Chapter 9 Memory Fragments About Reading-1

all the world is a road We are in such an era: first, the future is uncertain; second, life is becoming less and less innovative. Regarding the first point, it is not the focus of my discussion.You just have to think about it, did the you who are stupid like you six years ago, the you six months ago, the you six days ago, the you six hours ago expected? ... So, what will happen in the future, who will know?So, don’t make a fool of yourself today, and decide what to do for you tomorrow (stop reading here, there may be applause). Under the arty banner of "reading books", let me focus on the second question.

As Mr. Lu Xun said: "There is no road in the world. If there are many people walking, it will become a road." This motto has effectively inspired the enthusiasm and courage of many people. But is Lu Xun so right?In fact, this is not the case. How many roads have been trampled by the wind and rain for five thousand years, there is no place that has not been walked by. Do you want to go out on a new path? There are already messy footprints under your feet. Reading and writing are even more so.The accumulation of thousands of years of civilization has already exhausted all the changes in word combinations, all the ups and downs in the storyline, and all the philosophies of food, sex, and sexuality.

There are roads all over the world. In an era when the entire nation is collectively in a coma, hundreds of millions of people shout out a common aspiration: "The more knowledge, the more reactionary."This sentence makes sense from the perspective of nihilistic skeptics. The more you read, the easier it is for you to become discouraged and hopeless. For example, your friend came to stay at your house drunk, and while you endured the disgust in your heart, you helped him wipe the dirt he spit on the floor or on the bed, and you had to help him get up to drink the strong tea that had been dried.To make such a big sacrifice, you have to put a high hat on yourself, so you said to your wife with upturned brows and friends who regretted it, it’s okay, it’s okay... Next, you have to use one sentence to explain your love for friendship Attitude.

A If you are a cultural person, you would quote "Is it a pleasure to have friends coming from afar?" to express your feelings.Your wife and friends will be moved and will resonate strongly with you because of this familiar saying. B If you are a very educated person, you will say: "A friend is here, you should make troubles", and then tell her and him coolly that it was Lamb who said it. ", page 116 of the Chinese version and page 166 of the English version.Your wives and friends will be moved and come to have a great deal of respect for this humble adage. C If you are a cultural person with a strong personality, you will avoid the aphorisms of Confucius and Lamb, and adopt a 100% original: "You can come to my house, it is my face." This may produce three results ——

a Your wife and friends will be moved, and will have a deep contempt for you because of this sentence without origin: "Why don't you use a sentence from Mr. Kong?" not educated." b Your wife and friends will be moved and seriously suspicious of you when you say that this is an original line: "What the hell are you for fooling us with aphorisms from books we haven't read? Said it was self-produced. I have seen shameless ones, but I have never seen such shameless ones." c Your wife and friends will be moved, and think that this is an original sentence, and have a little admiration for you, and then spread your sentence widely. Unexpectedly, it will be heard by a well-read university scholar, and will say I have a deep disdain for you: "Ah, fuck you, you use a motto in a book that ordinary people haven't read to deceive others, and even say it's self-produced. This is obviously a sentence in "Gil Blass", For details, see page 36 of the 1992 edition of the People's Literature Publishing House. I have seen shameless people, but I have never seen such shameless people."

We who live in the 21st century are really pitiful. We are not human inside and out, and we are easily blamed.Everything is falling into the old pattern and picking up the wisdom of others, and never expect to have any new inventions. In my eyes, the achievements of human civilization are like a towering patent office building, inside which are rooms filled with the wisdom crystallization of the predecessors, and it tells you that copyright is all rights reserved, and piracy must be prosecuted. Do you want to be unique and original?Poor human beings, apart from turning the stone knife carved with oracle bone inscriptions into a keyboard on a computer, there is no improvement in IQ.Hegel applied for a patent on big and small logic. After so many years, no one challenged him successfully.Another advantage is that they were born hundreds of years earlier than you, so they occupy a seat in the latrine first, and those who come later have to occupy the next seat.

Do you want to avoid suspicion of piracy?Then you have to take a look at the things that have been patented first.Poor stuff, you just can't finish reading it in six lifetimes, let alone find time to produce your own patents.If you want to be great, you have to stand on the shoulders of giants, but the shoulders of giants have long been unattainable. Do you want to break the jar?So you have the cheek to say that the ignorant are fearless, and I am a hooligan who I am afraid of.You turn a blind eye to that tall building, and don't even bother to research those patented products.But this world is not yours alone, other people's eyes are on you.As soon as you said something that you thought was original and wrote an article that was completely self-produced, some academics raised their middle fingers at you with indignation: "Yeah, you're pirating! You're pirating!!"

We really live more and more without reason. Looking back at Lu Xun's words, I have to admit that he was prepared for the ancients.In our life, inspiration becomes less and less novel. So you are so embarrassed that if you write an article, if you don’t quote some ancient adages and drop your book bag for a while, no one will be convinced. So you are depressed like this, reading this book is like visiting that patent office. The more you read, the less room you have to play. "There are roads all over the world, you have to choose your own steps." Before you have read all the books and know which sage has coined this adage before, let this sentence be attributed to me.

When I told Parrot (1) that I was going to write "Memory Fragments About Reading" while eating Dandan noodles, his nostrils that were smaller than pupils let out a "sneer".I can fully understand his contempt. That's right, this kid has read more pornographic books than I have read of all the books of all colors combined. If you talk about reading, you will laugh off the yellow teeth of all the scholars in the world. But what's the big deal?You just visited a few more patent office rooms than I do, and you just know a few more small patent roads with the sign "This road is not open" than I do.

Before writing this article, I repeatedly warned myself not to provoke those products in the patent office, but I still can’t help but quote Miss Jane Eyre’s words to refute the smug parrot: “Over the grave, we All will stand before God equally." Quoting someone else's adage is persuasive.It is easy to follow the ready-made path. It's okay not to pay tribute Russian film master Tarkovsky was read to him by his mother when he was very young. Since then, he "can no longer read rubbish". It's a pity that I couldn't read it when I was as big as the old tower, and according to a logical inference, even if it was placed in front of me at that time, I'm afraid I couldn't see anything good.

