Chapter 63 2. Three years of postgraduate study

I studied as a graduate student in the Academy of Social Sciences for three years. During those three years, the Department of Philosophy was always in a state of flux and moved three times.In the first year of school, he was in the trade union cadre school, located in a busy city, and guarding a Taoranting Park, and his life was quite interesting.Due to the crowded housing, I often go to the park to read books and read foreign languages.When I feel bored, I go with my classmates one or two, ride around and watch all kinds of excitement.I also regained the joy of buying books. Foreign literature books have just been released and started to be published one after another. I basically buy one as soon as I see it.From then until the price increase of books in the late 1980s, I collected quite a complete collection of such books published in the past ten years, including novels, poems, and essays.At that time, Xinhua Bookstore had some official sales offices, which were often hidden in a small street, and sold the backlog of books published before the Cultural Revolution at a discount.

The contract signed with the trade union cadre school lasted only one year, and at the beginning of the second school year, we moved to Beiyuan Hotel in Tong County.This is a motel, commonly known as a big car shop, where drivers spend the night.The window of the dormitory is facing the parking lot, where dozens of passing trucks are parked every day.Every day from morning to night, from late night to dawn, the motor sounds of trucks, tractors, and motorcycles come and go, endlessly, and the noise is frightening.The biggest problem is that I can't sleep. Every day at 3:30 in the middle of the night, the sound of the car starting will start, and it will continue, intensify, and finally become a sound.Living in this kind of environment every day is like going crazy, let alone studying quietly.Because it is far from the city, life is very monotonous.Every night, no matter how boring the program is, there are always many viewers gathered in front of the small black and white TV in the corridor. They are graduate students, but they can't be blamed, this is their only adjustment.Entrusted by some students, I wrote a letter to the People's Daily, reflecting the serious interference of noise on learning and our intolerable mood.This letter was published on the Internal Reference, which alarmed the leaders of the Academy of Social Sciences.So, the department hurried to find another place, and from the second semester of the second year, we moved to the Eleventh School in Shijingshan District.Not long after, the entire graduate school was withdrawn from Beijing Normal University and moved into the Eleventh School.On the eve of graduation, the land for the graduate school was approved. In the desolate Xibajian room beside the Jingshun Highway, we moved again and lived in a simple metal house temporarily built on the construction site.

During the three years, not only did I have no fixed place to live, but the courses were also very irregular. Fortunately, I always like to study by myself, so I don't care about it.The only big class in the whole department is "Das Kapital". I heard it once from the teacher invited from the Central Party School. The way of explaining it is the so-called leading reading. It is really boring to talk about paragraphs like a Chinese class in middle school. I will not listen to it again. up.For the second foreign language class, I chose German, which requires attending classes, but the department has been unable to hire a teacher for a long time.I finally hired one, Mr. Lin from the Second Foreign Language Institute. This freak left a deep impression on me.At the beginning, many students chose to learn German. When I walked into the small room that was used as a classroom, it was full of people.Sitting at the table was a man, wearing dirty work clothes, revealing a greasy, black and shiny white cotton sweater round collar, and a pair of old sneakers stained with mud, like a mason.It was raining that day, and he was wearing an old straw hat, and his back was arched so that his face could not be seen.After I sat down, I bent down and saw his unshaven face and a pair of deep myopia glasses.He lowered his head and spoke, with a Cantonese accent, struggling to choose words, often not expressing the meaning.He first introduced himself. He was fifty-eight years old and graduated from Southwest Associated University. He studied German with Feng Zhi and Yang Yizhi. He named several famous people as his classmates, but he himself is still a lecturer.It was later heard that he married a woman with no culture and occupation and had six children. One can imagine his financial difficulties.The class started, and he didn't give any explanations. He led everyone to read long German sentences, shaking their heads while reading. For these sentences, we neither knew the pronunciation rules nor the meaning.In the second class, most people stopped coming, saying that he was mentally ill, and there were only four students left.I have always attended his lectures with great sympathy.With so few students, he still spoke very vigorously, making exaggerated gestures to demonstrate pronunciation to us, and because he was a dwarf, he often climbed on a chair to write on the blackboard.A classmate who can speak fluent English said that his pronunciation is actually very standard.After one class, the classmate left Mr. Lin to record for himself for several hours, and then invited him for lunch.When he returned to the dormitory, he said to everyone that this old man was really good at eating. He ate seven taels in one meal and wiped out all four dishes.After recording this time, this shrewd classmate stopped attending classes and began to secretly recruit another teacher.Poor Mr. Lin was fired in less than a month. He suffered a new blow after a lifetime of poverty.

