Chapter 10 Chapter Three

Married at the age of thirty-four, now there is a woman and a man, both cunning and gratifying.I like to grow flowers in my spare time, but I can't find the right way. Whenever there are leaves but no flowers, I can't bear to abandon them.Read everything, get nothing, and don't worry.They are very serious in teaching and doing things, and they often suffer losses and do not regret it.If that's all, maybe I can be a little bit promising if I live for another forty years! Section 1 Jinan 1. Second hometown After handing over "Xiaopo's Birthday" in Shanghai, I ran back to Peiping; I lived there for three or four months without writing anything.When I returned to Beiping from abroad, I already had the intention of becoming a professional writer; after the persuasion of my friends, I took a teaching position at Qilu University.

-------- ①Lao She returned to Beiping this winter vacation, was introduced by Luo Changpei, and fell in love with Hu Jieqing.Returning to Beiping from Jinan during the summer vacation, getting married, and returning to Jinan together after half a month. From July of the 19th year of the Republic of China to the early autumn of the 23rd year of the Republic of China, I lived in Jinan for four years.There, I had my first child, named "Ji".There, I made a lot of friends: whenever I pass by, there are always people who greet me with smiles; no matter where I go, there are always people who miss me.There, I wrote "Daming Lake", "Cat City Story", "Niu Tianci Biography", and the dozen or so short stories included in the book.There, I worked hard to create, and rested happily... Although four years were short, I lived in one breath, so the connection between things, the communication between people, the substitution of happiness and sorrow, were clearly manifested in this life. It is a self-contained paragraph, deeply imprinted in my heart; time is short and love is long, Jinan has become my second hometown.

beauty and ugliness It is between Beiping and Qingdao.Beiping is my hometown, but for the past seven years, I have either lived in Jinan or Qingdao.Living in Jinan, I often miss Peiping; when I am in my hometown in Peiping, I am worried about my new home in Jinan.Fortunately, the road is not far away, and there are people who come and go in both places, and there are dear people and familiar places; they both make me reluctant to leave, and it is almost impossible to tell which is more important than which.Living in Qingdao, no matter from Qing to Ping, or from Ping to Qing, you have to pass through Jinan on the way.When the car gets there, I can't help but stay for a day or two.Baotu Spring, Daming Lake, Qianfo Mountain and other places of interest, I have thought about it even when I closed my eyes, but I am always happy to revisit it: every corner seems to have some traces of life; every small change, They all arouse some feelings; even wind and rain seem to contain infinite affection.

In terms of magnificence, Jinan is far behind Beiping; in terms of the victories of mountains and seas, it cannot keep up with Qingdao.However, apart from Beiping and Qingdao, if you want to find a city in North China with mountains and rivers, convenient transportation, not too closed, and the standard of living is not too high, Jinan is probably the place to go.Moreover, although it is a metropolis, you can still see simple villagers who come here to sell or buy things in groups, unlike Shanghai and Hankou, which are completely westernized.It seems to be firmly established in Chinese culture, and the city wall is not enough to stop the communication between the city and the countryside; it is not easy to find the characters and expressions that are good at being foreign slaves.This makes people feel better.A person who does not live an ideal life of dancing and opening champagne will naturally feel a little flat and lovely when he comes here.

The beauty of Jinan comes from nature, with mountains in the south and lakes in the north.In addition to the lake and mountains, there are seventy-two springs, which form streams and pass through the city and around the country.It's a pity that such a natural beauty, combined with that city, not only did not get artificial help to complement each other, but the perfunctory city design drowned out the beauty.The roads are dusty and the alleys are dirty and messy. Although the sky is so clear and the spring water is so convenient, it is always suffocating everywhere.Although several asphalt roads have been built recently, they are still not very clean.As for those places of interest, the buildings around Baotu Spring are dilapidated, and the surface of Daming Lake has been turned into paddy fields, leaving only a few ditches.Some people say that all kinds of corruption are not because the authorities are unwilling to work hard to build, but because they love the people like their own children and are unwilling to spend all the money of the people on beautifying the city.If this is reliable, we should see that the common people's money has another outlet, which is to build national defense and people's livelihood.This, we did not see.How should this account be calculated?Moreover, what we are asking for is not high-rise buildings, ponds, gardens and pavilions, but the sanitation and convenience that cities should have.If there are adequate sanitation facilities in the city, and attention is paid to order and cleanliness everywhere, the city will have a ready-made landscape, and it will naturally be as beautiful as a picture, and there is no need to waste artificial money.

This is not specifically to complain about Shanshui, but to explain many other things.Many things in Jinan are similar to this, which could have been improved with a little adjustment, but in fact they have been abandoned, so that everything is covered with a layer of dust.A group of good and bad people are squirming under this layer of dust, and there are some things that seem to be hidden hidden; neither dead nor alive, everything is gray.There is nothing new here, and there is nothing outright old here, which could have been cherished, but it can't help but make people sad.Everything is moving, nothing is done according to a certain plan.I don't refuse anything, and I'm not willing to accept it. It's not easy to meet people who have any opinions, but it's also not easy to meet people I hate. Everyone is so friendly, perfunctory, elusive, and it's no big deal.There are electric lights but no light, there are roads but crowded, everything is there, but there is nothing, just like the twilight, a gray area.

It stands to reason that this layer of gray should not survive to this day, because the blood of the May 30th massacre is still bright red on the road and at the base of the city, and those who have memory will close their eyes and think for a while.When I first arrived in Jinan, the city tower that was destroyed by the enemy was still shyly standing there with a rag saying "Don't forget the national humiliation".Soon, the city tower was demolished, and the national humiliation banner was also removed, and they were all forgotten.There is nothing wrong with demolishing the towers, but there is no construction, or it means that it is easy to forget about troubles; as a result, the enemy is singing triumphantly there again today.

When I was writing "Daming Lake", I wrote a paragraph: Looking north at the whole city of Jinan from the Qianfo Mountain, the city and the river are covered with willows, the distant water is full of smoke, the magpie and the flower are facing each other, and the big river is guarding the river.But the sound of the city is faint, the dust and mist are faint, houses are next to houses, and alleys are connected to alleys.The whole city was shrouded in gray.The enemy has already dropped heavy artillery on the top of the mountain, and it has been several days and nights, and it can be repeated at any time in the future; since the first artillery fire failed to break the gray dream, then one day the whole city will be reduced to ashes, soaring to the sky. The red flame drives away the gray, and burns down the gray city of the person in the dream. The gray people, everything is rule, that is, conformity. If you don’t do it yourself, you can’t do it, but tie the hands of those who want to do it and can do it. ; This is the dead city!The original manuscript of this book was killed in the poisonous fire on January 28 in Shanghai, but this paragraph has not been forgotten, because every time I go from the city to the mountains, I always bring the gray scene in the city with me. In my heart, when I climb up and look around, I will naturally feel worried.How beautiful the lake and mountains are, but they are always shrouded in gray. Who can not be afraid of love and tremble from disappointment?