The first book I read was "Militia Training Manual", and I really liked the rough fine-grained illustrations in it, such as "Standing Seven Sitting Five Plates and Three Half" (2), and I even drew some on thin white paper.The words I know start from this book. The first page is "Be Vigilant and Defend the Motherland", and the second page is "Read Chairman Mao's book, listen to Chairman Mao's words, and be a good soldier of Chairman Mao".The owner of this book is my uncle.He told me mysteriously that the words on the second page were said by Lin Biao, and told me not to tell others, because Lin Biao was already "hacked" at that time. According to regulations, his photos and quotations were to be torn from the book to go. The poverty of cultural life in childhood has been talked about by many people, such as eagerly reading every revolutionary newspaper that can be seen, "Liberation Army Pictorial" and "People's Pictorial" are rare delicacies, "Children's Pictorial" ", "Red Little Soldier", "Children's Times" and other age-appropriate color magazines only heard their names and appeared in dreams... The most literate game in my memory is reciting quotations from Chairman Mao. Recited "Go all out and strive to build socialism more quickly, better and more economically" three times, which caused a lot of amazement. After going to school, the suffering study career began.It is no exaggeration to say that from elementary school to middle school, the articles in Chinese textbooks are mostly rubbish, deliberately leading us into the ditch.Things that are not rubbish are also turned into rubbish teaching methods by them.The mental abuse suffered in this regard is worth mentioning.Anyway, at that time, the teacher asked students to "read more extracurricular books", and discouraged students who read too many extracurricular books, fearing that it would affect their studies in class. From this, we can clearly see the relationship between Chinese teaching and literary aesthetics and reading. Serious conflict between needs. When I grew up, I saw Zheng Yuanjie's Pipilu series, and I was deeply moved. I hated that I didn't encounter such reading materials when I was a child, and since then I have believed that Lao Zheng is the greatest writer in China. Does anyone have the same opinion as me? There is a kind of bitch in this world who clamors that suffering is wealth, and is grateful for the poor growth process. It seems that only in the desert can one know the value of water, fully absorb the nutrients of water, and make oneself look like a human being.If you are in a place with plenty of water, you will use water as urine, and you will not drink it when you die of thirst. They think that today's success is due to the desert, and they think that their love for books is due to the age when there were no books. Then they feel worried and unreasonable about the fact that today's children live in the ocean of knowledge.I also like this way, it seems that my teenage years are not really so sad, but just - it looks sad in the eyes of others. We always have the false imagination that being the way we are (and that is the best way) is the only possibility.There is no earth without heaven, there is no you without land, and there is no me without you. Even the people who caused the suffering are grateful for it.It seems that if he had a good life in childhood, he would become a bum now, or a bum, or at least a bum. I once saw Su Tong comment on Zhang Ailing, saying that when "Comparison Notes" was published, there was a photo of her wearing a cheongsam. Zhang Ailing gave a serious explanation to this cheongsam that didn't fit very well, saying that it was a gift from her stepmother. "The material is very good", "the neckline is worn out" - the former sentence was said by the stepmother, and the latter sentence was added by Eileen Chang.She remembered the favor of others, and also remembered the flaw of that favor. "She pays tribute to real life, and at the same time tells others that it's okay not to pay tribute." Su Tong's comment can be regarded as the epilogue to our childhood. There is a truly pathetic state of reading which I shall focus on in the next fragment.In comparison, having few books to read, and reading a lot of rubbish, these two situations are not the worst.Having no books to read makes us better at intensive reading, and reading rubbish books also keeps us from being a partial eclipse, and we know better the value of good food—the crops grown in the garbage dump have their own strong points. In fact, the most inhumane thing in the world is to tell others about the books you have read.But in that barren age, almost an entire country read the same books.This common reading experience gives me reason to recall some memories engraved in my childhood, because that is our common genetic code. "Grandpa Brains", that year, my father and I pulled coal and went home to prepare for the winter.He suddenly asked me to watch the coal car and wait for him for a while, and said to go to the bookstore to buy me two books, which was a happiness that almost made me dizzy.My father asked whether he wanted "Grandpa Brains" or "Quick Counting". I knew