Chapter 29 Twenty-nine, return to dust

In this world, no one is qualified to judge someone's life, right or wrong, love or hate, everything lies in the steelyard and ruler in one's heart.The weight and length of it can only be determined by oneself. There is always a hometown that cannot be returned, and there is always a spring that cannot be waited for. When a person is completely satisfied or completely disappointed, he will have no other thoughts about this world.At any time, when you look up at the blue sky, you can see the Buddha sitting on the cloud, overlooking all living beings, smiling with flowers.The Buddha said: Idiot, don't be obsessed with regrets, just turn around and be right.Our eyes are still confused, sighed, can we turn back?We are obviously standing on the shore, isn't this shore the other shore?Those who are awake have already picked lotus for a boat and sailed away with the wind.A dull person can never find the ferry and can't see where the shore is.

This winter, for Su Manshu, was the most difficult season in his life.He is a wooden boat, thinking that he can find the other shore, but he is delayed by a thick fog and lost in the vast world.Su Manshu has never dared to compare himself with the Buddha, even though he has seen and talked with the Buddha many times, even though he stubbornly believes that there must be a savior in this world, and it is the mission given to him by the Buddha.A person goes from birth to death in just a few dozen years, the dead are lonely and ignorant, and the living are mournful.If a legend is added to the dead, the hearts of the living will also be comforted.For example, Li Qingwen's death, she walked into Baoyu's dream and told him that she didn't die, but became the goddess of hibiscus.The same is true for Daiyu, she is not dead, but a god in the sky, her love debt is over, and she should return to the place that originally belonged to her.There is also the white fox that has transformed into a human form. Instead of dying, it returns to the mountains and drifts away.

Su Manshu's condition not only did not improve, but worsened day by day.When Zhou Nanxin went to the hospital to condolence him, Su Manshu shook his hand and said with tears in his eyes, "There is no timepiece around me, day and night are dim, and I don't know when my life will end?" At this time, Su Manshu seemed to have a strong premonition that he would I fell asleep like this one day, and never woke up again.Zhou Nanxin took off the watch on his body and gave it to him, and said many words of comfort. At the end, he couldn't help asking himself, will Su Manshu really be okay?Yes, you can see that he is thin and gloomy, and the high-spirited Su Manshu in the past has gone nowhere.

Sitting in front of the mirror, looking at his haggard appearance, Su Manshu wanted to convince himself that he was just sick, and he would return to his previous appearance after he recovered.He even comforted himself that it must be the incarnation of the golden lotus, or the green oil lamp in front of the Buddha, or the bronze mirror. He died at any time because he had fulfilled his mission.In the cold late winter, Su Manshu drew a picture of "Yangchun Baixue", with red plums and proud snow, spring is vivid on the paper.Deep in his heart, he always believed that he could wait for the warmth of spring in the coming year.Maybe he can also be that lone goose, travel across the ocean, and go to Japan to see cherry blossoms for a season.

He did survive this long and cold winter and saw the spring he was looking forward to.It's just that Su Manshu didn't know that he was a lone goose with broken wings and had already lost the ability and qualification to fly. In 1918, Su Manshu's condition deteriorated and he was transferred from Haining Hospital to Guangci Hospital for treatment.Lying on the sickbed, Su Manshu felt that his life was like a cold cup of tea, with all the flavors soaked out, but he could no longer taste it, because this cup of tea was poisonous, a kind of poison accumulated over the years.A Samuume tree leaned into the window sill from the garden, but the strong branches and delicate flowers could not awaken the longing in his heart.

At that time, Juzheng was recuperating in Guangci Hospital and lived next door to Su Manshu.When Zhou Nankai came to visit him again, he intentionally told Juzheng that the Buddha declared in the cloud that Su Manshu should recover quickly to comfort him.Su Manju was overjoyed after hearing this, and bowed to the Buddha Heaven on his couch.This is a kind lie, and when there is nothing to do, the lie becomes the sweetest consolation.How fragile the human heart is, a person who is open-minded and fearless on weekdays will feel unspeakable panic when facing death.After all, you have to rush from a familiar world to a strange and unknown world suddenly.There, there are no relatives and friends, no four seasons in the world, and even Naihe Bridge, Meng Po Tang, Sansheng Stone and Wangchuan River are all imaginations given by the world. Really make it clear.