Besides, the broken city tower can be demolished, but the enemy has not retreated; out of sight, out of mind, but the little devils are right in front of them, how can they ignore them and turn a blind eye?The enemy's hospitals, companies, shops, and hotels are scattered throughout the commercial port.That business also has "white flour", even if it's not exclusively sold, you have to reserve some, and use the surplus as change for women and children.A large number of shoddy goods monopolize the market, wholesale morphine white flour poisons the citizens, in addition, from time to time, the toxins of infectious diseases are secretly released, and even the ragged trousers and jackets they wear in the country are shipped to sell. .How scary is that?But we don't see it, and we are still at ease; because this is the only official business, and we are ordered to be a good official, I will do it myself and have nothing to worry about.People use the economy to suck our blood, we will only increase donations and taxes and then suck the people's tendons.Externally, we talk about goodwill, so there is no resistance; internally, we talk about loving the people, and we appreciate everyone's silence.The enemy's artillery fire is powerful, and the enemy's economic aggression is vicious, but our policy of restraining the people is even more terrible.Jinan has been dead for a long time, and the beautiful lakes and mountains have to be humiliated in silence!

On weekdays, the enemy's economic aggression is not guarded against, and it can also be said that it has no intentions or that it concerns the whole country.It's so strange that everyone is still at ease when the enemy army has penetrated into Hebei.Shandong's R&F ranks first among the provinces in the north of the Yangtze River. The people are not only good at management, but also strong and hard-working.With such talent and manpower, if we are prepared a bit, even if we cannot defend the entire province like an impregnable wall, at least we will have to teach the enemy to suffer a lot before we can attack.However, Jinan is the provincial capital, and since it is gray, there is nothing to say about other places.Jinan is the brain of the whole province, but in fact it is just an empty shell without a brain.The sound of this empty shell is politics, and the low-key response from all sides is considered a matter of completion.Planning, science, culture, talent are all dubious terms, because they cannot be understood by the empty shell.On the contrary, if you ring it casually, you can just see the authority from what you want.Jinan must die, and it will inevitably affect the whole province.

There is no intention to attack anyone here; repenting is worse than updating, let's just turn over this page. Autumn and Winter in Jinan Autumn in Jinan is poetic.Suppose there is a medieval old city in your fantasy, with sleeping towers, narrow ancient stone roads, and thick stone walls. Pants girl.If there is such a state in your fantasy, it is Jinan.If you can't imagine-and many people can't-come to Jinan and have a look. Please come in autumn.That city, that river, that ancient road, and that mountain shadow are all prepared for you all year round.However, with the autumn scenery in Jinan, Jinan has changed from a simple painting environment to a quiet and beautiful poetry environment.This poetic autumn scenery is unique to Jinan.God bestowed summer art on Switzerland, spring on West Lake, and autumn and winter on Jinan.Autumn and winter are not easy to separate. Autumn sleeps a little bit and winter is winter. God does not want to wake it up suddenly, so as a whole human being, autumn and winter are all given to Jinan. There must be mountains and water in the realm of poetry.Then, please look at Jinan.The mountains with different colors, different directions, and different heights are more and more different in the autumn colors.In terms of color, the pine trees on the mountainside are green and black, and with the slant of the autumn sun, the green and black are darker than gray and lighter than black, covering the nearby yellow grass into a layer of gray to lure people. Shades of yellow.The foot of the mountain is inlaid with strips of various colors, layer by layer, some are yellow, some are gray, some are green, and some seem to be the color of lotus root.The color on the top of the mountain also changes with the sun.The different colors on the top of the mountain are not important, but the different colors on the mountainside really make people want to write a few lines of poetry.The colors on the mountainside are always changing, especially in autumn, when the sunlight suddenly cools down for a while, and then warms up for a while. This change is not drastic, but the colors on the mountain feel the change and change immediately.Suddenly the yellow color became more real, suddenly it became darker again, suddenly it seemed like an invisible layer of mist was flowing there, suddenly it was like a fine wind blending the colors for "nature", gently smearing a layer of all kinds of colors. And it's all light and beautiful.There is such a mountain, coupled with the blue sky, sunny and warm sunshine; the blue seems to be turning from blue to green, but it is not completely green; Gentle like poetry; this is autumn in Jinan.Moreover, because of the different colors, the height of the mountain is more obvious.The higher ones are higher, the lower ones are lower, and the angular curves of the mountains are more real, clearer, and