Chapter 9 rebirth
Anything that involves the giving and receiving of happiness is irrelevant.What are you competing for? ——What is long is suffering, and what is short is life.
Time is green because we are all getting old.Now look at Shanghai Bund in brocade clothes, noble and enchanting, peerless and independent.In the 1930s, this city also experienced the flames of war in troubled times and set off countless turmoil in the world.It's just that the sea has changed, everything is locked in the city called the past, and it has long been quiet and safe. The wind of the Republic of China blew to every corner of Shanghai Beach.And people in that era were always looking for the destination of life in a panic.Later, in Zhang Ailing's articles, the word troubled times can always be seen.Looking back at the environment she lived in and the stories she experienced in her life, she is really confused.Maybe it's because of my shallow vision, I always feel that the world is full of vicissitudes, even in a peaceful and prosperous age, I can't escape a life full of blood and tears. Zhang Ailing's mother, Huang Yifan, returned to China in the troubled times. This new-age woman who has studied abroad several times has long been accustomed to turmoil and is not afraid of wind and frost.When her mother returned to China, Eileen Chang seemed to be careless, but in fact she was filled with endless joy.Because Zhang Ailing was already a slim young girl at this time, the romantic and charming European and American atmosphere exuded from her mother made her intoxicated.The beautiful scenery and legendary stories told by her mother all fascinated her.At that time, Eileen Chang was tired of the atmosphere at home and wanted to go abroad irresistibly. When her mother came back, Zhang Ailing was even more reluctant to go back to her father's house. She often stayed with her mother until sunset and dusk, and at the beginning of the new year, she reluctantly went back.After a long time, the father was very unhappy, thinking that the daughter who had been raised and educated all these years was on the other side of his heart.Especially when Zhang Ailing asked to study abroad, Zhang Tingzhong lost his temper, feeling that she was provoked by her mother.The stepmother took the opportunity to scold: "Your mother is still interfering in your family's affairs even after she got divorced. Since you can't let go of this place, why didn't you come back? It's a pity that you are a step late, and you have to be a concubine when you come back!" Such humiliation made Zhang Ailing's hatred for her stepmother unabated.Zhang Tingzhong has always been a conservative person. Huang Yifan and Zhang Maoyuan's overseas study made him deeply understand that as long as a woman embarks on a journey in the new era, she will never find the traditional and elegant beauty of oriental women.More importantly, smoking opium for two people in the family was already a huge expense. He couldn't even afford the money for Zhang Ailing's piano lessons, so how could he be willing to use this money for her to study abroad? The Songhu War happened as people expected, and the whole Shanghai Bund fell into chaos.Some people left their homes and fled one after another, while others sat down and had fun in time.Hearing the sound of gunfire at night, he could not sleep peacefully.Zhang Ailing proposed to her father to stay at her aunt's house for a few days. Zhang Tingzhong knew that she was going to her mother's house when she went to her aunt's house. Although she felt unhappy, she couldn't refuse, so she agreed. Back at her mother's house, she was like a tired bird returning to its nest. Despite the chaotic world outside, her heart was as clean as glass, undisturbed.However, the streamer is so inspiring, two weeks have passed like this in the blink of an eye.When she returned to her father's house very reluctantly, she saw her stepmother sitting in the living room with a gloomy face, asking her, "Why didn't you tell me when you left?" I’ve said it.” The stepmother said angrily, “Oh, I told my father! You don’t even have me in your eyes!” As soon as the words came out, Zhang Ailing was slapped across the face.Zhang Ailing was extremely humiliated, and instinctively wanted to fight back, but was held back by the old lady in the house.At this time, the stepmother ran upstairs seriously, shouting: "She hit me! She hit me!" Immediately afterwards, Zhang Ailing's father punched and kicked her indiscriminately. "At this moment, everything became very clear. The dark and dark dining room with the shutters down, the meal was already on the table, the goldfish bowl without goldfish, and the orange-red fish and algae were finely traced on the white porcelain bowl. My father kicked Slippers, Pata Pata rushed downstairs, grabbed me, fisted and kicked, and shouted: "You still beat people! If you beat someone, I will beat you! Today I must kill you!" I felt my head tilted. To this side, then to that side, countless times, my ears were deafened. I sat on the ground, lying on the ground, and he grabbed my hair and kicked me. Finally, someone pulled me away..." This is Zhang Ailing's description of that scene in "Whispers".The reason why she spared no effort was because this was the biggest humiliation in her life.The confrontation of her father's fist and kick completely shattered her last bit of reluctance to this family.The trace of family affection, which was originally weak, disappeared at this moment.Since then, Eileen Chang hid her inner feelings deeper, and she dared not