he didn't have enough money to buy both, so I weighed it up and named the former.In fact, I have coveted that set of books for a long time, and I am so greedy for it.My father didn't break his promise, and bought me back after a while. There are four copies in total, printed in full color.I guess he should have some regrets in his heart and agreed to my request, because "Quick Counting" is much cheaper in comparison.This set of books has become my treasure, and I have read it countless times. The scientific knowledge imparted in the book has long been familiar to me, and the happy life of Xiaotianzhen and Xiaoqian makes me envious.Later, the fifth volume of this set of books was released, but I resisted asking my father to buy it back and collect it together, because I always saw him and my mother worrying about money. "Little Smart in the Future" is probably the most well-known work of the prolific writer Ye Yonglie - in addition to this book, he also has a series of scientific Sherlock Holmes with Jin Ming and Ge Liang as the protagonists, as well as the biography of political figures full of dialogues. At that time, he brought a tape recorder as if it was someone else's side. By the way, he was also the backbone author of "One Hundred Thousand Whys".In the past two years, I saw someone say jealously how much Lao Ye earned, and I think he should take as much as he deserves. "Little Smart's Roaming in the Future" opened the door to our childhood science fiction, but now it seems that those fantasies are too silly and crude, especially the towering sunflowers in the "farm" and the For a watermelon as big as a tabletop, only a few heads eat a corner, and the rest is wasted.This is science fiction for the poor and used to it. "Red Flag Fluttering", this is a series of books, composed of sections of revolutionary traditional stories.I liked it at the time, firstly because of its large scale, with dozens of volumes in total, and watching it relieved my anger, and secondly, because young men at that time liked stories about wars, and through comparison, I knew that my current life was not the worst. "The Adventures of Little Baboons" is a fairy tale that combines animal knowledge and adventure stories, the mysterious African savannah, and the nervous escape that makes the palms sweat, especially the part where the piebald leopard chases the little baboon.By the way, the giraffe is dumb because she has no vocal cords. "Whose Footprints" is also a collection of popular science fairy tales, which collects many stories that combine simple scientific common sense and life principles, with both pictures and texts.I clearly remember that the price was 42 cents, because it took me a long time to save up the money, and I went to the bookstore again and again during the savings, worrying that the book would be sold out.I finally "invited" it to my home and read and read eagerly.One of the articles introduced water hyacinth, which grows fast, and the pigs in the commune especially love to eat it, and it grows fast after eating, so it is a treasure.After more than 20 years, I saw on TV that the water hyacinth in the southern water town was infested. It turned out that it was not nutritious and polluted the environment. "The Secret of the Precious Gourd", this book belongs to the fairy tales that were thawed after the Cultural Revolution, but in my opinion, it is not too much to freeze it.After reading this book, how many people are eager to have a gourd with everything they want like the protagonist Wang Bao, so that they can enjoy themselves comfortably?This is probably contrary to the original intention of the author's teaching.Zhang Tianyi instilled a lot of philosophical teachings in the book, but unfortunately, as soon as I encountered those empty dialogues and preaching, I turned them over and ignored them.In fact, the best fairy tale of his old man is "Dalin and Xiaolin". Unfortunately, I was already in high school when I read it. In the second half of elementary school, when I learned more characters, I started to read "big books" - our Naka's name for adult books.Most of the large books handed down are old books before the Cultural Revolution. The paper has turned black and yellow, and dozens of pages are often missing from the front and back. Two volumes in fourteen format.In addition to these antiques that survived the catastrophe, there are also some reprinted books and new editions that are popular all over the country. "The Second Handshake", a love story circulated in handwritten copies during the Cultural Revolution, the author was rehabilitated and released shortly before he went to the execution ground, and the novel was officially published. It is said that the total circulation reached 4.3 million copies. Since then, it has ranked second in the circulation of contemporary novels, second only to "Red Rock".Ding Jieqiong, who has a pair of beautiful and sad Danfeng eyes, has become the dream lover of many people. "The Legend of the New Sons and Heroes", this is the first "big book" I read, the anti-Japanese story of the children of Jizhong, I remember most clearly the two love songs in it: "There are so many young people