thinner in the clear sky.Look at that tower on the top of the hill! Look at the water again.In terms of quantity, quality, and form, where is the water better than Jinan?There are springs—there are springs everywhere—there are rivers and lakes, which are divided by form.Whether it is a spring, a river or a lake, they are all so clear and sweet. Oh, Jinan is a "natural" Sweetheart, right?The lotus flowers in Daming Lake in summer and the green willows in Chenghe River are naturally beautiful.But to look at the water, it depends on the autumn water.There are autumn mountains and autumn waters in Jinan, and this autumn is considered autumn because the god of autumn lives in Jinan.Needless to say anything else, just talk about the green algae in the water.That share of green, apart from the green in God's heart, I'm afraid there is nothing else that can compare.This bright green is all revealed by the clarity of the water, like a beauty appreciating her own beauty through a mirror.Yes, these green algae are enjoying the sweetness of the water for themselves, not for anyone else.They know their little green thoughts, they kiss the water skin all year round, dreaming of green fragrant dreams.Naughty ducks, touch them a time or two with your golden paws.The shadow of the raccoon girl, kiss their green leaves once or twice.Only this is their sweet trouble.I envy dead poets! In autumn, the water is as cool as the blue sky.There are some white clouds in the sky, and some ripples on the water.Between the sky and the water, there is clear and warm air, with a little scent of sweet-scented osmanthus.Shan Yinger is also more real.Qiushan Qiushui kissed illusoryly.The mountains don't move, and the water makes a slight noise.The old city in the middle ages, with the autumn colors and autumn sounds, is Jinan, and it is poetry. For someone who is used to living in Beiping, like me, it is a miracle if there is no strong wind in winter; there is no wind in Jinan in winter.For someone like me who has just returned from London, it is strange to be able to see sunlight in winter; winter in Jinan is sunny.Naturally, in the tropics, where the sun is always so poisonous, the loud weather is a little frightening.However, in the winter of northern China, Jinan is really a treasure land with warm and sunny weather. If there is sunshine alone, it is not surprising.Please close your eyes and think: an old city, with mountains and water, all sleeping warm and peacefully under the blue sky; just waiting for the spring breeze to wake them up, isn't this an ideal state? The hills enclose Jinan in a circle, only the north side is short of a little gap. This circle of hills is very cute in winter, as if putting Jinan in a small cradle, they are all quiet and whisper: you Don't worry, it's going to be warm here.Really, people in Jinan are smiling in winter.When they looked at those hills, they felt that they had a place to rely on.When they saw the mountains from the sky, they unconsciously thought: Maybe tomorrow will be spring?With such warmth, maybe the mountain grass will turn green tonight?It's just that this fantasy can't be realized for a while, and they are not in a hurry, because with such a charitable winter, why would they want anything else. The best thing is to have a little snow.Look, the dwarf pine on the mountain is getting more and more black and white flowers on the top of the tree, like a little Japanese caregiver.The top of the mountain was all white, and it inlaid a silver edge on the blue sky.On the hillside, the snow is thicker in some places, and the grass is still exposed in some places. In this way, one side is white and the other is dark yellow, and the mountains are dressed in a floral dress with water patterns; Being blown by the wind makes you wish to see a little more beautiful mountain skin.When it was almost sunset, the yellowish sunlight slanted on the mountainside, and the thin snow seemed to be shy suddenly, showing a little pink.Just let it snow a little, Jinan can't stand the heavy snow, those hills are too delicate. In ancient Jinan, the inside of the city is so narrow, and the outside of the city is so spacious. There are some small villages lying on the hillside, and some snow is lying on the roofs of Xiaoshuzhuang. Yes, this is a small ink painting, or it was painted by a famous artist in the Tang Dynasty. . As for the water, not only does it not freeze, but it is steaming on the green algae.The algae are so green that they have taken out all the green that has been saved throughout the year.The clearer the sky, the greener the algae. Even with these green spirits, the water can't bear to freeze; besides, the long-branched weeping willow still needs to take a picture in the water.Look, look up slowly from the clear river water, the air, the mid-air, the sky, from top to bottom are all so clear, so blue, and the whole is a piece of ethereal blue crystal.This crystal is covered with red roofs, yellow grass mountains, and small gray tree shadows like small clusters of flowers on the carpet; this is Jinan in winter. Although the tree has no leaves, the birds are not lazy. Look at the larks singing with their wings spread in the sun.Shandong people are worshipers of larks, and Jinan is the country of larks.Their singing can be heard everywhere in every house; naturally, there are many little yellow birds, and they also sing very hard in the Bailing country.There are also mountain magpies, singing in groups on the trees and flying with their light blue tails.Although