Chapter 69 Eight, the second marriage

After divorcing Minzi, I lived in Yu'er's house in the second year.Her parents moved to a new house, the house is big, Yu'er lived with them, and I lived in with them.At first, she thought it didn't matter whether she got married or not, but her mother expressed concern, so we went through the formalities.Eight years of dating is long and tortuous enough, and now they have finally settled down.Never thought that waiting for us is a series of disasters and changes. After a year of marriage, Yu'er became pregnant and gave birth to a lovely daughter, but suffered from congenital terminal illness.I have written about this experience in "Niu Niu, Notes of a Father".After Niuniu left, we all fell into the grief of losing our daughter, and the air in the house was extremely gloomy.I can also separate myself and transfer pain through writing, but Yu'er has no way to vent at all.She was originally a lively and active person, so I was afraid that she would get bored, so I advised her to go out and find friends to play with, or you might as well find friends of the opposite sex to play with, as long as you have fun and help her get through this difficult time.In my mind, the first consideration is to save her from this terrible disaster.It's not that I didn't think that she is unrestrained and likable by nature. Once she goes out to have fun, she may deviate from the law.However, I have full confidence in the love between us, and I believe that it will never overturn.As for the occasional deviance, I can accept it.I myself have always advocated a loose marriage, and now is the time to test my sincerity. If a loose marriage will help restore her vitality, why should I not allow it?

Yu'er was not a person who indulged in pain, so she went out frequently under my encouragement.I'm a bit lonely, but don't blame her, it's my own choice.I was writing about Niuniu, and thinking of Yu'er suffering so much in those days, now that she can have fun, I feel a kind of comfort.Life is too sad, too painful, and you can be happy and happy, no matter how happy you are, you can't be too happy, not enough.Later, I found out that she really showed signs of going out of line. Although I had already figured it out in theory, once I faced the facts, I still felt very uncomfortable.However, I still persuaded myself to be tolerant and gave myself a series of powerful reasons.First, I understand the tragedy of life in general. Everyone's happiness in a short life is very limited, and any kind of happiness should not be condemned as long as it does not hurt others.Now that's the case, since she still loves me, what real harm has she done me by getting a little appreciation and pleasure from another man?Second, I understand the reality of human nature. Every vital person has multiple needs for the world of the opposite sex, which can only be diverted, not forbidden.Third, I have a basic democratic spirit. A person who wants to enjoy appropriate freedom has no right to restrict the other party from enjoying the same freedom.Men are often selfish, indulging themselves but demanding chastity from their wives, I shouldn't be like this.Let me change to a kind of selfishness, and let her be free if I am free.Fourthly, and most importantly, of course, I have a basic confidence in our relationship that it can withstand the test of moderate freedom.After I figured it out, I decided not only not to interfere with her, but also not to interrogate her, because since she was allowed to have affairs, who she had affairs with was only a side issue, and interrogation might force her to lie.

Unfortunately, I still found out who that person was.I cannot here relate the details of the incident, but its nature was beyond me, and I found that, in spite of my pain, things were still going on.Yu'er gradually disliked my works, including the ones she liked before, but as long as it was written by that person, she applauded everything.This told me beyond a shadow of a doubt that her feelings, too, were changing.I was very depressed, but I didn't know what to do. It was in this state of mind that the god of fate sent Hong to me.A soft and bright voice said on the phone that he was entrusted by a certain newspaper and wanted to do an interview with me.I agreed, because she is a graduate student of our institute, so she can be regarded as my junior sister, not to mention her voice is really nice.I was surprised when I saw her. A female doctoral student is so young, she looks like a beautiful girl who is still studying for an undergraduate degree.She started the interview, but I couldn’t take it seriously, and joked with her, which made her often forget the questions to be interviewed, read the prepared small note again and again, but couldn’t understand it, and kept laughing, so cute .Her interviews fail irretrievably, replaced by dates, then relationships.She is the kind of smart and well-behaved girl, with a bright and lively nature, but at the same time she is quiet and elegant, gentle and kind.On a moonlit night, she helped me and sang popular songs while walking: "There is a bright moon like a hook in the sky." Then she made up the next line: "There are concubines like mice on the ground." It was naughty and humble.She is really humble. When others look at her more often, she will think that there must be something wrong with her.She told me that she was a poor child who grew up in the countryside. She was born with malnutrition and only weighed three catties when she was born.When I was young, I loved to climb trees, and I almost lived on them. I didn’t realize it until I grew up. The reason was that I was hungry at that time, and there were fruits on the trees.On the days when I was in the lowest mood, a very obedient and gentle girl, a humble girl who had nothing to do with the world, quietly walked into my life like this.