like fine sand, why are you alone?" Love me?" The most interesting thing is that Niu Xiaoshui pretended to be a bride to kill the Japanese devils, and the most annoying thing was that Zhang Jinlong abused Yang Xiaomei after marriage.The theme of this book is also very feminist. In the end, Yang Xiaomei remarried to Niu Dashui who didn't beat her, completely ignoring the so-called concept of integrity.Later, I saw a copy of "The Legend of Luliang Heroes", which made me more relaxed. "Vaihua Liaozhai", I heard a saying since I was a child that "I don't read "Three Kingdoms" if I am a child, I don't read "Liao Zhai"" (3). There are different reasons for not watching "Liaozhai", or those ghost stories are too scary Or those vixens are too charming.The taboo temptation made me read three clean editions of "Liao Zhai" translated into vernacular, neither good nor bad.After I grew up, I read the three volumes of People's Literature Publishing House wholeheartedly, only to discover the charm of Pu Songling's language.The text is like this, once you change it, it will all be out of shape. "Lin Haixueyuan", many people read it as a martial arts novel back then, it is really enjoyable, what is rare is that it is a semi-autobiographical novel by the author Qu Bo.Perhaps the most popular person in the novel is Yang Zirong, but what I admire is the brave Liu Xuncang, the reckless hero Jiang Qingshan, and his "Saihu" hunting dog.It is through this book that many people appreciate the sweetness of love. The love between the 203rd chief and the little white pigeon Bairu awakened their hearts of nostalgia.It's a long story, but these revolutionary realism works often bring people an alternative reading experience.At a dinner party, everyone talked about the literary work that made us sexually excited for the first time. One person actually said it was "Red Rock", saying that the way Sister Jiang wore a skirt made him appreciate the charm of a mature woman for the first time, including her wearing a skirt. The legs exposed in the skirt, the obedient dragon. , it is not ranked high in Chinese classical novels, but there are two relatively erotic descriptions in this novel, which are secrets that young people rushed to tell each other.When this set of books was passed to me, it has already been read by countless people.I closed the book and took a look. There were two blackened marks in the cut edge of the white paper.Opening along this line is the focus of word of mouth: King Zhou adopted Ximei, Tu Xingsun married Deng Chanyu. Compared with other foreign revolutionary novels, the cold and scarred Gadfly is undoubtedly the most attractive, because he has hidden pains that he does not tell anyone, and emotional entanglements that stab each other.A slap in the face of a lover, a secret mystery of one's life experience, a brutal beauty like a beast... "Whether I live / or die / I am a gadfly / fly around happily", how can you not be moved? ... "China Youth Daily" began to serialize "The Adventures of Lie Hua Country"; thousands of people watched "The Wanderer", "Small Street", and "Love in Lushan Mountain" in an empty alley; The huge tape recorder walked through the streets, and Zhang Di began to ask and answer himself on the tape; more than forty comic books were published; while CCTV was broadcasting, it warned the audience to look at Leo Tolstoy with a critical eye. The correct view on marriage and love; the article in the first issue of "Reading" magazine is "Reading without restricted areas"; the back cover of "Popular Film" has a still photo of Cinderella and her prince kissing; The road of life, why is it getting narrower and narrower?"; when a good book is about to arrive, some people will line up at the door of the bookstore in the early morning, and the dew will wet their blue sportswear with two white stripes on each side... … Wrapped in such a tide, I, we, ushered in the glorious 1980s. Our eighties. Once there were some books in front of me There used to be some books in front of me, and I actually cherished them My reading career in middle school was lackluster, and most of it was functional reading, such as reciting "Famous Quotes from Celebrities" to make my argumentative essays convincing, etc. If I read some books that had nothing to do with the college entrance examination, I would be associated with the possibility of failing the exam.But no one can stop the spark of civilization, just like Feng Xuefeng praised Prometheus who stole fire: "It's just natural to resist." "Works and Controversy", it is strange to say that when I sorted out the books I read in middle school in my mind, the first thing that came to mind was this magazine.At that time, almost all literary magazines were very popular, and I saw the constant issue of "Contemporary", "Selected Novella" and so on in the house of the now famous cultural liar more than once, which led to this book. The reason why the magazine became popular is of course the word "contending".In addition, Times Literature and Art Publishing House's "New Era Controversy Works Series" is also very popular, and I read "Wave" (4), which is still considered the best contemporary novel there.Although