love easily.Because she knows that this bewildered world requires indifference to confront it, and even hatred requires courage and strength. In the mirror, looking at her scars, Zhang Ailing wanted to cry but had no tears.The next day, my aunt came to intercede after hearing the news.When the stepmother saw her, she sneered, "Are you here to catch opium?" Before the aunt could say anything, the father jumped up from the cigarette shop, took the cigarette stick and hit his sister on the head, wounding her as well. Into the hospital.Zhang Maoyuan wanted to report to the police station, but felt that the matter was a family scandal, and he really couldn't afford to lose that face, so he gave up. At that time, Zhang Tingzhong was like a wounded and irritated beast, losing his reason.He vented all the years of depression, so many years of sinking, and all the disappointment on Eileen Chang.Maybe when time passed, he would wake up and regret it.And after Zhang Ailing looked at this matter many years later, she would feel that her father was actually so pitiful and pathetic.The change of a dynasty has changed the hearts of many people, making them unable to understand the strange self. Her father threatened to shoot her dead.Zhang Ailing was imprisoned in an empty room.This house where she was born here, this old house that bears the wind and frost for a hundred years, has become so strange and inhumane now.The faint blue moonlight shone on the floor, hiding a quiet murderous intent.Zhang Ailing knew that her father could not kill her, but she was worried that if she was locked up like this for a few years, she would no longer be her when she came out.Leaning against the wooden railing, the sky is blue, and the artillery fire is still there.She hoped in her heart that there was such a bomb that could be dropped at home, even if she died with them, she would be willing. The magnolia outside the window has big white flowers.Zhang Ailing said that it was like a dirty white handkerchief or waste paper, thrown there and forgotten.She had never seen such a coquettish and dejected flower.It can be seen how important a person's state of mind is. At this time, the beautiful scenery on a good day is useless to Eileen Chang. Zhang Ailing was ill, and the illness lasted for half a year.Lying on the bed hazily, looking at the pale blue sky in autumn and winter, forgetting the dynasty and the years.She felt that she had aged many years and was about to die in such a hazy way.But she never stopped thinking of escaping, even though she had been imprisoned like a walking dead. One night in the middle of winter, Zhang Ailing finally waited for the opportunity.With the help of the servant He Gan, she cleverly took advantage of the time when the two patrolmen were changing shifts, and just slipped out without a sound.It was really standing on the sidewalk, the street was silent and cold, and only a piece of cold ashes could be seen under the street lamp. "What an amiable world! I hurried along the curb, and every step on the ground was a loud kiss. And I was negotiating with a rickshaw driver not far from home-- I'm so glad I haven't forgotten how to bargain..." At this time, Eileen Chang is a wounded prison bird, as long as she is given a pair of wings, she will not forget how to fly. During the nearly half a year of imprisonment, Eileen Chang suffered a lot.This also made her realize that in this vast theater of the world, living alone is not so scary.Her fragile heart began to become firmer and more calm.She believed that even if her heart was snowing, as long as she opened the window, the peach blossoms would turn red again and the willows would still be so green. Zhang Ailing's departure this time meant a complete farewell to that old house and a break with her father's house.The stepmother gave away her things and threw them away, just as if she was dead.Zhang Ailing is not sad because of this, their indifference and ruthlessness is a kind of soul relief for her.In this world, love is debt, hate is not. Zhang Ailing defected with nothing, which undoubtedly added a financial burden to her mother.At that time, my aunt suffered a huge loss because of stock speculation.The car was sold, and the driver and servant were fired.Back then, the two single beauties who had returned from studying abroad, went in and out of fragrant cars and BMWs, and the scenery of being served by others before and after was gone forever, as if it had been a lifetime. Zhang Ailing wrote something like this in "Tong Yan Wu Ji": "Ask my mother for money. At first it was a kind and interesting thing, because I have always loved my mother with a romantic love... But later , In her predicament, I reached out to ask her for money for three days and two days, I was tortured by her temper, I was tortured by my ingratitude, and those trivial embarrassments ruined my love little by little." She was at a loss, and even doubted whether she was worthy of what her mother had done for her.This low self-esteem and proud girl often feels that she has deviated from the time and is walking on the world of mortals that does not belong to her.But whose life is not like this, you expect the days to pass quietly like this, but you will always be disturbed by sudden accidents. Fortunately, the lost people will meet again in the forest one day.What is missed will eventually be compensated in another way.The world is prehistoric, dark and dark for thousands of miles, and when we pass by, the mountains and rivers are still, the clouds are light and the wind is light.
