Chapter 11 9. Misdeeds of good children

I have been very quiet since I was a child, and I am not good at socializing.This is like a mother, she is very quiet, she can not go out for a whole day, and there is no sound for a whole day.My father likes to socialize. He often takes me to visit relatives, friends, and colleagues, and often hosts dinners among friends.Dinners are usually held at my house, and my father is in charge of cooking. He has good cooking skills.I don't like the days when my father hosts potlucks because neither my mother nor us can go to the table because it's a co-op. When I was a guest when I was young, adults often praised me for being good.I'm so good.My good behavior may have stemmed from shyness at first, and I had to restrain myself because of my shyness, but later it was more restrained by adults' praise, and I tried my best to maintain the image of a good boy in their eyes.Around the time when my father was in Xinxin Company, I was only four or five years old. My father took me to a colleague’s wedding. The bride was wearing a wedding dress. Uncles and aunts threw colorful confetti at her, scattered all over the floor.I feel very sorry, how nice it is for me to play with such beautiful confetti, I really want to tell them, but I dare not.Later, my father took me to the wedding of one of my distant cousins. The bride and groom liked me very much. They took me into the new house, carried me to a chair, and gave me candy.A candy rolled into the corner, how much I wanted to pick it up, but I sat on the chair with my feet dangling in the air, listening to the praises of the bride and groom, I just didn’t have the nerve to go down to the ground.My mother used one of her own red silk padded jackets to make me a small padded jacket. I refused to wear it, but I finally put it on once and followed my father to my uncle's house.I knew it was shameful for a boy to wear bright red clothes, so I hid behind my father's back, so I was even more teased by my uncle and cousin.

I think I am relatively honest by nature. There is a small case in my experience as a guest with my father.It was in the tax bureau where he worked, and one of his colleagues brought his own child, and an uncle gave each of us a small bag of sugar, and the two of us hid in an empty room in the staff dormitory and played house. Home.As a result, my share of sugar was basically transferred to his hands and swallowed into his stomach. My temperament seems to be closer to that of a girl.When I was a child, I read comics, which Shanghainese call comic books. I liked mostly the ones about talented scholars and beauties, such as Red Mansions, West Chamber, and Liaozhai, but I didn’t like the ones about heroes and heroes, such as Three Kingdoms and Water Margin. .However, I have absolutely no gender dislocation mentality. I always stand in the position of a talented scholar and fall in love with a beautiful woman.Occasionally, my parents took us to the theater to watch a play, and there was a show of gifted scholars and beautiful ladies on stage, so I just pretended to be passionate.I clearly remember that once, in a theater in Shanghai Dashijie, I stared intently at the beautiful woman on stage, filled with incredible urges, and wanted to squeeze to the front of the stage so that she could see me and pay attention to me.Sometimes, the eyes of the woman I thought I met met me, and she was expressing love to me, and her libretto was all sent to me, so I felt extremely sweet.After the show ended, I felt lost and couldn't recover for several days.

At home, I am much more favored than my sister, and at the same time, I am much more thoughtful and evil than her.She was very loyal since she was a child, but I was more selfish.Once, she asked me a question: "If wishes could be fulfilled at will, what would you want most?" I immediately answered money.I take it for granted that with money I can buy anything I want.Her answer was to sleep, because when she fell asleep, she could forget all her troubles.I was very puzzled by this answer, and I thought to myself: If you want to sleep, you can sleep now, do you need to raise it as a special wish?Maybe she read it from a certain book, I don't know, but at least my answer proves the mediocrity of my state at that time.

There is one more thing that I will never forget.Once, my sister and I both raised goldfish, two for each of us, each in a small bowl.Within a few days, all my goldfish died, and when I bought two more, they all died again, but her two were always alive.Strong jealousy made me lose my self-control, and I committed shameful deeds.When there was no one around, I approached her small bowl, my heart was beating wildly, I picked up the two fish and held them tightly in my hand, presuming they were dead, I put them back into the bowl.Unexpectedly, they turned a few somersaults and swam again.If you don't do it, if you don't do it, I put them in boiling water and put them back in the bowl.Of course, my sister would never have thought of the truth in her dreams. She found that her goldfish was also dead, so she just sighed and went out to play again.Now she must have forgotten about raising goldfish when she was a child, but I will always remember her two goldfish, one is red and the other is black.This incident taught me the terrible power of jealousy, which can drive even a child to crazy things.

When I was in elementary school, I also stole things from my classmates twice.A schoolboy brings a toy to the classroom. It is a wind-up frog that jumps.Watching him play, I am very envious, I have never had such a cute toy.I imagined how happy I would be if I had this frog.This imagination made me so excited that I finally stole this frog from that boy's desk after class one day.After returning home, I could only hide and play secretly, and soon broke it.The other time was stealing books.The students in the class gathered their own books, put them in a box, and set up a small library.I borrowed a book from it called "The Tale of Ironwood", in which the main character is a boy who likes to play tricks, such as wrapping flies in buns for people to eat.I watched and laughed non-stop.I wanted so much to own this interesting book that I returned it and stole it again.

Now I confess these "crimes" of my childhood, not to repent.I don't think these "crimes" have moral implications.I am analyzing my inner state in childhood.As an introverted child, there were different possibilities for my development.If a child is innocent enough, his mood for doing bad things is very pure, and his excitement is hopelessly focused on that matter. He is of course nervous, but he does not feel guilty.I am glad that my occasional infidelity has not been discovered, otherwise it will almost inevitably be some kind of blow and humiliation, which will cast a shadow on my growth.This is like a person who occasionally suffers from sleepwalking. Originally, his illness can be completely cured by himself, but if he is awakened, serious consequences will occur.