the grounds and viewpoints of the debate seem so ridiculous now, it is undoubtedly the greatest pride of an era to be allowed to argue. "Selected Obscure Poems", this is the most out-of-sale book I have ever seen. I went to the bookstore many times to buy it, and it was said to be sold out.When I finally bought it, it was already after I graduated from university. I had already copied and memorized most of the poems several times, and then I looked at the copyright page. The print run has reached hundreds of thousands, which is incredible.I heard that someone gave a tape to his beloved girl. Accompanied by Clayderman's beautiful piano, the guy recited Shu Ting's poem in a serious manner. Made the girl cry.There is also Byron Shelley Tagore (oh, does anyone remember the "Youth Poetry Calendar" published by Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House?), it was an age when poetry was recited aloud, and I was at an age when poetry was desperately needed. A happy fit. "Finding the Returned World", this novel is the work of Ms. Ke Yan, the wife of Mr. He Jingzhi, a famous poet, vice minister of the Central Propaganda Department, and minister of the Ministry of Culture. It has become the first example of the marriage of literature and film and television.Originally, I had no interest in novels, but I was fascinated by the ruthless "Earl" Xie Yue (played by Xu Yajun) in the TV series of the same name, so I found this novel and read it again.Recalling it now, to commemorate the same-sex idolatry of adolescence. Science fiction by Jules Verne, the tastiest book I've read since I was in high school. When human beings are about to complete their plan to land on the moon, a theater is performing Shakespeare's. It's really against the world. Fortunately, the boss knows the current affairs and hastily changed it to "As You Like It", which makes everyone happy.Also, the brothers living on the deserted island secretly planted some tobacco leaves for the sailor Pencroft, then put the rolled cigarettes to his mouth, and lit them for him.Pencroft, who had been addicted to cigarettes for several years, "his loyal and honest face turned pale", embraced his companions one by one with his thick arms, and then said something that I still remember: "Our friendship will continue for a lifetime. " "The Legend of Shi Pingmei, a Merry Talented Woman", I was in the third year of high school when this book became popular, and I read it so soul-stirringly that I squeezed out a lot of precious study time to transcribe Shi Pingmei's sad and decisive poems.Thinking about it carefully, Shi Pingmei's life was still very much in line with the ideals of the people at that time: a lover who was both talented and beautiful, and was captured by the revolutionaries, a lover who "lived as bright as lightning and died as swiftly as a comet", "I can't save her". To live your life as swift as a comet, I can only shed the remaining tears on your grave, until I can't come to see you" Persistence.After going to college, the second child in the dormitory was called "Gold and Stone Expert" by us. He liked it for his sensuality, and he liked Shi Pingmei for his pure heart, so he got this name. Jin Yong, needless to say, right?An anecdote is that my brother was an intern at the "China Youth Daily". In the cultural newsletter he wrote, there was a sentence "today's middle school students love to watch Jin Yong and Qiong Yao", which was changed to "today's middle school students love to watch Jin Yong and Qiong Yao". book, Qiong Yao's book", which made him almost doubt life.When the Hong Kong 1983 edition was staged, I was in the midst of the senior high school entrance examination, so I didn't dare to watch it.Later, I read the original novel that was circulated in the mainland, and I had the opportunity to watch the show again, and I thought it was rubbish.Mr. Zhang Jizhong, who made the new version of "Shooting the Condors", also said that version was rubbish. Although our reference objects are different, it shows that people surnamed Zhang are so upright. In 1987, I was admitted to the university as I wished.Not long after registering, the freshmen of the same grade were dragged by tank trucks to Linfen, Shanxi Province for military training, and the one-armed general Yu Qiuli marched for us.On that piece of yellow land, on a sunny afternoon, my fourth child in the same dormitory and I hung on the parallel bars to polish our biceps, looking forward to the upcoming college career and excited. "Prove me, seething silence".We are people who want to achieve a great career, we must not let these four years go to waste. We have formulated an ambitious plan for becoming a useful person, and the reading plan is of course the most important part, because with our poor imagination at that time, we really didn't know what other effective ways to achieve career besides reading. In our plan, in the first semester of freshman year, we should read "The Complete Works of Lu Xun" through. Back in Beijing, my fourth child and I rode bicycles to the Haidian Stationery Store, where we each bought several stacks of reading cards and prepared to take notes on them.If a worker wants