there are no leaves on the tree, with these feathers adorning it, it looks a bit like a Western beauty.Sitting on the bank of the river, watching them fly in the air, listening to the flowing stream, going to sleep, this is hypnotic; if you don't believe me, try it; sleep, it will never freeze you. Qilu University Qida is located outside Nanguan in Jinan, so the air is naturally fresher than that in the city, which is the most important condition for a park.There are many flowers and trees, and it has the qualifications to become a park.A lot of people do go there to play, meaning to use it as a -- unofficial park. Summer is the best time to visit this informal park.There are many flowers in spring and beautiful leaves in autumn, but there are only "scenery" in summer, and there are no special features in winter. In summer, when you enter the school gate, you will see a green building. There is a large green lawn in front of the building. The building is surrounded by green trees. There are one or two mountain peaks floating on the top of the green trees. Because the green trees are too dense, you can’t see behind the trees. The house and the mountainside make you guess what is behind the green shade; it is so dense and great that you can't help but take a deep breath.Green building?Really, the dark green and fat leaves of the "creeper" cover the building layer by layer, only a few white-edged windows are exposed; It moves regularly, a vertical green wave. Let's go in, along the grass - there are many small blue flowers on the edge of the grass - to the depth of the green shade.There are maple trees here, and four white stone benches under the trees surround a flower pond.Although there are no rare flowers and plants in the flower pond, there are still some to look at; besides, there is a flower path to the north, which is full of small red roses.At the north end of the flower path, there are two big sunflowers, dark green leaves, and light red flowers; behind these two flowers is another building, and the white stone steps in front of the door are like a shrine to enjoy the flowers.On the height of the building, seen from the gaps between the dense leaves of the green locust tree, there is a big hour clock. Looking to the east, the west side is the side and back of the building that you can see as soon as you enter the school gate. It is parallel to this building, and there is another one to the east of the flower pond; the side gables of these two buildings are also green.At the southern end of the flower path is the auditorium of Baishi. The front of the hall is full of zinnias, and the walls are also covered with green vines.Behind the two buildings, there are two large expanses of grass, flat and dark green, like a green carpet.At the southern end of these two grasslands, there are two buildings, surrounded by roses to make a short wall.Suppose you sit on a stone bench, no matter which way you look, you can see either red flowers or green leaves; just look up and down: below are green grass, red flowers, and tree shadows; above are green maple leaves, looking up From a normal perspective, sometimes one or two small white umbrellas of a girl can be seen from between the trees and flowers, and sometimes a man's white shirt.From time to time, some green leaf shadows fall on the shirt on the umbrella.Not many people.Because it's summer vacation. Turning around the auditorium, you can see the green mountains to the south.The field in front of the mountain is green. A sea of ​​green, mountains are those high green waves. On the left and right of the auditorium, there are two green paths in the east and west. The shade of the trees is so dense that there is almost no sunlight.Walk along this green path, no matter whether you go west or east, you will see some small buildings, each with a small garden.The garden walls are all made of dwarf pine. There are many flowers in spring, especially lilacs and roses, but green can't get home.The red leaves in autumn are beautiful, but the grass has turned yellow.In winter, when the leaves fall off, most of the mountains can be seen from the garden, which lacks a profound meaning.Only in summer, all colors sink in the middle of green, from the green on the ground to the green mountain peaks floating on the trees, a scene with green as the main color succeeds. Arrived at Qi University, the summer vacation is not over yet.Except when the sun was about to set, there was no one on campus.Those white stone benches, with maple trees holding umbrellas on them, became my temporary study.It's not necessarily easy to read with a book in your hand; reading about the shadows of trees on the ground is more interesting than reading.I looked at it: fine green shadows, sandwiched with some small yellow circles, not necessarily all round, and where the leaves are sparse, the light sometimes reveals a small piece of seven-edged and octagonal.Ants like little black donkeys like to scurry back and forth on these circles of light.On the white stone bench over there, there are also tiny green shadows printed on it, and there is also a small blue butterfly sitting on it, its wings are curled up, as if it is going to sleep.A little wind blows the green shadow into a drunken mess; the little blue butterfly wakes up and flies lazily, as if dreaming; after flying not far away, it lands and hugs the pistil of the yellow chrysanthemum.Look, after a long time, Xiao Die'er flew again, and a frowning wasp came. so quiet.Looking to the south, Qianfo