her, it might as well be the story of Zhang Zhizi and Li Meigui (5).Sorry, let me say an adage: what words create is only a specimen of the truth, not the truth itself. Finally, you couldn't stand the nagging about tricks and tricks, and ran into the toilet in a hurry, retching for a while.You think of her again, girl, is there nothing between us?Only one specimen left? You don't want to think about it anymore, only to get out of the toilet you don't want to leave and continue drinking. Motherland, the key to my expression is lost.Seeing the tricks and tearing down the tricks, he began to write poems in pain.So, your upper line is "picking up girls", and my second line is - "bullshit". You take a sip of wine, too lazy to take the tricks that you obviously drank too much seriously. Then let us follow this principle and enter the creative state.I want to sort out our conversation and write it as "Memory Fragments About Picking Up Girls". Seeing the appearance of eager to try the trick, an indescribable disgust surged in your heart.How many foreign languages ​​do you know? If Hebei dialect and Wuhan dialect are not counted, I know a kind of English. I suggest you learn Swedish quickly.you said sarcastically. Seeing the tricks and splitting the tricks opened a pair of big and useless eyes even more at a loss.What do you mean? It will come in handy when you go to receive the Nobel Prize in Literature.You said coldly. a romantic story Love, the most used word is "romantic".Please see this romantic story.See the tricks and break the tricks to enter the creative state. Every year when the graduating class is about to graduate, some employers will come to the school to ask for someone, and they will post the company profile on the bulletin board—most of them are poor companies that people are reluctant to go to, and good companies don’t need to do this at all. .Brothers Zhao Cucumber and Zhang Doujiao were hanging out together in front of the bulletin board after dinner this day - just hanging out, the majors they studied were very popular, and they didn't have to worry about finding them a good job.Zhao Cucuma glanced at it inadvertently—a romantic story began like this. What Zhao Cucuma saw was a promotional poster for a military industrial enterprise in the Southwest region. There was a description of well-equipped living facilities on it. Among them was a photo of a factory-run hospital with peeling walls, rusty iron pipe beds, and bed sheets. It was clean, and there was a young female patient lying on it. "Look at this girl, she's so pretty." Zhao Huanggua said to Zhang Doujiao.Zhang Doujiao looked at it, nodded, then walked forward, took a few steps and looked back, Zhao Cucumber was still staring there. At night, Zhao Cucuma tossed and turned, and finally squeezed onto Zhang Doujiao's bed: "That girl is so beautiful." Zhang Doujiao was thinking about the game that he had an appointment with the legal department tomorrow, so he couldn't take care of Zhao Cucumber. The next morning, Zhao Huanggua told Zhang Doujiao, "I'm going to that unit to find that girl." Zhang