to do a good job, he must first sharpen his tools.Then, with our library cards in our pockets, we entered the school library.If it is filmed in a movie, this part must be in slow motion, and there must be majestic background music. However, the magnificence of a seventeen-year-old boy is actually quite that (5).We only used less than six of the hundreds of reading cards, and the rest are like chaste women from a good family, accompanying us from graduation to work to changing jobs, always guarding ourselves like jade. "The Complete Works of Lu Xun"?I really can't stand it.What's even more sad is that because the first item of the study plan was too arduous, the implementation of the following books was seriously delayed. As a result-this leak-free plan leaked nothing. Several years later, I finally had the money to buy my own set of "The Complete Works of Lu Xun". Enduring the pain, I read the first three volumes.What I can remember now is what Zhongmeijianchi's mother taught him: "You are sixteen years old, and your temperament is still the same, lukewarm, how can you do that?" I was horrified when I saw it.Then his mother said to him: "From now on, you must change your soft temperament and take revenge with this sword!" In my impression, when I saw this place, I bowed respectfully to Lu Xun in my heart.For me who was hesitating at the crossroads at that time, this sentence was enough.A set of sixteen volumes of "The Complete Works of Lu Xun" is enough to remind me so much. Why can't I read "The Complete Works of Lu Xun"?In addition to the more attractive temptations such as mahjong, love, and lazy sleep, there is also a very sad point that it is not that you don’t want to watch it, but that you have already been seen by others before watching it.It doesn't matter if others have seen it, the problem is that other people's eyes have become your own. Lu Xun is the most selected writer in middle school textbooks, and his articles are all key points.Every article by Lu Xun, the teacher said it was the key point of the key points, and it must be tested.So I quickly memorized the words taught by the teacher fluently, and deeply burned them into my heart: described...exposed...criticized...revealed...reflected...and so on. unfamiliar text. Relying on this kind of honesty and hard work, I was admitted to the university smoothly in my studies.Looking back and wanting to read Lu Xun again, I found that in the textbook, words such as "described... exposed... criticized... revealed... reflected..." all appeared indistinctly between the lines. The pleasure of reading is gone. The same tragedy happened to me.Before reading it, in order to cope with various exams and papers, and to talk about pedantry, I read a lot of "Red Learning" articles.So it became what it is now: Although I haven't read it completely, I know everything about the theme, thought, paragraph, version, origin, including various schools of red studies and viewpoints; There are all kinds of "red studies" articles flying around in the depths of the soul, making me doubt myself. Where is the touch and perception from my true state? Sorry, I got hurt just like that. This is what I think is the most tragic state of reading. "There were some books that were placed in front of me, and I cherished them very much. I regretted it after I read them. If God could give me a chance to do it again, I would say: 'Fuck you'." (6) With these words, I dedicate to the books mentioned below.In fact, they are not to blame. I just hate that I got the order of reading wrong and read these works that commented on the original before the original. ——It is not enough to have the desire to read, but also to resist those books that should not be read or should not be read first. "A Dream of Red Mansions", that was in 1986, the city library was about to sell a batch of inventory.My classmates and I hurried over there, and after fully considering my ability to pay and the price-performance ratio, I bought twelve copies of "Dream of Red Mansions" for four yuan.In order to be worthy of the four yuan, I basically read all these books.That's how tragedy happens - I haven't seen it yet. "Explanations of Foreign Literature Famous Works" (two volumes, two yuan and nine cents in total), "Explanations of famous Chinese classical literature" (one yuan and five cents), these two sets of books belong to the "Youth Library" series of China Youth Publishing House. In a nutshell.I have read these two sets of books very carefully, making it seem like I have read any masterpieces mentioned by others, and I am very knowledgeable.But I read it too seriously, so serious that it penetrated into my memory, so that when I had the opportunity to read the original work in the future, it was like eating food that someone else had chewed. "Chinese Newspaper", this newspaper is sponsored by Shanxi Normal University located in Linfen, Shanxi, where I had military training. It was a must-read for all middle school students back then.I remember that there is a column called "Literary Image Gallery", which introduces typical characters in literary works, with interesting language and vivid illustrations, so it is very popular and