Mountain leaned lazily against some white clouds, without making a sound.Looking north, one or two small donkeys sometimes pass by the base of the enclosure wall, and there is a slight ringing of bells.Looking to the east, I only saw the ivy on the wall of the building.The leaves moved slightly, like two green waves erected.Looking down, there are green grass all around.Looking up, I saw a few red spires.Not moving at all.Green, red, up and down, like a painting, the colors are fixed, but the more you look at it, the better it looks.Only the needles of the big clock in the office moved secretly, as if the only thing that could be known by time, so secretly moved, and occasionally saw a little girl through the gaps in the trees, with very fancy flowery clothes, suddenly turning this quiet scene It's all stimulated; the flowers are also redder, and the leaves are greener; it seems that her floral clothes are going to bring this group of colors to dance together.The little girl was out of sight and quiet again.From the locust tree, a bean-green worm lightly fell, hanging in the air, and the rest were completely motionless. The garden just lacks a little water!Even the little sparrow seems to be very concerned about this, often looking around with small eyes, if there is a small stream in the garden, how wonderful it would be, there are some fishes of various colors in the stream, and some lotus flowers!Even if there is a fountain, the sound of water, and the soft sound of maple leaves, sleeping on the stone platform for a quarter of an hour, what kind of colorful and fragrant dreams do you want to have!There are enough flowers and trees, only a little water is missing. The short pine wall feels a little rigid, but fortunately it emits some rosin; if there are some pine trees around it, with some blood-red flowers, it may reduce the rigidity. The rows of acacia outside the garden are very decent, and they seem to lack some Small white stone bench.But then I thought about it, even if there are no stone benches, the panorama of the campus is wonderful because there are only flowers and trees, and there are not many people working to embellish it. There are no brick flower ponds or green bamboo fences at all; It really looks like there is no one there, and there is not even a trace of artificial management; in other words, it is not tacky. 2. "Daming Lake" After arriving at school, I was busy preparing for my homework and had no time to write anything.But every time I walk on the street and see the emplacements of the west gate and the south gate, I naturally think of the "May 3rd" tragedy; I start to inquire about the details of this incident; Scenes of carnage and terror.There are many people who can provide me with materials, and some people still keep many photos and lend them to me.Half a year later, Jinan was familiar, and the situation of "May 3rd" was also known roughly, so I wanted to write "Daming Lake". There is not a single humorous sentence in "Daming Lake", because I think of "May 3rd".But "May 3" is not the main topic, but a subscript.If the entire book were to describe that massacre, it would be difficult for me to insert other matters into it, and I am afraid that the pen and materials will not be enough to write such hard things.I need individual stories, and adding war and bloodshed to the right time is not dry, but it is obviously getting hotter and hotter.It took me a lot of time to arrange those characters and facts: the first half itself is like a story, and this story already hints at the danger of Jinan.I continued to write the story in the second half, but when I encountered the "May 3rd", the story became tense with the tragedy.Formally, the book has some redeeming qualities. The progress of the story is still based on love, and the so-called love here is not the same as a love triangle.To put it bluntly, I'm writing about libido issues.On the female side, the important figures are a very poor mother and daughter.The mother, oppressed by both sexual desire and poverty, left her daughter behind.She has made friends with several men, none of the so-called pursuit and obsession in the so-called romantic stories, but straightforward talk about the acquisition of meat and money.Young men and women studying often talk about how depressed they are, how they want to commit suicide because of broken love, as if no one else has such problems, but only their own grievances are valuable.So I deliberately mentioned a few poor men and women, and talked about their sufferings and needs.Among the men she befriended was a very shrewd and thoughtful man.Although he is not the main character in the story, many words that should be drawn with ×× are spoken from his mouth.This woman finally jumped into Daming Lake.As for her daughter, she had no one to protect her, and she had no money, so she followed the path her mother had taken—the "Crescent Moon" recorded in the book is a deformation of this incident.But in "Daming Lake", when the lonely daughter was about to jump into the lake, she was rescued and got married.The people who rescued her were three brothers, the eldest and the second brother were twin brothers, that is, the male protagonist in the story. In this pair of male protagonists, the interludes of love are not very important, the main thing is to describe their psychological changes.They are twins, they look the same, and they love each other very much, but their personalities are very different. They try their best to understand and understand each