Doujiao gave him a blank look, but said nothing. In the end, Zhao Cucumber was assigned to this company, deep in the mountains of Sichuan. Zhao Cucumber is a graduate of our alma mater in 1998. This is how the story really happened.At least it was a true story when it reached my ears.I heard about it from a junior who was in the same class as Zhao Cucumber back then, and I almost dropped my chin in my crotch in shock. According to the creative principle of skepticism, if this story is passed down, it will definitely lose its shape.Let me mobilize you, let's continue this story together. First, according to the creative principles of expressionism, that night should not be such a few plain words, and there should be such a rapping dialogue afterward——Zhang Doujiao: "Think about it seriously, have you really fallen in love with her? Do you really want to go to the end of the world for love?" Zhao Huanggua thought deeply: "I am also afraid that the answer will be like this." Zhang Doujiao: "That's fine, go to sleep, tomorrow we have a game with the law department." Zhao Huanggua said, "I'm even more afraid that the answer is not like this." Zhang Doujiao stayed there. Second, according to the creative principles of romanticism, the happy ending of this story is as follows: In May 2001, Zhao Huanggua returned to Beijing to meet Zhang Doujiao, a classmate who had been separated for two years, and his girlfriend was that beautiful girl. Third, according to the creative principle of realism, the scene of Zhao Huanggua after he arrived in Beijing is as follows: Zhang Doujiao invites this sweet couple to Sanlitun (6) for a small sit, Zhao Huanggua’s eyes are suddenly not enough, and the beauties here are the only ones. She is called a beautiful woman, with such eyebrows, such mouth, such breasts and such legs... He was feeling lost when his girlfriend reached out and grabbed his arm: "What's wrong with you?" He saw that the make-up on her face was very crude, Smelling the low-end perfume on her body, thinking that the style of her dress is similar to that of a bar attendant, feeling her timid eyes facing this colorful world, and then said lightly: "It's nothing. Come on, take this one off." He Bring the draft beer to Zhang Doujiao. Fourth, according to the creative principles of critical realism, the situation after the two of them returned to the valley is like this: Zhao Huanggua is always thinking about how to reimburse the round-trip train tickets for the two of them to Beijing, and she begins to despise him Kind of calculating.Finally one day, she came home late after working overtime, he just watched the game and didn't cook, she looked at the cold stove with a hungry stomach, and the two had their first quarrel.Then, the more she looked at the son of the factory director who resells arms, the more she liked it... Fifth, according to the creative principle of empiricism, the terrible ending of this story is as follows: After Zhao Huanggua reported to the unit, he first waited for an opportunity to make himself ill, then sneaked into the factory hospital, went to Qiongbi