Chapter 3 Section 3 Mother

My mother's natal family was outside Deshengmen, outside Tuchenger, a small village on the main road leading to Dazhong Temple in Beiping.There are four or five families in the village, all surnamed Ma.Everyone planted some not very fertile land, but brothers of my generation also served as soldiers, carpenters, plasterers, and policemen.Although they are farmers, they can't raise cattle and horses. When there is not enough manpower, women have to work in the fields. As for my grandma's family, I only know the above-mentioned point.I don't know what grandparents look like.Because they are long gone.As for the more distant lineage and family history, I don't even know about it; the poor can only care about the food and clothing in front of them, and have no time to talk about the glory of the past; I never heard of the word "family tree" when I was young.

My mother was born in a farm family, so she is diligent, honest and in good health.This fact is very important, because if I don't have such a mother, I think I will be greatly discounted. My mother probably got married very early. I don't know what my mother was like when she was young.I have three older brothers and four older sisters, but the only ones who can grow up are the eldest sister, the second sister, the third sister, the third brother and me.I am the "old" son.When I was born, my mother was forty-one years old, and the eldest and second sisters had already left the court.However, from the time I remember until she died, I always thought that she must be as handsome as my elder sister when she was in her twenties and thirties.Yes, she was still so clean and decent when she was about fifty years old, as if she had never suffered at all.She is not tall, but because of her generous demeanor, she does not appear short.Although her face is yellow, whether it is shining a little or dim, she is always very peaceful.With this complexion, coupled with a small and straight nose, and very dark and bright eyes that never look around, everyone can see that she has a righteous spirit and will not have any evil intentions.At first glance, she seems to have no strength, but when she washes out a lot of clothes in one breath, it is not difficult to conclude that although she is often worried, she will never shirk her responsibility.

Mother didn't go out much except to attend weddings and funerals.She likes to stay organized and work around the house.She can wash and make up, and she can also shave the children's heads and wring the faces of the young daughters-in-law - using silk thread to gently strangle the fine hair on the face, so that the face looks particularly smooth after makeup.But, by coincidence, my father was on duty, and the yamen released the silver, so my mother had to go to collect it herself.My home is not far from the yamen, but my mother was still nervous, as if she was going to Hainan Island.After receiving the silver (which became smaller and smaller in two), she exchanged cash on the street.At that time, cigarette shops run by Shanxi people and candle shops run by Muslims, like silver banks, also exchanged silver taels.My mother doesn't like to count a penny or two, but this little money is related to the family's "big plan", so she also shyly and resolutely asks a few more, hoping to exchange for a few hundred more.Sometimes, after she inquired about the two, the silver tray happened to fall, and she ran errands in vain, and even lost hundreds of dollars in exchange.

When she got home with the cash, she began to worry.The second sister hurriedly poured her a bowl of tea—the tea powder made from a small sand pot, which was always placed next to the stove to keep warm. The tea juice was very strong, and sometimes it had a little fragrance.The second sister dared not speak, for fear of disturbing her mother's thoughts.She went out quietly, went outside the door to count the patterns of chicken feet on the wall, and memorized them in detail, so that she could use them as reference materials for her mother's production budget.Mother drank tea, took off the robe she had just worn on the street, and sat cross-legged on the kang.She grabbed some copper coins and used them as an abacus. The larger ones represented one hanging, and the smaller ones represented one hundred.She first calculated how much debt should be repaid, murmured words, and weighed a few copper coins in her hand, and then placed them on the left.After setting up the left side, seeing that the right side (living money) was too little, I gently withdrew some money from the left side, thinking: Say a few more good words to the oil and salt store, maybe I can pay back a little less.After thinking about it, her palms were sweating, and she quickly replaced the withdrawn money.No, she doesn't like lowly pleading with her creditors; return!pay off!More or less, even if there is no one left, it is much better than calling the shopkeeper's big apprentice to reprimand loudly.Even if she discussed it with my father, he—the banner soldier who has the heavy responsibility of defending the imperial city—would just smile bitterly and say in a low voice: Pay off the debt first!