other, but they can't do what they want; And dissolve in another self.They are exactly the same on the outside, but they are opposite on the inside.The eldest shows intellectual capacity, the second shows fervor of feeling.One cold and one hot, but unwilling to openly conflict.This symbolizes the difficult decision of "study or revolution?"The boss is sensible, but when he was conquered by the disease, he had a relationship with the orphan girl in a dream, and in the end he had to have her—a happy reunion. But this reunion is a tragedy—if this sentence can make sense—the "May 3rd" incident happened, and the third child was killed.The eldest and the second are left, one with brains and the other with heart, enjoying the feeling of ruining a country and a family. From this brief description, it can be seen that "Daming Lake" contains many problems, and it seems to be somewhat progressive in thought.But I am not satisfied with this work, because the text is too honest.As I said before: there is not a single humorous sentence in this book, and the text is extremely plain, and it is easy to make people fall asleep when reading it.I am a straightforward person. When I tell a joke, my imagination can fully move, and the randomness is naturally interesting.Taught me to speak about serious issues and events with a sad face, my heart sank, and my words stopped coming! After the summer vacation, I finished it and handed it over to Brother Zhang Xishan to read it, and then sent it to "Novel Monthly".Because I just finished "Xiaopo's Birthday", Brother Xi Di said to save it until after the new year.After the new year, the manuscript was handed over to the printer, and it was burned to ashes by the "128" fire.No copy left.I never leave a copy.Write it when you think about it, and after writing a long paragraph, look at it. If you don't want it, you can write another one;So most of my manuscripts are written very clearly.I couldn't afford to hire a secretary to do another copy, and I didn't want someone else to do it for me.Since I have to write the manuscript myself, no matter how long the story is, I dare not send it until I finish the whole story, and I don’t have the courage to write a little bit and publish it.The whole article was sent out, so if I wanted to burn it, I would burn it all; fortunately, I had a good time! Several friends advised me to write "Daming Lake" again, but I couldn't cheer up.The joy of creation cannot be found in dictation.Besides, I'm really not satisfied with it, so why bother writing it.What's more, it is necessary to use a lot of ×× and ... to write it out now, which is even more unnecessary. After arriving in Jinan, I printed the manuscript paper by myself, which was large and large, and could write more than 900 characters on a sheet.The first novel written on new manuscript paper was robbed by fire, and finally got "red" luck! Three, summer vacation I shared the "cold" and "summer" of winter vacation and summer vacation with people in the academic circle, and the word "fake" seemed to have nothing to do with me.Cold and heat don't show any mercy because of this; but, when I think about pulling carts, being a patrolman, and working hard, why should I complain?Besides, a holiday is a holiday after all, and getting up three or two minutes late will not delay going to court; not being a slave to the copper bell for a while is still considered a great freedom!Besides, the "double" Kaoru who doesn't have the chalk face—sorry, a pair of nostrils always inhale together, and I haven't practiced "single inhalation", although I have been a teacher for many years. Sort out the lecture notes that have been taught, and prepare new textbooks for the next semester. This is enough work to "read, read and write, the four are indispensable".Besides, I have to write a novel.Teachers and writers, or writers and teachers, no matter how you arrange it, this is the most fashionable thing.No single job is enough to support a family, and I have a kitten!Fortunately, teachers and coachmen, or writers and butchers, have not been widely practiced. In a civilized country like China, shouldn't we chant Buddha? The alarm clock stopped working as soon as school was over, but I never got up after six o'clock. The characters in the novel always start wars in their heads around dawn; if they don't catch them when the fight is in full swing , On this day, maybe two or three days, you don't need to plan to mobilize them smoothly, no matter how many cigarettes you smoke, they will always make faces in front of you, and when you reach out your hand, they all run away without seeing a shadow. The early bird catches the worm, and so does the novelist. This is by no means to say that waking up early will make you sweat less.Before the first fall in Jinan, I don't plan to sweat unless I leave Jinan.In the morning, at noon, at night, at night, the pores are always flowing; as long as you blink your eyes, or call the ball—the kitten—you will get fluid all over your body.Waking up early is never to sweat less, but to pick up a pen to scare the sweat back.Sweaty work is everyone's fear, even the sweat itself.Sweat while writing; the more you sweat, the harder you write; the sweat knows that you are fighting it to the death, so it stops flowing.The truth may be found in it, but I haven't had time to check it yet. From six o'clock to nine o'clock, maybe 500 words, maybe 3,000 words, if there are no guests.Whether it is five hundred words or three thousand words, the morning work is over.It