Yu'er was surprised when she found out about my relationship, and immediately expressed her understanding.I was very contradictory in my heart. Although I fell into a new love, I still felt that it was unthinkable to be separated from Yu'er.She is clearer and more decisive than me, pushing me forward.For a while we each had our own lovers, and got on very friendly terms at the same time.We all looked relaxed and happy as the situation became clearer.A friend from afar came to visit and saw the openness and harmony between us, and wondered why we still had to divorce, saying it was a luxury.However, this is only on the surface. In fact, the closer to the moment of separation, the more the weight of past love is revealed.Although this love is wounded, it is not dead, and its strong survival instinct still calls us.Really want to break up, Yu'er hesitated, regretted, remembered all my good things, and couldn't let go.Seeing her like this made me feel very uncomfortable, and all the resentment towards her dissipated.I suddenly understood that she was actually pushed away by things, and it was only because of her strong and easy-going nature that her forced acceptance seemed like a voluntary choice.But this time it was my turn to be cruel. Hong and I had come so far, and I couldn't and didn't want to leave her behind and return to the starting point by myself.Yu'er is a happy person, after realizing that the matter was indeed irreversible, she didn't hesitate any longer and quickly handled all the things that should be done.I am clearly aware that our life track will be farther and farther away from now on, and I feel sad for this in my heart.People who used to live and die together will become strangers who are no longer relevant in the world, and the death of another person will be just one of the countless news in the world. Although such things happen constantly, I am shocked by the ruthlessness of life .

Looking back now after nine years, I want to say that for a person who understands the impermanence of the world and cherishes life experience, any good thing will exist forever as long as it has existed.I would also like to say that what happened later showed that for Yu'er and me, the change in marriage might be a good thing again.Analyzing calmly, Yu'er and her current husband are more consistent in personality, they both like to make friends and activities, and live a more unrestrained life than me.With me, Yu'er can't help being lonely.Although the personality contrast between Yu'er and I used to be a sight that friends admired, it is probably better to match our personalities to live together in real life.

Likewise, Hong and I are more consistent in character, we both like quiet.At the beginning, when I talked about Yu'er's vividness, she worried that I would feel bored if I stayed with her for a long time.However, I know not, because she also has excellent sensibility and understanding, intelligent and agile.This is what I value most in a woman, and I can never be mistaken about it.In fact, she could understand me very well, and once commented like this: "Excellent men are all feminine and at the same time a real man, and you are like this." When she came out of Shi Tiesheng's house once, she said: "You all live so innocently. , it may be more difficult for you, because you are healthy, have many desires, and have to resist so many temptations.” I feel very happy to hear this kind of praise that scratches the itch.After all, she is 22 years younger than me. She married a person with a long relationship history like me. She once felt wronged and regretted that she could not get all of me.But she can always reflect on herself and say to me: "If a writer has such a wealth of experience, I will be grateful for his wealth. Now if I hate your experience, there must be something wrong with me." I also Unashamedly declared: "My history shows my quality, which is not lost, and now I love you with this quality, and my history belongs to you in this way." I believe that time has proved that, My boastful words are not lies.Sometimes I feel strange myself, as if I have never had any other experience, and I have only loved one person since the beginning of time.As long as two people are really good together, they will really feel as if they have been together for the rest of their lives.

Both Yu'er and Hong said something like this to me: "Three women spend the best time of their lives with you, you are lucky enough." Indeed, I am forever grateful to them for this.I also thank fate for finally bringing me the woman who is most suitable for me, and accompanying me to live the life that is most suitable for me in this life, a peaceful and fulfilling life.