Time is green because we are all getting old.Now look at Shanghai Bund in brocade clothes, noble and enchanting, peerless and independent.In the 1930s, this city also experienced the flames of war in troubled times and set off countless turmoil in the world.It's just that the sea has changed, everything is locked in the city called the past, and it has long been quiet and safe. The wind of the Republic of China blew to every corner of Shanghai Beach.And people in that era were always looking for the destination of life in a panic.Later, in Zhang Ailing's articles, the word troubled times can always be seen.Looking back at the environment she lived in and the stories she experienced in her life, she is really confused.Maybe it's because of my shallow vision, I always feel that the world is full of vicissitudes, even in a peaceful and prosperous age, I can't escape a life full of blood and tears. Zhang Ailing's mother, Huang Yifan, returned to China in the troubled times. This new-age woman who has studied abroad several times has long been accustomed to turmoil and is not afraid of wind and frost.When her mother returned to China, Eileen Chang seemed to be careless, but in fact she was filled with endless joy.Because Zhang Ailing was already a slim young girl at this time, the romantic and charming European and American atmosphere exuded from her mother made her intoxicated.The beautiful scenery and legendary stories told by her mother all fascinated her.At that time, Eileen Chang was tired of the atmosphere at home and wanted to go abroad irresistibly. When her mother came back, Zhang Ailing was even more reluctant to go back to her father's house. She often stayed with her mother until sunset and dusk, and at the beginning of the new year, she reluctantly went back.After a long time, the father was very unhappy, thinking that the daughter who had been raised and educated all these years was on the other side of his heart.Especially when Zhang Ailing asked to study abroad, Zhang Tingzhong lost his temper, feeling that she was provoked by her mother.The stepmother took the opportunity to scold: "Your mother is still interfering in your family's affairs even after she got divorced. Since you can't let go of this place, why didn't you come back? It's a pity that you are a step late, and you have to be a concubine when you come back!" Such humiliation made Zhang Ailing's hatred for her stepmother unabated.Zhang Tingzhong has always been a conservative person. Huang Yifan and Zhang Maoyuan's overseas study made him deeply understand that as long as a woman embarks on a journey in the new era, she will never find the traditional and elegant beauty of oriental women.More importantly, smoking opium for two people in the family was already a huge expense. He couldn't even afford the money for Zhang Ailing's piano lessons, so how could he be willing to use this money for her to study abroad? The Songhu War happened as people expected, and the whole Shanghai Bund fell into chaos.Some people left their homes and fled one after another, while others sat down and had fun in time.Hearing the sound of gunfire at night, he could not sleep peacefully.Zhang Ailing proposed to her father to stay at her aunt's house for a few days. Zhang Tingzhong knew that she was going to her mother's house when she went to her aunt's house. Although she felt unhappy, she couldn't refuse, so she agreed. Back at her mother's house, she was like a tired bird returning to its nest. Despite the chaotic world outside, her heart was as clean as glass, undisturbed.However, the streamer is so inspiring, two weeks have passed like this in the blink of an eye.When she returned to her father's house very reluctantly, she saw her stepmother sitting in the living room with a gloomy face, asking her, "Why didn't you tell me when you left?" I’ve said it.” The stepmother said angrily, “Oh, I told my father! You don’t even have me in your eyes!” As soon as the words came out, Zhang Ailing was slapped across the face.Zhang Ailing was extremely humiliated, and instinctively wanted to fight back, but was held back by the old lady in the house.At this time, the stepmother ran upstairs seriously, shouting: "She hit me! She hit me!" Immediately afterwards, Zhang Ailing's father punched and kicked her indiscriminately. "At this moment, everything became very clear. The dark and dark dining room with the shutters down, the meal was already on the table, the goldfish bowl without goldfish, and the orange-red fish and algae were finely traced on the white porcelain bowl. My father kicked Slippers, Pata Pata rushed downstairs, grabbed me, fisted and kicked, and shouted: "You still beat people! If you beat someone, I will beat you! Today I must kill you!" I felt my head tilted. To this side, then to that side, countless times, my ears were deafened. I sat on the ground, lying on the ground, and he grabbed my hair and kicked me. Finally, someone pulled me away..." This is Zhang Ailing's description of that scene in "Whispers".The reason why she spared no effort was because this was the biggest humiliation in her life.The confrontation of her father's fist and kick completely shattered her last bit of reluctance to this family.The trace of family affection, which was originally weak, disappeared at this moment.Since then, Eileen Chang hid her inner feelings deeper, and she dared not love easily.Because she knows that this bewildered world requires indifference to confront