When he was so ill that he was unable to think, Su Manshu would dream drowsily.His dreams have no future, and all his dreams reappear from yesterday, as if he walked the road of thirty-five years again, recalling the things that happened, and the scenery he once met, the people he loved, They all said goodbye to him.So many women, so many teary faces, made him so painful that he couldn't breathe in his dream.He didn't dare to wake up, he knew that after waking up, he would never be able to spell out a complete life.In the dream, Su Manshu sank into the riddle of love debts, even in purgatory, he was willing to sink into it.This is the only thing he can do for the past, confess all his sins, and solve the riddle of his life.

He made a final farewell to the Buddha, and he told the Buddha that he should repent for his vain life.Buddha said that he was not wrong.Fireworks and red dust can also taste the taste of prajna, the bustling world can also be a dojo for practice, and the busy streets and alleys can also be strolled in the garden.Su Manshu just became his true self. He should have no regrets in life, no shame for the Buddha, and no disappointment for his beauty.In this world, no one is qualified to judge someone's life, right or wrong, love or hate, everything lies in the steelyard and ruler in one's heart.The weight and length of it can only be determined by oneself.Life is a bet and an investment, and you put all your money into it, and you may have everything, or you may have nothing.

Come when you should come, go when you should go, many people will blurt out this sentence, but they don't understand the weight of it.This spring, Su Manshu still failed to go to Japan after all, and failed to see the last cherry blossom in his life.Life has never been perfect, because it is incomplete that leaves endless imagination to the world.Coming with expectations and leaving with regrets is to pave the way for the afterlife and to find a sonorous excuse for reincarnation.When you come, you don't disturb the grass or trees, and when you die, you don't need to disturb the dust.

In 1918, Su Manshu died of illness at the age of thirty-five.Thirty-five years of solitary travel in the world of mortals, thirty-five years of floating life, thirty-five years of Zen mind in clouds and waters, and in the end, only eight words were left: "All sentient beings have nothing to worry about." At the moment of death, Su Manshu saw his own shadow, like a tulle monk's robe, drying on the window sill of the monastery, blowing in the wind.what does this mean?A return to death and life?Does anyone know where his soul has gone, and who remembers the agreement - if you die, I will bury you with my own hands at a certain evening.

Is he really okay?If he can let go of the beauties he loved in the past, and the thousands of Buddhas in Lingshan, can he let go of his mother in Yokohama, Japan?When Su Manshu was dying, he gave his last instructions. He missed his mother in Dongying Island.His regret was that he couldn't die in her arms. He hoped that he would be like when he was born, smiling and beckoning to the world quietly.It's just that the years are incomprehensible and unable to satisfy his last wish.There are too many regrets in his life, it doesn't matter if there is one more or one less, any care will add burden to the living. After Su Manshu's death, all his friends inspected his suitcase, only a fat box and a sachet remained.A generation of love monks finally completed his lonely life with love.Follow the fate and die, once and for all.On the day of Su Manshu's death, the willow he planted in Changshou Temple in Guangzhou died suddenly when he was eight years old.It turns out that the story of life and death in the world has long been contained in the prosperity and decline of nature.Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe there really is some kind of mystery that can't be fully understood. There is such a verse in the "Diamond Sutra": "All conditioned dharmas are like dreams and bubbles, like dew and electricity, and should be viewed in this way." No one knows, Su Manshu wrote a poem for himself before his death. Love monk, poet monk, painter monk, revolutionary monk, such a Su Manshu who combines talent, love and courage has wandered alone in the world for thirty-five years.A lone goose gave back its wings to yesterday and left its silence to itself.He fell asleep under the cherry blossom tree, dreaming a dream that he would never wake up, and turned into spring mud with the cherry blossoms.