The new teacher was a German editor of a certain publishing house, and he didn't want to teach for a short time.Therefore, I learned German mostly on my own.What troubled me the most was that there was no textbook, and I couldn't buy it all over Beijing, so I had to borrow it from other students to read it when they didn't need it.It was not until Xiaozao found two textbooks edited by Beijing Foreign Studies University before the Cultural Revolution in the library of the school he worked for and lent them to me that I was able to study on my own seriously.Later, this set of textbooks was republished, and other German books were published one after another, so the information was no longer a problem.Because of the lack of listening and speaking environment, I am impatient to do exercises in this area, and my German is basically deaf.However, I have a good grasp of grammar and semantics, so after a few years I was able to read and translate Nietzsche without too much effort.My English is also self-taught, I can rely on the dictionary to read books, and sometimes I can see the translation errors of English masters.However, I found more and more that I was actually somewhat congenitally deficient in language listening and speaking, and it was much more difficult to learn than those who were generally less intelligent than me.Thanks to the kindness of the Beijing Branch of the Goethe-Institut, I was once allowed to study for free, but I gave up halfway after studying for more than a month.I became a news there, and people whispered that there was a man who translated Nietzsche so well, but couldn't understand a word of German.Since then, I have been to Germany twice, adding up to nearly a year, but my progress is still not great, and I can only cope with the simplest conversations.According to my own analysis, the first reason is my intelligence type, which is shorter than auditory memory, and the second is my personality, which is clumsy in communication and conversation.I had no choice but to laugh at myself and said to myself: Back then Wang Guowei translated many books from English, and had a close relationship with Pelliot, Stein and others, didn’t he not understand a word of English?However, among the world's tongue-in-cheeks, there is only one Wang Guowei, and no one can replace him.Of course I can work hard, it may not be fruitless, but I really don't want to part with my precious time.Not being able to hear freely is certainly a drawback, but, having recognized the nature of my abilities and interests, I prefer to live with it.

When I first returned to Beijing, I looked at everything with the freshness of a countryman who came to the city. I was dazzled and admired by anyone's talent.As the novelty wore off, I gradually regained the ability to evaluate objectively, and the result was increased self-confidence.In the quick-thinking wit, I can see the shadow of the villain in the foreign field.From the eloquent debate, I heard the monotonous preaching.There is a classmate from Shanghai who often speaks impassionedly in front of everyone and scolds the authorities a few words, but in fact he is following others, often pleasing the people he despises for a little practical benefit.Once, I picked up a book to go to the toilet, because I hated the ultra-left tone of the book, I joked that such a book was worthy of reading in the toilet.The author of the book is in the Academy of Social Sciences, and this classmate quickly reported my joke to him.Of course, I don't need to hide my point of view, but this classmate who always shows closeness to me usually does such a dirty thing, which really surprises me.When in contact with people, I often find that there are many people who are smarter than me, but among these people who are smarter than me, nine out of ten are shallower than me.Another fact that makes me regret is that there are smart people and honest people in the world, but there is a lack of people with beautiful hearts.

When I was in my second year of graduate school, the Modern Foreign Philosophy Society was established and held a meeting in Taiyuan, and we graduate students of related majors also participated.This is the first time for me to participate in an academic conference. What I find interesting is not the discussions at the conference, but the friendships under the conference.While visiting the local scenic spots, someone proposed to write a poem, and I wrote a poem: "There are countless temples in the world, and the Jinci Temple is unique and graceful. The Sui Huai leans on the Notre Dame Hall, and Zhou Bai half-covers the Jiang Palace in the city. There are women who seem angry and resentful. But there are no stupid monks. Poor forty-two beauties who have lived in the dark wall for thousands of years." Zhou Hong is a first-year freshman. She composed a song "You Xuanzhong Temple": "Xuanzhong is built high on the cloud platform, and the wind hits the mountain gate to greet guests. Come. The Buddha has left the Eastern land, and the cigarettes are empty around the temple. The stele is slender and the reason is poor, and the paper is searched to describe the talent of the generation. If you want to ask who knows the mysterious meaning, the breeze and the birds are lingering for a long time." This poem shows profoundness His classical literature accomplishment is far beyond my reach.People commented that I was suave and she was zen.From the conversation, I knew that she chose to study philosophy in order to overcome emotional pain, so I sang a song to reveal the confusion behind Zen: "Xuanzhong has been initiated for a long time, and the Buddha has gone through many vicissitudes. I am a tourist and enjoy it. , lingering in misery and suffering in the pure land. Seeking philosophy to heal hidden pain, revealing talents by composing new poems. Looking back and staring at the past, green smoke is lingering and full of sorrow.” On the train returning to Beijing, a teacher wrote a five-character poem about his life’s disappointment, with “Whistling The sentence "God knows it well", Zhou Honghe and the poem comforted him, and there was a sentence "God I know myself", they showed it to me, and the teacher said: "How about it, write one too?" I handed in the paper in a few minutes: " The white clouds come and go, and the mind is infatuated. The autumn wind sends the northern geese, and the spring rain brings sorrow. The low habitat often sings loudly, and the white hair is like blue silk. In the chaotic world, who knows the gods?" One of them is pessimistic, and the other persuades pessimism with optimism. Reject them all, come to a detachment, there is no such thing as pessimism and optimism.The teacher sighed: "No wonder some people say that two weeks is amazing." I have only had contact with Zhou Hong once, and the reason why I mention it here is because I accidentally found these poems copied at that time recently. Twenty-five Years have passed, and a small scene that has long been annihilated in life reappears in front of my eyes, which is a special feeling.After that, I never wrote old-style poetry again.

My instructor, Jia Zelin, is an amiable person. He is ten years older than me. He is cheerful and full of energy. He treats me like a brother. We get along very well.Among my classmates, Su Guoxun and Wang Runsheng were my closest personal friends at that time.Su is my brother in the same major, and he loves me very much, and there is a kind of respect from the heart in his love.Wang is ten years younger than me, and he also came from Guangxi. He has a clear mind and is confident and calm in dealing with things. Our temperament and ideas are very different. He believes in utilitarian ethics, and I am closer to existentialism, but we are always honest and honest together. joy.