is worth mentioning that writing 500 characters requires at least seven or eight more cigarettes than when writing 3,000 characters. Smoking can help Evans not to be effective forever. Shouldn't we give Wen Quxing more incense? After nine, write—write!Too old to write!Let's hope the postmen go on strike for another year! ——Water the plants and flowers in the yard, roll on the ground with the kitten, and then read O. Henry.It was almost twelve o'clock in this uproar.At lunch, maybe just smell it; smelling vegetables and rice in summer will fill you up.After the meal, I slept for a long time, and I couldn't wake up from this sleep unless something extraordinary happened.There was a thunderstorm, the young couples in the neighborhood quarreled, and the water tank was thrown over the wall... just don't want an earthquake, although it must be the most effective.When you wake up, it’s time to get handouts, whatever you want, a little every day.At six o'clock, we have dinner again.After dinner, take a walk in Qida’s garden for half an hour. This is the special period of the day for straightening your spine. It seems that there is some kind of hygienic magic in keeping your spine straight for two quarters of an hour in twenty-four o’clock.However, it is spectacular to walk to the end with your chest straight; whether you are straight is another question, and it is not convenient to delve into it. After finishing the exercise and going home, how much hotter is the room than the oven for baking bread?There is no way of knowing, because there is no cold and heat table.I'm relieved that all the mosquitoes in the house haven't been roasted to death yet.Take a bath, sit in the yard for a while, and listen to the soda and ice cream on the street.Calm and cool naturally, I will never drink soda or eat ice cream; fragrant tea is my only drink all year round, and I will not drink more fragrant tea from foreign vendors.I go to bed around nine o'clock. No matter how hot it is, I lie down forever (sometimes I don't lie down very well) before I can fall asleep.Sleep more when the body is weak, is my motto.After sleeping until dawn, it's time to get up and get a pen to scare away the sweat. 4. "Cat Town" From "Lao Zhang's Philosophy" to "Daming Lake", they were all submitted to the "Fiction Monthly" for publication, and then printed by the Commercial Press. The manuscript of "Daming Lake" was burned, and the negative version of "Xiaopo's Birthday" was also martyred; the latter, after many days, was transferred to Life Bookstore for printing. "Novel Monthly" ceased publication.The "Modern" magazine edited by Brother Shi Zhecun was the only monthly literature and art magazine that saw improvement after the war in Shanghai. He asked me to write a "long story", and I agreed; this is for other publications—not "Fiction Monthly" That's it - the beginning of writing a manuscript.This time I wrote "Cat City Tale".After the publication, the book will be published by Modern Bookstore. This is the beginning of my book printing in another bookstore—not “business” anymore. "Cat City Tale", according to my own opinion, is a failed work.It shows mercilessly what an ordinary brain I have.Halfway through the writing, I wanted to withdraw my troops, but the facts did not allow me to do so, so I just finished it!Some people say that this book is not humorous, so it is worthy of applause, just like Mei Lanfang's role as a niche is worthy of applause.Actually it's just an annoyance of my humor, not any good in this book.吃厌了馒头，偶尔来碗粗米饭也觉得很香，并非是真香。说真的，《猫城记》根本应当幽默，因为它是篇讽刺文章；讽刺与幽默在分析时有显然的不同，但在应用上永远不能严格的分隔开。越是毒辣的讽刺，越当写得活动有趣，把假托的人与事全要精细的描写出，有声有色，有骨有肉，看起来头头是道，活像有此等人与此等事；把讽刺埋伏在这个底下，而后才文情并茂，骂人才骂到家。它不怕是写三寸丁的小人国，还是写酸臭的君子之邦，它得先把所凭借的寓言写活，而后才能仿佛把人与事玩之股掌之上，细细的创造出，而后捏着骨缝儿狠狠的骂，使人哭不得笑不得。它得活跃，灵动，玲珑，和幽默。必须幽默。不要幽默也成，那得有更厉害的文笔，与极聪明的脑子，一个巴掌一个红印，一个闪一个雷。我没有这样厉害的手与脑，而又舍去我较有把握的幽默，《猫城记》就没法不爬在地上，像只折了翅的鸟儿。 在思想上，我没有积极的主张与建议。这大概是多数讽刺文字的弱点，不过好的讽刺文字是能一刀见血，指出人间的毛病的：虽然缺乏对思想的领导，究竟能找出病根，而使热心治病的人知道该下什么药。我呢，既不能有积极的领导，又不能精到的搜出病根，所以只有讽刺的弱点，而没得到它的正当效用。我所思虑的就是普通一般人所思虑的，本用不着我说，因为大家都知道。眼前的坏现象是我最关切的；为什么有这种恶劣现象呢？我回答不出。跟一般人相同，我拿“人心不古”——虽然没用这四个字——来敷衍。这只是对人与事的一种惋惜，一种规劝；惋惜与规劝，是“阴骘文”的正当效用——其效用等于说废话。这连讽刺也够不上了。似是而非的主张，即使无补于事，也还能显出点讽刺家的聪明。我老老实实的谈常识，而美其名为讽刺，未免太荒唐了。把讽刺改为说教，越说便越腻得慌；敢去说教的人不是绝顶聪明的，便是傻瓜。我知道我不是顶聪明，也不肯承认是地道傻瓜；不过我既写了《猫城记》，也就没法不叫自己傻瓜了。 自然，我为什么要写这样一本不高明的东西也有些外来的原因。头一个就是对国事的失望，军事与外交种种的失败，使一个有些感情而没有多大见解的人，像我，容易由愤恨而失望。失望之后，这样的人想规劝，而规劝总是妇人之仁的。一个完全没有思想的人，能在粪堆上找到粮食；一个真有思想的人根本不将就这堆粪。只有半瓶子醋的人想维持这堆粪而去劝告苍蝇：“这儿不卫生！”我吃了亏，因为任着外来的刺激去支配我的“心”，而一时忘了我还有块“脑子”。我居然去劝告苍蝇了！ 不错，一个没有什么思想的人，满能写出很不错的文章来；文学史上有许多这样的例子。可是，这样的专家，得有极大的写实本领，或是极大的情绪感诉能力。前者能将浮面的观感详实的写下来，虽然不像显微镜那么厉害，到底不失为好好的一面玻璃镜，映出个真的世界。后者能将普通的感触，强有力的道出，使人感动。可是我呢，我是写了篇讽刺。讽刺必须高超，而我不高超。讽刺要冷静，于是我不能大吹大擂，而扭扭捏捏。既未能悬起一面镜子，又不能向人心掷去炸弹，这就很可怜了。 失了讽刺而得到幽默，其实也还不错。讽刺与幽默虽然是不同的心态，可是都得有点聪明。运用这点聪明，即使不能高明，究竟能见出些性灵，至少是在文字上。我故意的禁止幽默，于是《猫城记》就一无可取了。《大明湖》失败在前，《猫城记》紧跟着又来了个第二次。朋友们常常劝我不要幽默了，我感谢，我也知道自己常因幽默而流于讨厌。可是经过这两次的失败，我才明白一条狗很难变成一只猫。我有时候很想努力改过，偶尔也能因努力而写出篇郑重、有点模样的东西。但是这种东西总缺乏自然的情趣，像描眉擦粉的小脚娘。让我信口开河，我的讨厌是无可否认的，可是我的天真可爱处也在里边，Aristophanes（阿里斯多芬）的撒野正自不可及；我不想高攀，但也不必因谦虚而抹杀事实。 自然，这两篇东西——《大明湖》与《猫城记》——也并非对我全无好处：它们给我以练习的机会，练习怎样老老实实的写述，怎样瞪着眼说谎而说得怪起劲。虽然它们的本身是失败了，可是经过一番失败总多少增长些经验。 《猫城记》的体裁，不用说，是讽刺文章最容易用而曾经被文人们用熟了的。用个猫或人去冒险或游历，看见什么写什么就好了。冒险者到月球上去，或到地狱里去，都没什么关系。他是个批评家，也许是个伤感的新闻记者。《猫城记》的探险者分明是后一流的，他不善于批评，而有不少浮浅的感慨；他的报告于是显着像赴宴而没吃饱的老太婆那样回到家中瞎唠叨。 我早就知道这个体裁。说也可笑，我所以必用猫城，而不用狗城者，倒完全出于一件家庭间的小事实——我刚刚抱来个黄白花的小猫。威尔思的Thefirstmsninthemoon（《月亮上的第一个人》），把月亮上的社会生活与蚂蚁的分工合作相较，显然是有意的指出人类文明的另一途径。我的猫人之所以为猫人却出于偶然。设若那天我是抱来一只兔，大概猫人就变成兔人了；虽然猫人与兔人必是同样糟糕的。 猫人的糟糕是无可否认的。我之揭露他们的坏处原是出于爱他们也是无可否认的。