Chapter 55 8. Poor couples

The Zhongfeng incident made the situation worse. I couldn't make up my mind to break up the engagement, so I had no reason to hesitate, so I set off for Shanxi, where I registered my marriage with Minzi.Minzi asked me why I resisted her to come to the resource. I didn't want to lie and told the truth about what happened, which cast a long shadow in her heart. We left Shanxi for Shanghai, stopping in Nanjing for two days on the way.In fact, our wedding night was spent in Nanjing.Although it is hard to tell what happened that night, in order to be fair to Toshiko, I still have to muster up the courage to speak out.No matter how ambivalent I was about marriage, it was the first time in my life that I faced a woman's beautiful naked body in that small hotel room in Nanjing.When the moment that had evoked countless daydreams of mine actually came, I was excited, nervous, and extremely clumsy, and it ended before it actually started.I knew it was called premature ejaculation, and I was terrified. I concluded that it was the result of my long-term masturbation, and I lost confidence in my sexual ability.The next day, I developed a high fever, which made my whole body weak and my lips peeled off.From the beginning to the end, Toshiko showed no dissatisfaction. She took care of me tenderly, undressed and dressed me, brought water and urine, and always smiled sweetly.I was very moved, I really felt that she was good in my heart, and felt guilty for failing to her.Under her care, my body recovered quickly.She caressed me tenderly again, helping me to get acquainted with her body, and after a few days, I had a satisfactory harvest.I tried to think that if she had been impatient or even discriminated against me at the beginning, I would probably be devastated because of low self-esteem.Later, I discovered more than once that whenever I was sick or faced difficulties, Toshiko performed well, and she was indeed a dedicated partner who could share adversity.

However, at that time, I was moved for a few days, and soon became an ungrateful guy.From Shanghai, we went on a honeymoon trip to Xiaozao’s home in Chongqing, then took a boat down the Yangtze River, visited the Three Gorges, landed in Wuhan, and returned to Guilin by train.During the whole trip, we didn't get along very well and argued constantly.The cause seems to be trivial, but in fact she was angry about the episode before the marriage, so she didn't speak for a long time, which made me angry too, and the air was quite dull.When I was in Wuhan, she ignored me and disappeared without a trace.I was carrying a rattan chair I bought in Wanxian and looked for her everywhere. I was so tired that I was out of breath and my legs were about to break. Looking back in despair, she was secretly following me.

After returning to resources, Toshiko lived for three months.A year later, she left Tibet and was transferred to resources.During the days when we lived together, the two experienced a painful running-in process.We have opposite personalities, one is too introverted and the other is too extroverted, and it doesn't seem to complement each other.If we had more contacts in the past, maybe we would become friends, but we definitely wouldn't get to the point of getting married.In fact, she is a good wife, very careful, and takes care of me in every possible way in life, cleaning the house spotlessly, and doing housework in an orderly manner.However, I happened to meet a self-pitying person like me, and felt that she was not delicate in emotion and could not respond to my sensitive heart.Her biggest concern is that I like girls by nature, Beizhen is a lesson learned from the past, and may fall in love with other girls.She has a point.How I would love to see meaningful glances from girls, once married, these are gone.However, instead of self-criticism, I blamed her somewhat forcefully and said: "Aren't you a girl too? Since it is natural, you have to show it. Don't think about it, a girl guards a man who naturally likes girls." , but his nature cannot be brought out, is she less girly?" In those days, I really broke Minzi's heart.She said sadly to me many times: "You are only kind to the people you like, otherwise, no matter how nice you are, you won't be able to touch your heart!" In fact, she is very emotional, sometimes commenting: "Even if I hold a stone in my hand for many days, and once I lose it, I still miss it, not to mention a partner who gets along day and night." Hearing this, I was very moved, and felt that I should really treat her well.

A few days after Toshiko transferred, our relationship improved significantly.We all work hard on each other.To help her get to know me, I showed her my diary and wrote memories of past events especially for her.After watching it, she said earnestly: "Now I know how much I didn't understand you in the past. It's incredible how you endured the environment in our family and how you agreed to marry me, because you are completely different from us." The one who loves her.” Originally, the crux of the problem between us was that I didn’t love her very much, and let go of this feeling of not loving her, but now I shifted my focus to try my best to love her, at least treat her well, and she will naturally reciprocate up.Since then, she has fully demonstrated that she is a good wife and mother, and she is devoted to her husband.She is very maternal and caring to me, and what I feel from her is more of a maternal love.She happily does all kinds of things for me.When I read, she extracts the cards for me. When I write, she copies for me. She calls it "homework" and always urges me to give her "homework" and finish it meticulously.Occasional business trips, she will definitely go to the bookstore to buy books she thinks I might want to read.When she was on a business trip and saw the transcribed internal speech, she thought that the resources and information were blocked, so she worked hard to copy it for me to read it, and once even spent an entire night copying it under a street lamp.To my surprise, once she came back from Guilin, she told me excitedly that she had gone to the Art Troupe to find Bei Zhen, and they played together for three days.For a while, the two of us were hospitalized in a military hospital in Xing'an County, and met a lovely nurse there, Xiaoling, who got along very well with me.She was very magnanimous and said to Xiaoling: "He is in such a small place and has no bosom friend. He is often very distressed. Although I am willing to understand him, our hearts are not so connected. Now that I have you, I Makes up for that.” She was clearly doing her best to accommodate me, including my natural tendency to like girls, within appropriate limits of course.

In the eyes of resource people, our family of two can be regarded as a romantic and harmonious family.After Minzi came to resources, he was assigned to work as a statistician in the agricultural machinery factory, and I was transferred to the party school.On days when classes are not in session, I also live in her dilapidated dormitory in the agricultural machinery factory.The room is small, and the concrete floor seeps water. No matter whether it rains or shines, the room is always humid, and the quilt is always sticky.In this room, I read a lot of books, and Toshiko copied a lot of cards for me.The Zijiang River flows by the edge of the agricultural machinery factory. There is a dam there. I often swim upstream of the dam. Every time Toshiko washes clothes nearby, he keeps me company in this way.The agricultural machinery factory is about two kilometers away from the county seat, and we often go to the county seat for shopping and errands along the highway.People in the small county are conservative, husbands and wives do not go to the streets together, but we always walk side by side, which is seen as too affectionate, which arouses discussion, and some people even make up a story about us carrying a hot water bottle together.Minzi must still remember a hen we raised. The hen hatched seven chicks. She named them one by one. We watched them grow up, adding a lot of fun to our lonely life.Once when I was at the party school, it was my birthday, and she walked for more than two hours carrying two eggs to congratulate me.It seems that we are going to live together in this small county deep in the mountains.If it hadn't been for the great changes in the national conditions later, this would probably be the case.I don't want to say against my will that I don't like the subsequent changes, but I want to tell Minzi that I will never forget the years we shared joys and sorrows in resources. When I recall these years, my heart is full of gratitude to her.