Chapter 30 The ghosts and obsessions outside Qianshan Muxue

The weather is fine, as it was when you were here. The rose in the greenhouse bloomed, and hated to eat all the new leaves of the rose. Xiangxiu took it to the doctor specially, saying that it was deficient in vitamins.A long time ago, when we first met, you were also deficient in vitamins. At that time, your hair was yellow and the ends were split. You were really a yellow-haired girl.I'll take you to dinner, you eat anything delicious, and you will smile at me with crooked eyebrows, which makes people feel appetizing. Many years later, the kitchen stewed bird's nest, and you tasted like a small spoonful, as if you were swallowing bitter medicine.

I'm not nice to you, I know it. For a long time, I avoided seeing you because I was afraid that I would not be able to control my emotions.But after a while, I feel bored and anxious again.I have no patience to do anything, and the most knowledgeable personal assistant always advises me to go home and have a look. When he said home, he meant a place with you. But you never thought of it as home. A long, long time ago, one night you didn't know what you dreamed of, and you suddenly cried until you woke up crying.I picked you up to comfort you, but when you saw my face, you suddenly panicked and wanted to break away.I will never forget the look in your eyes at that time, I am very sad, and I don't want you to stay in my room anymore.I think you are annoying, you are noisy, and you don't seem to sleep well, so I let you go away.

I can't let you go away from my heart. One night when friends got together, Mr. Ye got drunk, hugged two beautiful girls in KTV, but sang "Ghost Bewitched" loudly with a mic. Someone asked me where are you? I can't forget after all these years No matter how beautiful the spring breeze is, it can't compare to your smile People who haven't met you won't understand! ... Such an old song was sung by him with deep affection, the girls leaned forward and backward with laughter, everyone was booing and applauding, only I saw the faint tears in his eyes. He was really drunk, that night.

After that, I was very careful, I was afraid that if I got drunk, I would lose my composure like him. You are my obsession, only I know. When you came back, I was very indulgent and drunk. Because I don't know how to face you. Maybe have a drink and have a reason to be nice to you, or not. I really hate that dog you bought, and you. Because I took you to the movies when I was in Hong Kong, and you said the ring was so pretty.It's been a long time since you said anything nice in front of me.So I deliberately took advantage of the business trip to pick out diamonds in Belgium, and then handed them over to the jewelry store, where they were set as they were in the movie.When I gave it to you, your expression let me know that you didn't like it.

Later, I kept thinking, when did I become so pitiful. Even making you smile has become a luxury for me. I've always wondered if I could get a divorce, would you feel better if there was no moral guilt involved. But you will never marry me. Because you never loved me. When I first saw you, you were a little girl, pretending to be wearing high heels, putting on make-up seriously, and holding the ribbon-cutting plate. My scissors accidentally poked your hand, but you didn't say a word.Later I found you in the background, you looked stubborn like a child. You were a round younger than me. I was thirty and you were only eighteen. When I was twenty-three, you were only eleven.

You don't even know what happened in the past. I watch you with a curiosity-seeking mentality, like a cat catching a mouse and playing with it. I found a reason for myself to play around. It's just that I know in my heart that you look so pretty when you smile, and you will show two dimples, like a doll. I can't help it, and I always want to have you. I have never had a doll, because I am a son, my father taught me from a young age, not to play with things. I knew then that I couldn't let you go.So I chose the worst possible way, I'll feel better because you hate me.

I can't control my attitude towards you. If you treat me well, I don't know what I will become. So it would be better if you hated me. I take myself? If you hate me, I may love you a little less. I'm not nice to you, I know it. Because I can't be nice to you. Be nice to you, I always think of my father.Be nice to you, you always smile at me. When you smile, I feel like my heart is about to melt. I'm afraid of this feeling, it represents loss of control, it represents weakness.So I would rather treat you badly, so that you will treat me badly. While in the hospital, I finally felt discouraged.

If I hadn't swooped into your life, maybe we wouldn't have to be in such a mess. So let it end like it never began. But you just came back. You came with the contract, I couldn't control my temper, and said mean things to you. Once you leave, I will regret it. I don't want others to see you like that, cautious and humble. But the way you please me makes me feel even more pitiful. I don't want to go on like this anymore, knowing that there will be traps behind the contract, I also made up my mind, I made up my mind to end everything, when the situation has no way to control it.

When I'm at the beach, I indulge myself a lot.Because such an opportunity is destined to be the last time in my life. It's like I was destined to meet you. It's like I'm destined to never be with you again, like I'm destined to never have you again. I'm not nice to you, I know it. That's because I can't control myself, but not now. It's better that way. I've always thought it was better that way. Let me gradually forget you, forget your appearance, forget your smile.Forget that I have ever had, forget that I have ever met. It's better to forget about it all.