Chapter 45 first quarter

My soul trembles in the wind, not just because of the cold. It was the fifteenth day of the first lunar month in 1945, the Lantern Festival, but the moon was not full enough, as if it had been frozen. Clouds drifted slowly over, casting shadows on the full moon, and they did not seem to disperse.People describe a beautiful woman as having a beautiful face and a moony appearance, so the moon at night is like a melancholy beauty, which corresponds to the saying "Gone with the Wind". The two Gone with the Wind, Zhang Ailing and Su Qing, stood side by side in front of the window, not speaking.Lantern Festival is a festival of reunion, but both of them are lonely: Su Qing is divorced, and although Ai Ling is newly married, her husband is by the side of another woman—she already knows about Xiao Zhou's life. He didn't hide the matter from her, and he meant to take Xiao Zhou as his concubine. She never answered yes or no, but hoped that he would know how to measure it, and sympathized with his desolate residence in the mainland. Maybe he needed some life support. Pleasure and comfort.

"I hear whispers late at night, and the moon sets like a golden basin." Facing the moon, people can't help but want to break their hearts and say some private things.However, can her confidant speak to others? In the last year, she met and married the man of her dreams, published two books and "Rumours", and even made her own novel into a play on the stage—there is no period in her life that compares This year has been happier and more exciting. "Only one round in the sky is held out, and all surnames in the world look up." This is a sentence written by Jia Yucun on the night of the full moon.Zhang Ailing also had such lofty ambitions, her flower of life bloomed like fireworks.However, she knew that sorrow was coming, and although it hadn't happened yet, it would always come.

Everyone can find themselves in it, and put themselves in the costumes of the characters in the Grand View Garden like a fish in water; but few people can see their own shadows in Zhang Ailing's characters, such as Tassel, Xiaohan, Qiqiao, Weilong...everyone The images are so vivid, so independent, so real and concrete, full of flesh and blood, yet so estranged and inaccessible, they are placed in wax museums for people to visit. Even Su Qing asked Zhang Ailing: "Why is there no one like me in your novels? I have been paying attention, but I can't find it." Ailing smiled wryly, there is no similar person, and she also has a similar fate. If the moon is full, you will lose money, and the tree will fall and the monkeys will scatter.

She didn't answer Su Qing, but suddenly started talking about an irrelevant matter: "Our maid, the man is a useless tailor. There was an air raid a few days ago, and I met him on the road afterwards, and he hurried to us He came to his apartment, met me, and asked how his wife and children were doing, which was very touching." Su Qing heard this, and said: "Yes..." When she fled, she had no one to protect her—she was silent for a while, and then suddenly said, "If the bomb blows out my eyes, I will write later." The manuscript has to be read out for others to memorize, that would be terrible."

Aileen was taken aback.During the war in Hong Kong, she hid in the air-raid shelter to read, and she was also worried that a shell would blow her eyes. She had nothing to say, so she sighed comfortingly: "This is a troubled world." "This is a troubled time." Su Qing echoed, also sighing softly. Ailing said again: "People say that making a wish on the moon is valid... What is your wish?" "I have a husband and a family." Su Qing smiled and said slowly, "A husband must be masculine, not a bad boy, he has airs, even if he is a bit of an official, it doesn't matter, and he is a bit uninhibited and professional. If there are often short-term trips, then the family life will not be too rigid and changeless..."

Ai Ling's heart moved: This is a bit like Lan Cheng's appearance.Officially, unconventional and uninhibited, often not at home. Su Qing went on to say: "The couple live in their own house, and they often treat guests. The friends they meet are all good friends. Of course, there are many girlfriends, but they should be older, and they don't need to be too beautiful..." Ailing smiled: "In short, you can rest assured that you are two years older than you, and your appearance is a little worse than yours." Su Qing also smiled, and said as if explaining: "Don't worry about it... When my husband is away, I can spare time to socialize with my girlfriend; when I get sick occasionally, my friends will come to condolences, bring food, There are flowers, and the phone keeps ringing."

Aileen couldn't help but laugh.She was also tempted by the realm Su Qing described, but she also felt sad. In this chaotic world, where can she find that kind of peaceful and tranquil living atmosphere?It is as ideal and nihilistic as Peach Blossom Spring.The way Su Qing whispered to the moon was very different from her previous straightforward style, as if she was making a wish to a god, and that situation also made her feel sad. Su Qing asked: "What about you? Haven't said what your wish is?" "It's almost the same as you. You must have a home." Aileen said hesitantly, "I want a Chinese-style house in the future, with white powder walls, gold-painted tables and chairs, red chair cushions, and a place on the table. Tea bowls with pea green and glutinous rice porcelain, piled high with a pot of cakes, each with a rouge dot on it. There is a so-called "one bright and two dark" in Chinese houses, and this is of course the bright room."

As he spoke, his voice lowered, and he felt more and more sad, because he knew it was impossible—in fact, they were all simple and small expectations, but they were just as impossible.In this chaotic world, nothing really belongs to them, so they can't wait to hold something, even if they know they can't hold it, they still have to work hard. Looking at these remarks after more than half a century, it is really desolate. Zhang Ailing and Su Qing are both hard-working and self-reliant women. In order to survive and live a little better, they have tried their best.Their wishes were not extravagant, but none of them came true in the end—Su Qing was ridiculed by the world and died in depression. It was not until the late 1980s and early 1990s that her works reappeared on both sides of the Taiwan Strait. ; and Eileen Chang has been wandering all her life, and has never had a house of her own, a real home.

Later, a magazine held an exclusive interview about Su Qing and Zhang Ailing, and asked again about the candidate for an ideal husband. At this time, both of them seemed to be prepared, and they answered happily. Su Qing's answer is particularly clear: "First, the nature is honest and honest; second, the knowledge and property are not inferior to women, it is better to be superior; third, the physique is strong, with masculine spirit, and the appearance should not be hateful, nor should it be like a woman. Xiaodan; fourth, have a zest for life, don't speak insipidly; fifth, age five to ten years older than the woman."

But Zhang Ailing seemed to be more practical than her, and said humbly: "I often hear people say what kind of person they want to marry, but none of the people who marry later is like her ideal, or is close to her ideal. See Some of them seem to be very satisfied. So I decided not to have many theories. Of course, the conditions proposed by Su Qing are all reasonable, and any woman can listen to them. But I have always thought that men should be older Ten or more years old, I always feel that women should be more innocent and men should be more experienced." She refused to be "false", and the actual standard only said that "a man should be ten years older or more", that is because she is already married, married to Hu Lancheng, and she is not qualified to talk about "standards" Husband's conditions", and it is inconvenient to have "many theories".As for the condition of age, Hu Lancheng always met - he was fourteen years older than her.

Moreover, this is the first man who is willing to give her money.He said: "May I protect you financially?"—Hearing the word "protection", her heart softened.I think of being imprisoned by my father in the old house when I was a child, longing for a prince to come to rescue me; I think of the rumble of planes during the Hong Kong War, but there is no one who takes pity on me.Well now, she has him, and he will protect her. There has always been a bit of admiration in her love for him, and she especially likes his prose, which has always been surprisingly prolific.She saw him sitting at her desk writing something, with his brows fixed in concentration, his strokes rustling all the way, like a dark silver statue of silky texture on the desk.