has been serialized for many issues.Through this column, I know that Grandet is a miser, Oblomov is a big slob, and Belikov is a man in a trap.Yes, how well understood.According to this column, Hamlet is a typical example of indecision and moaning without disease.But one year, I was immersed in Shakespeare's original works and couldn't extricate myself. Looking at Hamlet again, I was full of sympathy and respect for his hesitation and struggle.A person who bears the responsibilities he has to bear, does things he doesn't like to do, and doesn't even have the right to give up, really "will never be happy for the rest of his life" (Yang Guo said this to Xiaolongnv when he was parting ), what is there to criticize?Can't help but wonder what the column said: Is Grandet really a miser?Why did Oblomov choose to live like a puddle of mud and not bother to compete with the world?Would Belikov himself be willing to be the man in the trap? The end point returned to the starting point, and found that I had plunged into another strange place. uneducated After graduating from university, I had the opportunity to make friends with people who have read a lot of poetry and books. I often talked about the books I had read to prove my taste, or quoted the books I read to support my point of view.Seeing them swaying and swaying, I often fall into a situation where I have no energy to use, my mind is empty, and trying to find something is as futile as jumping into the air by pulling my hair. In desperation, I responded with an inscrutable smile: "My favorite state of reading is to forget the books I have read." The claws are dry and the hair is clean, and the mind is so clean, just like Zhang Wuji in "The First Chuan of Tai Chi", who tries to forget, but can't remember anything-our people surnamed Zhang are so smart.I'm trying to unlearn the barriers in my head, and you... cut! "(7) "That's reasonable." Those knowledgeable people nodded slightly. I let out a groan from the bottom of my heart.Zhang Wuji puts things in his belly first and then executes the forgetting procedure, but I am, I can't forget even if I want to. But they were still blindfolded, and in the days to come, they did not arrogantly exclude me from their circle.And my other friends who don't know how to adapt to the situation don't have such luck and this kind of treatment, but they are dismissed as "common people" contemptuously.Except that someone needs to pay the bill when you are full, needs someone to help you when you are bullied, and needs someone to drive to the airport to pick you up when your father-in-law comes to inspect. But I still think that a person who is ignorant is not inferior to a person who is ignorant. For four years in college, I basically lived a life of ignorance.First of all, I was admitted to a major that didn’t require much knowledge accumulation and cultural accumulation (God, this was a fashionable word back then), so the professional and compulsory courses arranged by the school can be avoided.有一年期末的晚上，我正躺在宿舍里怀疑人生，突然有人敲门，进来一个温和戴眼镜的中年男人，见到我，迟疑地问：“这是新闻系的宿舍吗？” 我忙点头：“是啊，您找谁？” “我是你们中国现代文学课的老师，来给你们做考前辅导。” ……纵使相逢应不识，尘满面，鬓如霜（8）。 我突然想起中的一段话：“韦小宝的脸皮之厚，在康熙年间也算得是数一数二，但听了这几句话，脸上居然也不禁为之一红”。 不上课，图书馆总该去吧？但说实话，图书馆对于已经有了女朋友的男生来说，吸引力实在是不大。我们宿舍老三去图书馆是最勤的，我相信给他留下最深印象的绝不是自己刻苦攻读的情景，而是一个个女孩从他身边掠过，暗香浮动，裙裾飘飘，他的嘴张得像一张影碟，舌头恰恰伸出一点，就像影碟中央的那个小眼，并幻想着自己在书香世界里的浪漫邂逅。幸亏他大学期间一直没有恋爱成功，才得以保持我们宿舍上图书馆最勤最久的纪录。 图书馆给我留下的记忆，就是那种汗牛充栋的绝望感，所以宁愿躲在宿舍里看自己手头仅有的那五六本书。 一次期末考试，突然想起，借的书要再不还到图书馆，就要拖到下学期，就要被扣证了。于是在两门考试的间隙急匆匆来到图书馆，结果被管理员拦住，说不能穿拖鞋进去，这是规定。 不让穿拖鞋？那就不穿呗。我憨直的脑子根本没有多想，马上就把脚丫从拖鞋中脱出，光着脚跑进去。管理员也似乎觉得我这样做得很对，还在馆门口帮那双老鞋子放哨，直到我下来，也没说什么。 人在情急之下产生的逻辑真的是很奇妙。《野鹅敢死队》中也有这样一幕，敢死队员们被困在非洲，瑞弗上尉说要想办法出去。肖恩中尉一声冷笑：“切！难道你要我们走出非洲吗？” “那你就跑吧。”瑞弗马上回答道。 工作后先住单身宿舍，室友毕业于兰州大学，非常勤学。他说起在兰州大学图书馆的逸事，经常会借到好些年没人动过的书。有一本书借书卡的上一个名字是顾颉刚（9），令他唏嘘良久。 按照推断，顾颉刚建国前在兰州大学执教期间借阅过的书，时隔半个世纪，才被另一个年轻人捧在手中抚摩，盯着借书卡上那个名字发愣。这一情景要让余秋雨老师知道，肯定能写出一篇很人文主义、很“大文化”的佳文。 而我，只是想提醒一下尚在学校就读的弟弟妹妹们，看看你们手中的书，有没有先哲的体温和指纹？ 图书馆里有许多书，就像野百合一样没有经历过春天，借书卡上永远是一片空白，并随着时间的流逝而变得枯黄。但也有些书，就像春色无边的艳妇，五陵年少争缠头，秋月春风等闲度（10）。记忆中最抢手的，就是金庸的书了。每一本都被翻得破破烂烂的，连收垃圾的都不愿意要。 那年头的学校是很人道的，配备了许多套金庸来满足大家，但依然是狼多肉少，于是，一些有创业头脑的同学便集资大量购进畅销图书，做起了租书的买卖。为了追求高利润，他们还进行高投资、高风险的租书事业，比如斥巨资购进号称“足本”的港版等。这些历练对年轻的老板们很有好处，走向社会后他们中许多人当了书商，凭借对图书市场的准确判断，使其迅速完成了原始的资本积累。哦，如今他们又玩起了房地产和期货，再不济也玩起了小姐或二奶。 集腋成裘，老是花钱租书看，经济上也承受不起，好在此时贫富不均已经在我们中间开始显现。对门宿舍有头猪不知道为什么特有钱，能买许多闲书，金庸之外还有许多，都是图书馆里没有的好货色。我们就忍着他的恶声恶相，卑下地借来看之。 这同学是安徽蒙城人，后来我心目中的文化界一大公害牛群先生（另一公害是张俊以老师）要去蒙城祸害一方，说是扶贫。我深表怀疑，因为我觉得那里的人都富得流油，上学时就买得起温瑞安大薮春彦（11）之类。 对了，还有，一本令我感到严重挫折和奇耻大辱的书。 前面提到的《青春诗历》是湖南文艺出版社出的，必须通过邮购才能买到。我高三和大一各买一年，得到的最大好处是疯狂崇拜上了有诗作收录其中的我校女教师杨榴红，得到的附加好处是经常收到该社的邮购目录。对于一个穷学生来说，这份书目都值得精读并憧憬好几遍的。 我们宿舍老二是个很有经济头脑的人，他研究了一番书目后，给湖南文艺出版社汇去四十元钱，求购十本。半月后，图书到货，他给自己留下一本，然后去各宿舍游走，一层楼都没走完，就将其余九本以每本八元的价格售出，净赚三十六元——足够过很阔绰的一个月的生活费。 老二的这一举动令我艳羡不已，把自己补丁摞补丁的破衣服口袋翻了个遍，凑够八十元钱，也给汇出去，求购二十本。按照我的商业计划书，自己一本也不留，都给卖出去，就是三个月的生活费了——我比老二节省，或者，黑黑心一本卖十块，就可以赚一百二了……这一蓝图令我开始设计自己的大款生活细节，经常得折腾到黎明才能入睡——自从一次成功的失恋后，我再次尝到了失眠的滋味。 半月后，湖南文艺出版社给我来信，说一书已经停止发行——没有言说的原因是被有关部门禁止了，那一拨还有《玫瑰梦》等共四本。天可怜见，他们的信用等级还算较好，把本钱给我退了回来。跟风发财的一枕黄粱破灭后，我深刻地体会到了那句话：第一次把女人比喻成花的人是天才，第二次这么说的就是庸才。 中，杨康和穆念慈的爱情与郭靖和黄蓉俨然形成两条平行主线，双峰对峙，两水分流。事实上前者更让人动情，因为郭黄之间的完美爱情太过平面乏味了些，相较而言，杨康的爱情夹杂了凄楚、禁忌、叛逆、毁灭，立体感十足，非常有嚼头。 爱情不坏，观众不爱。大学里的读书生涯也是这样。