and fell to hell, and found the girl , it turns out that she looks like a wedding photo in the photo, but the real one reminds Zhao Cucumber of the word often used in school: "Beethoven" - how fragrant it looks from behind. Sixth, according to the creative principles of postmodernism, this story has an even more tragic ending: Zhao Cucumber screamed and became a wilting cucumber.When he wobbled out of the hospital, he found sixty-six young people wandering wobbly and doubting their lives on the alleys of the factory area. They were top romantics from colleges and universities all over the country, and they were all fooled by that photo. .Because of this bountiful harvest, the factory topped the top 10 list of romantic enterprises in China. And the real outcome of this story: no outcome.You said coldly.As soon as he left, no one cared about Zhao Huanggua's results in picking up girls.In his own opinion, the thrilling choice that determines the destiny of his life is just a speck of dust in this world, and it's just a conversation between acquaintances and strangers. The same cannot be said.See tricks and split tricks.One consequence of this story is that my younger brother was still in class 97 at our school.I told him the story at once, and warned him not to be so rash, or else he would never get a living allowance from me. Oh, I met your brother.No wonder I always see tears in his eyes, it turns out that he is unfortunate to have such an elder brother as you. Seeing the tricks and tearing down the tricks, he hurriedly defended himself.In fact, I also like Zhao Cucumber very much.My thinking is that if I were me, I would do it like Zhao Cucumber, if I were my younger brother, I wouldn't let me do it. What if I were me, what if I were my brother.What is the use of you poor literati other than playing these word games like tongue twisters? Don't keep talking about me so badly!Aren't you a young writer too?Seeing the tricks and dismantling the tricks, I was a little out of breath.Am I wrong?I could do that myself, but I don't want to put my brother at that risk. Yeah?Yeah?You sneered again and again.Do you dare to do that?When are you in an "if I were me" state?When did you make any decisions and accomplish anything in the state of "I am me"? He opened his mouth when he saw Zhaochaizhao, but he didn't make any sound except to shine his rotten teeth.He took a sip of his wine in suspense, and after a while, he spoke.Yeah, we keep clamoring to be "me" and end up being "my brother" out of nowhere. You suddenly couldn't bear to laugh at the trick anymore, but a burst of pain surged in your heart.You clink glasses with him and take a long gulp.Why are there always so many loved ones around us, including our own hearts?They rushed towards our heretical thoughts benevolently, with strong soldiers and horses, bright armor, eight back protection flags fluttering in the wind, with gold rims and silver threads on them, and eight large characters embroidered on them-everything is for your own good. After seeing the tricks, he laughed dryly.I think it should be another eight