Chapter 21 Twenty-one, travel dream

He can accept the slaughter of fate, but he won't cry out for pain.Sometimes, he felt that he was drowned in the mud of the world of mortals; sometimes, he felt that he was so independent from the world. The fleeting years are really like water, and the days we once thought were far away are now falling between the eyebrows.When the green years turned around and left, we didn't even have the courage to say goodbye.In this world, everyone is as busy as an ant, and there is no time to sigh.How many times have you met by fate, but in the end you just missed it, and even a little bit of happiness in the time was wiped out.Sitting in front of the mirror, I can't bear to look at myself carefully. No matter how gorgeous youth is, it will age, no matter how prosperous the country will be, and no matter how perfect the life will be, it will be bleak.

In the past, Su Manshu never cared about his age. At the age of thirty, he saw the first white hair on his sideburns in the mirror. At the age of thirty, he saw a few wrinkles around his eyebrows.He always feels that his life has come to an end, because he has tasted everything; and he often feels that life has not really begun, because too many dreams have never been fulfilled.Thirty years old, Su Manshu has indeed matured and calmed down a lot, but his contradictions have not diminished in the slightest, and his feelings of madness and sentimentality are deeply rooted in his bones and cannot be changed.Maybe today he is willing to stay lonely until dawn, but tomorrow he doesn't know where he is wandering with his luggage on his back.

In January of 1913, Su Manshu returned to Shanghai from Anhui, and lived with Shen Yanmou and Zhu Gongshan in the No. 1 Xingtai Hotel on Nanjing Road, enjoying the holidays.Snowy trees and silver flowers, fragrant cars and BMWs, in the dimly lit place, there is a beautiful woman staring back.After five hundred years of looking back, rubbing shoulders again, the plum-scented woman walked by him, arousing his suppressed emotions these days.They all understand that a meeting in the form of a passer-by will also end in a meeting of a passer-by.In the dancing snow, they can't take care of so many, they only need to spend the night, and turn around after the night, and don't disturb anyone.

Su Manshu knows very well that his destiny is marked by loneliness, so even if there is love around him, he is destined not to be dependent on life and death.Even if he does not fail others, others will fail him.How many encounters in spring, they parted before autumn, and those women knew that their love with him was like a moth to a flame, but they still refused to alienate.This may be the difference between Su Manshu and ordinary men. His elegant temperament and melancholy eyes are like a glass of cool wine, which makes people drunk when they touch their lips.He has never been short of visitors in his life, but the backpack that holds his dreams is empty.

In the cold spring of February, Su Manshu traveled to Hangzhou with Zhang Moushen and Li Yimin and lived in the West Lake Library.In the West Lake in February, the willows have not yet sprouted, and the peach trees have not yet bloomed, but the lake is clear, green and cool.The plum blossoms in Gushan can't help but bloom for those travelers who are catching up with the spring, with amorous and enchanting hidden in the cold arrogance.Su Manshu went to visit Lin Hejing, the plum wife and crane son. The blade of time is really sharp, and hundreds of years of time were mercilessly cut off like this.When people go to the mountains, there are only lonely statues adorned with lonely memories. If Lin Hejing knew that he would be placed here by future generations, would he have been more secluded back then?Unexpectedly, Lin Bu, who spent his whole life in seclusion in a lonely mountain and not interacting with the world of mortals, would end up being admired by an endless stream of passers-by in later generations.

There is also Su Xiaoxiao who was buried in Xiling, all she wanted was the company of mountains and rivers, Qingning, who disturbed her, sighed for no reason in front of her grave.Su Manshu still remembers Zhemei offering sacrifices to beauties back then. Many years later, he wondered whether Su Xiaoxiao's soul remembered his feelings after returning from the storm.Also, is the singing girl whom I met while playing horses in the West Lake still beautiful now?People are actually the most ruthless. They have formed many fates in their lives, but only a few of them are engraved in their hearts.Su Manshu knew that if he hadn't come to the West Lake, and hadn't seen Su Xiaoxiao's cemetery, he would have almost forgotten the woman with whom he became attached to the West Lake.Forget her beautiful face, faint fragrance, graceful singing voice, and those shallow promises.