可惜我没给他们想出办法来。我也糟糕！可是，我必须说出来：即使我给猫人出了最高明的主意，他们一定会把这个主意弄成个五光十色的大笑话；猫人的糊涂与聪明是相等的。我爱他们，惭愧！我到底只能讽刺他们了！况且呢，我和猫人相处了那么些日子，我深知道我若是直言无隐的攻击他们，而后再给他们出好主意，他们很会把我偷偷的弄死。我的怯懦正足以暗示出猫人的勇敢，何等的勇敢！算了吧，不必再说什么了！ Fives, 也许这是个常有的经验吧：一个写家把他久想写的文章撂在心里，撑着，甚至于撂一辈子，而他所写出的那些便是偶然想到的。有好几个故事在我心里已存放了六七年，而始终没能写出来；我一点也不晓得它们有没有能够出世的那一天。反之，我临时想到的倒多半在白纸上落了黑字。在写以前，心中并没有过任何可以发展到这样一个故事的“心核”，它几乎是忽然来到而马上成了个“样儿”的。在事前，我本来没打算写个长篇，当然用不着去想什么。邀我写个长篇与我临阵磨刀去想主意正是同样的仓促。是这么回事：《猫城记》在《现代》杂志登完，说好了是由良友公司放入《良友文学丛书》里。我自己知道这本书没有什么好处，觉得它还没资格入这个《丛书》。可是朋友们既愿意这么办，便随它去吧，我就答应了照办。及至事到临期，现代书局又愿意印它了，而良友扑了个空。于是良友的“十万火急”来到，立索一本代替《猫城记》的。我冒了汗！可是我硬着头皮答应下来；知道拚命与灵感是一样有劲的。 这我才开始打主意。在没想起任何事情之前，我先决定了：这次要“返归幽默”。 《大明湖》与《猫城记》的双双失败使我不得不这么办。附带的也决定了，这回还得求救于北平。北平是我的老家，一想起这两个字就立刻有几百尺“故都景象”在心中开映。what!我看见了北平，马上有了个“人”。我不认识他，可是在我二十岁至二十五岁之间我几乎天天看见他。他永远使我羡慕他的气度与服装，而且时时发现他的小小变化：这一天他提着条很讲究的手杖，那一天他骑上自行车——稳稳的溜着马路边儿，永远碰不了行人，也好似永远走不到目的地，太稳，稳得几乎像凡事在他身上都是一种生活趣味的展示。我不放手他了。这个便是“张大哥”。 叫他作什么呢？想来想去总在“人”的上面，我想出许多的人来。我得使“张大哥”统领着这一群人，这样才能走不了板，才不至于杂乱无章。他一定是个好媒人，我想；假如那些人又恰恰的害着通行的“苦闷病”呢？那就有了一切，而且是以各色人等揭显一件事的各种花样，我知道我捉住了个不错的东西。这与《猫城记》恰相反：《猫城记》是但丁的游“地狱”，看见什么说什么，不过是既没有但丁那样的诗人，又没有但丁那样的诗。在决定人物时已打好主意：闹离婚的人才有资格入选。一向我写东西总是冒险式的，随写随着发现新事实；即使有时候有个中心思想，也往往因人物或事实的趣味而唱荒了腔。这回我下了决心要把人物都拴在一个木桩上。 这样想好，写便容易了。从暑假前大考的时候写起，到七月十五，我写得了十二万字。原定在八月十五交卷，居然能早了一个月，这是生平最痛快的一件事。天气非常的热——济南的热法是至少可以和南京比一比的——我每天早晨七点动手，写到九点；九点以后便连喘气也很费事了。平均每日写两千字。所余的大后半天是一部分用在睡觉上，一部分用在思索第二天该写的二千来字上。这样，到如今想起来，那个热天实在是最可喜的。能写入了迷是一种幸福，即使所写的一点也不高明。 在下笔之前，我已有了整个计划；写起来又能一气到底，没有间断，我的眼睛始终没离开我的手，当然写出来的能够整齐一致，不至于大嘟噜小块的。匀净是的好处，假如没有别的可说的。我立意要它幽默，可是我这回把幽默看住了，不准它把我带了走。饶这么样，到底还有“滑”下去的地方，幽默这个东西——假如它是个东西——实在不易拿得稳，它似乎知道你不能老瞪着眼盯住它，它有机会就跑出去。可是从另一方面说呢，多数的幽默写家是免不了顺流而下以至野调无腔的。那么，要紧的似乎是这个：文艺，特别是幽默的，自要“底气”坚实，粗野一些倒不算什么。Dostoevsky（陀思妥耶夫斯基）的作品——还有许多这样伟大写家的作品——是很欠完整的，可是他的伟大处永不被这些缺欠遮蔽住。以今日中国文艺的情形来说，我倒希望有些顶硬顶粗莽顶不易消化的作品出来，粗野是一种力量，而精巧往往是种毛病。小脚是纤巧的美，也是种文化病，有了病的文化才承认这种不自然的现象，而且称之为美。文艺或者也如此。这么一想，我对似乎又不能满意了，它太小巧，笑得带着点酸味！受过教育的与在生活上处处有些小讲究的人，因为生活安适平静，而且以为自己是风流蕴藉，往往提到幽默便立刻说：幽默是含着泪的微笑。其实据我看呢，微笑而且得含着泪正是“装蒜”之一种。哭就大哭，笑就狂笑，不但显出一点真挚的天性，就是在文学里也是很健康的。唯其不敢真哭真笑，所以才含泪微笑；也许这是件很难作到与很难表现的事，但不必就是非此不可。我真希望我能写出些震天响的笑声，使人们真痛快一番，虽然我一点也不反对哭声震天的东西。说真的，哭与笑原是一事的两头儿；而含泪微笑却两头儿都不站。的笑声太弱了。写过了六七本十万字左右的东西，我才明白了一点何谓技巧与控制，可是技巧与控制不见得就会使文艺伟大。有了技巧，有了控制；伟大，还差得远呢！文艺真不是容易作的东西。我说这个，一半是恨自己的藐小，一半也是自励。 六、写短篇① -------- ①老舍的短篇小说创作分抗战前与抗战中两阶段，艺术上成熟于、。 我本来不大写短篇小说，因为不会。可是自从沪战后，刊物增多，各处找我写文章；既蒙赏脸，怎好不捧场？同时写几个长篇，自然是作不到的，于是由靠背戏改唱短打。这么一来，快信便接得更多：“既肯写短篇了，还有什么说的？写吧，伙计！三天的工夫还赶不出五千字来？少点也行啊！无论怎么着吧，赶一篇，要快！”话说得很“自己”，我也就不好意思，于是天昏地暗，胡扯一番；明知写得不成东西，还没法不硬着头皮干。 我在写长篇之前并没有写短篇的经验。我吃了亏。短篇想要见好，非拚命去作不可。长篇有偷手。写长篇，全篇中有几段好的，每段中有几句精彩的，便可以立得住。这自然不是理应如此，但事实上往往是这样；连读者仿佛对长篇——因为是长篇——也每每格外的原谅。世上允许很不完整的长篇存在，对短篇便不很客气。这样，我没有一点写短篇的经验，而硬写成五六本长的作品；从技巧上说，我的进步的迟慢是必然的。短篇小说是后起的文艺，最需要技巧，它差不多是仗着技巧而成为独立的一个体裁。可是我一上手便用长篇练习，很有点像练武的不习“弹腿”而开始便举“双石头”，不被石头压坏便算好事；而且就是能够力举千斤也是没有什么用处的笨劲。这点领悟是我在写了些短篇后才得到的。大家都要稿子，短篇自然方便一些。是的，“方便”一些，只是“方便”一些；这时候我还有点看不起短篇，以为短篇不值得一写，所以就写了《抱孙》等笑话。随便写些笑话就是短篇，我心里这么想。随便写笑话，有了工夫还是写长篇；这是我当时的计划。 《微神》与《黑白李》等篇都经过三次的修正；既不想再闹着玩，当然就得好好的干了。可是还有好些篇是一挥而就，乱七八糟的，因为真没工夫去修改。报酬少，少写不如多写；怕得罪朋友，有时候就得硬挤；这两桩决定了我的——也许还有别人——少而好不如多而坏的大批发卖。这不是政策，而是不得不如此。自己觉得很对不起文艺，可是钱与朋友也是不可得罪的。有一次有位姓王的编辑跟我要一篇东西，我随写随放弃，一共写了三万多字而始终没能成篇。为怕他不信，我把那些零块儿都给他寄去了。这并不是表明我对写作是怎样郑重，而是说有过这么一回，而且只能有这么“一”回。假如每回这样，不累死也早饿死了。累死还倒干脆而光荣，饿死可难受而不体面。每写五千字，设若，必扔掉三万字；而五千字只得二十元钱或更少一些，不饿死等什么呢？《月牙儿》，，，与《新时代的旧悲剧》——并没有什么特别的好处。可我的态度变了。事实逼得我不能不把长篇的材料写作短篇了，这是事实，因为索稿子的日多，而材料不那么方便了，于是把心中留着的长篇材料拿出来救急。不用说，这么由批发而改为零卖是有点难过。可是及至把十万字的材料写成五千字的一个短篇——像——难过反倒变成了觉悟。经验真是可宝贵的东西！觉悟是这个：用长材料写短篇并不吃亏，因为要从够写十几万字的事实中提出一段来，当然是提出那最好的一段。这就是楞吃仙桃一口，不吃烂杏一筐了。再说呢，长篇虽也有个中心思想，但因事实的复杂与人物的繁多，究竟在描写与穿插上是多方面的。假如由这许多方面之中挑选出一方面来写，当然显着紧凑精到。长篇的各方面中的任何一方面都能成个很好的短篇，而这各方面散布在长篇中就不易显出任何一方面的精彩。长篇要匀调，短篇要集中。拿《月牙儿》说吧，它本是《大明湖》中的一片段。《大明湖》被焚之后，我把其他的情节都毫不可惜的忘弃，可是忘不了这一段。这一段是，不用说，《大明湖》中最有意思的一段。但是，它在《大明湖》里并不像《月牙儿》这样整齐，因为它是夹在别的一堆事情里，不许它独当一面。由现在看来，我楞愿要《月牙儿》而不要《大明湖》了。不是因它是何等了不得的短篇，而是因它比在《大明湖》里“窝”着强。 也是如此。它本是我所要写的“二拳师”中的一小块。“二拳师”是个——假如能写出来——武侠小说。我久想写它，可是谁知道写出来是什么样呢？写出来才算数，创作是不敢“预约”的。在里，我表现了三个人，一桩事。这三个人与这一桩事是我由一大堆材料中选出来的，他们的一切都在我心中想过了许多回，所以他们都能立得住。那件事是我所要在长篇中表现的许多事实中之一，所以它很利落。拿这么一件小小的事，联系上三个人，所以全篇是从从容容的，不多不少正合适。这样，材料受了损失，而艺术占了便宜；五千字也许比十万字更好。文艺并非肥猪，块儿越大越好。有长时间的培养，把一件复杂的事翻过来掉过去的调动，人也熟了，事也熟了，而后抽出一节来写个短篇，就必定成功，因为一下笔就是地方，准确产出调匀之美。不过呢，十万字可以得到三五百元，而这五千字只得了十九块钱，这恐怕也就是不敢老和艺术亲热的原因吧。为艺术而牺牲是很好听的，可是饿死谁也是不应当的，为什么一定先叫作家饿死呢？我就不明白！ 《新时代的旧悲剧》有许多的缺点。最大的缺点是有许多人物都见首不见尾，没有“下回分解”。毛病是在“中篇”。我本来是想拿它写长篇的，一经改成中篇，我没法不把精神集注在一个人身上，同时又不能不把次要的人物搬运出来，因为我得凑上三万多字。设若我把它改成短篇，也许倒没有这点毛病了。不过呢，陈老先生确是有个劲头；假如我真是写了长篇，我真不敢保他能这么硬梆。因此，我还是不后悔把长篇材料这样零卖出去，而反觉得武戏文唱是需要更大的本事的，其成就也绝非乱打乱闹可比。 七、一九三四年计划 没有职业的时候，当然谈不到什么计划——找到事再说。找到了事作，生活比较的稳定了，野心与奢望又自减缩——混着吧，走到哪儿是哪儿；于是又忘了计划。过去的几年总是这样，自己也闹不清是怎么过来的。至于写小说，那更提不到计划。有朋友来信说“作”，我就作；信来得太多了呢，便把后到的辞退，说上几声“请原谅”。有时候自己想写一篇，可是一搁便许搁到永远。一边作事，一边写作，简直不是回事儿！ 一九三四年了，恐怕又是马虎的过去。不过，我有个心愿：希望能在暑后不再教书，而专心写文章，这个不是容易实现的。自己的负担太重，而写文章的收入又太薄；我是不能不管老母的，虽然知道创作的要紧。假如这能实现，我愿意暑后到南方去住些日子；杭州就不错，那里也有朋友。 不论怎样吧，这是后半年的话。前半年呢，大概还是一边教书，一边写点东西。现在已经欠下了几个刊物的债，都该在新年后还上，每月至少须写一短篇。至于长篇，那要看暑假后还教书与否；如能辞退教职，自然可以从容的乱写了。不能呢，长篇即没希望。我从前写的那几本小说都成于暑假与年假中，因除此再找不出较长的时间来。这么一来，可就终年苦干，一天不歇。明年暑假决不再这么干，我的身体实在不能说是很强壮。春假想去跑泰山，暑假要到非避暑的地方去避暑——真正避暑的地方不是为我预备的。我只求有个地点休息一下，暑一点也没关系。能一个月不拿笔，就是死上一回也甘心！ 提到身体，我在四月里忽患背痛，痛得翻不了身，许多日子也不能“鲤鱼打挺”。缺乏运动啊。篮球足球，我干不了，除非有意结束这一辈子。于是想起了练拳。原先我就会不少刀枪剑戟——自然只是摆样子，并不能去厮杀一阵。从五月十四开始又练拳，虽不免近似义和团，可是真能运动运动。因为打拳，所以起得很早；起得早，就要睡得早；这半年来，精神确是不坏，现在已能一气练下四五趟拳来。这个我要继续下去，一定！ 自从我练习拳术，舍猫小球也胖了许多，因我一跳，她就扑我的腿，以为我是和她玩耍呢。她已一岁多了，尚未生小猫。扑我的腿和有时候高声咪喵，或系性欲的压迫，我在来年必须为她定婚，这也在计划之中。 至于钱财，我向无计划。钱到手不知怎么就全另找了去处。来年呢，打算要小心一些。书，当然是要买的。饭，也不能不吃。要是俭省，得由零花上设法。袋中至多只带一块钱是个好办法；不然，手一痒则钞票全飞。就这样吧，袋中只带一元，想进铺子而不敢，则得之矣。 这像个计划与否，我自己不知道。不过，无论怎样，我是有志向善，想把生活“计划化”了。“计划化”惯了，生命就能变成个计划。将来不幸一命身亡，会有人给立一小块石碑，题曰“舒计划葬于此”。新年不宜说丧气话，那么，取消这条。 八、《牛天赐传》 一九三四年，自从一入七月门，济南就热起，那年简直热得出奇；那就是我“避暑床