words - can't live without love for you.Otherwise, I will not be able to show my role, and no one will be grateful, and no one will be able to control it. I hate you literati.Faced with the shallow inspiration of showing off his tricks, you start to fight back.You set the threshold of some words so high that you have to do something to reach it. In fact, look at how pitiful you are! The word "romantic" doesn't have the level and appearance you stipulated, isn't it?Of course, you hold the right to speak, even though you are full of talent, even though you are old and fading, even though you have evil intentions but not courage, even though you masturbate more times than masturbation, and masturbation more times than sex. Take Wu Zicai and Qian Dingxiang as an example. Miss Dingxiang winked at a bunch of men around her, pointing at things, picking her nose and face at Wu Zicai alone, and even Zicai farted. They all thought their Yantai accent was bad.Wu Zicai couldn't figure it out for herself, so she asked Ding Xiang with a shy face when there were only two of them having dinner, did you fall in love with me, and that's why you tortured me like this.Why are you only now coming back to it?Miss Ding Xiang let out a long breath, and threw all the winking eyes that she had given to those men to Wu Zicai in a "flooding rain" technique. Wu Zicai's face was suddenly purple with excitement... Isn't this romantic? ? Take Zhou Mushroom and Chen Baihe as an example. After a long test and waiting, the two are finally going to apply for a marriage certificate.After a series of procedures, Mushroom and Lily became legally recognized couples.Gotta celebrate something.Mushroom asked Lily what wish she had, and Lily said, let's eat Shaanxi Liangpi.The two ended the day's fight with two servings of Liangpi, and then the mushroom kissed Lily emotionally. The taste of Liangpi, gluten, chili and garlic juice was all in their mouths... Isn't this romantic? Take Sun Yuzi and Qian Mudan as an example. Brother Zhuang is an honest person. Although he has liked Qian Mudan for a long time, he just loves her hard to express.At a certain party, a few intellectuals sat next to Peony, and they all agitated their tongues to court her, and Corn became anxious.When people are in a hurry to drink, they will go crazy. Corn quickly drinks himself up, and then the more he looks at the peony, the more beautiful he becomes, and the more he looks at the peony, the more confident he becomes.He finally called Mudan outside in front of all the idiots.As the night fell, he told her that he liked her, and then asked her, did she like him?Miss Peony said, no, I like you second.The hearts of corn went from the wine cellar to the ice cellar in no time.Peony continued, my first favorite is wine, because it helps you like me.Corn hastily stretched out his hand to copy into the ice cellar again, and fished his heart back to the wine cellar... Isn't this romantic? Take Li Jiucai and Wang Lancao as an example. The two finally had the opportunity to meet in person and made a full and full love.Lying there limply, Wang