四年下来，那些平实扎实的阅读镜头很难想起，能浮现在脑海中的，还是这些悖离读书内涵的行为艺术。 尽管在我的回忆中充满了荒唐的碎片，但事实上我们还是要认真读些书的，因为、因为我们是读书人，要靠这个吃饭的。 钱钟书在一书中解读伊索寓言故事，在那则“蚂蚁与促织的故事”中写道：“促织饿死了，本身就做蚂蚁的粮食；同样，生前养不活自己的大作家，到了死后偏有一大批人靠他生活，譬如，写回忆怀念文字的亲戚和朋友，写研究论文的批评家和学者。”曹雪芹养活了一大堆红学家，钱钟书养活了一小堆钱学家，而我们，也要注定靠这些大师养活了。 我们大多状态下读书，就是为了这个，好让大师把我们养活起来——用他们来写稿子，用他们来搞研究，用他们来获取留京名额，用他们来申请去做访问学者，可以出国买那么多家用电器。 但是，哪里有压迫，哪里就有办法，至少是我，还是琢磨出一些很好的偷懒窍门。 一，必修课的学分还是要拿到，意即那些某个圈子里必须要读的书，宛如通行证，又如装饰品。我们上学那会，这方面的书是《约翰·克利斯朵夫》、《拯救与逍遥》、《选择的批判：与李泽厚对话》、《理论风云》等，还有李敖、米兰和昆德拉，都不可不读。 二，要对那些大俗书做永不沾惹状，意即那些人民喜欢的书，如金庸、、《存在与虚无》等。第三本我要着重说一下，这本书本来是必修课范畴，但其兴也忽焉，马上风行全北京，我经常见到那些来宿舍里用袜子换粮票的小贩，他们的书包里也塞这么一本，就有理由对本来也读不下去的萨特先生挥手说拜拜了，其亡也勃焉。至于金庸，更为读书人所不齿，流风所及，连不读书的人也要对其嗤之以鼻，不信你看央视拍、的那些杂碎，谁都有胆子说自己从来没看过金庸，或是——“只是在去外景的飞机上扫了一眼”，真够有性格。 三，留心搜集并阅读一些比较偏门的书，特别是那些印数只有一两千的，绝对是抬高你身价的不二法宝。漓江出版社出的首版只印了2200册，而我就拥有其中之一，使得我在许多读书人面前腰杆硬了许多。而我无意中看过洛蒂的《冰岛渔夫》，后来跟人讲起，险些成功地俘获一个美女的芳心——如果我能再说出那本《巴比伦的抽签游戏》（12）的话。 四，多看些书评，将其观点窃为己用，也够抵挡一阵的。这方面最好使的工具是《读书》、《书城》杂志，你只要记住那上面说过的书名，然后在某个高级沙龙里淡淡地提起，就可以震晕一大片。并且我可以打包票，沙龙里那些尊贵的客人绝对没胆量与你接着往下深谈那本书，尽管他也“哦”地点一下头做恍然大悟并也曾读过的样子。后来见到了《读书》杂志的主编沈昌文先生，在心里对他深鞠一躬，因为他的杂志实在是帮了俺太多的忙。沈先生被人称作“沈公”，是我所知道的出版界惟一被人叫“公”的在世人，看来得其恩惠的绝不止我一个。 五，要有随机应变的机智。看书再多，也有不够用的时候，这时候就需要你发挥创造性思维了。大四下学期，学校给了我们半年时间来写论文，打足麻将之后，我用大半天时间将毕业论文一挥而就，除了将囤积在肚里的学问引经据典一番外，还编造了许多名人名言来增加说服力，如“诚如俄罗斯神学家傻彼德洛维奇所言：'真正的无知就是意识不到自己的无知'”等等。最终，我拿到了学士学位，拿到了红彤彤的毕业证。这一诀窍在后来的社交场合也让我变得德高望重，如有一次我轻描淡写地说：“幽默感就是分寸感”，一个老实人赞同得差点儿背过气去。我马上加了个人名：“维多利亚时期的意大利诗人二头蛋说的。”伊不迭地点头：“说得真好。”我又冷冷地说：“赞成即是利用。——美国总统杰斐逊说的。”然后急忙去掐伊的人中。我现在惟一的愿望就是，在我去世之后，千万别在阴间真的碰到什么傻彼德洛维奇和二头蛋，让他们告我个诽谤。 六，如果你正看大俗书的时候被人撞见，一定要面不改色。要知道第一个赞美金庸的名人是数学家华罗庚——他老人家写的文章不知道要比那些所谓的作家精彩多少倍——做到人家那地步才叫“虽万千人吾往矣，强且矫”。如果捉你现行的是你心爱的姑娘，你就要跟她说，雅和俗绝对不是对立的，也绝对不是分别存在于两种人身上，而是一个人既有雅不可耐的一面，也有俗不可耐的一面，这样的混合体才符合刘再复老师的性格组合论。然后……你就向她展示你俗不可耐的一面吧。 我们的八十年代 曾经见某些人讨论，最希望生活在哪个时代？大家莫衷一是。我记得列举的年代有蒹葭苍苍的西周、游侠纵横的先秦、杜牧时代的扬州、李白生活的盛唐、名士风流建安风骨的魏晋、文艺复兴时期的意大利、大革命时期的法国、拓荒与内战时的美国等等。 我想了又想，答案是：在二十世纪八十年代的中国上大学。 是的，我要高声歌颂的八十年代。 那是一个怎样的年代？用多少碎片也描述不尽的。只选择一些与这篇文章不跑题的花絮——那年头，一个偏远小城的路边书摊上摆的可能都是《快乐的哲学》（13）；那年头，学生可以在深夜踹开老师的门，就因为看了一本书激动得睡不着觉。 那年头，理想主义还有很大市场，我们学校有一个搞民俗研究的男老师，文弱苍白，衣着寒酸，却靠自己跋山涉水采集来的民歌赢得了广泛的尊重，一个校花嫁给了他，他经常与年轻貌美的妻子在校园园散步，让俺们流口水。我都没有信心打听他们如今怎么样了，但愿他们的爱情能经受得起市场经济的冲刷。 那年头，海子可以从南走到北，又从北走到黑。在他自杀前的流浪岁月中，可以身上没有一分钱想去哪儿就去哪儿。据说他走进昌平的一家饭馆，开门见山说自己没钱，但可以给老板背诗，换顿饭吃。老板说诗他听不懂，但他可以管诗人吃饭。 大家的眼中只有海子，可有谁注意到他旅途中的路人，冬天里的柴禾，四季中的粮食？ 是他们，不懂诗却懂得尊敬诗的人们，给了他所需的养分、绽放的信心，才让诗人成为诗人。 最后，海子痛苦得性起，索性想表演一把自杀。好在，他享受了选择死亡的权利，社会也尽到了让他吃饱饭的责任。那是一个好年景。 那年头，新闻事业也突破了从前的羁绊，进入了一个比较繁荣的时期，试举三例：某次人大会，有一位代表举手否决，一张照片便是，诺大的会场，只有一个手臂孤零零地举着，孤标而倔强；某次党代会，一位女记者给邓小平递了个纸条，告诉他今天是世界戒烟日，提醒他不要抽烟，小平笑着掐灭了烟头；某次工作会，与会官员纷纷睡觉，电视记者都没办法取景，灵机一动，将众人睡态拍下，标题便是《工作会竟成了睡觉会》。 我们尽可以赞第一个记者有眼光，第二个记者有勇气，第三个记者有头脑，但是，我们更应该注意到这样的事实：那张照片获得全国好新闻奖，那张纸条被作为党代会花絮刊登于《人民日报》，那则新闻当晚被中央电视台播出。如果没有鼓励他们这样发现新闻处理新闻散布新闻的大环境，所有的眼光、勇气和头脑恐怕都无从谈起。 我们的八十年代。 热爱八十年代，我至少可以说出六十六条理由，但最重要的一条是，那个年代允许学生可以不读书。 像前面提到的现代文学老师，在我们宿舍进行了一番考前辅导（其实也就是划划重点，免得让我们作弊的时候都不知道从书上哪一页抄起）后，颇有感慨地说：“其实我教你们的，都是垃圾。要有人能重写现当代文学史就好了。”他抬起忧国忧民的脸，看着我们一双双愚昧又茫然的眼，不禁由衷叹了口气：“可惜，教的是你们这帮杂碎。” 有同学提议大家写《关于作弊的记忆碎片》，而在那年头，作弊是老师也帮忙的事儿。像我的偶像、青年女诗人杨榴红，她教社会学。《社会学概论》期末考试时，是我第一次上这门课，一见到她，惊为天人。她苗条纤细的身体用一袭阿拉伯风味的长裙裹着（十几年后有人叫这“波西米亚风格”），慵懒地坐在讲台的桌子上，一俟另一个长得很丑却很严厉的监考老师走出去，她马上便伸出修长的食指搁在红唇上，示意我们可以抄写了，脸上是宽容而调皮的坏笑。 毫不夸张地说，我在考试开始前一个小时，除了自己的名字外一个字也没有写，而是始终痴痴地看着她，一是因为我连抄都不知道从何抄起，必须得等旁边睡在我上铺的兄弟答好后再让俺照葫芦画瓢，另一个原因是，我必须抓紧这最后两个小时将她铭刻在心中，弥补因为逃课而错失掉的整整一学期欣赏她的机会。 非常非常遗憾，那次考试我居然及格了。而按照我的如意算盘，是要重修《社会学》概论的，好能再盯着她看一个学期。未遂后，我与对门宿舍的大鼻子成立了一个杨榴红俱乐部，准备卖酸奶，用赚来的钱为我们的偶像买一副隐性眼镜——我们认为她不戴那副大框眼镜会更好看。 我的《社会学概论》得以及格，并不是因为我抄得有多好，而是那年头的老师都手下留情，轻易不会让学生为了一门傻课而蒙上不及格的灰尘。所以，想不及格也难。 所以，我要追忆一段永远钉在我的成长史耻辱柱上的往事。 那一年的英语课，我们换了个新老师。第一堂课，那厮用夹杂着迈阿密口音的英语说，他刚从美国回来，非常认同美国的教育手法，学生可以来上课，也可以不上课，no problem。 我这么一听，心里就有底了，那一学期的英语课，就基本上没去过。 期末考试，我们要通过学校的四级考试，黑色幽默的一幕发生了，我们宿舍四个考四级的，只有我一人及格，但最终总评成绩，却是只有我一人不及格。那厮还特有理地说，是因为我的考勤太差。 本来我在英语学习方面特有天赋——这一点有中外许多人士可以作证。但就是那个说话不算数的老师，让及了格的人不及格，又让不及格的人及了格，就这样把一个语言天才扼杀在摇篮中。 听说那厮家住动物园附近——我并没有说住动物园的人就是畜类，而我们经常去北展剧场看电影，都是坐332路到动物园下车，然后过一个天桥到马路这边，再走到北京展览馆。每次行走在天桥上，我都想，也许那家伙正骑着自行车往家赶，正在桥底下，我就拎起一块板砖，向那孙子愤怒地掷去，哈哈哈哈，痛快…… 这一阴暗的复仇心理使我患上了强烈的天桥强迫症——只要在天桥上走，哪怕是在纽约，都有往下扔砖头的欲望。美国朋友，拜托躲远些。 可以不读书，听起来是很放纵的毁人，其实是诲人不倦的。 科学家们说，时代是懒汉们推动着往前走的，诸如不愿意甩墩布的人发明了吸尘器等等。如果一个人被允许可以偷懒不读书，那么他肯定会寻找一切不去读某一本书的理由，这将更有利于他不迷信权威和名著，培养冷静审视的态度、选择批判的眼光。 就是凭着这股子懒劲，我感觉到巴尔扎克的小说实在是难看，当然比起左拉的来还算有趣；路遥那么老套的文笔，怎么能得到那么多人的追捧？不过，他确实比贾平凹要老实得多，而老贾口口声声说自己是农民，字里行间却充满了狡黠、算计、虚荣和市侩气，他的书不看也罢。 听北大人如数家珍地说，他们校园里那个工商银行储蓄所，里面一半的钱都是王力老师的——《古代汉语》给他挣的稿费，那真是一个人文主义的传奇。我们学古代汉语用的也是这套四本一套的教材——那时候特别羡慕所谓的签名本，就产生了一个自力更生的灵感，比如这套书，我就在扉页上写下了“老六先生雅正”，落款是努力模仿的魏碑体“王力敬献”。 玩笑归玩笑，崇敬归崇敬，但这门课实在是没意思，把文学和文字弄得跟搞科研一样。高考时我一门心思要考中文系，开始学这门课后才忍不住后怕起来。 幸亏可以逃课，老师也高抬贵手，才没有把古代汉语学得那么精细。 王力老师，对不起了，我失去的是古代汉语那门课的“优”，进而失去了当选优秀毕业生的资格，进而失去了分配到比较好的单位。但是在这门课结束后，我得以真正享受起古色古香的国语，并没有被拆成一个个的使动用法、语气助词和平仄，我看也没什么磕绊，也才发现《史记》居然是那么伟大的一部著作。 可以不读书，从更深的意义上说，绝对是一个时代的进步，也是八十年代真正的魅力——你可以被允许进行相反方面的选择了。 是的，我可以热爱读书，也应该可以不读书；我可以说“是”，也应该可以说“不”；我最好是走直路，但也可以走弯路；我应该认真地过每一分钟，但也可以度过一段毫无意义的时光；我可以成就一番大事业，但如果碌碌无为过一辈子的话，也犯不着觉得对不起谁。 我被要求加入到你的行列里来一起建设，也应允许我进行一番破坏；你希望我赞成你，你也允许我对你质疑和反对；我可以对你充满敬意，但你也要接受我对你产生疏离和背弃。 在那个时代，你不用承受那么多“必须”，甚至，你的勇气与出格还得到鼓励和赞赏。 正如美国法学界进行的那番争论，公民焚烧国旗犯不犯法？——“如果一个国家连焚烧国旗的自由都给你，那这个国家还不足够你来爱吗？” 这种弹性和宽松度，比起萨达姆在只有他一人候选的总统选举中还要弄出个近乎百分百的支持率来，比起中央电视台鼓吹自己的春节联欢晚会有百分之九十几的观众好评如潮来，要人道得多了。 让我们把这种“不读书主义”发扬光大： 姑娘，我向你求爱，你可以点头，是我莫大的幸福，但是，我也能接受你的拒绝。 哥们，我们的交情是一辈子的，但是，如果你有新的，新的彼岸，就可以离开我。我同样也可以。 亲爱的，我知道你希望我爱你十足十，但是，也请允许我，爱你只有六成六。 幸福的感觉涌遍全身