Chapter 77 31. Go to Xinjiang (1)

It would be easier if I just wanted to keep alive and not turn into dust, but if I wanted to write and publish, it would be difficult. I am an author who was smashed just after I emerged, and the publication of "Long Live Youth" is nowhere in sight. By 1963, I had only published five short stories and a little prose, and I was facing a situation of being completely blocked. .The more I want to block or block in a disguised form, the more eager I am to publish something, I become anxious, and I am hungry.Thinking about it afterwards, it was also a kind of impatience, a kind of frivolity, and a kind of gaffe.This kind of mentality can neither change the unfavorable external situation, nor write any truly valuable works.On the contrary, I feel even more uneasy about teaching in colleges and universities.

For me, the most important significance of studying in Xishan is not to understand the essence of Soviet revisionism, but to go to Xinjiang from here. Some leaders of literature and art work from various provinces participated in the Xishan Reading Club.When they chatted with me, they introduced the local customs and customs, which fascinated me.After much deliberation, I feel that I can’t do anything well in colleges and universities in Beijing, especially because I understand that our literature is about writing about factories and rural areas, but in fact it mainly writes about rural farmers. Society, out of the fiery struggle, never think about creating again.And how fascinating the writing is.I remember watching a Japanese film before I went to the countryside in 1958, and I was intoxicated by just the dialogue full of life interest.I just want to get in touch with writing work again, I just want to use rhetorical skills again, I just want to say "hello", "happy", "colorful" and "missing you" a few more times in writing... I have no regrets in this life.I can't just stay in a small campus like this, what I want is a vast world, and I believe in Mao Zedong's saying that we must weather the storm to see the world, "This storm is the storm of mass struggle, and this world is the storm of mass struggle. The big world of mass struggle." I discussed with some leading comrades from provinces and regions the possibility of working there.Jiangxi, Gansu and Xinjiang all expressed their welcome to me.I think Xinjiang is the most delicious, and going to Xinjiang is the most romantic and courageous.At the same time, Comrade Liu Xiaowu, the person in charge of the Xinjiang Federation of Literary and Art Circles, just came back from the Soviet Union and passed by Beijing. My transfers are always finalized.So I decided to go to Xinjiang.

But it’s not just for writing about Xinjiang. There should be a long distance between deciding to go to Xinjiang and writing about Xinjiang and writing about Xinjiang well. What’s more, my writing has a prior fatal disability (without waiting for creation and work to be tested).The reason why I propose to go to Xinjiang is because of my desire for life.Longing for literature and longing for life are one and two, two and one for me.I long for the world, I long for men, women, old and young, I long for the sun, the moon and the stars, I long for the rain and snow, I long for love and hatred, I long for the adversity, I long for joy, anger, sorrow and joy, how can I be twenty Imprisoned in the campus at how old?I long for distant frontiers, different nations and cultures. Even if I don’t write, don’t allow to write, can’t write, and can’t write, I still want to read about life, frontiers, nations, and desolation and struggle, hardships and joys. earth!This is a greater book, and I would have paid the price to read it.

I called Fang's school and found Fang. Fang said that she agreed to go to Xinjiang and that she liked Xinjiang's singing and dancing.At this time, what kind of ridiculous good mood do we still have. In the early days of liberation, several Uighur-style songs in Xinjiang were popular in various places. It can be said that the establishment of new China naturally brought about the holding of a national folk art festival. "Cough, we are jumping under the five-star red flag to our heart's content, and we are happily welcoming the beautiful spring..." The following should have been the interlude "Duo Do Do La Dora, Sao Sao Sao Sao Lado", but there are too many children singing They sang: "Everyone says chili is hot, I say chili is sweet...", everyone will laugh together, but it is definitely not deconstruction but boundless joy.The other one is called "The Great Mao Zedong", which I learned from my sister, with local Uyghur lyrics written in Chinese: "Bahamizin Baha Beneda Black Mao Zedong... (The gardener in our garden is the leader Mao Zedong)” surprised Ruifang’s classmate Pi Yunling, who knew a little Uighur, and came to Beijing from Xinjiang alone to study.Due to her enthusiasm, she quickly joined the regiment and became a regiment cadre.Later, when she went to university in Tianjin, she was classified as a rightist. She ran to Xinjiang and was arrested again. She couldn't explain it.

Wei Junyi supported me to go to Xinjiang, and said that going to Xinjiang would allow me to write about less controversial subjects, such as national unity, the great motherland, the beautiful frontier and so on.One is, she said, I could change the slimmer style a bit.This is exactly what I think, I can't just have the lights of Beihai White Tower and Xidan Street, what I need more is the vast desert, snow peaks and glaciers, Tianshan Kunlun Mountains, green state grasslands, Populus euphratica camel thorns, beacon fire border. Huang Qiuyun sighed for a long time, and advised me not to take my family with me, so as to leave a way out.He chanted poems and gave them to him: "...the article shares the joys and sorrows with me, and the heart is the most heart-warming...and Xihua is young and healthy, and he will never leave Jueyu as his hometown." What I think is that there is no diamond, so don't buy porcelain If you dare to go to Xinjiang with your whole family, you must have the confidence to make achievements. If you fail to make achievements, you will be responsible for everything. You will not take the medicine of regret, and you will not complain.

Qiu Yun offered to lend me money to support my long journey.Comrade Wang Gulin wrote to remind me that in this situation, I could apply for a small subsidy from the organization. I applied and immediately received a subsidy of 800 yuan. At that time, this figure was quite astonishing, nearly ten times my monthly salary.By the way, the deputy secretary of the general branch of our Chinese Department was Bi Ling, who was the lover of Wu Xueqian, who later became the Minister of Foreign Affairs, and the director of personnel, who approved the money, was the lover of Li Jiebo, the leader of the Federation of Trade Unions.How can it be said that there are no nobles to bless you everywhere?At the same time, we can also see a little "people's hearts" from it. The friendship is still in the hearts of the people, the loyalty is still in the hearts of the people, and the love is still in the hearts of the people.When Wang Meng recalled, he was always grateful and never dared to forget.