Chapter 46 24. Farewell to Beijing
Around July, when the armed struggle was at a stalemate, the workers' propaganda team entered Peking University and took over all the power.This move is tantamount to disbanding both factions of student organizations, thus ending the fighting at once.In fact, the student organizations have already fulfilled their mission, that is, they used their momentum to overthrow the so-called capitalist roaders from the center to the localities. Their continued existence will only cause trouble, so they should be let out of the stage of history.All students were ordered to return to school. As a graduating class, our task is to make an appraisal immediately and leave school quickly.The students from the 61st class were dismissed in a hurry that month, and our 62nd class will also leave within a month or two.The destination has been determined, mainly in the rural areas of other provinces, and not one of the big cities will be left.
After two years of tossing and tossing, sitting at the table again, who is what is what, everything remains the same.In one of my diaries—yes, old habits die hard, and after destroying them all, I have begun to write them again—"These days' appraisals have disgusted me. A bunch of petty bourgeois are at their end. Don't you want to be ashamed to flatter each other for a while? I'd rather be a sincere and humble petty bourgeois than a hypocritical and self-important petty bourgeois. They are too dishonest. I admit that I have Obvious petty bourgeois sentiments, such as fragility, vacillation, humanity, sense of justice, etc. However, I don’t have the philistine, businessman, and political attitude that some people have in their bones. I don’t have those stinky airs, that kind of complacency Donkey personality, I can get along well with ordinary workers and peasants, and I will never be worse than these people.”
The distribution plan came down soon. There were twenty-five students in my class, eleven of whom went to Guangxi the most, followed by seven from Shanxi, five from Zhejiang, and so on.When asked about my choice, I said whatever.Several classmates whose families are in Jiangnan wanted to go to Zhejiang, and asked me if it would be okay if I didn’t go, and I said yes.As a result, I was assigned to Guangxi.Those assigned to Guangxi first went to Dongting Lake Farm in Hunan to exercise. After the exercise, they announced the specific location. I am from Nandan County, and another student is from Ziyuan County. He asked me if I would like to exchange, and my answer was yes.As a result, I went to Ziyuan County.I really don't think it matters, it's the same wherever I go.
I am leaving Beijing, and I have nothing to miss, except Shiying's relatives.After communicating with Pingying, I went to Guo's house more often.The first time I went there, I was taking a lunch break in the east room. Pingying called me into the side room, moved a small black wooden box to the table, and went out with her head bowed.This is Shiying's urn.After a while, she took me to develop the photos.Among the developed photos, there was a group photo of Shiying and I in the corridor of the courtyard. I was sitting and Shiying was standing, both with expressions of deep thought. She pointed and said, "Two thinkers." Go, she came back from the outside, and when she saw me from a distance, she shouted for joy and came to my side.Without Shiying, she is the only child in the family who is close in age to me, two years younger than me, so she seems to be the most suitable person to receive me.In a letter, she wrote: "One year ago, Guo Shiying was Lin Mingshu's Guo Minying. Now, who will be your Guo Shiying, and who will be Lin Mingshu's Guo Minying." I read from it poignant kindness.I hope it is her, but I know it is impossible. In my eyes, she is such a noble girl, and there is a subtle and insurmountable distance between us.
Because of my letter to Pingying, Yu Liqun was very warm to me.She told me: "That night, I wondered why my little sister was not asleep yet? I went to her room and saw that she was writing to you. I read your letter and was very moved." Then, she called me I went to her room and said that she also wrote me a letter that day, and she couldn't write any more after two pages. She showed me the unfinished letter and the letter she wrote to Xiao Xiao.Shortly after Shiying's death, Xiao Xiao was sent to Qinghai to serve as a soldier. His mood was extremely low, and everyone was worried about her.Two or three months after the tragedy, Yu Liqun's mood stabilized a bit.When she was in a better mood, she told me about Shiying's past.He came back in series and proposed several times: "Our family should be revolutionized." She asked him about the school's punishment for him. He tilted his head, smiled, and said with a relaxed look: "A thorough materialist is a Fear." She analyzed the characters of the two dead children, saying that Shiying was enthusiastic and unrestrained, Minying was delicate, and it would be uncomfortable to peel an apple even if it was slightly thick or thin.She encouraged me: "You must persevere. If everyone who knows Guo Shiying dies, who else will know him?"
On September 8th, I went to Guo’s house for the last time before leaving Beijing. They asked the chef to prepare a sumptuous dinner for me as a farewell party. There were my favorite big prawns on the table.The four children sent me out of the gate together. Hanying said: "I'm afraid it will be difficult to see each other again after this farewell." Jianying said: "After I go, I will write a letter from Dadi." He immediately smiled and pointed to Pingying to correct me. Said: "Not to me, send her a big letter." Pingying nodded to me.Lin Mingshu and I were walking on the street at night, and he commented: "This warm family, behind the veil is a tragedy that outsiders can't imagine." After a moment of silence, he added: "I think the tragedy is not over yet." He asked me Whether you want to write a novel, I said wait for the future, he said: "I mean the future, of course not now. Ten years later." I asked him: "Do you think there is hope?" He whispered: "It will be sooner or later." things.” However, when we parted, his parting words to me were: “Keep up with the times and don’t be too depressed.”
One thing that day left a small regret.I once saw a calligraphy gift from Mr. Guo at Lin Mingshu's house. I was very envious, so I mustered up the courage to ask Pingying to ask for one for me.Last weekend, Mr. Guo wrote me a piece about his yet-to-be-published poem "Shui Tiao Ge Tou·You Cai Shi Ji", which was written on rice paper about quarto in size.He recited it for me, stamped it and gave it to me. "May I ask Master Li: Do you want to be in the same boat?" This artistic conception is very suitable for me.I held it in my hand, and I was very happy. Jianying said beside me, "I can't put it down." Since I was cycling back and forth that day, I was afraid of damage on the way, so I asked Jianying to keep it for me temporarily, and planned to take it away today.Before leaving today, Yu Liqun advised me not to take it. She said, I went to a place like the army farm, and it would not be good to take it with me.In the political environment at the time, this concern was justified.However, I would be very happy if you could find this handwriting and return it to me now.
On the night of September 10, I walked out of Room 120 on the 38th floor where I had lived for six years, and took a last look at the row of hibiscus outside the window.Wudou had looted all my books and sundries, and I left Peking University almost empty-handed.The big trucks transported us students who were going to the army farm in Hunan to Tiananmen Square. Under the command of a soldier, we hurriedly lined up, raised our hands to swear an oath to Chairman Mao, and then were transported to Beijing Railway Station.We boarded the train, and two classmates gave generous speeches to a group of college and middle school students who came to see us off through the window, while I listened silently.After the train started, the two classmates also fell silent, only hearing the monotonous vibration of the wheels running over the joints of the rails.I stared at the dark night outside the window for a long time, and a line of Li He's poem echoed in my heart: "I have a fascinated soul, but I can't get it."