Lancao gasped and cursed: "It's so fucking good to have sex!" Li Jiucai, who was used to the image of a bluegrass lady, suddenly turned into Li Cucumber... Isn't this romantic? The more you talk, the more enjoyable you are, all the romantic affairs of the eggplant beans, carobs and tomatoes have been made up by you. Yes, yes, this is romance, and romance is all around you.See tricks and move out of this "Modern Chinese Dictionary", while looking up words, while expressing the motto of life.Maybe, when you find that you are involuntary (or can be replaced by: unable to control yourself / involuntary to say / without thinking / regardless / do not hum or ha / hopeless / unbelievable / out of control / unmanageable / out of order / do not know how to advance or retreat / do not know what to do / Spare no effort) to fall in love with her, it is already romantic. Hold.You cursed secretly, and let this kid take the lead again. September 27, 1988 little girl.This word makes people think of a little bird leaning on a person, of being cute and pitiful, anyway, it is a soft and pitiful touch.But in the heart of a man who still has pimples, he is often obsessed with mature women to accommodate their young and ignorant love and desire. After graduating from university, Yang Suanmiao came to the assigned unit.Just like all young people, while timidly familiarizing himself with the regulations of the new unit, he eyed the female colleagues in the new unit bewitchingly, looking forward to his future romantic encounters.with a few of the same age When my friend was wandering downstairs in the unit, Huang Hongmei appeared in front of him—to use two vulgar adjectives—tall, mature and beautiful.Yang Suanmiao was immediately fascinated by her. If this story is made into a movie, the camera movement at this time must be like this: the camera rotates 365 degrees around Yang Suanmiao's demented face; all the backgrounds become a blur, except Huang Hongmei; tender music At the same time, it sounded like it was flowing in everyone's heart; Huang Hongmei smiled sweetly, and turned around in slow motion... At this juncture, anyone who has watched one or two romance movies will know that the two are calling, and the two are having fun. up. 但在那一天，既没有慢动作，也没有轻音乐，甚至，杨蒜苗连多看黄红梅一眼都不敢，脸上更不敢有任何痴呆的表情，造物主的镜头也没有给他来一个大特写。至于黄红梅，也只是扫了这几个毛头小伙子一眼。 住进集体宿舍后，哥几个把那些女同事迅速扫描一遍，定出一个排行榜，作为以后自己泡妞的根据。许多人都把黄红梅列到榜首，杨蒜苗也随声附和着。 在以后的一段时间里，黄红梅依然是导致他们流哈喇子的招牌菜，杨蒜苗也慢慢知道了，她在市场部，已经结婚。但，结婚算什么呢？并不妨碍大家在聊天时赞美她啊，也不妨碍蒜苗有事没事的时候想起她啊，包括在楼道里大声说话，也是为了能让她听到。 上岗培训和思想教育结束后，人事处要把他们分到各部门，杨蒜苗不露声色地说，他喜欢去市场部。没有人知道他去大家都不爱去的市场部是为了什么，经常要出差，干一些杂碎事儿，还要承担很大的指标压力。蒜苗自己也不愿意承认，就是为了黄红梅。 如同所有刚走上工作岗位的年轻人一样，杨蒜苗的第一天上班去得特别早。他把市场部办公室的地拖了一遍，打量了一下那几张办公桌，很遗憾，黄红梅的桌上没有摆她的照片。他又把所有的暖瓶都打上水——那年头还没有饮水机，做这些事儿的时候，他心中是有一种隐隐的兴奋的。 提着几个灌满热水的暖瓶，用脚踢开办公室的门后，他看到，黄红梅已经来了，把包挂在椅子上，正转身出门。“早啊。哈，你真勤快。”她冲他说。他笑了一下，侧身让她走过他身边。 “等等。”她让他站住，伸出手，整了整他的T恤领子，“恩。” 他觉得自己几乎要炸了。 那一天真过瘾啊，只要没有人注意，他就可以充分看着她，她从鼻子到嘴角的两道浅浅的笑纹；她被头发盖住的耳垂；她挺一下身子，双手伸到后面，揉一下纤纤的背；她在办公室走来走去，短裙下两条长长的腿在他眼前晃动，不太高的高跟鞋踩得他头皮痒酥酥的。偶尔闲下来，她会跟他聊几句天。哦，她大概是戴着隐型眼镜吧。等挣了第一个月工资，也该换个眼镜了。 整整那一天，他都忍不住要放声歌唱，歌唱莫名其妙的电话，歌唱单位为他印的新名片，歌唱食堂的蒜苔炒肉，歌唱突如其来的一场雨，歌唱马路上汽车的嘈杂和油炸臭豆腐的香气，歌唱沾在脚上的甘蔗渣，歌唱一切能看到的东西。 