Chapter 18 Eighteen, sinking

What cannot be saved is time, what cannot be turned back is emotion, promises are so unreliable, we often look at the back of the past, stand alone in the wind and burst into tears. Prosperity is like a dream, and the dream has no trace.On the road of fate, meeting is an instant, and forgetting each other is just a moment.What cannot be saved is time, what cannot be turned back is emotion, promises are so unreliable, we often look at the back of the past, stand alone in the wind and burst into tears.Knowing that time will take everything away, together with you and me, but I am still afraid that I will fall like a green plum, melt when it meets the sun like spring snow, and die of old age in autumn like a cicada.

Su Manshu asked himself that as a monk, he should look down on honor and disgrace, and not be afraid of life and death.But when he was lying alone on the sickbed in a foreign country, he was afraid in his heart, afraid that he would die so silently, on a stormy day, on a dark and windy night, alone.All the dreams in the past, all the loves and dislikes, were instantly wiped out.He didn't even have time to leave a last word to the world, he didn't have the chance to look into his lover's eyes again, and he didn't have the chance to kneel before the Buddha to shake off his sins during his lifetime.In this world, there are really not many people who can face death calmly and calmly. Perhaps he has already explained everything, and death is the last game he has played for life.

Fortunately, disasters are only temporary, and everything will pass. No matter how long the illness is, there will be a time to recover, just like no matter how long the rainy season is, there will be a day when it stops. Unless the disease is terminal, there is no good medicine for healing in the world.We will all go to the day when there is no cure, or we will die of old age or accidents. The ending is the same, but the process is different.Many people who are world-weary will always have the desire to die, but when life is really over, don't they feel regret?But the arrow that leaves the string cannot turn back, and this is how regret and tragedy are caused.

After recovering from the illness, Su Manshu found himself again, and slowly pieced together his broken heart.While recuperating, he taught at the same time, and his embarrassing life was relieved.But he still couldn't change his habit of gluttony, and his diet became irregular after recovering from a serious illness.Smoking, drinking, and eating sugar are his joys in life.The lost emotions gradually let go of my heart, tobacco, alcohol and sugar became confidantes, and I wrote some crooked poems when I was drunk.Sometimes even he questioned himself, Su Manshu, are you still a monk?Shouldn't monks live in temples, knock on wooden fishes every day, recite scriptures, shouldn't they have simple tea and vegetarian food, and the six roots are pure?

But Su Manshu swears that his absurd behavior is definitely not to be different and to attract the attention of all beings.It's just that his morals are too shallow and he can't restrain himself. He drinks and eats meat, not simply for pleasure, but a strong desire in his heart that drives him to release the pressure of the world.Perhaps the world would think this is the most hypocritical excuse, but Su Manshu does have his capital, he is wise and talented, and has a high level of comprehension.In the monastery, the abbot accommodated him, and the Buddha tolerated him.In the world of mortals, he has close friends and a beauty who shares life and death.No one is perfect in this world, even a Buddha can make unforgivable mistakes and have irreparable flaws.Have compassion in your heart, learn to tolerate and forgive, so that life will have more fun.

Su Manshu is a person who wanders between open-mindedness and narrowness, strength and cowardice. Sometimes he can be desperate for his own preferences, and sometimes he will suppress the enthusiasm in his heart and hurt others and himself.There are too many accidents happening every day, no one can completely control the inner emotions, be calm and relieved, and retract freely.People are often annoyed by their own contradictions, and many times they cannot be reversed, so they can only accept their fate. Those who refuse to believe in fate will bow to fate in the end.In the face of time, who can be unyielding?The straight waist is always easily bent.Even the tragic and desolate history is thickly spread between the heaven and the earth, and it only needs a breeze to blow it away.

After several months of time adjustment, Su Manshu completely woke up from the dream. He felt that the damp heart that was indulging in love needed to be dried in the sun.Pack your bags, the full-fledged Su Manshu will go on a long journey again.It is said that where you lose, you can go back to find it. Su Manshu chose to go to Japan not to find anything, but he did lose a lot there.Instead of going to Tokyo, he chose to go to Yokohama, the place where he was born.Bathed in the salty sea breeze, he will never forget that he is the wandering lone goose, traveling back and forth between the vast world, and he does not know when the return journey will end.