The money code on the left is much more than the one on the right!There are beads of sweat on my mother's temples!She sat in a daze, in a dilemma.Looking at the small pile of money on the kang, I don't know how to spend it, so that I can deal with this month. Father died. My elder brother is less than ten years old, my third sister is twelve or thirteen years old, and I am only one and a half years old, and my mother alone raised me.My father's widow lived with us. She smoked opium, played cards, and had a very bad temper.For our food and clothing, my mother has to wash, mend or tailor clothes for others.In my memory, her hands were bright red and slightly swollen all year round.During the day, she does laundry and washes one or two green tile basins.She is never perfunctory in her work, even the black tabi socks sent by the butchers, she also washes them to pure white.In the evening, she and her third sister hugged an oil lamp and mended clothes until midnight.She didn't rest all year round, but she kept the yard and house clean and tidy when she was busy.The tables and chairs are all old, and the brass work on the cabinet door has been incomplete for a long time.But her hands kept keeping the dust off the broken tabletop, and the broken brass work gleamed.In the courtyard, the pots of pomegranates and oleander left by my father will always be watered and cared for, and bloom many flowers every summer.

My brother doesn't seem to have played with me.Sometimes, he went to study; sometimes, he went to apprentice; sometimes, he also went to sell small things like peanuts or cherries.His mother sent him away with tears in her eyes, and within two days she brought him back with tears in her eyes.I don't understand what this is all about, but I just feel very strange to him.It is my third sister and I who are dependent on my mother.Therefore, when they do things, I always follow behind.They watered the flowers, and I scrambled to get water; they swept the floor, and I picked up the soil... From here, I learned to love flowers, love cleanliness, and keep order.These habits are still preserved by me.

When guests come, no matter how awkward the hands are, the mother must try to get something to entertain.Her uncle and cousins ​​often bought wine and meat with their own money, which made her face flush with shame, but warming them warm wine for noodles gave her some joy.When there is a wedding or funeral at the home of a relative or friend, the mother will wash the gown clean and go to congratulate her in person—the gift may only be two pennies.Up to now, I have not completely changed my hospitable habits, even though life is so hard, because it is not easy to get rid of the things I have been used to since childhood.

My aunt often loses her temper.She only looks for bones in eggs.She is Hades in my family.She didn't die until I entered middle school, but I didn't see my mother resist. "I haven't been angry with my mother-in-law, have I not been angry with my sister-in-law? It's fate!" The mother only said this when explaining it was not enough to convince others.Yes, as fate would have it.My mother lived forever, was poor until old age, and worked hard until old age, it was all her destiny.She will suffer the most.Helping relatives, friends and neighbors, she always runs ahead: she will wash the baby three times-poor friends can save a sum of "grandma" money because of this-she will scrape Sha, she will shave the children's head, she will give young women They wrung their faces...everything she could do, she would do whatever she asked for.But quarreling and fighting will never be without her.She would rather suffer a loss than be angry.When my aunt died, my mother seemed to cry out all the grievances of her life, crying all the way to the grave.A nephew from nowhere claimed to have the right to inherit, and my mother taught him to remove those broken tables and benches without saying a word, and gave him a fat hen raised by my aunt.