那一天，是1988年9月27日。 如果把这个故事拍成电影，那杨蒜苗和黄红梅肯定分别是男女主角。根据明星制，一号角色肯定要找一线明星来演，比如布拉德·彼特演杨蒜苗，而演配角的就是那些二线演员，比如，丹尼斯·奎德吧。观众看这部电影，就会觉得布拉德·彼特对黄红梅做什么都是应该的，而丹尼斯·奎德，怎么看他跟黄红梅在一起都别扭。所以，拥有两千万美金片酬的布拉德·彼特横刀夺爱就显得那么顺理成章，而两百万片酬的丹尼斯·奎德，哪怕他是合法丈夫，也只有乖乖出让老婆的份儿。而对于看到了爱情电影的观众来说，只要看一眼演员表，就知道该谁跟谁好了。 电影的结局是这样的，布拉德·彼特勇敢地向黄红梅表达了他不由自主（或可替换为：不能自已/不由分说/不假思索/不管不顾/不哼不哈/不可救药/不可思议/不可开交/不可收拾/不成体统/不知进退/不自量力/不遗余力）的爱，黄红梅投怀送抱，两人幸福地拥吻在一起，全世界的灯火都为他们闪亮。而丹尼斯·奎德，谁他妈管他呢？ 可惜，生活永远不是电影，杨蒜苗也从来就不觉得自己是理所当然的男主角，周围也没有人觉得该他俩天经地义在一起。接下来的日子像缎子一样滑溜：两年后，黄红梅怀孕生子，杨蒜苗经过几次相亲（其中黄红梅还给介绍过两次）和恋爱后，也和康乃馨小姐结了婚，被人们视为郎才女貌的一对。并且，他也真的是爱康乃馨。 当年那些年轻人，他们都老了吧？他们在哪里呀？大家纷纷恋爱、结婚、离婚，美女排行榜上，也逐渐换成了更年轻美丽的女孩。随着头发的稀疏和肚子的隆起，他们的性趣所在，也由成熟风韵的女人转移到活泼天真的少女身上。 身边的人事变幻不停，杨蒜苗和黄红梅，始终还在一个部门，黄红梅逐渐成了部门主管，杨蒜苗有几次换部门的机会，甚至朋友撺掇他辞职南下，去干一番属于男人的伟大挣钱事业，也被他拒绝了。慢慢的，他们成为市场部相识时间最长的同事，最亲近的朋友。 他们中午在一起吃饭，然后一起打拖拉机，两人永远是拍档，她的牌技很差，经常一上手就知道往死里吊主，其实就是最傻的瓜也看出大王在杨蒜苗手里，但他很少发脾气，而原来他在学校打拖拉机时是经常气得摔牌的。 在办公室闲下来的光景，两人就唠家常，永远是最琐碎的事儿，她跟丈夫闹了别扭，她对弟弟的女朋友很不满意，她的学历不好所以评职称总是不太如意，有时候她会叹口气，说如果不是为了孩子，她就要离婚……他总是耐心地听着，并且很是津津有味。他并没有意识到，妻子康乃馨的这些话，他是不耐烦听的。 她爱看那些软绵绵的女性杂志，于是他每次骑车去报刊亭，除了电影画报和《兵器知识》外，又多了、和《女友》。那些杂志真肉麻啊，除了充满用各种名牌（最好直接用外文原称）装饰起来的情调和身份外，然后就是：“我转过身，这时已是泪流满面”。但是，她喜欢。 下雨了，他会飞奔回宿舍，再拿上雨伞给她送到办公室。她说“倒霉”了，他就去食堂帮她把饭买回办公室，或骑自行车跑两站地，拎回一兜她爱吃的蟹黄汤包。他和她共同征战商界，他为她挡酒，挡那些不坏好意的男人对她的骚扰，最终变成她为他挡酒…… 她生孩子时，他去看坐月子的她，她喂奶，当着他的面，她的妈妈端来一盆鲫鱼汤，她会跟他解释，这是下奶的；他婚后，康乃馨一次宫外孕，她到医院照顾了他妻子两天，还毫不避讳地说，她也经过这么一遭，流了许多血，差点儿死掉。 有时候，她会走到他面前，再转过身，让他帮她整理后背的束带；有时候，他会故意逗她生气，她笑着打他；有时候，他会拉着她的胳膊求她什么事儿，感受她的柔软和滑腻；有时候，他没有心情和妻子做爱，就会幻想是她…… 日子就这样一天天地过去。 杨蒜苗并不是没有性冲动的柳下惠，或只愿意给陈圆圆挑粪种花的胡逸之（7），他也幻想过很多次与黄红梅上床，甚至还精心设计过这样的机会，但当机会真的来临时，他总觉得跟趁火打劫似的，于是结果无一例外，那些滴水不漏的计划漏得滴水不剩。 终于有一次，他和她一起去无锡出差。这时候他才意识到，他和她成为同事好些年了，均分别出差无数，这次却是第一次同时有他和她，并且也只有他和她。所以在去无锡的火车上，他就开始憧憬那一幕的情景了：在宾馆，他到她的房间，坐到深夜，要回自己房间的当儿，他站起身，突然抱住她，两人如干柴烈火般动情不已，迫不及待地撕扯着对方的衣服，然后喘息着滚倒在床上…… 到达无锡，与合作单位吃过饭，好在无锡人的酒风比较绵软，也不强灌人，所以他和她均得以保持清醒头脑。这样最好，他可不想在跟她第一次上床时醉醺醺的。 回到宾馆，在自己的房间洗完澡，然后他敲响了她的房门。她开门，放他进来。她也已经洗过，穿着睡衣，头发湿漉漉的。他们分别坐在两张床边，聊着天。他频繁地用眼瞄她，她裸露在睡衣外的肌肤泛着一种光洁的色泽，一笑起来，脚弯成一种很动人的弧度。用句鸳鸯蝴蝶的笔法吧——他的心弦拨动着幸福的颤音。 终于，夜深了，终于，她在看表了。他站起身来要走，她也站起身来送他。他一下子抱着她，用一个想象了千百次的动作。她挣了一下，然后也环抱住他。 进展到这里，情节还跟他设想的一样，但就在她回抱他的那一刹那，他顿时头晕目眩，原本设计的迫不及待地撕扯对方衣服的程序也忘得一干二净。他只是和她拥抱在那里，两人均一言不发，时间过了那么长，那么长，他觉得她比他还小，让他怜惜，他觉得自己拥有的幸福足以傲视整个世界，他觉得地毯柔软，灯光温柔。 他凑过去亲她，手也开始摸索，但都被她身体的扭动制止了。她说：“你该回去了。”他说：“让我不走吧。”她摇摇头。 “好吧。”他亲了一下她的脸，离开她的房间。 接下来在无锡的几天，他和她看了锡惠山的杜鹃花，饱览了太湖秀色，在灵山大佛前许了愿，寻找段誉和乔峰“剧饮千杯男儿事”的松鹤楼未果，晚上到了宾馆，他仍是洗过澡后去她的房间，聊天，欣赏她的身体，起身告别时拥抱在一起，求她别让他走，灰溜溜地回自己房间。 如果他再坚持一下，如果他用些蛮力，如果他的脸皮再厚些……但是，没有如果。那些情色、色情小说的作者，那些情色、色情电影的导演，他开始怀疑他们是不是真的泡过妞，或者，他们是用虚构的热辣场面来弥补自己的失败？他将那些人的三代直系女眷问候了一遍，以消解自己被误导的性爱方式。 他只能让自己独自上床，脸上带着空落落的笑意。而那些被他惦记着扯坏的衣服，全都得以保全。 离开无锡后，他和她坐在火车上，他悄悄握住她的手，她的手渐渐变得温热。他不知道自己的心中是满足还是缺失，是幸福还是痛楚？ 日子继续一天天地过去，杨蒜苗和黄红梅仍然像从前一样，同事。只是在没有旁人的时候，蒜苗才用渴慕的眼神看着黄红梅，身体依然是不动声色。 只是在那一个夜晚，他第一次为她流泪，尽管这世界上却只有他一个人知道，他的泪水是为了谁。 康乃馨要去新加坡工作，那天是大家为她饯行，喝得不亦乐乎，包括黄红梅一家三口。耳花眼热后，意气素霓生，大家又去歌厅卡拉OK。在酒精的作用下，杨蒜苗的眼神变得像蒜苗一样火辣辣，也狂放起来，和黄红梅的儿子争夺着话筒。最终，他向大家展露了一手深藏不露的手艺：居然会唱京剧，铜锤花脸。 他唱的是中的一段散板。民女秦香莲被她丈夫的公主二奶和皇帝的老婆宣召上堂，她哪儿见过这等世面？包拯便拍着胸脯唱了几句来为她鼓劲，特别是最后一句“天塌地陷有老包”，格外声情并茂，浑厚悠长。康乃馨明显被感动了，动情地搂住他的肩头，当作是他的临别决心。而他，却借着酒劲痴痴地看着黄红梅，想到她正在为老公的婚外恋伤心，想到她还要努力装作生活圆满的样子，想到她正遭到与她竞聘副总经理的男人排挤。“天塌地陷有老包”，这句话让他豪情万丈。