In Japan, Su Manshu continued to write novels, which are his masterpieces of fame.When a person comes to the world, he will always leave something behind. A literati will leave his life's work, a painter will leave calligraphy, an actor will leave drama, and even the most ordinary people will leave a treasured relic.The living people need to rely on these items to remember them, until one day they are completely buried by the wind and dust of the years, leaving no trace.History is speechless, and what it can tell us is only a small part. How many stories about the setting sun like blood have been lost in the ancient road of yellow dust and disappeared in the vast mist.

Maybe we should be grateful, because holding a yellowed scroll, admiring an old painting of Cangzhang, watching an ancient opera, how happy it is.In other words, to be alive is a kind of happiness, you can think about the past unscrupulously, you can meet many touching relationships, you can do what you want to do, love who you want to love, write what you want to write, and drink what you want to drink Tea.Although there will be too much helplessness and too many branches during this period, the existence of life has its meaning and endless opportunities.Survive in the world with a tolerant heart and a magnanimous heart, and there will be unexpected gains.

In 1911, the revolutionaries revolted in Wuchang and overthrew the rule of the Qing Dynasty.Su Manshu was very excited when he heard the news, thinking that this was "the voice of the heavens that invigorates the great man", so he hurriedly planned to return home.However, his life fell into embarrassment again. Being poor and sick, he had to temporarily put his enthusiasm on hold.We always think that life has passed for a long time, and many people will be tired of many things. The previous vows are not worth mentioning now, and the blood in the past is now as cold as water, but we don’t know that some knots are embedded in our hearts, just like tattoos. Never rinses off again.

For Su Manshu, love, painting, poetry, Zen, and revolution are the tattoos in his heart, which grow deeper imprints along with the annual rings.No matter how long the silence lasts, these complexes will never fade away.Living in troubled times, Su Manshu has too many pursuits and dreams. He hopes that he will be a man of lofty ideals who can turn the tide, an eminent monk who can save all living beings, a courteous official who is in charge of the world's idiots, and a poet who writes with ink.Perhaps this is the life he dreamed of. Even if it cannot be perfect, it will not have too many shortcomings.Everyone has their own dreams. They dream of being a chivalrous man with a poetic soul and sword courage; The Wuchang Uprising and the restoration of Shanghai were like throwing a huge rock into Su Manshu's heart, which stirred up a wave of ten thousand zhang.Ripples are deeply rippling in the heart lake, which cannot be calmed down for a long time.At this time, Su Manshu was not as chic as before. He returned to the country by ferry with his bags on his back, and participated in an earth-shattering revolutionary cause.Let him be anxious, but because of his lack of money, he has no choice but to be patient.After all, he is not a flying goose, as long as he spreads his wings, he can cross the ocean.You are proud of yourself, and the cruel reality will wear away all the edges and corners. In November of this year, Su Manshu decided to pawn the swallow-tailed black clothes and sell his beloved books to raise funds for his return home.It is said that money is something outside of the body, and it is said that it will be returned when it is lost. This may be true for someone with a certain amount of capital, but it has become a profound irony for someone who is poor.When people are hungry and cold, they will nod for a steamed bun, bend down for a glass of white water, and kneel for a stove of charcoal fire.And the only purpose of these is to live, to live for themselves, to live for those who care about themselves, to live to live.At this time, Su Manshu's English translation of "Chao Yin" was published and printed by Kanda Printing Office in Tokyo, Japan.For this reason, he had to stay in Yokohama, Japan for some time. In the cold winter, the light snowflakes bring cool romance to the obscure life.Rain and snow are the complexes of his previous life. In this world that is used to alienation, what can make people move is the magical natural scenery. Maybe it can't give you eternity, but it can take you in again and again at the ferry where no one cares about it.