However, the mother is not weak.Father died in the year when Gengzi made a "fist".When the coalition forces entered the city, they searched property and chickens and ducks from house to house. We were searched twice.The mother pulled the elder brother and the third sister to sit at the base of the wall, waiting for the "devil" to enter the door. The street door was open.The emperor ran away, her husband died, the devil came, and the city was full of blood and flames, but the mother was not afraid, she wanted to protect her children under the bayonet and famine.There are so many turmoil in Peking, sometimes mutiny, the whole street is set ablaze, and the fire falls in our courtyard.Sometimes there is a civil war, the city gates are closed, shops are closed, and guns are fired day and night.This panic, this nervousness, coupled with the planning of the family's diet, and the concerns about the safety of the children, is it something a weak old widow can bear?However, at this time, the mother's heart was disturbed, and she did not panic or cry, she wanted to find a way out of her helplessness.Her tears will fall to my heart!This soft and hard personality has also been passed on to me.I take a peaceful attitude towards all people and things, and take losses as a matter of course.However, in terms of being a human being, I have a certain purpose and basic rules, and I can handle everything without exceeding the boundaries I have drawn.I was afraid of meeting strangers, doing chores, and being seen; but when it was time for me to go, I didn't dare not go, just like my mother.From private school to elementary school to middle school, I have experienced at least twenty teachers. Some of them have greatly influenced me, and some have no influence. But my real teacher, who passed on my character to me, is mine. Mother.My mother was illiterate, and what she gave me was education for life.

Since then, how our family has survived is difficult for us to explain. Let me just say one thing: whenever it rains heavily in dog days and nights, we have to sit until dawn to prevent the roof from suddenly collapsing ,perish together. Yes, we all eat only two meals a day, and each meal has only one dish—cabbage and radish in winter; eggplant and lentils in summer.Dumplings and braised noodles are festive meals.In old Beijing operas, clowns often use braised noodles to make them laugh, which proves that they don't often eat them.As for poor families, like mine, the "vegetables" that go with rice in summer are often shallots mixed with salt, and pickled cabbage with some chili oil in winter.

The family is very poor, so my mother has to work hard as soon as the winter comes, starching and washing piles of clothes for others, or rushing to make new sweaters for others, in order to earn some money for the New Year. My sister and I can't be idle either.She helped my mother wash and cook; I was there to help—passing the soldering iron, lighting the fire, bringing hot and cold water, and so on.I also take care of feeding the dogs, sweeping the floor, and offering incense to the Stove Lord.I have to do this so that my mother and sister can get more work and increase their income, so that they can make dumplings on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day! As the end of the year is approaching, all the work has been handed over, and we are busy preparing for the New Year.Our income is limited, so of course we cannot have a fat year.However, we also had things we had to do: new couplets had to be pasted on the altar of the Stove King, the house had to be cleaned, the incomplete copper work on the broken table had to be polished, and pork and cabbage had to be bought as much as possible.From the eyes of the big family, our preparation work is really simple and pitiful.We were very excited ourselves. Of course we are excited.First of all, our New Year's expenses are exchanged for our own labor, which is hard to come by.Whenever I reported to my mother: The Liu family of the pawn shop slaughtered two big pigs, or the Sun family of the money lender invited three temples to worship the Buddha, the number one "honey offering" like small pagodas, my mother would always say: Our dumplings have more vegetables and less meat. But it's the best!Liu's and Sun's dumplings must be full of oil and meat, very delicious, but our dumplings will make our stomachs and hearts comfortable. Labor hardens our poor bones and gives us self-confidence.She made her children believe that as long as the hands and feet are not idle, they will not come to a dead end, and they will walk with a thud. Although my mother is also superstitious and offers three sticks of incense to the Stove King every day, she will tell the Stove King when there is really no money to buy incense; I am sorry, I am hungry today, and I will make up for it tomorrow when I earn money!Yes, she is confident that she can earn money so that the gods will not starve for a long time.From my point of view, it seems that gods and Buddhas should thank and pay tribute to her! As I grew up, I remember that one New Year's Eve, about one or two years before Guangxu's thirty years ago, my mother was receiving God in the courtyard, and the snow had already fallen more than a foot thick.The high incense burns, and the snowflakes fall from the dark sky and fall into the circle of flames, very white, and then fly to the vicinity of the flames, dancing some golden light, and then disappear; A lot of them come down, like a handful of "Taiping flowers" placed upside down.I still remember this.I also really feel that the gods that year must have really returned to the world from the sky.