She left quietly without saying goodbye. It was just a short journey, but it left a deep loneliness in Su Manshu's heart.Back in Shanghai, he felt that his lonely heart needed to be filled with warmth.He began to frequently go to and from the Red House brothel, drinking and playing the piano with kabuki every day, dancing to the fullest.Su Manshu couldn't remember when she fell in love with the smell of rouge, all she knew was that there was no burden to be with them.There is indeed a reason why Du Mu of the Tang Dynasty wrote the poem "Business women don't know the hatred of subjugation, but they still sing flowers in the backyard across the river", but it also annoyed countless beauties.It's not that they don't understand the hatred of subjugation, it's just that in troubled times, how many men are unable to turn the tide, what kind of responsibility can these weak women make for history?

It is not a crime to be drunk and play songs, nor is it a crime to sing lightly. In the unchangeable fate, they are just doing a sad sinking.Did those who blamed them blame themselves first?Su Manshu understands their desolation, so he cherishes them, and never easily breaks them.He believes that in his previous life, he must have had a deep love with a certain kabuki. In order to repay her debt, he entered Buddhism in this life and is still greedy for brothels.Su Manshu didn't understand why he believed in past and present lives so much, was it because he was a monk?No, maybe at the moment of his birth, he had already believed in the causal frontier, so there will be various encounters later.There are many people in this world who have escaped into Buddhism, but there are very few people like him who have become monks for several times. Like him, it is even rarer to go back and forth between Buddhism and the world of mortals at will.

During this period, Su Manshu spent money like water. He once wrote to Zheng Tongsun saying: "Half a month in Shanghai has cost hundreds of gold." Soon he became a penniless person again.To Su Manshu, there seems to be no difference between the life of the golden water shield or the life of white water.After decades of wind and rain, his heart can already bear all the suffering in the world, honor or disgrace, sadness or joy, parting or reunion, it is just a sign, an emotion, and a process.He can accept the slaughter of fate, but he won't cry out for pain.Sometimes, he felt that he was drowned in the mud of the world of mortals; sometimes, he felt that he was so independent from the world.

In June, Su Manshu went to Suzhou and lived in the home of Zheng Tongsun's brother Zheng Yongchun. Together with Zheng Tongsun and Shen Yanmou, he edited "Chinese-English Dictionary" and "English-Chinese Dictionary".It was also in this water town in the south of the Yangtze River, on the bank of Gusutai, in the Palace of the King of Wu, that Su Manshu's poetry flourished greatly, and he wrote the famous "Eleven Poems of Wumen".He visited all the places of interest in the city, followed in the footsteps of his ancestors, picked up fragments of history, and relive the old dreams of Suzhou one after another.How many times have I wandered alone in the Qingshi alley, looking forward to meeting a girl who is full of cloves and grudges.How many times, I took a small boat down the river to Fengqiao, just to listen to the bells of Hanshan overnight.How many times, on the balcony of the bright moon, I played a sobbing and desolate flute sound.

It was already autumn when we left Suzhou, an intriguing season and a season of farewell.Yiyi ancient roads, long pavilions and fragrant grass, countless people who have left willows to see them off, singing all the three folds of Yangguan, passing through mountains and rivers one way after another, no matter how reluctant they are, they will still be separated after all.No one can guarantee when this parting and reunion will be, and even many partings will be a long life.The Buddha told us to know how to cherish fate, whether it is a good fate or a bad fate, we should cherish ourselves. Su Manshu returned to Shanghai, and once again lived a romantic life of "enduring the false name and singing in a low voice".He lingered in the place of fireworks all day long, drinking and having fun, and reveling recklessly.He wrote poems, asked the singer to compose music, and played high songs at night.In the eyes of many people, Su Manshu is just a flowery monk who is greedy for food, loves beauties, indulges in wine and sex, and has long since left Zen Buddha behind.During this period, his only achievement was that "Swallow's Niche Essays" was published in "Life Daily" and "Overseas Chinese Magazine", and the article "Swallow Shadow Drama Talk" was published in "Life Daily". It didn't take long for Su Manshu to get sick after enjoying such a happy life. He suffered from intestinal diseases due to overeating.The doctor told him to rest for a while, but out of desperation, Su Manshu left the bustling Shanghai and went to Japan.Perhaps only the small town of Yokohama can let him rest in peace, there is a warm nest there, which can afford the stability and tranquility he wants.After all, it was parting, and after all, there was sentimentality. Before leaving, he wrote a poem to express his heart. Jiangcheng is picturesque and pours a cup, and it is sad to be separated from each other after a while. Duanhongguyan, this time there are many mountains and thousands of miles, clear water without boundaries, no clouds and snow, and no big waves washing the sand.He is so lonely. He has traveled through the world for thirty years, and those who joined hands in the world of mortals were lost in the torrent of smoke.In fact, whose life is not like this, in the end, only oneself is left.