Chapter 6 5. Religion

The evolution of my religious beliefs, and the long and difficult process of my leaving Christianity, with all the pains this process has caused me, cannot be seriously detailed in this short autobiography, but can only be sketched.I was a very zealous believer in my childhood, and even joined the seminary at St. John's, preparing to dedicate myself to the service of Christianity; my father's consent to this move was very doubtful and hesitant.I did not do well in theology class because I couldn't stand the banality and nonsense, and left after a year and a half.Under this theological study, most of my theological convictions have been discarded.Jesus' virgin birth and his bodily ascension were the first to be given up.My professors, who were very cheerful, didn't believe in these dogmas themselves, or at least thought they were problematic.I have entered the Holy of Holies of the Jewish Temple and discovered its secrets (which are empty and without idols).However, I can't help but resent that the church is so backward compared to that progressive theological thinking, and still wants Chinese believers to firmly believe that Jesus was born of a virgin and ascended in the flesh to be baptized, but its own theologians don't believe it.Is this hypocrisy?Anyway, I think it's dishonest and not right.

After graduating from university, when I was teaching at Tsinghua University, I still volunteered to take a Sunday Bible class in the school, which was greatly criticized by my colleagues.The situation at that time was absolutely impossible.I was the chairperson of the Christmas meeting in the Bible class, but I didn't believe in the Christmas stories of the Magi coming to see Jesus and the angels singing in the sky at midnight.Personally I have long discarded such absurd legends, but now I am passing them on to the ignorant youth.However, my religious experience is already very deep, and I can't imagine a world without God.I just feel that if God doesn't exist, the whole universe will completely collapse, especially human life.All my beliefs born of reason are also gone by reason, only my love, a spiritual friendship (relationship) remains.This is one of the hardest emotions to tear off.One day I had a conversation with Mr. Liu Dajun, a colleague of Tsinghua University.In desperation, I asked him, "If we don't believe that God is the Father, we can't love everyone and see the world in chaos, right?" "Why?" Mr. Liu replied: "We can still be good people. Be good, just because we are human beings. Being good is exactly what human beings should be.” That reply suddenly severed the last ties between me and Christianity, to which I was still attached. Giving up is because of an invisible panic.Taking the dignity of humanity (humanity) as the call, this is like a new army rising up, attacking me unprepared, and being overcome.And I've never thought of that, and I've been foolish enough.Therefore, I feel that if our lover is to rely on a third person in heaven to have a relationship, our love is not true love; a true lover wants to see a person's face and truly love him.I also use this basis to decide which missionaries in China are good and which are not.Those who love us to believe in cults are good missionaries just because we are human beings, and they should stay in China.On the contrary, those who love us not because we are Chinese and only human beings, but because they pity us or are only responsible to a third party and come here to save us from hell, should get out, because they are not right China is not good, and it is not good for Christianity.