it, and even hatred requires courage and strength. In the mirror, looking at her scars, Zhang Ailing wanted to cry but had no tears.The next day, my aunt came to intercede after hearing the news.When the stepmother saw her, she sneered, "Are you here to catch opium?" Before the aunt could say anything, the father jumped up from the cigarette shop, took the cigarette stick and hit his sister on the head, wounding her as well. Into the hospital.Zhang Maoyuan wanted to report to the police station, but felt that the matter was a family scandal, and he really couldn't afford to lose that face, so he gave up. At that time, Zhang Tingzhong was like a wounded and irritated beast, losing his reason.He vented all the years of depression, so many years of sinking, and all the disappointment on Eileen Chang.Maybe when time passed, he would wake up and regret it.And after Zhang Ailing looked at this matter many years later, she would feel that her father was actually so pitiful and pathetic.The change of a dynasty has changed the hearts of many people, making them unable to understand the strange self. Her father threatened to shoot her dead.Zhang Ailing was imprisoned in an empty room.This house where she was born here, this old house that bears the wind and frost for a hundred years, has become so strange and inhumane now.The faint blue moonlight shone on the floor, hiding a quiet murderous intent.Zhang Ailing knew that her father could not kill her, but she was worried that if she was locked up like this for a few years, she would no longer be her when she came out.Leaning against the wooden railing, the sky is blue, and the artillery fire is still there.She hoped in her heart that there was such a bomb that could be dropped at home, even if she died with them, she would be willing. The magnolia outside the window has big white flowers.Zhang Ailing said that it was like a dirty white handkerchief or waste paper, thrown there and forgotten.She had never seen such a coquettish and dejected flower.It can be seen how important a person's state of mind is. At this time, the beautiful scenery on a good day is useless to Eileen Chang. Zhang Ailing was ill, and the illness lasted for half a year.Lying on the bed hazily, looking at the pale blue sky in autumn and winter, forgetting the dynasty and the years.She felt that she had aged many years and was about to die in such a hazy way.But she never stopped thinking of escaping, even though she had been imprisoned like a walking dead. One night in the middle of winter, Zhang Ailing finally waited for the opportunity.With the help of the servant He Gan, she cleverly took advantage of the time when the two patrolmen were changing shifts, and just slipped out without a sound.It was really standing on the sidewalk, the street was silent and cold, and only a piece of cold ashes could be seen under the street lamp. "What an amiable world! I hurried along the curb, and every step on the ground was a loud kiss. And I was negotiating with a rickshaw driver not far from home-- I'm so glad I haven't forgotten how to bargain..." At this time, Eileen Chang is a wounded prison bird, as long as she is given a pair of wings, she will not forget how to fly. During the nearly half a year of imprisonment, Eileen Chang suffered a lot.This also made her realize that in this vast theater of the world, living alone is not so scary.Her fragile heart began to become firmer and more calm.She believed that even if her heart was snowing, as long as she opened the window, the peach blossoms would turn red again and the willows would still be so green. Zhang Ailing's departure this time meant a complete farewell to that old house and a break with her father's house.The stepmother gave away her things and threw them away, just as if she was dead.Zhang Ailing is not sad because of this, their indifference and ruthlessness is a kind of soul relief for her.In this world, love is debt, hate is not. Zhang Ailing defected with nothing, which undoubtedly added a financial burden to her mother.At that time, my aunt suffered a huge loss because of stock speculation.The car was sold, and the driver and servant were fired.Back then, the two single beauties who had returned from studying abroad, went in and out of fragrant cars and BMWs, and the scenery of being served by others before and after was gone forever, as if it had been a lifetime. Zhang Ailing wrote something like this in "Tong Yan Wu Ji": "Ask my mother for money. At first it was a kind and interesting thing, because I have always loved my mother with a romantic love... But later , In her predicament, I reached out to ask her for money for three days and two days, I was tortured by her temper, I was tortured by my ingratitude, and those trivial embarrassments ruined my love little by little." She was at a loss, and even doubted whether she was worthy of what her mother had done for her.This low self-esteem and proud girl often feels that she has deviated from the time and is walking on the world of mortals that does not belong to her.But whose life is not like this, you expect the days to pass quietly like this, but you will always be disturbed by sudden accidents. Fortunately, the lost people will meet again in the forest one day.What is missed will eventually be compensated in another way.The world is prehistoric, dark and dark for thousands of miles, and when we pass by, the mountains and rivers are still, the clouds are light and the wind is light.