Chapter 26 Eleven, finally divorced (1)

I must add something about my parents.After becoming a "progressive relationship" connected to the underground party, not to mention after joining the party, there was a universal explanation that made me understand everything.That is, all people's troubles and misfortunes come from the evil old social system.Whether it is poverty, oppression, hatred, deceit, betrayal, misery, vice, infectious disease, superstition, ignorance...all come from the four major families of imperialism, feudalism, bureaucratic capitalism, Kuomintang reactionaries, Jiang Song, Kong Chen.And after the victory of the revolution, after the establishment of a brand new society of equality, public ownership, overturning, and liberation, all kinds of knots can be untied, and all kinds of anger can be released...

On Stalin's 70th birthday in 1950, I read an article about Stalin, saying that Stalin wiped away the tears from the corners of people's eyes.This is so touching. A political party, a political leader, has wiped away the tears of thousands of sad people. The toiling people who have suffered for generations have finally turned their tears into smiles, stretched their wrinkles, and relaxed their hearts. Open the corner of your mouth, how emotional is this scene! I once thought that the life of father and mother would also open a new page.After liberation, my father, a researcher at the Fourth Department of North China University, returned home wearing a gray cadre uniform, and my mother soon became a representative of the district's representatives from all walks of life.However, when I knew that my father had been to the liberated areas for so many years but was not a member of the Communist Party, when I knew that my father did not have much to do at North China University, and later applied to teach in the Philosophy Department of Fu Jen Catholic University, and his class feedback was not very good. When this happened, I was disappointed.My mother also failed to persist in the work of the All-China Women's Federation Kindergarten. It's very simple, it's too hard there.And after I graduated from the Central Youth League School, my father raised the issue of his divorce before my eyes.

Yes, not in front of my mother, but in front of me.From the moment of liberation, it was almost always my father who came to me to complain, to ask questions, to talk about his difficulties, how much potential he had been suppressed in this life, because his family life and marriage life were too unfortunate. How his talents and qualifications (that's a word he likes to use) are overlooked and even unfairly treated.This situation sometimes makes me painful, helpless and even resentful.Why did I have to carry all the burdens of my generation, the next generation, and the previous generation since I was a teenager!

Theoretically, I believe that the divorce of father and mother may create new possibilities for them, and divorce may become a kind of civilization, and I will handle it.I once talked to Director Yang of the All-China Women's Federation Kindergarten about my mother's divorce. Director Yang raised two points. First, according to her conversation with her mother, she believed that her mother had feelings for her father.Second, the age of the mother is at a critical point. If she is older, she will focus on her children wholeheartedly. If she is younger, she will give priority to her husband.Now, she is in a dilemma.I don't get much help from her analysis.

My mother asked for 50 yuan a month for maintenance, and I persuaded my father to agree. At that time, my father’s monthly salary was only 70 yuan, but I took measures. First, I promised to send 50 yuan to my mother every month, and then I would find a way to pay. If the money is transferred to my father, at least 20 yuan of "tax" will be refunded, which means that my father should pay about 30 yuan for my younger brother and sister until they live on their own.Second, I understand that the agreement between the two of them has no legal effect. The divorce must be done first to give freedom to the father and dignity to the mother. Let’s talk about the rest.

My father was such a person. He was definitely divorced. He seemed reluctant to part with him. He took pictures with the whole family and his mother with tears in his eyes, so that my sister and I thought he would never leave, but my mother said some grandiose words instead: It's not your personal problem, who made us catch up with the old society, I wish you a bright future. Of course, it was very troublesome to do these things later. For this reason, I even borrowed money from others as a working capital. Then my father got married in a hurry, and soon there was another row, which was as hot as before.Then the father's potential is forever suppressed.He often came to my work place and vomited bitterness: New marriage failed, work performance was not recognized, public relations (relationship with colleagues around) were not good, leaders were not welcomed, money was not enough, nutrition was not guaranteed, things were lacking , the neighbors are not polite, my younger siblings refuse to see him, there is no place to publish the articles he wrote, and there are no social activities... He is also good at expressing emotions, speaking viciously and convulsively, sneering wildly, and cannot live.What (has been) insulted, what is his current status as a "secondary nun" (meaning that the lowest-ranking character in "The True Story of Ah Q" is a little nun, and even Ah Q dares to play it for fun), what is he planning to resign as a "Houseman"...all exciting.I am not going to recall any more.I have learned a lesson. As a man, try not to complain, don’t pass on the pressure of your sins from generation to generation, don’t engage in the relay transmission of pain and burden, and don’t pass it on to others, especially don’t tell your children about your poor life.A man must grit his teeth, no matter what the situation, at least he must be able to bear himself.

But there is one characteristic of my father, which I still don’t understand clearly. He had been transferred to the Department of Philosophy of Peking University at that time, and he was almost dissatisfied with anyone.But he never forgot to praise communism and Marxism-Leninism.When he read Lenin's Notes on Hegel's Little Logic, the excitement, admiration, and praise were truly moving.He also praised Chairman Mao's "Two Theories" very much. He firmly listened to the Party and the Central Committee on all major issues, right and wrong. Moreover, he spoke to me with such passion and true feelings, and he said it again and again. Say it a few times and dozens of times, it doesn't look like a show and there is absolutely no need for a show.