Chapter 56 first quarter

My soul sits in the tram of old Shanghai.The tram drove in a "crinkle" way, through long songs and short tunes, through the light smoke of willows, through the feasting and debauchery, through the thick powder and fat, and through the cold rain and wind... A hole was poked out of the car window. A large bundle of poplar flowers is a small silver-white fluffy flower, looking from a distance like the remaining snow on a dead branch; outside the car window, there are rows of streets, shops facing the street, shop windows, and models in the window.However, there is always a little difference.

All the way to Jing'an Temple Road, the terminus of the tram, it dawned on me what the difference was - Eileen Chang no longer lived here.However, my soul still made a familiar trip to Jing’an Temple, passing by the market where Ai Ling bought embroidered shoes, the Jimei drugstore where Zhu Zhu went to work, Mao Yaoqiu’s firm, the movie theater where Yu Jiayin met Xia Zongyu for the first time, and Wang Jiazhi seduced the elderly Yi's jewelry store... and so on all the way to Eddington apartment. From 1939 to 1947, apart from the three years in Hong Kong, Aileen lived here intermittently for six years, wrote and such masterpieces handed down from generation to generation, and published two books together with Rumors. This is the most important collection of works in her life. She once entertained friends in the literary circles such as Su Qing, Pan Liudai, Xu Jimu, Li Junwei, and Dong Leshan. Sitting with him on the brocade couch, watching a Utagawa Utagawa Ukiyo-e together head to head, or reciting poems and betting on tea, and laughingly commenting on epigrams such as "Zhuobi Yunhan, Zhaohui to the sky", she Wearing slippers embroidered with phoenixes, she gave him tea, and when she approached her, she smiled and flashed her waist. The gesture he praised her was really gorgeous.

But now, she's gone.She said that if she leaves him, she will wither.The withered Zhang Ailing, like a falling flower, drifted with the tide, drifted away from Eddington, drifted to Calden, and then drifted to Hong Kong, drifted overseas, tasted the wind and rain of the world, and the vicissitudes of overseas, until she died alone in the unfamiliar Los Angeles In the apartment—she said she wanted a Chinese-style room with one light and two shades, but in her life, from this apartment to that apartment, she had never had her own home. When she died, it was still written in her will not to build a grave, but to scatter her ashes into the sea—even her soul will drift forever...

My soul felt an unspeakable sadness, so it floated into the depths of the clouds in Shanghai, like a lost bird spreading its wings and dancing in the wind.I smelled the faint and familiar fragrance of opium, and suddenly thought of Ai Ling's father, whom I hadn't seen for a long time, so I chased the smoke and drifted to a three-bedroom apartment on Huashan Road, where I saw the pair of drug believers lying face to face. Swallowing clouds and mist under the smoke lamp, with a wooden smile on his face. It was the autumn of 1947.Even though the world is changing with each passing day and the sea is changing, their days are actually static.The house is getting smaller and smaller, and the money in hand is getting less and less, but the smoke of opium still lingers.In the dim smoke lamp, Zhang Tingzhong narrowed his eyes and smiled vaguely.His only son stood by the cigarette couch, still as thin and thin as before, but seemed to have grown taller and slightly darkened.

Zhang Zijing followed her eldest cousin and brother-in-law to work in the Yangzhou branch of the Central Bank last year. This time she returned to Shanghai on a business trip and stayed at home temporarily.He whispered to his father: "I went to see my cousin yesterday and heard that my mother is back and staying at the International Hotel." Zhang Tingzhong moved slightly, and let out an "Oh" that he didn't know whether it was a question or an exclamation, and then fell silent. "My mother"?It was Huang Yifan.This name sounds familiar, like an acquaintance from a previous life.They had lived in two worlds, and he had no way of even guessing about her life and thoughts, nor cared.

Sun Yongfan snorted and "hummed", now they no longer taboo about talking about Huang Yifan in front of her.She didn't mind, because she was no longer worried that she would return to this home, she just gave Zhang Tingzhong a urging look, as if reminding him of something important. Zhang Tingzhong snorted a few more times, cleared his throat, and then said slowly: "What do you think about what I told you in the letter last time?" Zijing's tone was tactful and respectful, but her attitude was stubborn: "My son's thoughts were also written in the letter. What does father think?"

Zhang Tingzhong's face froze, and he said angrily: "Let's not talk about this first. I saw that you came back this time and brought a lot of travel expenses. Now it is different from the past. The family is a single family, and it is a family behind closed doors. ; Now in the apartment, you have to be more careful when you move. Don't run around with so much money, why don't I put it away for you, it's safer... If you want to go out, go quickly." Zhang Zijing didn't doubt that there was him, and was anxious to go out to see her mother. Sure enough, she took out the paper bag containing the money and handed it to her father for safekeeping, and left happily.

Zhang Tingzhong took the paper bag and counted it, and suddenly a sinister smile appeared on his face.He knew that this son had been indecisive since he was a child, but this time he suddenly became strong and independent, and went to work in a place as far away as Yangzhou. I wish I could stay far away from him.Huang Yifan and Zhang Maoyuan went to Europe, Ai Ling also went to Hong Kong, Zijing has such a weak personality, but she also went to Yangzhou for a while.He wrote to him several times, saying that his family was in a difficult situation and asked him to try to transfer back to Shanghai to share the living expenses.However, Zijing insisted that unless he and his stepmother agreed to give up opium, they would not be willing to pay for the family—it was a rivalry with him.

Zhang Tingzhong held the stack of money tightly, wishing to get water out.Zijing's character is cowardly, no matter how stubborn he is, he can't go far.Unwilling to afford the household?Force him to quit smoking?Hmph, let's see who can be more stubborn than whom! My soul sees Zhang Tingzhong's sinister smile and Zhang Zijing's innocent smile overlapping each other through the smoke, and I feel extremely sad.Zijing was weak and sick all his life, and died alone. Except when he was very young, he was almost never happy. His mother left him so early, his sister was brilliant and far away, his father and stepmother only cared about his money, and they were worried that he would divide their money thinly, and guarded him like an enemy—he He grew up day by day among these people, but his heart escaped to hide in an airtight place, never willing to grow up.When he grows old, until he dies, he will be a child who will not grow up.

My soul followed him all the way to the International Hotel and saw Huang Yifan.She was much more haggard, like a dusty jade that lost its light.However, the reunion with her son after a long absence made her glow with some brilliance after all. She sat across from her son, looked at him helplessly, and kept asking questions.Zijing asked a question and answered a sentence, and she felt a little strange and uncomfortable after not seeing her mother for a long time. She asked eagerly, "How is my sister now? I haven't seen her for a long time. I heard that she has moved." Huang Yifan said worriedly: "They came from Eddington, but they haven't found a suitable house. The Huamao apartment is not ideal. They just found a house in Chonghua New Village recently. I'm going to move there in a few days. Come and eat." . " Ask him how much he wants to eat and what dishes he likes, and he can prepare them then.

Zijing couldn't help having a sore nose and red eye circles—he was twenty-six years old, and he hadn't eaten with his mother for more than ten years. A few days later, as expected, Zhang Zijing came to No. 11, the second floor of Chonghua New Village, to meet her mother for "dinner". One elevator, two households, no elevator, windows along the street.My aunt and sister are out, and only my mother is at home. During the meal, Huang Yifan kept looking at his son, as if he couldn't get enough of it, and asked from time to time: "Do you want more rice? Is it to your taste? How many bowls of rice do you usually eat?" Asking about everything from eating and drinking to marriage. Zijing was embarrassed for a moment, and said honestly: "I want to wait until I have a better job and income and save some money before making any plans." "Is there no love?" "No love." "No girl you like?" "No, I haven't thought about it." Huang Yifan saw that his son was really embarrassed, so he turned to ask about the work situation, and he felt comforted when he said that the salary was good, and told him how to get along with his boss and colleagues.The loving mother's heart is beyond words, but what she can do for her children is really limited. This meeting comforted Zhang Zijing who had lost her mother's love for a long time, but it was a pity that it was only a short while before returning to Yangzhou. Before leaving, Zhang Tingzhong asked his father for money, but Zhang Tingzhong said nonchalantly, "It's already been spent! You can figure out a way for yourself." Zhang Zijing was so angry that his veins were exposed, but he was never a rigid person, and he was only wronged. Swallowing his anger, he borrowed money from his friends to buy a ticket. On the way back, he watched the torrentially flowing scenery, thinking of his mother's tenderness and his father's cold blood, he couldn't help crying. My soul is weeping too, not just for him, but for this turbulent world. They are all lonely, so it's not just Zhang Zijing, or even Ai Ling?Their mother who has been wandering all his life, his father addicted to opium, and even his stepmother who has nothing to do all his life, who is happy? Soon, Zhang Tingzhong sold the last real estate in Shanghai and got a sum of US dollar bills and gold.In August, the Kuomintang government carried out the "currency system reform" and issued large-denomination gold-dollar notes. The price soared for a while, and people panicked. Zhang Tingzhong couldn't sit still. Change it little by little.However, he refused to listen and exchanged all of them for gold coupons. On August 20, 1948, in order to prevent inflation, the Kuomintang government issued an order to "limit the price". The money in Zhang Tingzhong's hands became waste paper, so he had to move again, to a room with only 14 square meters on Jiangsu Road. In the small room, it is small and simple, and it was built between pavilions. The kitchen and toilets have to be shared with more than ten families on the same building, which is worse than the servant's room in his family. I have never experienced such hardship. At this time, it would be impossible to quit opium—he did not wait for the arrival of the new China, so he changed his mind and became a new person. This year, Zijing returned to Shanghai from Wuxi again, and went to see her mother again. When they met, she talked about the pain that she could only live in a classmate's house temporarily, and couldn't help complaining.Huang Yifan also said that the environment in Shanghai was too bad and too noisy, which made her unable to calm down and made Ai Ling unable to write. Zijing thought that her mother didn't like the fact that Chonghua New Village was in a busy city and the rooms were small, so she suggested: "It's better to find a house and settle down from now on. I can bring my sister to live with me, and I will have a place to stay when I return to Shanghai." Huang Yifan still said indifferently: "Shanghai's environment is too dirty, I'm not used to living in it, and the environment abroad is relatively clean, so I don't plan to come back and settle down." Zijing still didn't understand the implication of these words, but felt that the reason was far-fetched—the environment was dirty?He doesn't think so.He was born and raised here, and he will probably grow old and die here in the future. He is not as sensitive or capable as his mother and sister, and he never intends to leave.He wondered if his mother had a good boyfriend abroad, or maybe she was planning to remarry abroad.It's just that I can't ask, I think I can talk about it later. He never expected that this was the last time he saw his mother——Huang Yifan went abroad again soon and never came back. Zhang Zijing wrote sadly in her memoirs: "In 1938, my sister escaped from my father's house. In 1948, my mother left China. They never looked back." , heartbroken.